[nervousdog]

I wish it would stop
I don't wanna feel the hurt anymore
I don't wanna feel ripped apart anymore
I don't wanna spiral anymore
I can't do much more then lay in bed all day, everyday
It's almost been a year
I want it to stop
I can't even manage the strength for stupid therapy
I can't even make a stupid phone call without locking up completely
I don't wanna hurt anymore

..

..

Idk sorry for the public vent and dumb phone doodle
I try not to publicly vent because it's not healthy and it's attention seeking behavior and childish and whiny and not good . Idk things are fine . I'll delete this when I not in a deep hole
I just have no one to talk to ( I'm sorry but no I don't want to vent to any of you about it, I appreciate any concern you may have however ) and everything bogs up my head and I'm constantly swimming in the swirling thoughts and everything is so downhill and I can only just cry at night and have no real outlet but for the life of me I can't make stupid phone calls and bc of COVID therapy isn't in person and my stomach feels twisted and my heart aches constantly and my body always hurts and damn I miss you so much I want you to come back please I wish you didnt die please

[Starryize]

Hey friend, i'm very sorry you feel this way!! i hope things start to lighten up for you!
I know you're hurting right now, but when you're down so far you can only go up from here!
(also, its okay to vent publicly, it doesn't make you attention-seeking or childish or whiny! everyone needs someone sometimes and posting publicly when you feel like you have no one is completely okay!)

[MenheraCollie]

I was having SO much anxiety last night about it. It’s made me so restless, and I’m having trouble sticking to reality because of that trauma. It was far too soon, we can always cry together if you’re feeling alone. For me, it’s reassuring to know that the world hasn’t completely moved on from her, because it’s like I’m stuck in time to this one event and everyone else has just continued living life normally. We still suffer, it’s just so unfair and draining to go through this, and the worst part is how much more life we still have to live without her. I don’t know how it will be done, each day is like another fight where I’m starting at square 1 again. Keep up with the therapy even if it feels useless, I feel the same way but it’s important to have that responsibility once a week or maybe even less or more, because it means you’re meant to be somewhere & someone is expecting to see you. Don’t give up. I have problems with it personally where I just have lost interest in life completely, to the extent where it’s just an idea. Hold onto reality, be sad about what happened, but live life.

[nervousdog]

Thank you both for you kinda words . It's very much appreciated .

And I'll try to message you more Angel, idk, reaching out can be hard . It's just hard to keep any form of regular conversation going nowadays .

[MenheraCollie]

Thank you both for you kinda words . It's very much appreciated .

And I'll try to message you more Angel, idk, reaching out can be hard . It's just hard to keep any form of regular conversation going nowadays .

Join me and our friend in a few games of dst, it will give you a goal and it makes it easier to chat and keep up with one another. Personally, it helps me to stay occupied and because survival in that game is so important and there’s always something to do it takes my mind off grieving- especially because dst is not centered around misery like that even if there are touches of it there. We can all work together to find a time frame each day or every other day to connect in a server. Push yourself to it, you might find that it’ll be helpful in your mood even if only for the hour or 2 that we play <3

[nervousdog]

I don't ever have the energy to play video games . It's a lot of effort and work . Plus I don't have access to a computer rlly rn
I was borrowing chay's brother laptop but I dont have it rn and won't have access to it when the garage is done . Idk I don't mean to complain or avoid . I just don't have easy access or the energy to do any gaming

[MenheraCollie]

And that’s fine! Just remember we will be waiting for you when you’re ready. (: