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Username: SilhouetteStation
Name: Tatiana (Tati)
Gender: female
• • • • •
Another clap of thunder shook the building, rumbling deep into the ground as a flash of lightning lit up the dark night sky. For a second it illuminated the dusty floors, the chipped paint, the outlines of sleeping people. Tatiana, curled up tightly on her end of the tattered couch, listened to the sound of unrelenting rain and the sounds of soft breathing. The thin blanket wrapped tightly around her body offered little protection to the chill temperature that had settled in the house. It seeped in through the windows, the floor, the damaged walls. But at least she had a blanket. She'd found socks, too. Holes in the ankles, but they were socks nonetheless. Any help to keep her toes from freezing in this cold weather.
Winter would come soon. Already she could see her breath in the mornings, see the heavy clouds ready to burst. It wasn't easy making it through winter. Sometimes people didn't make it though; she'd lost friends before to the bitter cold. But she wouldn't be one of them.
Rolling over, she pressed her nose stubbornly into the couch, closing her eyes as she did so. She was younger than everyone here; she could handle it. She could handle this cold. She'd keep trying for the ones who couldn't.
People love a tryer!
The words entered her mind, the voice not her own, but one so familiar. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter, forced the thoughts out of her mind, and made her body give in to sleep.
• • •
The storm had passed by almost a week ago, but it had released the first snowfall. So beautiful when it first fell, it was now dirtied and pressed into the sidewalks. She trekked through it now, her hands buried deep in the pockets of her jacket. The hood was pulled up over her head; to keep the cold out, and to keep her face hidden. She didn't like people looking at her too much. They would only see her as some dirty, no-good teenager. They'd look down their noses at her; the thought alone made her blood boil, almost enough to fight back the cold.
She turned down a side street, taking twists and turns in the alleyways until she came to the house. Opening the door - it was never locked - she was thankful that they'd managed to get the fire going. The tin barrel was always near a window to let the smoke out, but it was too cold to huddle around it outside. This was the best they could do. Slipping the hood back off of her head, she made her way over to join them.
"Hey, Tati," one of them greeted her as she sat down. "Hey, Briggs." A shiver ran down her spine as she felt the warmth of the fire start to heat her face. "Nice, isn't it?" Ennie sighed, sitting on her other side. "Sure is," she murmured back.
First names weren't often used around here. Often, the nicknames were formed from the jobs people used to have. Briggs used to work on big rigs. Ennie worked in a post office, sorting through envelopes and packages. When she first came here, she had been young. Really, she was still young. But she hadn't had a job, and she hadn't wanted to reveal her full name. So to them, she was just Tati.
"You find anything good?" Briggs asked, and she shook her head regretfully. "Not a lot. Half a pastry." "Well then...I bet you'll be pleased to see this!" Her jaw dropped open as he pulled out a baguette - a whole baguette - and waved it around like a magic wand. "How did you get that?" she exclaimed. Ennie looked thoroughly impressed. "Goodness me, you were keeping that under your coat! Literally, too."
"It's a bit stale, but I'm sure it'll toast nicely. One of the shop workers felt sorry for me, and they apologized for it being from the bargain bit, but I said hey, I'll take anything." He started tearing off bits of bread, and handing them around. "Here you go, my dears. Dinner is served."
They did their best to hold the pieces close to the fire to warm it. To Tati, it was delicious. There was silence as they ate, slowly though, in small bites, savouring every piece. With this kind of life, every piece of food was previous. It was a lesson you learnt very quickly.
• • •
Winter dragged on. They spent many hours of the day, huddled close together by the fire. Food came a little bit easier during this season; people were a little more generous during the holiday season. For Tati and her friends, it was a very bittersweet season. Because while other people would be celebrating with family, feasting at the dinner table, drinking hot beverages and staying warm indoors, they would be spending their Christmas the shelter.
There had been a line when they'd first arrived. Like everyone else they had waited, people spilling out of the doors, in full view of anyone who happened to be passing by. Some looked sympathetic. Some didn't seem to care. No one said anything. Perhaps they were embarrassed, or didn't know what to say. Tati ignored them, and followed her little group inside.
It was always the same routine on Christmas day. They went in, shuffled up in line, and received a plate of food. Some meat, potato's, vegetables, gravy. It didn't look the best, but it was a warm meal, and was snapped up in seconds. It took all her willpower not to shove everything down as fast as she could. You got like that, the longer you were out here. Always afraid someone would take what you had. But she forced herself to savor it, slowly devouring it one bite at a time. There was the initial joy of being handed food, and the bitter disappointed when your plate had been scraped clean.
Briggs had already finished his well before her. He'd always been a fast eater. Ennie had more patience, and was still getting through hers. There were a few others from the house at their table, but they weren't as talkative. That was fine. It was understandable that some people wanted to keep to themselves, and didn't trust easy. She'd gotten lucky with my two. They were good people.
She glanced at them now, letting her gaze wander around the crowded space. The tired eyes, the paper decorations, the fairy lights strung up to try and brighten the room. Quite frankly, it was sad. Seeing all of these people without friends, without family, without proper help. Wondering what would happen to them all. She wondered if she'd be back here again next Christmas. Repressing a sigh, she knew it was more than likely.
• • •
Winter came and went without incident. She saw Ennie's eyes water when they saw the first flower buds on the trees, a sign that the cold weather was passing. Spring was always a happier time for them. They welcomed the warm weather, the sunlight on their faces. But, unlike the weather, some things didn't change. They still had the daily grind, the routine places to check for food. They still had to feed themselves, they still had to survive.
Tati decided to try somewhere new today. A cat cafe had opened up a few months ago which presented the opportunity of a new 'foraging spot', as they liked to call them. There was always some hesitation in scoping out a new place and not knowing what the workers were like. Tati had been chased off and yelled at before, and it wasn't pleasant. Ideally she would just duck behind the building, have a quick search, and slip away unseen.
It wasn't hard to slip down the side, hood pulled up, and quietly check out the back. A brick wall stood behind all of the buildings on this street, which wasn't surprising. There was a back door, presumably leading into the cafe, but also a second floor that she assumed was an apartment. A window looked out to the back; she made a mental note to keep checking on that. But then, the gold mine, a large dumpster.
If she'd learnt anything, it was that cafe's had the best trash offerings.
She hovered for a few minutes, but no one came out. Moving forward on silent footsteps, she approached the bin and carefully lifted the lid. Ignoring the initial trash-smell, she focused more on what goods it had to offer. Immediately, two cookies that were burnt at the edges. She scoffed them down so fast, she didn't even know what flavour they were. A chocolate muffin had somehow contorted, and become disfigured in the tray. Unsellable, but a delicious treat for her. Ugh. This cafe was making some good stuff.
Suddenly there was a noise behind her, and she spun around to see the back door opening. A woman stood there, bag in hand, blinking at her in surprise. Tati froze.
"Oh. Hello there."
Before the woman could say anything else, she bolted past and sprinted back to the street, turning and running far away enough until she felt safe. She hadn't seemed aggressive, but being caught wasn't something she wanted to do. In saying that, there had been good loot there, and with an inward sigh she knew she'd end up going back there.
• • •
It had been about two weeks since she'd discovered the cafe was a good place to forage, and had discovered that the best time to check it out was in the evening. The days leftovers wouldn't have been in there for long, so it was the best time to grab them. Maybe they were stale, but to Tati, they were delicious. Good food, too; not just scraps people threw out.
She hadn't told anyone about how good the loot could be. She brought food back to the house with her, of course, and Briggs and Ennie always got a share. But that was the mindset you got after living on the streets, always afraid someone would take what little you had. So before she went back to them, she made sure to get her fill first. It wasn't greed, just survival.
She went back there again now, slipping down the side of the building unseen, and checking around the back to make sure she was alone. Once she was sure it was just her, she walked over to the bin and opened the lid. She was pretty sure the workers knew she'd been coming here, but they didn't bother her. Why would they, when they could see how desperate she was? Sending away someone trying to survive on your trash was just sad. She was glad to see the pickings were good today; the first thing she pulled out was an apple slice, stale, but absolutely good and edible.
She was eating the last bite when she suddenly heard the door open, and close a few seconds after. She spun around, but no one was there. A cup sat on the doorstep. She waited, and when no one came out again, she darted forward to pick it up. Retreating back to the dumpster, she kept an eye on both the door and her exit as she took a sip.
Without thinking, her eyes closed. The warm liquid filled her mouth, slipped down her throat, filled her stomach with a pleasant burning sensation.
Oh gosh that was good.
"How long since you've had one of those?"
She jumped; she hadn't even heard the door open again. The woman she'd seen before stood there, leaning in the doorway. Tati thought about running, but didn't want to be rude. She had just given her a hot chocolate, after all.
"Too long," she answered wearily, then added, "thank you."
The woman stared at her thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Come back the same time tomorrow," she said. "I'll give you something a bit better."
• • •
True to her word, when Tati returned the next evening, she was given another hot chocolate and a bag full of food destined for the trash. "At least it hasn't been in the bin," the woman said. "So I hope that makes it better."
She could have fished it out of the bin for her, and Tati still would have been beyond thankful.
