TheComfortCorner | V.9

[minknip]

someone keeps psoting over my art in a server and i dont know how to handle it. it makes me so mad because everyone ignores me then praises them after they post over me?? and they do it EVERY TIME I POST ART like bro stop?? please????

this is why i hate art honestly :,D its not fun when this happens every time

[sodatab]

i finally found someone who loves me and your jealous. why cant you just be happy for me? i wish id never told you :(

[viles]

• i am the person equivalent of a ditto and i hate it sjkhfskdf
  also i'm too attached to people who don't think about me anymore and i need to stop. how do i turn off the emotions my brain is making me feel?????
  also ALSO i was feeling good today but then i started realizing i'm proud of myself for doing so simple that like,, other people can do Easily and i just,, KJHSFDKJHDF idk it was hard for me but it shouldn't have been,,
  also also ALSO,, i'm starting to remember why i've been putting off Job Searching,, like the thought of having to talk to people and like go to interviews and maybe talk on the phone??? NOT TO MENTION LIKE,, going to a job five days a week and having to talk to people CONSISTENTLY?!???!? i am freaking out a bit i've done it before but idk how,, i don't want to have to change my hermit lifestyle :sob: idk i could get a remote job but like,, i'd still have to talk to people and also the thought of being in my room twenty-four seven is not great,, like idk how to make irl friends outside of a job i don't want to have imaginary friends forever but like,, JKSDFHKJH idk i doubt i could make friends with my coworkers im so boring
  
  edit: ksjdjfwkfkjh my mom tried to ask about what's going on AND SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING :SOB: I VENTED TO HER AGAIN AND SHE JUST STARED AT ME AND WAS LIKE 'MMHMM' AND LIKE,, IDK I DONT EXPECT HER TO HAVE ALL THE WISDOM BUT I JUST,, AAA I NEED SOME SORT OF RESPONSE ITS MY FAULT I SHOULDNT TALK TO HER BUT IM JUST LIKE HER WHEN PEOPLE VENT TO ME AND I AHTE IT I HATE MY BRAIN I HATE THIS IM SORRY I SHOULDNT BE LIKET HIS AND ALL CAPS-ING ON CHCIKEN SKMTHOOEI I NEED TO STOP I JUST,, UGH I HATE THIS I HATE TALKING TO HER I HATE MYSELF IM SUCH AN AWFUL PERSON I NEED TO STOP also i can't decide if shiny is a breakdown song for me or not i'm having a breakdown but i can't tell if it's related to the song or if i'm having a breakdown while shiny happens to be on loop in the background the 'i just love free food and you look like seafood (seaafooood)' is just so (/pos) but also while i'm jamming i want to scream and cry and explode into a bunch of tiny pieces LMAO kjshfkjdshfkjhf okay i'm going to stop now sorry for being like this

[medimedes]

Dear m, why do you hate me. I gave you nothing but compassion, I tried to fix the problem. You yelled. I would’ve laid down my life for you back then. But I guess I was naïve.

[acura,]

im a bit overwhelmed.

with all the responsibilities i have now i have to live at my mums house. recently got a puppy there and she doesnt know how to look after it properly so i feel soley responsible for keeping a living, breathing animal alive; i always wanted a puppy but honestly, not like this. i have major puppy blues. on top of that, im trying to adjust to a new job, learning to drive and finding time to go to gym still and take care of myself. but on top of everything else, i miss living at my dads house. i miss how peaceful it was there and the comfort i got whenever i go there. but what can i do now. ive trapped myself. i truly have trapped myself and theres nothing i can do; i am now responsible for a puppy at my mums house, i cannot live with my dad anymore and that really hurts me because i feel more loved there. my mums house is so far away from my work, my gym and she wont let me drive her car to practise. i dont have time nor the money to book driving lessons as im paying for everything for this puppy and paying for things for myself at my mums. god i miss my dad sometimes when im at my mums. i hate having divorced parents, i wish i had a family that was all together so this didnt happen.

what have i done to myself, honestly. i shouldnt of agreed to a puppy. it was because ever since i was 6 i always wanted one, ive been researching dogs for years on end and when my mum finally offered to get a puppy, i couldnt say no and ignored the ramifications of the agreement. she only did it so she could keep me at hers for child support. im sorry. im sorry to myself, my dad, the puppy, my mum, my little sister. im sorry. i really, truly screwed everything up and i dont know how to fix it. im tired and drained of trying to making time to take care of a puppy, of catching 1+ hour long bus rides to get to work, then to gym, then back home, of constantly thinking about the puppy and how long im leaving it home for, of trying to make a time to learn to drive still with my dad and my driving instructor. im just tired. im tired of adjusting to all these new things. why did i agree to the puppy; i know that i have to keep trying now. this is my life now.

