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[stanzathemanza]

Hey, I was finally able to get back to my writing. I'm mad at myself for staying away from it so long >.<

I'm working on a Sci-fi / Fantasy, currently untitled. The story is set just outside of Milan, Italy, and the main character is a thirteen-year-old girl by the name of Laika. She has spent ten years of her life at a bodyguard training institute called the Center, growing up in a life of extreme discipline and order. Her best friend Corin is a boy just a few years younger than her. As she is returning from a visit outside of the Center, Laika is attacked by a strange creature and successfully disarms him and knocks him out. She steals his leather bag, which includes only one item; a small black stone of unknown origin. She and Corin try to work out the mystery of her attacker, with their only clue being the stone and the glimpse Laika was able to get of his rough, white skin. I'm up to chapter two or three now, and I'm fairly happy with how it's going, but I'd also like some help with titles.

Which one(s) do you guys like best?

- Raven's Breath (it has to do with something that's happening later on)
- The Tahlen Stone (again, something later in the story)
- Dark Watch

[JDsalamander]

(i posted a link to my writing earlier. what do you guys think?)

[`Hypnotic]

I'm thinking about writing about a sad girl who's best friend broke her heart & became girly & now she doesn't have any friends and somthing strange is drawing her into the forest, yet she is unsure what it is.

Should I pursue?

[JDsalamander]

you should. it's a good idea, although i agree with the below post.

[Clowesia]

I'm thinking about writing about a sad girl who's best friend broke her heart & became girly & now she doesn't have any friends and somthing strange is drawing her into the forest, yet she is unsure what it is.

Should I pursue?

An honest opinion: It sounds very cliche. This is a common storyline, "sad girl gets heart broken by someone close to her, normally bestfriend, they change their apperance etc." The being drawn to the forest is also a common cliche.

[honeydont]

I like The Tahlen Stone the best. :3

'Hypnotic; the plot is a tad cliche, but that doesn't mean you can't make it something absoletly wonderful. :3 Go all out!

Hmm...I suddenly had the desire to write a fluffsey teen novel, just for a new experience. x3 The plot's still rather rough, but I'd like some critique.

Upon arriving at his new school in the middle of the year, Evan St. James is immediatly struck by the size by the size of the cafeteria. As he's a rather odd sort of boy, he immediatly vows to sit in each and every seat by the end of his high school career, dragging his newfound friend Cory into it. As he progesses along his quest, he is drawn to a lonely senior girl who always sits in the same spot by herself. {She needs a name. x3 Suggestions?}

Romance, yay.

The odd things my mund comes up with. o.o This plot makes no sense.

[blue_dun]

So I was grounded for months and months on end, so I had a lot of time to think up new ideas ... Though I didn't work on any existing ones XP
I thought this one up when I was sick in bed and listening to soothing, white-noise infused music. I get my ideas from some of the randomest places XP It's called The Hidden Wood, which is a fail title, but all I have for now, and its about faeries and Two men whose lives are intertwined in quite unexpected ways.
I'll post the prologue and the first chapter to give you a little background:

The Hidden Wood

Prologue

Signed, _(SRReichendiefer)__ <<<(I made up a special font that goes with this, but it's only on paper soooo...)

"There. My Signature's right there. Can I just leave now?" The young man slammed the pen angrily down on the table and glared in loathing at the man standing over him. 
"Ah, Stephen my young friend, look closer at what you have just signed, namely the clause right above your signature." Headmaster Barnes gleefully rubbed his hands together and pointed to the afforementioned clause. "The signer of this document is also hereby entitled to five more years at Breton College, under the tutelage of Headmaster Andrew Canden Barnes, Ph.D." Underneath that was where Stephen Raymond Reichendeifer had signed. 
The lean, brown-haired, green-eyed youth couldn't take it anymore. He had survived four years of this already. He blew up at Mr. Barnes, getting in his face. The show of power was something that almost no one could stand up to. "YOU S.O.A.B! YOU ARE THE TYPE OF MAN NOBODY SOULD EVER RESPECT; YOU'RE INSOLENT, GREEDY, STUPID, AND IDIOTIC! PUTTING UP WITH YOU IS A DAILY CHALLENGE THAT PASSES ALL MORAL CONTROL!" Reichendiefer felt as if his whole body were on fire with the heat of his primal rage. "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS- I'M LEAVING THIS PLACE RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW, WHILE NO ONE CAN STOP ME. SO GOODBYE, MR BUBBER BOY BARNES!" He stormed to the door, and giving one last growl, ripped it open. 
Glass rained down on Headmaster Barnes from the windows and chandelier as the door slammed. 
He was still standing there in shock when the sound of a motorcycle tore through the air. 

No one in this realm ever saw Stephen Raymond Reichendeifer again. 