Briggs and Ennie couldn't believe their eyes when she started coming home with these little goodie bags. She still kept her helpers identity secret, not wanting others to think they could take advantage. Tati never would have begged for the help, but if it was offered, she had no reason to refuse. She'd glanced into the front of the shop sometimes, seen little bits of information taped up in the windows about the cats who lived there. They were all from the shelter, all looking for a home. Tati wondered if that's how the woman saw her; a stray, in need of help.
But she supposed, if someone's sympathy filled her stomach, she didn't want to think about that too much.
• • •
The weather turned bad, and a storm slowly rolled its way through town. Rain fell steadily, forming large puddles on the road and in gutters, soaking through the clothes of anyone who ventured outside unprepared. For a few days none of the housemates dared venture more than a few streets away. There wouldn't be much food around anyway, and besides; hunger was bad, but getting sick without access to medical care was worse.
When the rain seemed to ease, Tati took her chance to roam the streets in search of something decent. When she couldn't find anything close by, she decided to take a chance and walk further to the cafe, hoping there would be something there. But the longer she walked, the more the rain picked up again. By the time she reached it, streetlights were already flickering on as the early evening seemed to darken. She wet through to the skin, and she knew it would take days for her clothes to dry. Already wet and shivering, she quickly opened the bin and started rummaging around inside. She didn't hear the door open over the sound of the heavy rain, but she heard the voice calling loudly to her.
"Hey!"
She turned around and saw the woman standing in the doorway. "It's too wet to be doing this now!" she continued. "Get in here out of the rain."
Tati hesitated. She'd never been invited in to someone's house before, and she'd been taught to never trust a stranger who offered. She knew the streets well; navigating a strange house was completely different territory. But she's been kind, a part of her argued. Surely this would be okay?
"For goodness sake, girl, you're soaking wet!" the woman's voice broke through her thoughts. "Come inside and get dry. I don't want you getting sick."
That was a good point. Maybe my clothes could get dried somehow...
With great caution, Tati walked forward. The woman stood back to give her room, and once they were standing near each other, she realized how much shorter the woman was. At least by a foot. But something told her what she lacked in height, she was going to make up for in personality. She also noticed that it was a good thing the floors in the back were linoleum; her clothes were dripping, making puddles on the floor. The woman didn't seem to notice, or if she did, was too polite to say anything.
"Right," she said briskly. "Shoes off please. And socks, but bring those up with you. Up the stairs you go. Don't worry about the carpet, it'll dry." She let herself be herded up to the second floor, anxiety chewing a hole in her stomach as she looked around. It was a simple layout; living room, kitchen, a breakfast bar separating the two spaces. She'd managed to squeeze a dining table near the window, decorated with a small bunch of flowers in a white vase. There was also a hallway leading down past the main living area, and that's where she was led.
"Get yourself warm with a shower," she instructed. "I'll try and find something in your size. Don't panic, I won't give you pants in my size, they wouldn't even touch your ankles." Her warm tone and friendly jokes were obviously to help Tati feel at ease, but she was still nervous about showering in a strangers house.
"I don't know you," she blurted out, and the woman paused. "I'm Bernadette," she replied after a few moments. "Cafe owner. Cat lover. Shorter than the average person. And I don't know you either, so I guess we're on the same page." Well, that was fair.
"I'm Tati," she said after a few more moments of hesitation, and Bernadette tilted her head. "Short for anything?" Tati felt herself tense slightly. "It's what I prefer." She didn't want to sound hostile, but the other girl just nodded. "Fair enough. In that case, call me Bernie."
• • •
She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a good shower. There were public ones, yes, but they only lasted five minutes and you needed someone on guard to make sure no one took your stuff. You were always on edge. But in Bernie's bathroom, with mango scented shampoo and soft, creamy soap, she couldn't help but relax. She hadn't realized how stiff her shoulders were until the hot water loosened her muscles. She got to wash the dirt from her skin, the oil from her face. It felt like a whole layer was lifted from her.
She'd stood there for a few minutes, wrapped in a towel and trying to savor the feeling. Bernie had left her a pile of clothes just inside the door, and had taken her wet ones in return. The clothes weren't bad; sweatpants, a t-shirt, a sweater that was a little too big. She'd told Tati to use whatever she'd wanted, so she'd splashed out and put on a bit of moisturizer. She'd been slightly nervous when she'd ventured out, as though things would have changed, but she needn't of worried.
She was sitting at the little dining table now, finishing a sausage roll that Bernie had fetched from downstairs. Tati felt bad, taking her away from work, but was assured that someone was manning the fort. Bernie was pottering around the kitchen, obviously trying not to make her feel awkward by watching her eat. She probably knew that Tati was taking her time, chewing each bite slowly, trying to drag out the time for as long as she could. She didn't know what would happen when the food was gone and her clothes were dry. Part of her still wanted to run, but part of her was begging to stay. It had been a long time since she'd been comfortable in a house like this.
When the food was gone she sat there, sipping her glass of water and watching Bernie move around. There was almost something calming about the way she was going about this, like it was normal to have a homeless person in her house. The normality made Tati feel more at ease. And the more she looked at her, the more she had a tiny, tugging feeling in the back of her mind. Almost as though she should recognize her. She cast her mind back, trying to dredge out old memories to try and place her somewhere in them.
"That's it!" she suddenly exclaimed, making Bernie turn around to look at her quizically. "You take care packages around, don't you?" Tati continued. "You take things around and give them out to us."
She remembered her now, remembered her face, remembered being handed the box. A group of people had given them out to the housemates, care packages with food and bits of clothing. They delivered them specifically when it wasn't the holidays, when people didn't feel so giving. And Bernie had been there, wrapped up in a thick scarf and wooly beanie and giving everyone one of the warmest smiles Tati had ever seen. And there it was again as she spoke, soothing the last of her nerves. This was a good person. She could be sure of that now.
"Yes, that was me," Bernie said, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "I always try and do my bit. Give back to people who don't have as much, y'know?" The rain continued to pour outside, but inside, Tati felt very warm.
• • •
It was turning into a proper storm outside. The wind had picked up, rain was splattering against the windows, and the sky overheard was a dark and dreary grey. Tati was worried about the housemates, about Briggs and Ennie, and she hoped they were huddled up inside. She hoped they weren't worrying about her, because they really didn't need to right now. She almost felt bad that Bernie was making her stay inside until the weather subsided, when her friends were having to deal with the cold and wet. But at the same time she couldn't help but love the feeling of the soft couch, the blanket draped over her legs. The sound of the rain was actually quite nice when you weren't caught in it.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, with Bernie coming and going from downstairs, and was surprised when she came back up and announced that the shop was closed. "Is it that late already?" Tati said, blinking at her. "I should get going then-"
"You'll do no such thing," Bernie interrupted her gently. "No, you'll be staying here for dinner. That rain isn't even close to letting up, and morally, I can't let you go out in this. You'll get soaked again, your clothes will be right back in the dryer, you'll probably end up sick...no, it's best you stay here for dinner. We'll see what the weather is doing after that."
Any arguments I made were promptly ignored as she busied herself in the kitchen, searching through her fridge and cupboards for the things she needed. She had to stand on a stool to reach the higher shelves. "You're not opposed to pasta, are you? Vege mac and cheese sound good?"
Her stomach growled in response. "I'll eat anything," she replied honestly, hoping her host hadn't heard the noise. Her offers to help were politely declined, and so she twisted herself so that she could lean her shoulder against the back of the couch to watch her. She had settled herself to being a spectator, and her wandering mind was brought back with a jolt as a large black cat suddenly launched itself onto her lap and let out a loud meow.
Bernie glanced over at the noise. "Don't mind Bossy Boots," she said. "He's had his dinner. He thinks because he's a big boy, it gives him the right to be a greedy guts. Isn't that right, Boss?" The large tom let out another meow in response, before settling himself on Tati's lap. She ran her hand over his smooth, glossy fur; his purring made his body vibrate. His eyes turned to slits, and she felt her chest warm at the response.
She was lucky he moved before dinner was ready, because she wasn't sure she could have moved him herself. It felt very strange to be sitting at a dining table. Eating with cutlery. And the food on a plate. Glasses of water. There was still steam rising from the cheesy pasta dish, making her mouth water and stomach snarl in anticipation. When was the last time I had this?
She took her first bite. Flavors exploded in her mouth, her body felt almost in shock at the prospect of eating food that wasn't cold. She chewed slowly, savoring everything, desperately wanting this meal to last forever, trying to remember the last time she'd eaten something so good-
"Are you okay?"
Bernie's concerned voice broke through her thoughts, and it took her a moment to realize she was crying. She swallowed her mouthful, and quickly wiped at her eyes. "Sorry, um - it's just - I can't actually remember the last time I had a hot meal." Bernie's eyes filled with sympathy, but also an unexpected warmth. She gave Tati's hand a gentle pat. "Well, I'm glad I could be the one to give it to you."
• • •
She was warm. Very warm. Outside the rain still poured down, and every now and then there was a low rumble of thunder. She never thought that these sounds could be anything close to soothing but here, inside, safe and warm, she found that they could be.
Bernadette had insisted on her staying the night. She told Tati is was her choice, of course; she couldn't physically make her stay here. But she'd convinced her that this was the right thing to do, to make sure she didn't get sick from the cold or wet clothes. Laying on the couch with her head resting on a pillow, warm blankets draped over her, her stomach comfortably full and warm for the first time in years; it had been hard to say no. The hot chocolate she'd had before bed was helping to lull her to sleep. That was one of the bonuses of having a cafe, Bernie had said; twenty four hour access to a coffee machine.
