TheComfortCorner | V.9

[Akitaboyo]

I lost my best friend two years ago, she was the person who saved my life. She's the first and so far only person ive ever met who was genuinely interested in me and my interests, we shared everything. She saved my life and i protected her from the terrible people around us the best i could.

I will never forget how we hugged after school and broke down in my arms asking me "why are people so terrible to us just because we're your friends, how can people be so evil?" Ive been bullied my entire life for being fat and being outed as gay in a conservative school, and for me to have a real friend for the first time and see how people get hurt just by existing near me... terrifying.

Everyone I care for and who cares for me, they have to suffer because I exist. And thats simply not fair for them.
I crave love but it feels so selfish when loving me means living under constant attacks.

I'll also never forget that when my best friend was in the ICU, probably the worst person ive ever met threatened to "ruin our lives so much that we'd rather die".

To say i was furious would be the understatement of the century, my best friend found out and wanted to face time me. We called and i told her to not worry, that everything was going to be ok and id handle it. She let me know that the doctors said she was stabilizing enough to be let out of the ICU the next morning. She sounded so excited and happy. And rightfully so, her birthday was in two days, that meant we'd be able to hang out for her birthday, even if its just in the hospital.

I asked her what she wanted to do as soon as she got out of the hospital
"As soon as I get out of here i want to actually eat and drink something" (she had been on IV for her entire stay)

It was 8pm when we talked, she was getting sleepy. "Well I better start saying goodbye, I'll never understand why people would ever be so empty to torture you so much, you dont deserve it, never have never will. Why cant people just be happy instead of ruining other's lives? Anyways, thanks for talking to me."
I answered "good night! We'll see each other tomorrow!"
but she didnt reply to that.
she just said "good night, i love you"

the next morning i woke up to my parents telling me in the kitchen that she had passed away in her sleep, painlessly stopped breathing. 4 hours after we talked. I was the last person she talked to, last person who saw her.
she was so young and innocent and pure, it felt as if she was my little sister. Someone i needed to take care of.

I probably still blame myself, telling myself there was something i couldve done to prevent her death. for the two years i knew her, she showed so many symptoms of illness but we somehow never thought it was something so serious as a congenital heart deformity.
Not even her parents knew until it was too late and she was admitted into the ICU.

My depression had gone away when we were friends. I felt true happiness for the first time ever, and it barely lasted. I had my entire life solved knowing she was my friend

it scares me to think that she was probably my soulmate, and i will never find someone like that again. now everything feels empty, my friends are my friends but compared to her? nothing could ever compare to her. I seriously think i will never know love like hers again. to say that the love of your life was platonic and forever gone, to not even think youll find romantic love and even if you did it wouldnt compare. its a devastating realization. my life was never easy, and the future looks grim.

i still miss her so much, i dont think ill ever get over her death. Ive become a worse person after her death. I just wish i had a way of still talking to her, even just a minute every year. I wonder what she would think of who ive become, or if shed be disappointed, fearful or disgusted and the bitter and angry person ive become.

i love you

[huskyhiccups]

--

[scxr]

the more i learn about the world, the less i understand why i’m here.

[pancake]

god i just keep creating my own problems over and over again, and avoiding them.

[abbie.]

i miss you a lot ma'am):

it's now been over a month since you disappeared randomly without any explanation and it's really starting to stress me out and i really really miss you): this is the longest you've been gone for now and i genuinely don't know if you'll be coming back this time and that's the scary thing about online friends and i'll have no way of knowing what's happened ahrkjelms
i never even got to celebrate your birthday with you or celebrate my exam results with you and i just miss doing things with you or talking to you but you're not here and i don't know what to do anymore lol
i sometimes really don't understand how you can disappear for so long, the longest before this was 3 weeks but this constant disappearing and stress hurts me on so many levels and i'm currently crying while typing this and i've been crying on and off all day over it LOL

i know my abandonment issues suck and i know i overthink to hell and back all the time when this happens but you also know and you just keep doing it and every time it keeps getting longer and longer and there's never any warning or anything i can do to know you're okay, i'm just left worrying):
i'm begging you to be okay, i really miss you and you promised we'd do so much together ):

[bubbaberriboo]

thinking about how all the people i went to school with are getting married and having kids and i am just some lame mess who can’t work or do anything because of my crippling anxiety and ptsd. no one understands my fears. everyone just thinks i am lazy and stupid. i wish i could go back to who i used to be. i used to be smart and motivated. now i just have nothing. absolutely nothing. i am nothing. i am still so upset over college. i was so ready and prepared to actually have a life but this stupid pandemic ruined it. stuck at home where all my horrible thoughts festered and grew into a bigger and bigger problem. and now it’s uncontrollable. i will never go back to that motivated person i was for such a little time. now i am just left here waiting. i don’t know where to go or what to do. i am a failure. only a miracle can save me now.

[changbin]

run bulletproof run yeah you gotta run 🕺🕺🕺

[GL1TZY]

i'm a horrible person and now all my friends hate me. i hurt them and i didnt even know. how could i not see what i was doing? i feel like i never deserved them, i hurt them and now i feel horrible. I tried i promise i just didnt know what i was doing. i told them to tell me if i did anything wrong. why did they wait until a year later to tell me? i dont even think my parents care. i mean it is 2am but i'm scared that i will be alone. and school starts up on the 6th which is too soon. i cant be alone in school. if anyone want to pm me go ahead.

[honeycat;]

i'm just so tired. even though i sleep all day.
i'm in pain and just suffering and i'm over it.
hate being pregnant. hate having all the risks, the symptoms to the extreme. i miss all my babies. i miss my girl.
i'm just getting worse. i feel terrible about wasting my days away just sleeping but i'm stuck in a hospital. really, what else is there for me to do? other than just staying awake, anxious about everything. sleeping is the best option.
my nesting's kicked in, but still, can't do anything for that. which is driving me insane. everything's driving me insane.
why did everything have to happen like this. why is this my story. it's not fair. i don't deserve it.

[QueenPebbles93]

I hate feeling like I’ve already wasted my life when I’m still SO young. If I didn’t have so many mental illnesses, maybe I would’ve already been moved out.