─────── do you really see me ? ❞

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─────── do you really see me ? ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Wed Jun 03, 2020 1:32 pm

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    xxx
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    username. ✦ nemuri
    name.xxmemphis rei
    pixel Ⓒ.xxxxgo back.

    ─ ─ ─

    [ i. ] [ ii. ] [ iii. ] [ iv. ]
    [ v. ] [ vi. ] [ vii. ]
    [ viii. ] [ ix. ]
    [ finale. ]
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    xx








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─────── i . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:47 am

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    you are dreaming in a dream of a dream. the wispy fog around you
    dances and sighs, and it distracts you from the affairs of human
    society, leaving you to float aimlessly through the deep recesses of
    the world. it's much quieter than what you’re normally used to, but
    it doesn't take long for you to situate yourself, shifting (like over-
    lapping shadows? like a den of snakes?) comfortably into place.

    you don't look down, for there's nothing to see but the mist that
    follows you everywhere. you don't look down, and you don't see the
    way your hands are dyed a beautiful, vibrant, scarlet
    red.

    you are beauty incarnate, and you are memphis. beckoned by the
    lonely light of the moon, you shuffle your feet and carry on,
    leaving everything you disdain behind you.

    you are memphis, and you are running from your crime.
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─────── ii . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:05 am

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    when rei blinked open their eyes, they cringed at the stream of sunlight that entered their field of vision, reflecting off glass panes and shiny, hardwood surfaces. the translucent curtains did little to curb the brightness, and they could only turn away in discomfort. it was ten past eight, and with a forlorn sigh about missing their bed before even leaving it, they sat up to begin the routines of their daily life.

    there was a faint ringing in their ears that refused to subside, coupled with a dizzying sensation that was more familiar to rei than they would've liked to admit. still, they went through the mundane steps like well-oiled cogs in a part of a larger machine. they brushed their teeth; they got dressed; they made themselves a simple breakfast and ate it quietly, in solitude. this was the life they lived, and although it was monotonous at times, it was a welcomed change from what they had been used to.



    ( sounds of gunshots and frenzied yelling shatters the silence of the night, and they can feel the heavy weight of a pistol rest in their palms. one moment, there was a fight, a struggle. the next moment, there was nothing; the fog swallowed it all up. )



    they had been in the middle of washing their dishes when the image of a distant yet all-too-familiar gun graced their thoughts. rei paused, and with a hard shake of their head, they turned their focus on other matters and resumed their methodical scrubbing of the plate they used moments prior.

    by the time they leave their apartment suite, it was eight forty-five, and the ringing in their ears had almost all but faded into a dull ache in their temples.


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─────── iii . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:31 am

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      you are dreaming in a dream of a dream. today, as always, you are by
      yourself, and you continue down the dimly-lit path that had been laid
      down for you. as always, fog pours from your body in waves, doing its
      best to lead you astray. you are familiar with how your body works,
      but even then, the fog just
      doesn't dissipate, no matter what.

      you are trying to confuse yourself, you realize belatedly, stumbling
      and tripping over your feet as the fog obscures the path, obscures
      your sight, obscures your motives. you are distantly aware of how
      uncomfortable and sticky your clothes have become, despite it being
      tailored for your very tastes. make no mistake; it's easy to move in
      it, but the clothes on your back feels like an unmovable weight.

      this is a dream, you think to yourself. you think that this is a dream
      that you can control, that you can manipulate to fit your own desires.
      you aren't wrong, but you aren't right, either; all you can do is turn
      your head from the things you don't want to see and pretend that
      you are still living your beautiful, fairy-tale lie.

      your purposely ignore the
      metallic stench from your clothes and
      march on into the unknown, even though you cannot see. your blind
      faithfulness in yourself is something of a wonder.
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─────── iv . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Thu Jun 04, 2020 1:57 pm

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    the weather outside was rather pleasant, despite the fact that it had seemed like it had been about to rain for days now. rei slid an umbrella into their bag because they were sure that there was no other mage in the city's vicinity to blow away the storm clouds, and they had no desire to be caught off-guard by a sudden change in the weather.



    ( no other mage? blowing away storm clouds? why did it seem like they had experienced such a person and event before...? )



    tucking back a strand of hair that had fallen into their face, rei continued on, their eyes fixed firmly on the paved sidewalk they were traveling on. head turned downwards, they carefully avoided and sidestepped the other pedestrians, only murmuring a soft "apologies" when they accidentally brushed shoulders with someone. like this, they remained soft-spoken and low-key, and hardly anyone bothered to stop and give them trouble.

    in truth, they've made a bit of a name for themselves, too. everyone in the smoky, cloudy city knew rei as a lone traveler with nothing, not even their name. the people in the capitol helped them regain their bearings, and as a means of repayment, rei found a job at the national library as one of the many librarians.



    ( it's curious, though; the only other large city they had been in wouldn't have been nearly as kind to a penniless stranger. the rich would walk all over them, and rei would stand back, yielding to the orders of their charge ─ )



    they reach the doorsteps of the library when the watchtower at the central plaza announced the arrival of nine. breathing out a soft sigh, rei smoothed out their clothes and entered the building, ready to clock in.


