Always Hiding . . . [Keldine 293]

[Joke's On You]

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[Joke's On You]

I wasn't always a monster . . .

- - -

There used to be a time when I didn't feel the need to hide myself from the world.

There used to be a time when people looked at me differently than how they look at me now.

This period of time when I was greeted with smiles rather than looks of fear? I call the past. Because that's all it is.

The past.

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[Joke's On You]

I made a mistake . . .

- - -

It began as just another day.

Life went on as usual.

That's all there was to it.

Until it happened.

- - -

It turned out that night was even more beautiful than day.

When I was younger, I found myself sneaking out at night to experience all its beauties for myself. I couldn't contain myself. I was far too intrigued by everything about the night. Such as the sweet melody that crickets made in harmony together as soon as the moon and her companions, the stars, took their place in the darkened sky. I would be able to sit in the forest for hours on end just listening to the crickets chirp, while getting a glimpse of that beautiful sky.

Sometimes sneaking out late at night proved to be more trouble than many at my age thought was worth it. But I found that I disagreed with what others thought about my habits. Every moment was worth it. And because of that, I found myself continuously sneaking out.

On this particular night though, something strange happened. I was out and about to enjoy the beauties as I had been doing for several years now. As I laid there staring up at the darkened sky, listening to the crickets chirp in harmony, the sky lit up in an almost blinding white light. And as soon as the light overtook the sky and the area around me, it faded and everything returned back to normal. The strange phenomenon I just witnessed was enough to for me to call it quits and head home for the night. So that's what I did.

I walked myself back home not expecting anything to be different. But that very thought was proven wrong as I walked in the streets passed many others that were once like me. At one glimpse, they jumped at the sight of me and ran in the other direction. That very reaction caused my heart rate to quicken then and there. So my walk turned into a jog. And as I got more reactions as I jogged, my jog turned into a full on sprint until I was in the safety of my own home. Or at least, I thought it was safety. I expected to be greeted by those who I lived with with smiles on their faces. But I wasn't met with smiles. I was met with faces filled with pure terror.

[Joke's On You]

Now I need to hide my face . . .

- - -

It's been so long since I've felt normal.

Since people are so terrified at the sight of my face, I hide it to prevent their fear.

So many ask why I hide myself under a mask.

I'm hideous.

- - -

Even though I hide myself under a mask, I have managed to keep my friends around. They haven't seen my face at all. No one has seen my face other than the strangers that looked at me on the street after the strange flash, and those that I used to live with. I didn't want to chase them away. They've tried to convince me to take off my mask many times, but I've held my ground. I've told them about myself before. That what hides under the mask is nothing more than a hideous monster that makes everyone run away with terror after a single glimpse. One particular day though, one of my friends posed a question that I hadn't yet thought about since that night.

"Are you the hideous one? Or are you the only one that managed to escape as life decided to redefine who looked normal? You weren't the one that became hideous. You kept your natural beauty while the rest of the city changed their perspective on what was beautiful. Perhaps we're the hideous ones all along."

[Joke's On You]

Who am I?

- - -

You mean... There's a possibility that I'm not the ugly one?

Don't get my hopes up.

- - -

Even after this potential thought brought to my attention from a friend who hasn't seen my face since the incident, I hid. There was no point in thinking it over. It would only cause pain for myself. Especially since there was a large possibility that my friend would be wrong. I hid behind my mask for a reason. I wasn't about to lose more friends by showing them my hideous appearance. It was all an act. They just wanted me to take my mask off. But... what if?

This thought haunted me for months. I acted like I hadn't considered the thought that I wasn't the one who had undergone a change, but rather, those who remained in the city that night while I was in the forest. A large part of me urged me to get rid of the mask. To free the so called "beauty" that it once contained. I kept those thoughts at bay until one day... I looked into the mirror at myself again without the mask. What I saw wasn't a monster. What I saw was who I had always been. The Keldine who went in the forest all those years ago. I was the same as I had been since I entered the forest that night. I exit the forest as the Keldine I have always been. The world changed its perspective after all.

[Joke's On You]

Who am I now? That's easy . . . I am who I've always been.

- - -

Fear clouded me for the longest time.

I thought that I was hideous. I let the reactions of others lead me to believe that.

I thought that I would scare everyone away if I didn't hide my face.

But it turns out that I wasn't hideous.

I am beautiful.

- - -

I still wander around with my mask. Even though I know I didn't change into a monster, I still get the reactions of horror out of others if I show them my real face. The look continues to hurt whenever I see it, but what's important is moving on from it. Sure, I still carry with me the insecurity of my face since the world no longer accepts it as "normal", but I aim to change that.

Not only am I working on my own self-confidence, but I am working on helping everyone accept each other for who they are, whether they look a little bit funky or not. So who am I today? I am who I've always been since the very beginning.