[sodatab]

i freaking ruin everything. its my fault too. you say its not and i know youre hurting. it makes me so sad and angry at myself. i just wish there was two of me. i want to curl up and just die. im such a horrible person and you deserve so much better j. i love you but i have someone else but AA please please be happy. please just take care of yourself. things were fine yesterday but now ive gone and told you that i have someone and youre sad. that makes me so sad. i just want you to be happy again. happy like we were before. i really hope it goes back to the way it was before. no ones mad at you. im not mad, hes not mad. im never going to be mad, i just want you to be happy! i want someone to check in on you everyday, and love you and not forget about you. and i wish i could do that for you. but i cant and it makes me so angry. not at you but myself, j. ill never be able to tell you all this. it wont make sense. but im praying everyday for you. please. please be alright. please still fool around with me and say im your favorite person. because youre one of mine. j, never stop telling me that you love me, because i think i might love you too. sobs

[Soy Sauce]

All i do is complain

[Bastiodon]

life sucks right now. i dont have any friends. i havent had any friends that live near me ever since ive moved which has been around 6 years and its been really lonely. i dont know how to talk to people and i dont think ill ever be able to make friends. ive just started therapy for this but i dont see it going anywhere. i hate being alone and life is so boring.. my only friend lives 30 minutes away and she doesn't really like making time to hang out with me anymore. i dont get to interact with anyone at school and then i come home and do nothing and talk to no one all day. i want to make friends and have fun while im still young but it feels hopeless. i dont know whats wrong with me, i dont know why i struggle to talk to people, i dont want to live like this forever

... and plus im failing a lot of my classes right now. yikes :(

[viles]

• the house is too hot my mom turned on the heat and i sat on the couch that has a vent under it and now i feel awful my head hurts and i want to cry but im not upset enough to which in a way is worse bc at least when i cry i can do Something its a way of letting out the emotions, of Coping but now i just have to sit with the pain in my stomach and the weird feeling in my face bc of the heat and be Unhappy hkjhkjhdf and i just,, idk im sort of having a breakdown i think?? it's my own fault bc im wearing a hoodie even though the heat is on,, i've been wearing this one for like a month now? whenever i went to the dentist i had to wear a hoodie bc it was too cold for me to wear a tshirt and my Jacket:tm: but when i got back the shirt felt like putting ice on my skin it was very cold and i realized how cold i'd felt in the days before that and so i started wearing my hoodie constantly but now i need to go back to the shirt bc it's too hot but i can't make myself do it bc the hoodie's inside feels like a blanket and it's so comfortable but it's causing me to have a breadkaown and i just skjfhskjhf idk i was watching psych and i knew it wasnt going to live up to my memories right it's an old show and it's bound to have some Questionable Jokes but i just,,, KGSJFKDGDKJF idk i was hoping not like i want the characters i like to like me but i dont think any of them would i think theyd all laugh at me like rory and lorelai and like my family i just, OH AND my mom is talking about moving in with my grandma and i just,, i thought i'd have more time before that happens,, yk her health isn't great and ig if she needs to be taken care of she needs to be taken care of but i just,, idk my mom's alwyas been yk really biased towards her parents which makes sense but i just,, idk like when we were younger she'd always say 'if i have to move back in with my parents to take care of them, that's what i have to do' and she'd just say 'we'll see' whenever me and my siblings would ask if she would be okay if my dad did the same for his family,, and i just,, idk. it just always left a bad taste in my mouth and it still does. so now with all of this, when the time is almost here that my mom might actually have to follow through on that, idk skjdhkh it's just. aaa. is it stupid to say that i think she cares more about her mom than she does her kids? idk idek if i actually think that,, im just trying to figure out why this is bothering me so much besides Change:tm: also idk i was gonna talk about how i'm an awful person who doesn't deserve the life they have but my mind's sort of gone in other places sjfksh i just,, idk my stomach is hurting im wondering if im sick or i just feel that way bc of the heat im so stupid why wont i just take thsi damned hoodie off it's my own fault im such a brat i hate myself oop okay this post is going in the direction i said it wasnt going to go i think that is my cue to leave sorry to anyone who actually reads this sjdkfhskdh
  
