If I got arrested...

[grass and leaves]

broke into an animal shelter to pet all of the animals there

[fuzzyfurball1]

def plushie heisting

v (so true)

[colambo]

jumped onto mitski stage

[Omiyage]

Guilty of investigating without a warrant!
Although you solved the crime you're doin paperwork for a while!

Heh

[FlowerCrown]

You “accidentally” drew moustaches on every item in a store and after that you started to throw them out the windows saying “FLY MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN! FLY!”

[Espresso. ༺]

broke into someone's house dressed as a scene kid and held the two parents inside hostage in their room while their young child sleeps in the other room and started saying things like "OMG wanna go on MySpace? I can show you all my buddied rawr xD!" and then eventually the young child came in and said "mommy, what's going on?" and as she speaks to her innocent child her voice shakes as she replies "don't worry sweetie. go in your room and call the police for mommy, okay? it's okay, sweetie" and then before he can run away you say "i'm just holding your parents hostage x3 LUL SO RANDOM ROFL!!!!" as you start playing ASDF movie loud on your phone and hack the tv in the living room but you let him run away and then start playing charlie the unicorn and laugh wickedly as the poor poor parents beg for mercy and then finally the police come to arrest you

anyways i'm legally not allowed to commit any crimes i swear

[CaptainAltenor]

Are you sure? Because I saw you raiding your local coffee shop the other day. You stole 5 cups of coffee.

Me, however, how would I be capable of committing a crime?

[gaymerwife]

For breaking into Disney/pixars animation department with a hoard of rats to leak the next Disney movie

Be gay do crime )B)

[RadiantRevolution]

probably shoplifting cute pride items

what have I done?

[Rowan E. Ravenwood]

Passed out on the floor of a GameStop wearing a mascot costume (minus the head)