The soft and slowing vibration behind her knees told her that Boss's purring was stopping as he drifted off to sleep too. She'd decided she liked this cat very much, and he seemed to like her, too. It was nice to feel like she had a companion, a friend to share the night with. Like with Briggs and Ennie, you didn't need to talk, but it was nice to know someone was there.
It was almost midnight, and although her eyes were beginning to close, her mind was still thinking. About how this morning she'd been cold, wet, her thoughts tripping over themselves with constant thoughts about food and safety and being on high alert all the time. It was strange, actually, not having to do that. Not feeling the cold in her feet, or the fear of thinking someone was going to take something of hers, or try and fight her for food or a sleeping space. She felt safe here, within these four walls, upstairs behind a locked door, with Boss on the couch and Bernie in her room.
What a bizarre day this has been.
She tried not to think about the morning. About waking up, collecting her clothes, and having to leave. Because of course she couldn't stay here; this was only for the night. One night. Tomorrow night she'd be back with Briggs and Ennie in the house. Happy to be with them again, yes, but she'd still be thinking about the couch and warmth and hot chocolate. But she tried not to think about that now. Instead she closed her eyes, forced her thoughts to settle, and let herself sink into a deep and wonderful sleep.
• • •
She awoke not to the sound of rain dripping from the roof, or cars outside, or the housemates bustling around. Instead she woke to a blissful quiet; she could hear the hum of the fridge, and Boss's gentle breathing. Morning sunlight was peeking under the lounge curtains. She was still very warm, still covered in the soft blankets. Instead of the usual greasiness, her hair and face felt clean and fresh. Her clothes, while not hers, were also clean and comfortable. It had been a long time since she'd awoken feeling so relaxed. She stretched out luxuriously, trying to savour the feeling.
There was a shuffling sound coming from the hallway. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, as Bernie walked in wearing a thick dressing gown and fluffy slippers. Her hair, which had looked so tidy yesterday, was scraped back in a messy bun. "Good morning Tati," she greeted her, yawning. "I see Boss has claimed a place with you."
"He's a good sleeping buddy," she replied, giving him a gentle stroke. One of his legs twitched, and he let out a quiet purr in his sleep.
"I'll sort us out some breakfast - no, don't bother arguing," Bernie interrupted her as Tati opened her mouth to protest. "You, me, Boss. Breakfast. Only we won't be eating cat biscuits." True to her word, they certainly didn't eat anything close to pet food. Bernie served up one of those healthy breakfasts you saw in expensive magazines; muesli, yoghurt, almonds, fresh fruit. All absolutely delicious, and a new experience for Tati, who hadn't had something like this before. But when they were done, their bowls scraped clean, she knew her fairytale moment was about to come to an end. She took in a deep breath, ready to thank Bernie for her kind hospitality, but her host got in first.
"I have a proposition for you," she announced, and Tati promptly closed her mouth and eyed her warily. "A proposition?" she repeated, and Bernie nodded firmly. "Yes. I thought about it a lot last night, but I've got a good feeling about this, and my good feeling usually work out well for me."
Tati waited, a familiar knot of anxiety forming in her stomach as she waited to hear what she'd say.
"I want you to come and work for me," Bernie declared. Whatever Tati had been expecting, it wasn't this.
Me? In a cafe? I don't know the first thing about working in a place like this!
"I'm not - I mean, I'm not sure, I - you've been so kind and wonderful and I'm so thankful for that but I've never worked in a cafe before and I'm-" "Babbling, love," Bernie interrupted gently. "With good reason, I know. It's unexpected, and scary, and probably the last thing you were expecting. But you seem like a lovely girl, and I want you to have a better chance at life. If you're willing to give it a try, then I am too."
Tati was floored. Dumbfounded. Speechless. She'd known this woman for less than twenty four hours, and here she was, giving her a job.
People love a tryer! The words echoed through her mind again, but this time, she didn't push them away.
"I don't know what to say," she said honestly.
"There is a catch though," Bernie said. "I need my staff to be reliable; here on time, clean, ready to face a day's work. And with that catch, another offer. I offer you a bed on my couch, and in return, some of your wages goes towards paying the rent. I like to think I'm firm but fair."
"Of course that's fair," Tati responded immediately, head still spinning. A job. A bed. A shower. Was she serious? She looked at Bernie, her sincere expression, and she knew she was serious. Tati herself couldn't get together a proper sentence, and so all she could do was nod.
• • •
Only part of her was aware that she was walking back towards the house. She was concentrating just enough to put one foot in front of the other. At least she knew the way like the back of her hand; she hadn't even fully realized she'd arrived, when she found herself opening the door and stepping inside. The cold, damp smell greeted her like an old friend. Everything suddenly seemed dark, dull. No wonder people felt helpless here; there was nothing to make you feel cheerful.
"Tati!" Ennie's voice broke through her thoughts, and a moment later the older woman was wrapping her up into a tight hug. "Oh I was so worried about you!" she gasped. "We thought you'd gotten stuck in the storm, but then you didn't come back-" "I was ready to go and ruffle some feathers to find you," Briggs said, walking over. "What happened? You okay? Anyone hurt you? Need me to go and sort somebody out?"
She couldn't help but laugh, despite the nerves building up in her stomach. "No, no, nothing's wrong, no, um..." They looked at her curiously as she took in a deep breath. "Nothing is wrong. Actually...I think something has gone unbelievably right."
They listened in silence with wide eyes as she recounted everything that had happened. From being invited inside, to Bernie's sweet hospitality, to the kindness in being given a shower and food and a bed. "And she's offered me a job," she said, still dazed at the prospect. "She wants to train me to work there, and she said if I want to some of my wages can go towards living there and I can stay on her couch." She shook her head. "It's just...so much in such a short amount of time. I don't know what to do."
"You go for it, that's what you do," Briggs said firmly. "You've been given an opportunity, and you need to take it." "I know it's a lot, darling," Ennie said in a gentler tone. "But goodness me, this is something too amazing to pass up."
"But what about you two?" she whispered. "You're my friends. I don't want to leave you here." It didn't seem fair. Her working, earning, eating, sleeping safely, while they had to stay here. Her eyes pricked with tears. Ennie made a sighing sound, placing her hand on top of Tati's. "You're young," she murmured. "You have so much potential. So much to give, and so much life has to give you. Don't let us hold you back."
"You go get 'em, girl," Briggs said, his gruff voice warm and affectionate. "Go and make something of yourself."
• • •
"Just a little bit over - um - that's not - a little bit-"
Tati let out a frustrated sigh, blowing a few strands of hair out of her face. She gave herself a shake, wiping her hands on the apron before picking up the piping bag again. "I've got this," she said determinedly. "I know you do," Bernie replied calmly. Throughout the weeks of training, she'd remained remarkably patient and calm despite Tati's kitchen mishaps. She could clean no problem, it was just everything else that needed a bit of work. Bernie called her diamond in the rough; a bit of polishing, and she'd shine. Tati hoped for everyone's sake that was true.
Eyebrows creased together, she forced her hands to be steady as she piped a swirl of buttercream on one of the cupcakes. It was wobbly, but definitely better than the other three. Definitely not as good as Bernie's magazine-looking perfection, but still an improvement. Bernie nodded at her work. "Very good. You'll get the hang of it."
Other kinds of baking, she wasn't bad at. Slices weren't hard as long as you got the measurements right, and from there it was just a lot of biscuit base patting and pouring in filling. Gingerbread men were favorite; she loved dipping them in melted chocolate, and adding on the face and buttons. Bernie liked to dip their feet and the top of their heads in sprinkles, so they had shoes and hair. That's one of the things Tati had grown to admire about her; everything she did, she did with love.
She'd seen right from day one that Bernie was born to be in some sort of customer service role. She loved chatting up a storm with everyone who walked through the door, and if she saw you once, she'd remember your name. Most of the conversation revolved around the cats, of course; it was hard to walk into a cat cafe and not talk about the furry felines. That was part of Tati's job, too, to help take care of the cats. She fed them, watered them, cleaned out any litter trays that needed to be freshened up. She didn't mind, since she was always in good company. There were ten of them who lived downstairs, all ready to be adopted. Boss used to be one of them until he'd made it quite clear he didn't plan on moving. Once he'd snuck upstairs, he never left. And that was that.
She enjoyed their company. Their soft mews made it easier to get up early, and it was hard not to enjoy bringing things to customer's tables when cats were winding themselves around your legs. In truth she'd been afraid of that part of the job, the serving and talking. What if someone had recognized her from the streets? What if they judged her from where she came from? When she'd voiced her concerns to Bernie, she'd been cheerfully informed that anyone who harassed her staff would be kicked out with a metaphorical boot up the backside. But to her own surprise, Tati found that she didn't struggle as much as she thought she would. Apparently her 'witty remarks' and 'dry humor' were a big hit with some of the customers. Whatever way she looked at it, the main thing was that she was getting the hang of everything and earning while she did it.
• • •
"Tati?"