  edit: oops i forgot i meant to talk about how part of me is worried that im playing up the heat thing to make myself feel more autistic SKDHKJH like idk i got diagnosed and in a way i was so relieved but in another way im like,, that could be wrong and i could not be what if i'm just,, allistic. like idk i think a lot of people might fear it the other way around but im scared every day that something is gonna happen and im gonna find out that everyone was right,, that im being ridiculous,, that i just,, am not trying hard enough or something,, i think this is what has replaced being smart in my brain ykyk like before i was like 'i may be a bad person but i am intelligent' and i used that to feel good about myself and so now it's autism and thats Bad bc i can't tell whats actually going on and i feel like i've lied to everyone and idk what i'm talking about bc in a way i dont i hyperfixated (i probably shouldnt use that word for myself bc like,, what if i'm not autistic im not adhd either so that word doesnt apply to me) on autism and adhd like,, a year ago?? but my memory is bad and sure i dont really talk about it anymore so i'm not actively being like 'hey people in my life!! here are all the ways i am autistic!!!' or 'did you know x behavior can be bc of autism' but like still,, idk i thought i was autistic and i tried to convince everyone else of that and i just,, idk what if i did that with the psychologist and it worked? what if i'm using a label that doesnt actually apply to me? trying to fit in with people i dont fit in with? im just,, idk i want To Belong that's all i've wanted my whole life but i don't belong anywhere not irl not here,, im too weird irl but im too Boring here,, i get by copying others and yk,, having a few casual interests that i can be somewhat Chaotic about (like posting a random meme or whatever) but like sdhskh at the end of the day im just very boring,, idk ive written before that i feel too allistic around autsitci people and too autistic around allistics and i just,, idk,, idk how to talk to people even my friends and i love my friends (hey friend if youre reading this jkdfhsf) but idk how to explain to them that talking is hard for me and that like,, idk skjsdfkh that i enjoy it but i also dont?? that every conversation makes me giddy but also anxious that i've said something Wrong,, and like part of it is the social anxiety but i also know that social anxiety and autism are not mutually exclusive that autistic people can have social anxiety bc of their autsim and i just,, idk what my situation is,, i wish i did i wish i had an instructional manual for life i used to say that all the time and i cling onto to that bc i saw an austiitsc person on tiktok say that that was an autistic thought ot have and idk if thats true or not but it helps my brain feel better so i choose to believe it and i just kjfhskjhf,, idk idk i hate myself now i hate my younger self i hate my future self idk how this got into repeating 'i hate myself' territory but it did and now im here and i just,, sjdkhskdjfhk my sibling thinks they have autism now too and i wanna smack them theyve told me they dont think anyone in the family has autism and part of me is happy that theyre figuring it out for themselves but also part of me is just mad and petty bc like,,, why couldnt have they have responded when i approached them ykyk why did they shut me down and sya no why did they say i was ridiculous and talk about me behind my back i just,, idk autism isnt a competition but im so insecure about whether im autistic or not i dont want my sibling to have autism as wlel thats been My Thing JKDHFKJDFH its stupid i know but i just,, idk my cousins used to be like 'ewww i have to sit with arcade why cant i sit with x sibling' and i just kjfhkjhf theyve always known how to talk to people and make friends and fit in and like,, i know they could be high masking and i know how difficult that can be but i just,, dfdkjf idk ig i was jealous bc like they got to be thought of as normal to be accepted into the social circles i was purposefully excluded from,, they got to talk to the people i tried so hard to get to like me,, which is stupid bc we were all sheltered homeschool kids,, like we were all uncool and unpopular and the social hierarchy was Pointless (i mean its pointless in public schools but even more so in a homeschool group ykyk) and my exbest friend she tried to get me to see that she didnt care about what people thought she was happy and free and Weird and it was beautiful but i was a bad friend who got embarrassed when shed dress up weird or act different bc idk ig i was scared that everyone else would find out i was different too (not that im actually different bc sjkfdhksdhfdhf who knows but i just felt that way ykyk) and i just sat there when the popular girl mocked her hat the bowler she used to love and i just,, i was a bad friend and i think ive changed but idk if i did abd i think in the end its right that im boring bc thats exactly what i deserve i dont deserve to be like my ex friend i dont deserve to be unique and weird and interesting i deserve to be a dull insecure wreck who cant have an original thought ot savetheir life this is stupid and ive written too much but i just needed to let this out so ty for sitting through this mess if you did
  
  edit again: ALMOST FORGOT don't talk to me about any of this, whether that be through pms quotes etc,, i dont think anyone would want to, but like still dkjfshd what happens in shrimpy's posts on thecomfortcorner stays in shrimpy's posts on thecomfortcorner
  
  edit the third: i just,, i swear im almost done im just Mad and Worried bc like,, idk yk? like jskjsdhfsh Words i can never get them to mean what i want them to mean,, yk?? like when i need them to they're just Not wording right jkshdkjhfsdkjfhj i hate words i want to be a rock who doesnt have to think or speak or do anything besides Sit:tm: honestly i am envious of my cat but at the same time being a cat is still too much id get too overwhelmed i was meant to be a grain of sand,, idk jkhskfh but words are too much i hate them and i love them adn idk how people Word good im so messy i try to be wordy i try to Say Things but i cant or i dont think i can...??? idk i cant tell anymore im rereading this post bc i wanted to make sure i Worded like i thought i did but i don't think i did and i just,,, AAAA it's so much work to put things into words to understand yourself and your thoughts enough to communicate that in text or speech and i just,, i know i know i'm writing with words right now but it's because that's the only way i know how idk i want to never speak again i wish i could just Be:tm: and people could understand me i wish i didnt have to think about this so much i wish i didnt waste my time worrying about whcih words will make me sound Interesting or get my point across like i juts fjhsdkjfsfh idk words are so /neg and i hate them i hate them with my entire being i hate that i have to wake up every day and be a person i want to be a discarded piece of glass sitting by a roadside whose only task is to lay on the concrete until they eventually get pushed into the grass,, i hate being human,, i hate having consciousness i hate it i hate it i hate it

[Electronia]

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