Chapter One 

"I'm home!" Takeshi Sienna softly called as he stepped in the door. "Mom, are you here?" 
"Tkeshi! Tkeshi!" A four-year-old girl sprinted in to meet him, arms wide. "How was Skool, Tkeshi?" 
"Ah, c'mere Hennah!" Takeshi kneeled on the floor to meet the embrace of his little sister. "School today was nice, As always. I found out I aced the math test."
"Wow... You're good, big brother!"
"Takeshi, you're just in time. I need help with some scones." Mrs. Sienna walked in and smiled at her oldest son. Her hands were covered with flour, and with the bun in her hair and the apron around her waist anyone could guess that she had been cooking. "Go wash your hands. I know how much you love to help me make scones."
Hoisting Hennah onto his hip, Takeshi smiled mischeviously. "As long as I can get the leftover cherry preserves when we're done."
His mom laughed. "Of course."
"Then here we go up the stairs. Ready Hennah? HupHupHup up we go the stairs. One two three..." The laughter that rang through the hall was joyous and would lift anyone's spirits.

Mrs. Sienna lovingly watched them hop up the stairs together. Her son was growing to be so big and handsome. Was it only yesterday that he was Hennah's age, playful and adorable? It seemed so. But now he was almost all grown up. His black hair and brown eyes had that sparkle that attracted people to him in droves. She had already recieved several phonecalls from adoring girls. To boot, He was an A-grades senior and was going to graduate in only a few months. Oh, Where had the time gone? Both she and her husband, Henry, wondered and marvelled at that.
"Tomorrow is the eighteenth anniversary of the disappearance of Stephen Raymond Reichendeifer. So, to honor the day, a special on the event that shocked the little community of Bartlett, Vermont." The voice of the well-known state newscaster, Ned Kloberdanz, ripped through Mrs. Sienna's thoughts, turning them back to the scones in the kitchen. They were for Stephen's rememberance service the next day. "Let's go to Henry Woodell, who is on the scene of the disappearance."
"Thank you Ned. Before the disappearance of Stephen Raymond Reichendeifer, Bartlett, Vermont was just another of the many small towns in New England, with its own movie theatre, three schools, an antique town hall, and a population of about nine hundred people. Stephen Reichendeifer, or Reich as his friends knew him, moved there when he was thirteen with his mom and fit in instantly. He joined clubs, served on Student Council, was Valdectorian in his graduating class, and held many scholarships in music, academics, atheletics, and extracurricular activities. Many also remember him for his character; a good man who never broke his promises, was always punctual, kind, and hardworking."
We were friends with Mona Reichendeifer and her son Stephen, thought Mrs. Sienna. They were always trying to meet new people in the community and volunteered everywhere. Everyone knew them, in one way or another. Though I heard many rumors about Stephen's promiscuity. They say he had slept around nearly the whole town. But in every other aspect, he was a nice kid. Takeshi would have liked him.
"So it was a needle through the heart to the town when on the twentieth of October, 1993, Stephen's 1992 Ducati Desmoquattro 851 was found abandoned on the side of the road in White Mountain National Forest, about twenty miles from the town. No human-made tracks led anywhere, so Police assumed that he had been picked up. But, just to be sure, they searched the surrounding fifteen miles of forest thoroughly. Upon finding nothing, they questioned every single person in Bartlett and every one of his classmates at Breton College, where he was going to school. Even today, we only know that the last time he was seen alive was after an argument with the Headmaster, Andrew Barnes. That day, Stephen lost his temper- which was rare for him- because Andrew, who is known for being greedy and overprotective of his students, tricked him into signing a contract to stay longer at Breton. Stephen stormed out, slamming the door so hard that it broke every piece of glass in the room, and barely a minute later he tore out of the lot on his Ducati."
I never thought that Stephen would lose his temper. He was such a level-headed kid. You couldn't make him mad though he came really close that one time when someone mouthed off about his dad being a drunk. Not even that infuriating teacher, Mr. Nightly, the one that sent everyone to the principal's office, could light his fuse. Takeshi's almost the same way, come to think of it. I've never seen my son truly mad yet. Even when his Freshman math teacher gave him an unfair grade, he want in there and calmly talked it out. 
"I'm back! Are you ready for my help?" Takeshi ran- no, more like floated- down the stairs, his feet barely seeming to touch each step. "I can't wait to eat the rest of the cherry preserves! I've had dreams of red, gooey sweetness all day. After lunch today- chicken again! Blech!"
"And so Bartlett, Vermont, still looks for Stephen Raymond Reichendeifer. He may be out there somewhere, no one knows. If you see a man, about forty years old, that looks like this-" A picture of what Stephen would look like now blinked up on the screen, "-call this number: Three-Five-Oh..."
Shutting the TV off, Mrs. Sienna called, "Yes, I'm ready Takeshi. Just watching the news while you got your hands washed and everything. How was your day?”
“Stephen’s memorial service was all over the school. It seems like everyone’s mom is bringing something to the dinner. I assume that’s what the scones are for.” Takeshi grabbed the bowl of scone dough and mixed it vigorously.
“Yes. Everyone knew Stephen and his mom Mona. They had quite a reputation here in Bartlett. They helped in the Red Cross, cleaned up a section of roadway, went on nature hikes in White Mountain, and did many other community services that made them well-known. Stephen went up and above his community service hours in National Honor Society. The last semester of his senior year, he put in over seventy-five hours.” 
“Jeez. That’s a lot for one semester.”
“I know. We all shook our heads and wondered how he got anything else done. But now that I think about him, I realize that there was something else there... he had this inner power, you know, like he had potential that consumed his entire being. I’ve never met anyone else like that- though I think that you come close.”