She looked up from her book - which she'd bought herself - and placed down her owl mug - which she'd also bought herself - to look at Bernie. She was sitting across the table, and there was a cautious tone in her voice that made Tati nervous. She was constantly aware that while Bernie was her friend, she was also her boss, and she quickly tried to think if she'd made any mistakes in the cafe recently.
"I was just wondering," the older woman went on, choosing her words carefully. "I've known you for awhile now. You've been living here for three months. And ever since I've met you I've just been curious...I mean I know it's none of my business, but I want you to know that if you ever wanted to talk about...things...then you could talk to me."
Tati processed her words for a few moments. "You wanna know how I became homeless, don't you?" she asked. Bernie ducked her head, looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm curious," she admitted. "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know it must be a personal story, and I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."
It was an uncomfortable subject, for sure. It was a topic that was easily talked about with other people in the same situation, but not to someone who might not understand. Tati had really only talked about these things to Briggs and Ennie, and even then it had taken awhile after they took her in for her to open up. But Bernie's a friend, right? I can trust her.
"My full name is Tatiana," she began slowly. "And I used lived with my mother. For a long time it was just me and her. People came to visit us sometimes. Ask how we were. Ask if I was doing okay, if she could take care of me. And one day they decided she couldn't. She'd always been...different, I guess, but she was still a good parent. But they took me away from her, and put me in foster care, and it was...not good. It was not a good care. So I stole money from someone's purse, bought a bus ticket, and never looked back. I kept running until I was sixteen, and from then on, they couldn't touch me. A lot of people told me that I was stupid, that I'd made myself homeless on purpose. But that care house wasn't a home, and I would have rather lived on the streets than in there. I still don't regret what I did," she added. "I never will."
Bernie nodded, her eyes full of sympathy and void of any kind of judgement. "What about your mother?" she asked softly. "Did you ever find her?"
Tati shook her head, blinking back baby tears. "No. No one would tell me anything about where she was. But I'd like to try and find her one day." "And I'll help you," Bernie said immediately. "Whenever you need me, I'll be there."
She sniffed heavily, giving her a watery smile. "Thank you." Another sniffle, a quick dab at her eyes. "She always used to tell me that people loved a tryer. That's who she was, always trying to prove she was good enough. She'd be so happy that you're trying to help me. I think she'd really like you a lot."
Bernie reached across the table to give her hand a squeeze. "I consider that an honor."
• • •
Tati hummed lightly under her breath as she closed another box, stacking it up on the pile growing on the cafe table. Another table was already covered in the packages, and another would probably be filled by the time they were done. As if on cue Bernie walked out with a large box in her arms, this one filled with bundles of wrapped goods. They chatted as they filled up the boxes with the treats, being sure that each one got the same. A few other staff were there, going through the same motions of packing.
Truthfully, she wasn't too sure how to feel. She'd been working here for almost half a year - a long time for someone to put you up on their couch - but this was the thing that made her feel conflicted. She'd gotten the knack of frosting cupcakes, she got on well with the customers who came in. She was friendly with staff and cats alike, who were friendly with her in return. Deep down she knew that this day would happen. She knew the kind of person Bernie was, she knew what she did for the community. But for Tati, this was entirely new.
How could you not feel weird about taking care packages to your homeless friends?
Briggs and Ennie had been nothing but supportive. She visited when she could, and always brought any cafe food destined for the bin. She'd bought them bits and pieces of clothing that she could afford. But this felt...different. Not so long ago she was the one receiving care packages from strangers, but now she was the one giving to the homeless. Bernie said it was a wonderfully inspiring thing, that she was now in the position to give back. But Tati hoped what she was doing, giving to the people she'd huddled around a fire with, wouldn't be taken as a bad kind of charity. Some people were touchy about accepting help, and she just wasn't sure how they'd react to taking it from one of their own.
She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and concentrated on packing the boxes. Biscuits, slices, cakes, pastries, and gingerbread men, of course. They were all going to different parts of town to cover more ground, but of course Tati was going to the old house. Bernie was coming with her, which was also a cause for nerves; it was the first time her friends would meet. From such different worlds, but so similar; and she loved them all deeply.
Once they were all done, they began to set out. Bernie must have sensed Tati's nerves, because she didn't force any kind of conversation as they walked, boxes piled up in their arms. Seeing as she didn't actually know the way, Tati led them on. Some people gave them curious glances as they passed by, and she was glad that no one stopped them to ask what they were doing.
When they got near the house she stopped, staring at the door and trying to gather her courage. She'd never been nervous coming here before. This place had given her a home for a long while. But under these circumstances, she couldn't help but feel hesitant. Bernie moved to stand beside her, and Tati felt comforted by her warm, reassuring smile.
"Ready?" she asked, and Tati took in a deep breath and nodded. "Ready."
She didn't bother to knock on the door - no one here did - and instead opened it and peered inside. Someone was asleep on the couch. Two were sitting on the floor. And there were Briggs and Ennie by the fire, pausing in their conversation to look up at her arrival. "Hello, Tati, darling!" Ennie greeted her cheerfully. Both of them stood up, but she could see the stiffness in their movements. The seasons were changing; cold weather did no good for anyone's joints. "What's all that you've got there?" she asked, looking curiously at the boxes.
"We've bought gifts," she replied, trying to keep her voice upbeat. At that point Bernie peeked over her shoulder, trying to keep all of her boxes steady. Tati moved forward so she could come inside too. "This is Bernie," she introduced her boss. "Bernie, this is Briggs and Ennie." She'd told both groups enough about each other, she knew she wouldn't have to explain any further than that.
"Ah," Briggs said, giving a little nod. "You're the one who took our girl in, eh? You're a wonderful woman, I hope you know." Bernie's face flushed pink, and she let out a small laugh. "Just doing my bit to pay it forward." To Tati's surprise, she saw Ennie's eyes start to water. "Thank you," the older woman said, voice full of sincerity. "Thank you for giving her a chance."
Bernie was quiet for a moment, before setting down the boxes and stepping forward to hug her. "The pleasures all mine," she said as Ennie squeezed her back. "I got real lucky in finding her."
Tati scuffed the ground with her shoes, trying not to let the sudden emotion welling in her chest overflow. Briggs must have felt the same, because he gave a loud sniff and cleared his throat. "You're all getting dust in my eyes," he declared. "Quite rude, if you ask me." The group burst out into laughter, and any nerves Tati had melted away. Together she and Bernie began handing out the boxes. Other housemates began to appear, eager to get their share of food, but Tati had made sure there would be enough for everyone. Praise was given out to Bernie for her baking skills, who equally credited Tati for her help.
It was bizarre to spend this time with them; sitting around the fire again with Briggs and Ennie, the people who had looked after her for so long, with her boss on the other side, chatting away as though she was among old friends. She wasn't bothered a about the smell, the dampness, the dirt. She didn't see appearances. All she saw was people, the potential they had, the opportunity to make connections. This woman had changed Tati's life, and Tati hoped that one day she could be like her.
• • •
The keys weighed heavy in her hand. She'd been holding them for so long, the metal had become warm. Silver, glinting. Not a new key, but new to here. She ran her thumb over the bumpy edge, the rounded end. It hung on a round key holder, along with a cat head key chain.
This was the first key she'd ever held.
This was possibly the most important thing she'd ever held.
To other people, it was just a key.
To her, it was an item of overwhelming significance, emotion, meaning.
It was, quite literally, the key to unlocking the next stage of her life. The door to her future. She was scared, and excited, and anxious, and exhilarated.
But more than anything, she was ready.
• • •
This was the definition of coming full circle.
Christmas Eve, a year ago, she was ready to spend Christmas day at the shelter. Waiting in line, shivering in the cold alongside everyone else. Ignoring the stares of passerbys. Eating food cooked by volunteers. Thinking that this was how her life would always be. A constant cycle of waiting a whole year before eating a hot meal.
Christmas Eve, a year later, today. A tree, decorated in shiny baubles and tinsel, stood in a corner of the room. Fairy lights were strung up, twinkling softly in the dim light. Presents were under the tree, as was a sleeping Boss; Tati was taking care of him until Bernie got back from spending Christmas with her family.
Tati was also spending Christmas with her family, the two she now shared an apartment with. Briggs and Ennie; friends, and now, flatmates.
She'd never imagined that she could afford to rent her own place, but Bernie had put in a good word with the owner of the apartment building and, even though she was young, she managed to rent the place. It was on the same street as the cafe, so Bernie was always on hand if she needed help.
Of course they figured out how to get Briggs and Ennie to be able to live here too. Bernie had helped out financially until they were able to start earning, which they were both estatic about. Briggs was working part time as a mechanic, and Ennie had found some work at a little gardening center. Not exactly what they used to do, but they were just happy to be doing something. Tati agreed; it felt good to be earning.
She stood in between the lounge and kitchen, leaning back against the wall and sipping on a mug of hot chocolate. Ennie was having a go at making Christmas cookies, though she kept looking through the glass in the oven door to make sure they were baking okay. Tati had reassured her many times that they were okay, and smelt good. Briggs was wearing a Santa hat, ironically at first, but now seemingly just for fun. Christmas songs were playing on the radio, and he was humming snatches of song while he pottered around the place. Tati had to keep pinching herself to believe that she was here, and that this was all real. To believe that so much had changed in the course of a year, and that things were so much better now.
People love a tryer, she thought to herself. And it turns out that's exactly what I am.
