villainy commenced [[1x1 w/ the-nug-king & hexspecs!]]

[grey matter]

Lazarus seemed a bit concerned by this, but pressed on toward the Thriller dorms, rolling, if without spins. He was pretty much adapted to rolling everywhere, at this point.

[the-nug-king]

Cazenar remained quiet, opening up an umbrella to shield himself from the sun and covering up his face with it, but started humming to himself about half way there. When they arrived at the Thriller dorm, he immediately tried to open Three's door, and then started rattling it when it turned out to be locked.

((woops accidentally found and pressed a caz trigger there))

[grey matter]

Lazarus then gently tapped on the door after Cazenar got to rattling (that'd likely work better), a little uneasy about Cazenar's sudden... un-extravagance. He sure hoped his weird existence wasn't so weird that it made Cazenar feel weird, but... well, Inamonthian Weirdness was weird and that's all it really was. Hopefully that wasn't the problem. For all he knew, though, it could be moreso spacing out and getting lost in the confusion.

[[you say that so casually and it's to a point to where i can't think of a good response except "why, that sounds like the captain crunch oops all berries" and then i get reminded of my fullmetal alchemist stupid conspiracy theory about captain crunch being an alchemist-]]

[the-nug-king]

After a moment, Three opened the door, holding the baby.

"Wow, you really have got a baby," said Cazenar. "Have you named them? Have you thought about Cazenar as a name?"

"No," said Three. "This is Morgan. Morgan, this is Lazarus and Cazenar. Come in." They stepped back, giving a slow smile at Lazarus, and then giving Cazenar a long stare.

"What are you doing with your face? Are you experimenting with trying to use facial expressions?"

"I- yes. Babies learn by observing and imitating facial expressions. I smiled at Lazarus because I like him. I am unsure how to react to your presence."

"Huh. That's cute. That's weirdly cute. So, can I hold the baby?"

"Absolutely not."

((omg??))

[grey matter]

"We brought a gift!" Lazarus said, holding it out in Three's direction. "Uh, fair warning though, I pulled it out of hammerspace. Not wrapped, though, I pulled the paper out of hammerspace separately. It seemed safe to me, though, and it isn't innately dangerous to babies as far as I can tell!"

[the-nug-king]

"Thank you," said Three, attempting another smile. "DarkBoard, could you scan it to make sure it's safe for babies."

DarkBoard did so, and Three leaned Morgan towards the gift. "Look, Morgan, Lazarus and Cazenar have brought you a present for you. That's something for you to have for yourself, we just need to unwrap it. Thank you, Lazarus and Cazenar. It's polite to say thank you when people give you things. Only once you're able to talk though! It's perfectly all right to not thank people yet, because you can't talk yet." They looked back up at Lazarus. "Um, Morgan isn't very good with their hands yet. They're good at grabbing my fingers, but not much else. Could you unwrap it for them, please?"

Cazenar, meanwhile, was looking at the baby equipment now in Three's room. "What is wrong with this crib? It's so boring! Do you know how many amazing gothic crib designs there are? This baby is wasted on you!"

Three ignored him.

[grey matter]

Lazarus opened the present, putting the now ripped wrapping paper into his scarf void in hopes that it might regenerate or something cool like that. "It's a book! Morgan can't read yet, but reading to them will improve their language skills. And there's a cute frog puppet." He held it back out to Three and Morgan.

[[three attempting smiles For The Baby, now That's Wholesome.
also do. do you want elaboration on that fma captain crunch thing
because i can and will elaborate. i also wrote a fanfic on it once-]]

[the-nug-king]

Three smiled again. "Thank you, it's very cute, Look, Morgan, isn't it a cute pocket?" Morgan blinked up at them, reaching up to clumsily grab at the book. "Would you like to hold it now Morgan, and then later we can read it to you?"

((three and baby is just Very Good. Also yes absolutely!!))

[grey matter]

Lazarus could not help but stare at Morgan. It had been a while since he interacted with any in-person babies. Lazarus smiled as well, though this could be equated to Morgan being, well, a baby, and also seemingly getting what enjoyment a baby could out of a book not being read to them.

[[well basically my entire theory is summed up with this one paragraph in the ficlet/drabble/whatever

"Well! He's got the outfit!" Adrian pointed at the box, showing Lee. "That's a similar color scheme to the military uniform of Amestris! And he can 'crunch-a-tize' people. And he can turn his cereal from the little squares to the berries and... And he's trying to hide it! That 'Oops!' is all too sarcastic! He wants your money! He made a transmutation circle of cardboard, and turned those oat and corn squares into oat and corn balls with berry flavor!"

second fun thing goes to pointing out the real fact about cap'n crunch's uniform being actually that of a commander's

"...Say, did you ever notice his uniform? It looks more like he's a commander."

"Commander Crunch?! This must be looked into! This will add to the conspiracy! Thanks, Lee!" Adrian whisked the box of cereal away to study it.

finally i guess the opening line is also really fun

In the morning, Adrian was staring down a large, family size box of cereal. It was a box of Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries. "Crunch-a-tize me, Cap'n... Nobody should be transmutated into cereal, you cruel alchemist..."

]]

[the-nug-king]

"So, um, do either of you have much experience with babies?"

"I was one, once," said Cazenar. "Unlike Lazarus."

"Ah, yes. Inamonth strangeness."

((Oh my god. Do Not transmute people into cereal!!))