TheComfortCorner | V.8

[겨울 꽃]

I’ve been experiencing gender dysphoria for a few years now but today I realised that I am truly unhappy with my body and gender.

In my junior years of high school I hadn’t developed yet and had short hair and was often told I gave off masculine vibes and was regularly referred to as ‘he/him’ by misunderstood teachers and my peers (mainly bullies). After a while I started to believe what I was being called and actually liked it when people viewed me as a male.

I believe in 2015 I told my mother I wanted to become a boy and she broke down and told me it was just a phase and that she was sad that I didn’t like the body she gave me. I felt really guilty and decided to shut down my feelings and not speak of gender anymore.

When I started to develop 3-2.5 years ago, I began to like my feminine body and the thoughts of becoming a male disappeared. I also came out as bisexual and my first relationship was a female. My mother was accepting of this.

But in recent years I’ve really started to dislike my feminine features and feel really out of place when I’m with my female friends. I noticed that my voice is also quite deeper and rougher than the regular female voice, so that’s also contributed to me feeling odd. I also started tying bandages around my chest to make myself look flat and was really happy with the way I looked. When I speak to my friends about my hair (shoulder length) I say “I look so girly, it makes me look like a girl” they look at me weirdly and respond “because.. you are.. a girl..?”.

I’ve thought about transitioning before and the thought honestly excites me. But I’m concerned about bringing it up with my mother because of how she responded last time.. I don’t really know where else to vent but yeah..

[Lush]

I just wanna be normal and happy. I don't wanna be messed up anymore. I wanna let it out. I wanna be normal and happy.

[GAIRENTH]

I just hate everything right now.
I just don't understand.
Just when I think it's all over, there's just another piece to the puzzle making a bigger picture.

[farewell]

i’m so tired of unnecessary hostility. i just want to be alone.

[grey matter]

not being able to sleep due to circumstance you cant control sucks
Edit: I'm like incoherant ant I dont correct typos right now ok

[spooks.]

I can tell that my parents’ lives are more difficult because of me. They would be so much better off if I just disappeared.
Their insurance went up because of me, their phone bill went up because of me.
I’m done. I don’t want to be an adult I want to curl up in a ball and cry for hours.
I can’t handle the stress.
I can’t pay my bills. I’m barley out of highschool and I’m already in debt.
I can’t do this.
I’m done.
I’m under so much stress but nobody seems to care. They just say that it’s part of being an adult.
I can’t do this. I’m so stressed out.
Everything is moving too fast and I have too many responsibilities.
I can’t keep up with the bills and the obligations.
I want it all to just stop.
I want to stop.
I’m done.
I’m nothing but a problem and a burden and nothing I do will ever be good enough for anybody. Nothing I do will ever be good enough for anybody.

I can tell that they’re disappointed in me for not losing more weight. I started trying to lose weight almost two years ago, and I’ve only lost 20 pounds. Pathetic.
They’re disappointed in my for that.
They’re disappointed in me for only having a part time seasonal job.
They’re disappointed in me for not being married yet.
There’s just so much pressure and I can’t handle it.
I can’t handle it.
I’m breaking and nobody even cares.
It’s not like I try to hide it, I straight up tell them that I’m not okay and they basically tell me to suck it up and deal because it’s part of being an adult.

I can’t handle this stress.
Also I’m going to lost my health insurance and they’re gonna be mad at me for that, too.
I want to disappear.
I want it all to stop.
I want all the stress to go away and I want to be happy again.

[ruin]

I dunno...

Just in a weird spot where my current friends are too busy with their own lives (which is totally fine), and others just... Flat out disappear
I never really have anyone to talk to anymore; and when I make what I think are new friends, they stop chatting with me in a matter of days. Sometimes I feel like I only have my boyfriend, and my Warcraft guild.
But I've always been a loner, never had many people and as I get see, I find I just want someone to hang out and talk to. I've never intentionally pushed anyone away unless they were being toxic and dampening our friendship.

Can't find anyone to roleplay with anymore, either. I'll get messages asking to RP with me, and a few posts later, they drop it. Stop replying and won't respond to messages.

I've been in a weird spot since I moved back home from Croatia. I had planned on getting a job as soon as I got back, but somebody had slashed my tires. Insurance refuses to cover it and I can't afford to replace them.
I've barely left the house in two weeks. I live in a bad neighborhood where it's not safe for girls to walk around by themselves. I've eaten maybe once a day, sometimes not at all. Mostly, I just drink coffee and water

I feel like I always have a headache. I feel like I'm just wasting away here. I want to go back to Croatia.
When I was there, I felt important. Like I meant something. Like I was somebody.

I had thought I made a friend, and talking to them literally made my days better, less gloomy. But they've disappeared. Won't respond to my texts or calls. Just gone.

Really, the only things keeping me going are my boyfriend, my cat, and my guild. Without them, my life is meaningless.

Sorry for the long rant. Just feeling very isolated and lonely the past few weeks and needed to get it off my chest.
Sorry for any possible typos. On mobile and can't bring myself to look for any.

[Lush]

Why can't my family go one freaking day without a big fight

Why can't they all just get the heck along

Why do they always do this

[autumnsoundtrack]

My boyfriend, sitting right next to me: "I feel lonely right now."

just... ouch. :c

[shrumpy]

god, i'm just really disappointed in myself
i didn't go to the dentist for a while because there were insurance issues and i hate people prodding around in my mouth and then my dad lost his job and i went the other day and now i have eight cavities on five different teeth and i've never had a cavity before and one of them really hurts right now and that makes me worried because you can't see any of the cavities

ugh i'm nauseous