Username: SilhouetteStation
Name: Tatiana (Tati)
Gender: female
• • • • •
Another clap of thunder shook the building, rumbling deep into the ground as a flash of lightning lit up the dark night sky. For a second it illuminated the dusty floors, the chipped paint, the outlines of sleeping people. Tatiana, curled up tightly on her end of the tattered couch, listened to the sound of unrelenting rain and the sounds of soft breathing. The thin blanket wrapped tightly around her body offered little protection to the chill temperature that had settled in the house. It seeped in through the windows, the floor, the damaged walls. But at least she had a blanket. She'd found socks, too. Holes in the ankles, but they were socks nonetheless. Any help to keep her toes from freezing in this cold weather.
Winter would come soon. Already she could see her breath in the mornings, see the heavy clouds ready to burst. It wasn't easy making it through winter. Sometimes people didn't make it though; she'd lost friends before to the bitter cold. But she wouldn't be one of them.
Rolling over, she pressed her nose stubbornly into the couch, closing her eyes as she did so. She was younger than everyone here; she could handle it. She could handle this cold. She'd keep trying for the ones who couldn't.
People love a tryer!
The words entered her mind, the voice not her own, but one so familiar. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter, forced the thoughts out of her mind, and made her body give in to sleep.
• • •
The storm had passed by almost a week ago, but it had released the first snowfall. So beautiful when it first fell, it was now dirtied and pressed into the sidewalks. She trekked through it now, her hands buried deep in the pockets of her jacket. The hood was pulled up over her head; to keep the cold out, and to keep her face hidden. She didn't like people looking at her too much. They would only see her as some dirty, no-good teenager. They'd look down their noses at her; the thought alone made her blood boil, almost enough to fight back the cold.
She turned down a side street, taking twists and turns in the alleyways until she came to the house. Opening the door - it was never locked - she was thankful that they'd managed to get the fire going. The tin barrel was always near a window to let the smoke out, but it was too cold to huddle around it outside. This was the best they could do. Slipping the hood back off of her head, she made her way over to join them.
"Hey, Tati," one of them greeted her as she sat down. "Hey, Briggs." A shiver ran down her spine as she felt the warmth of the fire start to heat her face. "Nice, isn't it?" Ennie sighed, sitting on her other side. "Sure is," she murmured back.
First names weren't often used around here. Often, the nicknames were formed from the jobs people used to have. Briggs used to work on big rigs. Ennie worked in a post office, sorting through envelopes and packages. When she first came here, she had been young. Really, she was still young. But she hadn't had a job, and she hadn't wanted to reveal her full name. So to them, she was just Tati.
"You find anything good?" Briggs asked, and she shook her head regretfully. "Not a lot. Half a pastry." "Well then...I bet you'll be pleased to see this!" Her jaw dropped open as he pulled out a baguette - a whole baguette - and waved it around like a magic wand. "How did you get that?" she exclaimed. Ennie looked thoroughly impressed. "Goodness me, you were keeping that under your coat! Literally, too."
"It's a bit stale, but I'm sure it'll toast nicely. One of the shop workers felt sorry for me, and they apologized for it being from the bargain bit, but I said hey, I'll take anything." He started tearing off bits of bread, and handing them around. "Here you go, my dears. Dinner is served."
They did their best to hold the pieces close to the fire to warm it. To Tati, it was delicious. There was silence as they ate, slowly though, in small bites, savouring every piece. With this kind of life, every piece of food was previous. It was a lesson you learnt very quickly.
• • •
Winter dragged on. They spent many hours of the day, huddled close together by the fire. Food came a little bit easier during this season; people were a little more generous during the holiday season. For Tati and her friends, it was a very bittersweet season. Because while other people would be celebrating with family, feasting at the dinner table, drinking hot beverages and staying warm indoors, they would be spending their Christmas the shelter.
There had been a line when they'd first arrived. Like everyone else they had waited, people spilling out of the doors, in full view of anyone who happened to be passing by. Some looked sympathetic. Some didn't seem to care. No one said anything. Perhaps they were embarrassed, or didn't know what to say. Tati ignored them, and followed her little group inside.
It was always the same routine on Christmas day. They went in, shuffled up in line, and received a plate of food. Some meat, potato's, vegetables, gravy. It didn't look the best, but it was a warm meal, and was snapped up in seconds. It took all her willpower not to shove everything down as fast as she could. You got like that, the longer you were out here. Always afraid someone would take what you had. But she forced herself to savor it, slowly devouring it one bite at a time. There was the initial joy of being handed food, and the bitter disappointed when your plate had been scraped clean.
Briggs had already finished his well before her. He'd always been a fast eater. Ennie had more patience, and was still getting through hers. There were a few others from the house at their table, but they weren't as talkative. That was fine. It was understandable that some people wanted to keep to themselves, and didn't trust easy. She'd gotten lucky with my two. They were good people.
She glanced at them now, letting her gaze wander around the crowded space. The tired eyes, the paper decorations, the fairy lights strung up to try and brighten the room. Quite frankly, it was sad. Seeing all of these people without friends, without family, without proper help. Wondering what would happen to them all. She wondered if she'd be back here again next Christmas. Repressing a sigh, she knew it was more than likely.
• • •
Winter came and went without incident. She saw Ennie's eyes water when they saw the first flower buds on the trees, a sign that the cold weather was passing. Spring was always a happier time for them. They welcomed the warm weather, the sunlight on their faces. But, unlike the weather, some things didn't change. They still had the daily grind, the routine places to check for food. They still had to feed themselves, they still had to survive.
Tati decided to try somewhere new today. A cat cafe had opened up a few months ago which presented the opportunity of a new 'foraging spot', as they liked to call them. There was always some hesitation in scoping out a new place and not knowing what the workers were like. Tati had been chased off and yelled at before, and it wasn't pleasant. Ideally she would just duck behind the building, have a quick search, and slip away unseen.
It wasn't hard to slip down the side, hood pulled up, and quietly check out the back. A brick wall stood behind all of the buildings on this street, which wasn't surprising. There was a back door, presumably leading into the cafe, but also a second floor that she assumed was an apartment. A window looked out to the back; she made a mental note to keep checking on that. But then, the gold mine, a large dumpster.
If she'd learnt anything, it was that cafe's had the best trash offerings.
She hovered for a few minutes, but no one came out. Moving forward on silent footsteps, she approached the bin and carefully lifted the lid. Ignoring the initial trash-smell, she focused more on what goods it had to offer. Immediately, two cookies that were burnt at the edges. She scoffed them down so fast, she didn't even know what flavour they were. A chocolate muffin had somehow contorted, and become disfigured in the tray. Unsellable, but a delicious treat for her. Ugh. This cafe was making some good stuff.
Suddenly there was a noise behind her, and she spun around to see the back door opening. A woman stood there, bag in hand, blinking at her in surprise. Tati froze.
"Oh. Hello there."
Before the woman could say anything else, she bolted past and sprinted back to the street, turning and running far away enough until she felt safe. She hadn't seemed aggressive, but being caught wasn't something she wanted to do. In saying that, there had been good loot there, and with an inward sigh she knew she'd end up going back there.
• • •
It had been about two weeks since she'd discovered the cafe was a good place to forage, and had discovered that the best time to check it out was in the evening. The days leftovers wouldn't have been in there for long, so it was the best time to grab them. Maybe they were stale, but to Tati, they were delicious. Good food, too; not just scraps people threw out.
She hadn't told anyone about how good the loot could be. She brought food back to the house with her, of course, and Briggs and Ennie always got a share. But that was the mindset you got after living on the streets, always afraid someone would take what little you had. So before she went back to them, she made sure to get her fill first. It wasn't greed, just survival.
She went back there again now, slipping down the side of the building unseen, and checking around the back to make sure she was alone. Once she was sure it was just her, she walked over to the bin and opened the lid. She was pretty sure the workers knew she'd been coming here, but they didn't bother her. Why would they, when they could see how desperate she was? Sending away someone trying to survive on your trash was just sad. She was glad to see the pickings were good today; the first thing she pulled out was an apple slice, stale, but absolutely good and edible.
She was eating the last bite when she suddenly heard the door open, and close a few seconds after. She spun around, but no one was there. A cup sat on the doorstep. She waited, and when no one came out again, she darted forward to pick it up. Retreating back to the dumpster, she kept an eye on both the door and her exit as she took a sip.
Without thinking, her eyes closed. The warm liquid filled her mouth, slipped down her throat, filled her stomach with a pleasant burning sensation.
Oh gosh that was good.
"How long since you've had one of those?"
She jumped; she hadn't even heard the door open again. The woman she'd seen before stood there, leaning in the doorway. Tati thought about running, but didn't want to be rude. She had just given her a hot chocolate, after all.
"Too long," she answered wearily, then added, "thank you."
The woman stared at her thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Come back the same time tomorrow," she said. "I'll give you something a bit better."
• • •
True to her word, when Tati returned the next evening, she was given another hot chocolate and a bag full of food destined for the trash. "At least it hasn't been in the bin," the woman said. "So I hope that makes it better."
She could have fished it out of the bin for her, and Tati still would have been beyond thankful.