"No kidding?"
"I'm not kidding, honey. Not to mention, I've been noticing a lot of similarities between you and what Stephen once was."
"For instance?" 
"He always wanted a Ducati motorcycle, and you've always wanted a Ducati motorcycle. You even have yours picked out. The most expensive one on the line."
"I am going to make enough money to buy one. No one believes me though." Takeshi paused to help his mom pour the thin dough into scone molds. "He got one, didn't he? He was making, what, five hundred K a year?"
"Yeah. His was a '92 Desmoquattro 851."
Takeshi whistled. "Wow. Pretty bike." 
"Some say it was his doom, though."
"True." 
"I've also noticed how you're so level-headed. Nothing and no one can make you mad. That's another trait that Stephen posessed." 
"Strange. That was brought to my attention lately, too. Oh, and before I forget... I found this on the side of the road this morning. I'm wondering if you may know who it's by." Takeshi took a clean piece of white paper out of his pocket and handed it to his mom. 
Mrs. Sienna unfolded it carefully, and stared in horror at the four words carefully scrawled on the page. 

(Tag, Takeshi. You're it.)

You eventually find out that Reichendiefer has been sucked into this faerie forest in the middle of White Mountain National Park, and that he has become the faeries' greatest enemy.
At the rememberance service, Takeshi is sucked in too but luckily meets the good faeries first and is made one himself. He is captivated by the faerie princess, a red-haired beauty named MaRya, and together they figure out that Takeshi is Reichendiefer's non-present 'Good side', falling in love all the while.
In the end they have to defeat Reichendiefer to give Takeshi his genuine self back. MaRya nearly dies in the end, but she lives on to get married to Takeshi and they become the King and Queen of the Faeries
A poignant love story, something I'm good at XD

[JDsalamander]

hey guys, i came up with a plot for a story, and i need some crit.

it's basically about this project by a government agency which is trying to create a virus and let it loose on a small town in the middle of nowhere. the virus was supposed to make all those who catch it 'perfect'. the project goes wrong and those who get it first go insane, then become demonic creatures that control ice. in an attempt to cover it up, the agency created an academy to train them, also with the hopes of further experimenting by sending normal teenagers and those still in the first stage.

[`Hypnotic]

I'm thinking about writing about a sad girl who's best friend broke her heart & became girly & now she doesn't have any friends and somthing strange is drawing her into the forest, yet she is unsure what it is.

Should I pursue?

An honest opinion: It sounds very cliche. This is a common storyline, "sad girl gets heart broken by someone close to her, normally bestfriend, they change their apperance etc." The being drawn to the forest is also a common cliche.

You're right.
Now that i've thought about it...
Alanui & Sasha are close friends, mainly hanging out at the barn. Then one day Sasha thinks that Alai is too stupid and tom-boy acting to be her friend so she leaves her for the "cool" girls. Alai is finding herself crying at the barn a lot, un-comforted and alone, her mother very classy and nice but her step-evil-father is taking control of their family. One day the horse Alai rides speaks to her, the day of her birthday; when she turns 15. This is one of her "special gifts".

(That's not the actuall story.)

[pancreas]

<3 I shall post the prologue/first chapter on Tame Him, Tamer. Tell me if you like it~

+~+~+~+

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." Today's the day. The day I can finally get out of here. I'm sixteen at last. I can follow my dream. "Abi, Abi!" Snapping back to reality, I looked to see who was calling me. My mother, stressed out as usual. "Are you heading off straight away? Couldn't you at least wait for some cake?" She was pleading with me, begging me not to go. She'd been doing it for days, telling me I could do better. I didn't have to work in a Keep. I could be a lawyer, or a doctor. Anything but a Tamer. "Mum, I'm only looking around. I swear, I'll be back within a few hours," I stood up, I wanted to get going now. My mother followed suit, reaching forwards to tug at my light brown plaits that hung down on either side of my face. She smiled weakly, I could see her giving up hope. I returned her smile more broadly, leaning forwards to kiss her cheek. Then I pulled away, and this time she let me go, watching me turn away with a wistful expression.

Looking down at my wrist, my heart stuttered as I saw the time. No! I wouldn't let myself be late! Hurrying now, I rushed forwards, pulling on my boyfriend's jacket. As he looked round at me, I stepped closer, motioning towards the door. I had to go now! He gave a short nod and followed after me to the exit, pausing to shout a few goodbyes to my family members. I was already getting in the car, impatient to get moving, my heart fluttering like a caged bird. As Stephan slipped into the driving seat, I looked back, unexpected tears pricking behind my eyes as I saw my mother watching me, her shoulder shaking with silent grief. Gritting my teeth, I waved at her as we drove away. I could understand why she was frightened. The place I was headed to was dangerous, and there was a good chance I wouldn't get out alive.

The Keep. Those two words are enough to send shivers down the toughest man's spine. But some people are different. Like me, they aren't scared, they just feel a pull, an connection to the words. We are the Tamers. The ones who venture inside the portal to work alongside the other humans to look after the Creatures, hoping we will stay alive long enough to get to see our families. Most don't. The Creatures are wild, strong, and untamed. Our job is to make them trust us, so that they can be assigned to one of us - to a Tamer. That Tamer will fight beside the Creature in battle, or whatever it is they do in the Worlds. The humans in the Keep had been the ones to contact me, not the other way round. They had told me that they had seen a large force on the radar, and had tracked it to... Me. It was my chance to shine, and I planned on becoming good at my job, the best they'd ever seen. I needed to make Scott proud.

Scott. My brother's name brought fresh tears to my eyes, and I turned my head to look out the window, pretending to be concentrating on the scenery flashing past. As the tears slipped down my face, I remembered my brother. I had seen him the day he'd been dragged away to war, a war that he would never see the end of, one he would never return from alive.

We sat at the dining table, laughter sounding from either sides as we compared our nights dreams. Scott told me had dreamt of a Beast taking him away, a big, strong Griffin-beast. That made us all hesitate. And then, the sound of the door being broken down, Granny's shrieks reverberating around the room as they tossed her aside, searching for their prey. They saw Scott, and he stood up to meet them, his fists ready for combat. Then, the Dog-beast appeared in the doorway, a huge Creature, it's jaws able to crush a full grown man in a instant. We screamed at them then, but they still took him away. That was the time we saw him alive. They returned the parts of him they found in a box, which we buried under the apple tree in the back yard.

"We'll all miss you, you know." Stephan's voice made me jump, and I returned to looking out the car window, hastily rubbing my eyes dry on my sleeve. I heard him sigh, and then he was holding my hand. "Its not too late to turn back. I'm sure Scott wouldn't want you to do something you don't want to, I'm sure he'd understand if you didn't," I felt my lips curve up into a smile. Stephan always seemed to know what I was thinking, but then again, I didn't exactly keep my thoughts to myself. "This isn't just for Scott, its for me too. I want to go, hell, I'd even go as far as to say I need to go. Please, just understand me and trust me. Just this once."

Stephan had his eyes back on the road, and his hand dropped mine as he reached for the gear-stick. We were slowing down. I raised my eyes, we were here. In front of us was a factory type building, but everyone knew it was the home of a portal, a black hole that transported people back and from Phyxis, another, more brutal world. We had been asked to help by the natives of the planet, and they had sent us magical Creatures to tame and use against the invaders. The number of deaths on our side had reached it's thousands, but still we trudged on, never gaining on the enemy more than a few feet.

Looking over at Stephan, I waited for him to say something. And finally, he did, but his words weren't the ones I wanted to hear. "Well, this is it. We're here." His voice sounded tired, like he'd at last given up hope. I frowned, swallowing back the lump that was rising in my throat. Slowly, I twisted round in my seat so that I could lay my head on his shoulder. I forced my lips to form a half-smile, half-grimace, but it was like I was devoid of any emotion. An empty husk, a shadow of my former self. I knew now that I had unknowingly wreaked my families lives, that they would now be forever terrified that I would be joining Sebastian in the back garden.

Finally, I succumbed to the tears and they slipped down my face, soaking themselves into Stephan's jacket. "I-I'll stay. I w-won't go, I can't d-do it to you a-all..." My words came out like a whisper, my eyes closing as I sacrificed my dream to keep my family sane. But I could feel the slight shake of his head, feel him wrap one arm tightly around my shoulders. "This is what you want to do, so you're doing it. But promise me one thing, --" Stephan stiffened, his body tense. I raised my head quickly, following his gaze over my shoulder. Outside the car window was a girl. A Tamer.

+~+~+~+

FFFF, this isn't at the interesting part yet. I'm sorry if it sounds boring, this is mostly just some background information/setting the scene. And if something doesn't make sense, it's because one of the Tamers that Abi meets will explain everything to her. So basically, you're just as much in the dark as she is. :'3