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─────── v . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Thu Jun 04, 2020 2:08 pm

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        you are dreaming in a dream of a dream. these days, you've been
        having more and more visions about a scene that you had witnessed
        definitely never seen before. it hurts your mind to think about, and
        every single time, again and again, you remember see how the fog
        thickens, just right before you
        pull the trigger.

        the target is the same person every time. they stare at you in what
        appears to be horror, before crumpling down the ground in a heap.
        the
        crimson blooms from underneath their body, and as you stare,
        you recall feel a name at the tip of your tongue.

        ... bxxx.

        you don't know what that means, but you're certain that it must
        mean something. right? why else would you know such a name?

        you cry out and you scratch at your head. you're still memphis, but
        you're not sure what being "memphis" really means at this point. it's
        confusing, almost too confusing, and you're ready to just completely
        forget everything, once and for all.

        contrary to your namesake, you no longer feel beautiful. you feel
        only desperation and a scream in your chest, begging to be released.
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─────── vi . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:58 pm

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    work was simple, as it had always been. rei easily fell into the familiar, monotonous routine of cataloguing and shelving the books that had been returned by the library's patrons. there were few people who were also taking care of the books, much fewer than they were used to, but they paid the detail no heed; it didn't matter if there were less hands to help around. either way, the work had to be done, and rei would be damned if they let such a thing distract them from their duties.

    besides, something about the quiet was calming and oddly comforting to rei. even if they felt like they were much more used to the hustle of a busier life, solitude was a rare treat that they would seldom indulge in.



    ( "you've always been so troublesome," they had murmured in exasperation, but not unkindly. they knelt before their charge, a young noble boy who was fighting back tears, and pressed a gentle hand to his injured knee. the pain made the boy jolt, and rei memphis hummed to themselves. "well, we're out of options now. i apologize for my impudence, but i believe i'll have to carry you home." )



    hands stilling at the memory, rei's eyebrows knit together into a pensive expression. it seemed so nostalgic, so distant, so fleeting ... and yet, they had never lived such a life.

    not as rei, perhaps.



    ( they leaned against the worn cobblestone of the bridge, overlooking the river that twisted lazily through the city. memphis heard the footsteps before anything else, and without even raising their head, a small smile graced their lips. it could only be xaxx, after all; who else would've been daring enough to approach the elite guard of the noble family that controlled this city?

    "nothing to do today, memphis?" the voice called out, and they hummed.

    "my charge allowed me a break. i was just catching a breather; i'll return to his side shortly."

    "whatever you say ... just remember to take care, okay?"

    "of course."
    )



    a thud resounded in the room, and when rei returned to their senses, they were distantly aware of the sets of eyes on their being. hands shaking, they bent down and picked up the book that they dropped, mumbling a quiet "apologies for the disturbance" to everyone else. eventually, they all looked away, and rei was left to their own devices. their heart hammered in their chest, pressing against their ribcage, and their hands.

    wouldn't.

    stop.

    shaking.

    head pounding, rei stood up with a screech of their chair. "excuse me," they gasped out, but no one seemed to hear. all of a sudden, the silence was deafening, and mist was starting to gather at their hands. they nodded uneasily at whoever caught their eye, before rushing out of the room.



    if this had happened on their old job, then rei memphis rei would've failed.


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─────── vii . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Fri Jun 26, 2020 9:27 am

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            you are dreaming in a dream of a dream. you think you might be
            going mad. you keep reliving experiences that aren't yours, and you
            knew this with a certainty found only in liars and fools.

            but you're neither, right? you're a peaceful citizen, one who has never
            had blood on their hands before, and you didn't plan on changing this
            anytime soon.

            still, your thoughts, memories, and dreams merely become more and
            more incomprehensible. they're all jumbling together, merging into
            some kind of mess that made it near impossible for you to think or
            do anything.

            your fingers curl around a gun that doesn't exist, and distantly, you
            take note of how familiar the weaponry is.

            you wonder when you're going to stop running away from your past.
            you wonder when you're going to finally face the music. you wonder
            when you can finally turn to xxbx and acknowledge your faults.

            no matter what you do, however, you understand that you can never
            atone for being the murderer of your friend.


            you're not a rash person by any means. maybe you got caught up
            with the wrong crowd, or something. even so, your expression twists
            as the fog consumes you once more.


            you don't see the body lying at your feet. this, too, is a choice.
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─────── viii . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Fri Jun 26, 2020 9:29 am

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    in their haste, they had only one objective: to remove themselves from people. now that they were outside, they couldn't just waltz back into the library like nothing was wrong. people would ask, and with a resigned sigh, they dropped down to the stairs, taking a seat and stretching out their legs.

    the fog from their hands refused to dissipate, and rei grimaced.



    ( "xxxi!" they screamed, firing off more rounds into the mist before dropping to their knees, shoving their charge behind them and grabbing at their friend's hand. it was trembling, and it didn't take long before it became limp and motionless.

    their charge looked on, disappointed. "you understand that it was your bullet, yes?"

    memphis had no excuse. "... yes."
    )



    rei looked down at their hands. when they formed a fist, the fog vanished ... just like the past they kept locked up.


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─────── ix . ❞

Postby ✦ nemuri » Fri Jun 26, 2020 12:08 pm

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              you are dreaming in a dream of a dream.

              except you aren't. this is your reality. you are rei, but you're memphis,
              too.
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