Briggs and Ennie couldn't believe their eyes when she started coming home with these little goodie bags. She still kept her helpers identity secret, not wanting others to think they could take advantage. Tati never would have begged for the help, but if it was offered, she had no reason to refuse. She'd glanced into the front of the shop sometimes, seen little bits of information taped up in the windows about the cats who lived there. They were all from the shelter, all looking for a home. Tati wondered if that's how the woman saw her; a stray, in need of help.
But she supposed, if someone's sympathy filled her stomach, she didn't want to think about that too much.
• • •
The weather turned bad, and a storm slowly rolled its way through town. Rain fell steadily, forming large puddles on the road and in gutters, soaking through the clothes of anyone who ventured outside unprepared. For a few days none of the housemates dared venture more than a few streets away. There wouldn't be much food around anyway, and besides; hunger was bad, but getting sick without access to medical care was worse.
When the rain seemed to ease, Tati took her chance to roam the streets in search of something decent. When she couldn't find anything close by, she decided to take a chance and walk further to the cafe, hoping there would be something there. But the longer she walked, the more the rain picked up again. By the time she reached it, streetlights were already flickering on as the early evening seemed to darken. She wet through to the skin, and she knew it would take days for her clothes to dry. Already wet and shivering, she quickly opened the bin and started rummaging around inside. She didn't hear the door open over the sound of the heavy rain, but she heard the voice calling loudly to her.
"Hey!"
She turned around and saw the woman standing in the doorway. "It's too wet to be doing this now!" she continued. "Get in here out of the rain."
Tati hesitated. She'd never been invited in to someone's house before, and she'd been taught to never trust a stranger who offered. She knew the streets well; navigating a strange house was completely different territory. But she's been kind, a part of her argued. Surely this would be okay?
"For goodness sake, girl, you're soaking wet!" the woman's voice broke through her thoughts. "Come inside and get dry. I don't want you getting sick."
That was a good point. Maybe my clothes could get dried somehow...
With great caution, Tati walked forward. The woman stood back to give her room, and once they were standing near each other, she realized how much shorter the woman was. At least by a foot. But something told her what she lacked in height, she was going to make up for in personality. She also noticed that it was a good thing the floors in the back were linoleum; her clothes were dripping, making puddles on the floor. The woman didn't seem to notice, or if she did, was too polite to say anything.
"Right," she said briskly. "Shoes off please. And socks, but bring those up with you. Up the stairs you go. Don't worry about the carpet, it'll dry." She let herself be herded up to the second floor, anxiety chewing a hole in her stomach as she looked around. It was a simple layout; living room, kitchen, a breakfast bar separating the two spaces. She'd managed to squeeze a dining table near the window, decorated with a small bunch of flowers in a white vase. There was also a hallway leading down past the main living area, and that's where she was led.
"Get yourself warm with a shower," she instructed. "I'll try and find something in your size. Don't panic, I won't give you pants in my size, they wouldn't even touch your ankles." Her warm tone and friendly jokes were obviously to help Tati feel at ease, but she was still nervous about showering in a strangers house.
"I don't know you," she blurted out, and the woman paused. "I'm Bernadette," she replied after a few moments. "Cafe owner. Cat lover. Shorter than the average person. And I don't know you either, so I guess we're on the same page." Well, that was fair.
"I'm Tati," she said after a few more moments of hesitation, and Bernadette tilted her head. "Short for anything?" Tati felt herself tense slightly. "It's what I prefer." She didn't want to sound hostile, but the other girl just nodded. "Fair enough. In that case, call me Bernie."
• • •
She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a good shower. There were public ones, yes, but they only lasted five minutes and you needed someone on guard to make sure no one took your stuff. You were always on edge. But in Bernie's bathroom, with mango scented shampoo and soft, creamy soap, she couldn't help but relax. She hadn't realized how stiff her shoulders were until the hot water loosened her muscles. She got to wash the dirt from her skin, the oil from her face. It felt like a whole layer was lifted from her.
She'd stood there for a few minutes, wrapped in a towel and trying to savor the feeling. Bernie had left her a pile of clothes just inside the door, and had taken her wet ones in return. The clothes weren't bad; sweatpants, a t-shirt, a sweater that was a little too big. She'd told Tati to use whatever she'd wanted, so she'd splashed out and put on a bit of moisturizer. She'd been slightly nervous when she'd ventured out, as though things would have changed, but she needn't of worried.
She was sitting at the little dining table now, finishing a sausage roll that Bernie had fetched from downstairs. Tati felt bad, taking her away from work, but was assured that someone was manning the fort. Bernie was pottering around the kitchen, obviously trying not to make her feel awkward by watching her eat. She probably knew that Tati was taking her time, chewing each bite slowly, trying to drag out the time for as long as she could. She didn't know what would happen when the food was gone and her clothes were dry. Part of her still wanted to run, but part of her was begging to stay. It had been a long time since she'd been comfortable in a house like this.
When the food was gone she sat there, sipping her glass of water and watching Bernie move around. There was almost something calming about the way she was going about this, like it was normal to have a homeless person in her house. The normality made Tati feel more at ease. And the more she looked at her, the more she had a tiny, tugging feeling in the back of her mind. Almost as though she should recognize her. She cast her mind back, trying to dredge out old memories to try and place her somewhere in them.
"That's it!" she suddenly exclaimed, making Bernie turn around to look at her quizically. "You take care packages around, don't you?" Tati continued. "You take things around and give them out to us."
She remembered her now, remembered her face, remembered being handed the box. A group of people had given them out to the housemates, care packages with food and bits of clothing. They delivered them specifically when it wasn't the holidays, when people didn't feel so giving. And Bernie had been there, wrapped up in a thick scarf and wooly beanie and giving everyone one of the warmest smiles Tati had ever seen. And there it was again as she spoke, soothing the last of her nerves. This was a good person. She could be sure of that now.
"Yes, that was me," Bernie said, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "I always try and do my bit. Give back to people who don't have as much, y'know?" The rain continued to pour outside, but inside, Tati felt very warm.
• • •
It was turning into a proper storm outside. The wind had picked up, rain was splattering against the windows, and the sky overheard was a dark and dreary grey. Tati was worried about the housemates, about Briggs and Ennie, and she hoped they were huddled up inside. She hoped they weren't worrying about her, because they really didn't need to right now. She almost felt bad that Bernie was making her stay inside until the weather subsided, when her friends were having to deal with the cold and wet. But at the same time she couldn't help but love the feeling of the soft couch, the blanket draped over her legs. The sound of the rain was actually quite nice when you weren't caught in it.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, with Bernie coming and going from downstairs, and was surprised when she came back up and announced that the shop was closed. "Is it that late already?" Tati said, blinking at her. "I should get going then-"
"You'll do no such thing," Bernie interrupted her gently. "No, you'll be staying here for dinner. That rain isn't even close to letting up, and morally, I can't let you go out in this. You'll get soaked again, your clothes will be right back in the dryer, you'll probably end up sick...no, it's best you stay here for dinner. We'll see what the weather is doing after that."
Any arguments I made were promptly ignored as she busied herself in the kitchen, searching through her fridge and cupboards for the things she needed. She had to stand on a stool to reach the higher shelves. "You're not opposed to pasta, are you? Vege mac and cheese sound good?"
Her stomach growled in response. "I'll eat anything," she replied honestly, hoping her host hadn't heard the noise. Her offers to help were politely declined, and so she twisted herself so that she could lean her shoulder against the back of the couch to watch her. She had settled herself to being a spectator, and her wandering mind was brought back with a jolt as a large black cat suddenly launched itself onto her lap and let out a loud meow.
Bernie glanced over at the noise. "Don't mind Bossy Boots," she said. "He's had his dinner. He thinks because he's a big boy, it gives him the right to be a greedy guts. Isn't that right, Boss?" The large tom let out another meow in response, before settling himself on Tati's lap. She ran her hand over his smooth, glossy fur; his purring made his body vibrate. His eyes turned to slits, and she felt her chest warm at the response.
She was lucky he moved before dinner was ready, because she wasn't sure she could have moved him herself. It felt very strange to be sitting at a dining table. Eating with cutlery. And the food on a plate. Glasses of water. There was still steam rising from the cheesy pasta dish, making her mouth water and stomach snarl in anticipation. When was the last time I had this?
She took her first bite. Flavors exploded in her mouth, her body felt almost in shock at the prospect of eating food that wasn't cold. She chewed slowly, savoring everything, desperately wanting this meal to last forever, trying to remember the last time she'd eaten something so good-
"Are you okay?"
Bernie's concerned voice broke through her thoughts, and it took her a moment to realize she was crying. She swallowed her mouthful, and quickly wiped at her eyes. "Sorry, um - it's just - I can't actually remember the last time I had a hot meal." Bernie's eyes filled with sympathy, but also an unexpected warmth. She gave Tati's hand a gentle pat. "Well, I'm glad I could be the one to give it to you."
• • •
She was warm. Very warm. Outside the rain still poured down, and every now and then there was a low rumble of thunder. She never thought that these sounds could be anything close to soothing but here, inside, safe and warm, she found that they could be.
Bernadette had insisted on her staying the night. She told Tati is was her choice, of course; she couldn't physically make her stay here. But she'd convinced her that this was the right thing to do, to make sure she didn't get sick from the cold or wet clothes. Laying on the couch with her head resting on a pillow, warm blankets draped over her, her stomach comfortably full and warm for the first time in years; it had been hard to say no. The hot chocolate she'd had before bed was helping to lull her to sleep. That was one of the bonuses of having a cafe, Bernie had said; twenty four hour access to a coffee machine.
The soft and slowing vibration behind her knees told her that Boss's purring was stopping as he drifted off to sleep too. She'd decided she liked this cat very much, and he seemed to like her, too. It was nice to feel like she had a companion, a friend to share the night with. Like with Briggs and Ennie, you didn't need to talk, but it was nice to know someone was there.
It was almost midnight, and although her eyes were beginning to close, her mind was still thinking. About how this morning she'd been cold, wet, her thoughts tripping over themselves with constant thoughts about food and safety and being on high alert all the time. It was strange, actually, not having to do that. Not feeling the cold in her feet, or the fear of thinking someone was going to take something of hers, or try and fight her for food or a sleeping space. She felt safe here, within these four walls, upstairs behind a locked door, with Boss on the couch and Bernie in her room.
What a bizarre day this has been.
She tried not to think about the morning. About waking up, collecting her clothes, and having to leave. Because of course she couldn't stay here; this was only for the night. One night. Tomorrow night she'd be back with Briggs and Ennie in the house. Happy to be with them again, yes, but she'd still be thinking about the couch and warmth and hot chocolate. But she tried not to think about that now. Instead she closed her eyes, forced her thoughts to settle, and let herself sink into a deep and wonderful sleep.
• • •
She awoke not to the sound of rain dripping from the roof, or cars outside, or the housemates bustling around. Instead she woke to a blissful quiet; she could hear the hum of the fridge, and Boss's gentle breathing. Morning sunlight was peeking under the lounge curtains. She was still very warm, still covered in the soft blankets. Instead of the usual greasiness, her hair and face felt clean and fresh. Her clothes, while not hers, were also clean and comfortable. It had been a long time since she'd awoken feeling so relaxed. She stretched out luxuriously, trying to savour the feeling.
There was a shuffling sound coming from the hallway. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, as Bernie walked in wearing a thick dressing gown and fluffy slippers. Her hair, which had looked so tidy yesterday, was scraped back in a messy bun. "Good morning Tati," she greeted her, yawning. "I see Boss has claimed a place with you."
"He's a good sleeping buddy," she replied, giving him a gentle stroke. One of his legs twitched, and he let out a quiet purr in his sleep.
"I'll sort us out some breakfast - no, don't bother arguing," Bernie interrupted her as Tati opened her mouth to protest. "You, me, Boss. Breakfast. Only we won't be eating cat biscuits." True to her word, they certainly didn't eat anything close to pet food. Bernie served up one of those healthy breakfasts you saw in expensive magazines; muesli, yoghurt, almonds, fresh fruit. All absolutely delicious, and a new experience for Tati, who hadn't had something like this before. But when they were done, their bowls scraped clean, she knew her fairytale moment was about to come to an end. She took in a deep breath, ready to thank Bernie for her kind hospitality, but her host got in first.
"I have a proposition for you," she announced, and Tati promptly closed her mouth and eyed her warily. "A proposition?" she repeated, and Bernie nodded firmly. "Yes. I thought about it a lot last night, but I've got a good feeling about this, and my good feeling usually work out well for me."
Tati waited, a familiar knot of anxiety forming in her stomach as she waited to hear what she'd say.
"I want you to come and work for me," Bernie declared. Whatever Tati had been expecting, it wasn't this.
Me? In a cafe? I don't know the first thing about working in a place like this!
"I'm not - I mean, I'm not sure, I - you've been so kind and wonderful and I'm so thankful for that but I've never worked in a cafe before and I'm-" "Babbling, love," Bernie interrupted gently. "With good reason, I know. It's unexpected, and scary, and probably the last thing you were expecting. But you seem like a lovely girl, and I want you to have a better chance at life. If you're willing to give it a try, then I am too."
Tati was floored. Dumbfounded. Speechless. She'd known this woman for less than twenty four hours, and here she was, giving her a job.
People love a tryer! The words echoed through her mind again, but this time, she didn't push them away.
"I don't know what to say," she said honestly.
"There is a catch though," Bernie said. "I need my staff to be reliable; here on time, clean, ready to face a day's work. And with that catch, another offer. I offer you a bed on my couch, and in return, some of your wages goes towards paying the rent. I like to think I'm firm but fair."
"Of course that's fair," Tati responded immediately, head still spinning. A job. A bed. A shower. Was she serious? She looked at Bernie, her sincere expression, and she knew she was serious. Tati herself couldn't get together a proper sentence, and so all she could do was nod.
• • •
Only part of her was aware that she was walking back towards the house. She was concentrating just enough to put one foot in front of the other. At least she knew the way like the back of her hand; she hadn't even fully realized she'd arrived, when she found herself opening the door and stepping inside. The cold, damp smell greeted her like an old friend. Everything suddenly seemed dark, dull. No wonder people felt helpless here; there was nothing to make you feel cheerful.
"Tati!" Ennie's voice broke through her thoughts, and a moment later the older woman was wrapping her up into a tight hug. "Oh I was so worried about you!" she gasped. "We thought you'd gotten stuck in the storm, but then you didn't come back-" "I was ready to go and ruffle some feathers to find you," Briggs said, walking over. "What happened? You okay? Anyone hurt you? Need me to go and sort somebody out?"
She couldn't help but laugh, despite the nerves building up in her stomach. "No, no, nothing's wrong, no, um..." They looked at her curiously as she took in a deep breath. "Nothing is wrong. Actually...I think something has gone unbelievably right."
They listened in silence with wide eyes as she recounted everything that had happened. From being invited inside, to Bernie's sweet hospitality, to the kindness in being given a shower and food and a bed. "And she's offered me a job," she said, still dazed at the prospect. "She wants to train me to work there, and she said if I want to some of my wages can go towards living there and I can stay on her couch." She shook her head. "It's just...so much in such a short amount of time. I don't know what to do."
"You go for it, that's what you do," Briggs said firmly. "You've been given an opportunity, and you need to take it." "I know it's a lot, darling," Ennie said in a gentler tone. "But goodness me, this is something too amazing to pass up."
"But what about you two?" she whispered. "You're my friends. I don't want to leave you here." It didn't seem fair. Her working, earning, eating, sleeping safely, while they had to stay here. Her eyes pricked with tears. Ennie made a sighing sound, placing her hand on top of Tati's. "You're young," she murmured. "You have so much potential. So much to give, and so much life has to give you. Don't let us hold you back."
"You go get 'em, girl," Briggs said, his gruff voice warm and affectionate. "Go and make something of yourself."
• • •
"Just a little bit over - um - that's not - a little bit-"
Tati let out a frustrated sigh, blowing a few strands of hair out of her face. She gave herself a shake, wiping her hands on the apron before picking up the piping bag again. "I've got this," she said determinedly. "I know you do," Bernie replied calmly. Throughout the weeks of training, she'd remained remarkably patient and calm despite Tati's kitchen mishaps. She could clean no problem, it was just everything else that needed a bit of work. Bernie called her diamond in the rough; a bit of polishing, and she'd shine. Tati hoped for everyone's sake that was true.
Eyebrows creased together, she forced her hands to be steady as she piped a swirl of buttercream on one of the cupcakes. It was wobbly, but definitely better than the other three. Definitely not as good as Bernie's magazine-looking perfection, but still an improvement. Bernie nodded at her work. "Very good. You'll get the hang of it."
Other kinds of baking, she wasn't bad at. Slices weren't hard as long as you got the measurements right, and from there it was just a lot of biscuit base patting and pouring in filling. Gingerbread men were favorite; she loved dipping them in melted chocolate, and adding on the face and buttons. Bernie liked to dip their feet and the top of their heads in sprinkles, so they had shoes and hair. That's one of the things Tati had grown to admire about her; everything she did, she did with love.
She'd seen right from day one that Bernie was born to be in some sort of customer service role. She loved chatting up a storm with everyone who walked through the door, and if she saw you once, she'd remember your name. Most of the conversation revolved around the cats, of course; it was hard to walk into a cat cafe and not talk about the furry felines. That was part of Tati's job, too, to help take care of the cats. She fed them, watered them, cleaned out any litter trays that needed to be freshened up. She didn't mind, since she was always in good company. There were ten of them who lived downstairs, all ready to be adopted. Boss used to be one of them until he'd made it quite clear he didn't plan on moving. Once he'd snuck upstairs, he never left. And that was that.
She enjoyed their company. Their soft mews made it easier to get up early, and it was hard not to enjoy bringing things to customer's tables when cats were winding themselves around your legs. In truth she'd been afraid of that part of the job, the serving and talking. What if someone had recognized her from the streets? What if they judged her from where she came from? When she'd voiced her concerns to Bernie, she'd been cheerfully informed that anyone who harassed her staff would be kicked out with a metaphorical boot up the backside. But to her own surprise, Tati found that she didn't struggle as much as she thought she would. Apparently her 'witty remarks' and 'dry humor' were a big hit with some of the customers. Whatever way she looked at it, the main thing was that she was getting the hang of everything and earning while she did it.
• • •
"Tati?"
She looked up from her book - which she'd bought herself - and placed down her owl mug - which she'd also bought herself - to look at Bernie. She was sitting across the table, and there was a cautious tone in her voice that made Tati nervous. She was constantly aware that while Bernie was her friend, she was also her boss, and she quickly tried to think if she'd made any mistakes in the cafe recently.
"I was just wondering," the older woman went on, choosing her words carefully. "I've known you for awhile now. You've been living here for three months. And ever since I've met you I've just been curious...I mean I know it's none of my business, but I want you to know that if you ever wanted to talk about...things...then you could talk to me."
Tati processed her words for a few moments. "You wanna know how I became homeless, don't you?" she asked. Bernie ducked her head, looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm curious," she admitted. "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know it must be a personal story, and I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."
It was an uncomfortable subject, for sure. It was a topic that was easily talked about with other people in the same situation, but not to someone who might not understand. Tati had really only talked about these things to Briggs and Ennie, and even then it had taken awhile after they took her in for her to open up. But Bernie's a friend, right? I can trust her.
"My full name is Tatiana," she began slowly. "And I used lived with my mother. For a long time it was just me and her. People came to visit us sometimes. Ask how we were. Ask if I was doing okay, if she could take care of me. And one day they decided she couldn't. She'd always been...different, I guess, but she was still a good parent. But they took me away from her, and put me in foster care, and it was...not good. It was not a good care. So I stole money from someone's purse, bought a bus ticket, and never looked back. I kept running until I was sixteen, and from then on, they couldn't touch me. A lot of people told me that I was stupid, that I'd made myself homeless on purpose. But that care house wasn't a home, and I would have rather lived on the streets than in there. I still don't regret what I did," she added. "I never will."
Bernie nodded, her eyes full of sympathy and void of any kind of judgement. "What about your mother?" she asked softly. "Did you ever find her?"
Tati shook her head, blinking back baby tears. "No. No one would tell me anything about where she was. But I'd like to try and find her one day." "And I'll help you," Bernie said immediately. "Whenever you need me, I'll be there."
She sniffed heavily, giving her a watery smile. "Thank you." Another sniffle, a quick dab at her eyes. "She always used to tell me that people loved a tryer. That's who she was, always trying to prove she was good enough. She'd be so happy that you're trying to help me. I think she'd really like you a lot."
Bernie reached across the table to give her hand a squeeze. "I consider that an honor."
• • •
Tati hummed lightly under her breath as she closed another box, stacking it up on the pile growing on the cafe table. Another table was already covered in the packages, and another would probably be filled by the time they were done. As if on cue Bernie walked out with a large box in her arms, this one filled with bundles of wrapped goods. They chatted as they filled up the boxes with the treats, being sure that each one got the same. A few other staff were there, going through the same motions of packing.
Truthfully, she wasn't too sure how to feel. She'd been working here for almost half a year - a long time for someone to put you up on their couch - but this was the thing that made her feel conflicted. She'd gotten the knack of frosting cupcakes, she got on well with the customers who came in. She was friendly with staff and cats alike, who were friendly with her in return. Deep down she knew that this day would happen. She knew the kind of person Bernie was, she knew what she did for the community. But for Tati, this was entirely new.
How could you not feel weird about taking care packages to your homeless friends?
Briggs and Ennie had been nothing but supportive. She visited when she could, and always brought any cafe food destined for the bin. She'd bought them bits and pieces of clothing that she could afford. But this felt...different. Not so long ago she was the one receiving care packages from strangers, but now she was the one giving to the homeless. Bernie said it was a wonderfully inspiring thing, that she was now in the position to give back. But Tati hoped what she was doing, giving to the people she'd huddled around a fire with, wouldn't be taken as a bad kind of charity. Some people were touchy about accepting help, and she just wasn't sure how they'd react to taking it from one of their own.
She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and concentrated on packing the boxes. Biscuits, slices, cakes, pastries, and gingerbread men, of course. They were all going to different parts of town to cover more ground, but of course Tati was going to the old house. Bernie was coming with her, which was also a cause for nerves; it was the first time her friends would meet. From such different worlds, but so similar; and she loved them all deeply.
Once they were all done, they began to set out. Bernie must have sensed Tati's nerves, because she didn't force any kind of conversation as they walked, boxes piled up in their arms. Seeing as she didn't actually know the way, Tati led them on. Some people gave them curious glances as they passed by, and she was glad that no one stopped them to ask what they were doing.
When they got near the house she stopped, staring at the door and trying to gather her courage. She'd never been nervous coming here before. This place had given her a home for a long while. But under these circumstances, she couldn't help but feel hesitant. Bernie moved to stand beside her, and Tati felt comforted by her warm, reassuring smile.
"Ready?" she asked, and Tati took in a deep breath and nodded. "Ready."
She didn't bother to knock on the door - no one here did - and instead opened it and peered inside. Someone was asleep on the couch. Two were sitting on the floor. And there were Briggs and Ennie by the fire, pausing in their conversation to look up at her arrival. "Hello, Tati, darling!" Ennie greeted her cheerfully. Both of them stood up, but she could see the stiffness in their movements. The seasons were changing; cold weather did no good for anyone's joints. "What's all that you've got there?" she asked, looking curiously at the boxes.
"We've bought gifts," she replied, trying to keep her voice upbeat. At that point Bernie peeked over her shoulder, trying to keep all of her boxes steady. Tati moved forward so she could come inside too. "This is Bernie," she introduced her boss. "Bernie, this is Briggs and Ennie." She'd told both groups enough about each other, she knew she wouldn't have to explain any further than that.
"Ah," Briggs said, giving a little nod. "You're the one who took our girl in, eh? You're a wonderful woman, I hope you know." Bernie's face flushed pink, and she let out a small laugh. "Just doing my bit to pay it forward." To Tati's surprise, she saw Ennie's eyes start to water. "Thank you," the older woman said, voice full of sincerity. "Thank you for giving her a chance."
Bernie was quiet for a moment, before setting down the boxes and stepping forward to hug her. "The pleasures all mine," she said as Ennie squeezed her back. "I got real lucky in finding her."
Tati scuffed the ground with her shoes, trying not to let the sudden emotion welling in her chest overflow. Briggs must have felt the same, because he gave a loud sniff and cleared his throat. "You're all getting dust in my eyes," he declared. "Quite rude, if you ask me." The group burst out into laughter, and any nerves Tati had melted away. Together she and Bernie began handing out the boxes. Other housemates began to appear, eager to get their share of food, but Tati had made sure there would be enough for everyone. Praise was given out to Bernie for her baking skills, who equally credited Tati for her help.
It was bizarre to spend this time with them; sitting around the fire again with Briggs and Ennie, the people who had looked after her for so long, with her boss on the other side, chatting away as though she was among old friends. She wasn't bothered a about the smell, the dampness, the dirt. She didn't see appearances. All she saw was people, the potential they had, the opportunity to make connections. This woman had changed Tati's life, and Tati hoped that one day she could be like her.
• • •
The keys weighed heavy in her hand. She'd been holding them for so long, the metal had become warm. Silver, glinting. Not a new key, but new to here. She ran her thumb over the bumpy edge, the rounded end. It hung on a round key holder, along with a cat head key chain.
This was the first key she'd ever held.
This was possibly the most important thing she'd ever held.
To other people, it was just a key.
To her, it was an item of overwhelming significance, emotion, meaning.
It was, quite literally, the key to unlocking the next stage of her life. The door to her future. She was scared, and excited, and anxious, and exhilarated.
But more than anything, she was ready.
• • •
This was the definition of coming full circle.
Christmas Eve, a year ago, she was ready to spend Christmas day at the shelter. Waiting in line, shivering in the cold alongside everyone else. Ignoring the stares of passerbys. Eating food cooked by volunteers. Thinking that this was how her life would always be. A constant cycle of waiting a whole year before eating a hot meal.
Christmas Eve, a year later, today. A tree, decorated in shiny baubles and tinsel, stood in a corner of the room. Fairy lights were strung up, twinkling softly in the dim light. Presents were under the tree, as was a sleeping Boss; Tati was taking care of him until Bernie got back from spending Christmas with her family.
Tati was also spending Christmas with her family, the two she now shared an apartment with. Briggs and Ennie; friends, and now, flatmates.
She'd never imagined that she could afford to rent her own place, but Bernie had put in a good word with the owner of the apartment building and, even though she was young, she managed to rent the place. It was on the same street as the cafe, so Bernie was always on hand if she needed help.
Of course they figured out how to get Briggs and Ennie to be able to live here too. Bernie had helped out financially until they were able to start earning, which they were both estatic about. Briggs was working part time as a mechanic, and Ennie had found some work at a little gardening center. Not exactly what they used to do, but they were just happy to be doing something. Tati agreed; it felt good to be earning.
She stood in between the lounge and kitchen, leaning back against the wall and sipping on a mug of hot chocolate. Ennie was having a go at making Christmas cookies, though she kept looking through the glass in the oven door to make sure they were baking okay. Tati had reassured her many times that they were okay, and smelt good. Briggs was wearing a Santa hat, ironically at first, but now seemingly just for fun. Christmas songs were playing on the radio, and he was humming snatches of song while he pottered around the place. Tati had to keep pinching herself to believe that she was here, and that this was all real. To believe that so much had changed in the course of a year, and that things were so much better now.
People love a tryer, she thought to herself. And it turns out that's exactly what I am.
