by eagle, » Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:34 am
NOW
paragraphcardinalheart felt hollow, a knot in his throat that made it impossible to swallow or breathe. though it wasn't yet night, the sky was overcast with clouds, announcing that there was a storm coming. the scene was one that he had seen too many times in the past pawful of moons, so much so that he couldn't feel sorrow anymore, only a lingering numbness. he wondered, vaguely, as the first drop of rain hit his nose, what happened to the days when he was a kit and a young apprentice, when his days consisted of talking to fleetingmoon and heatpaw about a new game, or when rainypath would be the first up in the mornings and was tasked with waking up her siblings for a day of training. the days when he was careless, when his biggest worry was a far-off assessment and whether or not screechwing would ask him to train until his muscled burned and he was too tired to raise another claw. now, screechwing and heatpaw were both gone and the quickclan camp was stifled with grief as families bid members goodbye.
paragraphcries fell to the wayside as cardinalheart padded across the camp, barely aware of the feeling of the ground under his paws. faces blurred in his vision, so much so that his attention was caught only when fleetingmoon fell into step beside him, and cardinalheart flicked his ear when his brother spoke. "the kits shouldn't be seeing this," fleetingmoon said, and it took cardinalheart a long moment to register the words. when he did, he halted mid-step to follow fleetingmoon's gaze to where charredkit and lagoonkit were sobbing into zinniabelly's flank, pinekit and crakekit looking on with wide-eyes, and cardinalheart could only imagine what they were thinking in the moment. without saying anything, cardinalheart veered off his original aimless path to head towards the kits. though he didn't look to see if fleetingmoon would follow him, he felt his brother's breath on his tail and knew that he wasn't alone.
paragraphwhen they reached the kits, cardinalheart looked back to fleetingmoon, who merely pricked his ears. there was an emptiness to his eyes to which cardinalheart could empathize, but the red tom knew that having something else to focus on beyond his own feelings of loss would be for the better. he needed a task to take his mind off of things, even if only for a moment, and the kits needed them more than anything else right now. "we should get them back to the nursery, it's getting late and hawkrise and sagetuft can take care of them," cardinalheart said to fleetingmoon, who nodded once.
paragraph"i'll get charredkit and lagoonkit if you get pinekit and crakekit," fleetingmoon said, brushing past cardinalheart and pausing only long enough to nod again when cardinalheart asked him to meet him at the top of the camp after they were done. with that, cardinalheart turned to pinekit and crakekit. though none of the four kits had a birth mother in the camp, zinniabelly had raised them all after redstar brought pinekit and crakekit to camp, and after privetfang died. to see their adoptive mother lying cold in the middle of the clearing must have taken a toll on the kits, who were still so young, and cardinalheart wished that he could erase their pain. however, it the best he could do to go to them.
paragraph"come on, you need your rest," he urged, feeling his heart break at the sight of pinekit's shoulders heaving as she leaned heavily against her brother. behind him, he heard fleetingmoon get charredkit and lagoonkit to their paws and pass them by, leaving cardinalheart with his other half-siblings. though redstar had only ever explicitly told cardinalheart about ploverpaw, there was no denying that these kits were redstar's kits, and his suspicion was confirmed by the way crakekit's eyes met his, a brilliant green even in the gathering darkness. they were eyes that cardinalheart recognized as like his own, like their father's. unlike his sister, however, who showed her grief openly by weeping into crakekit's chest, crakekit himself was rigid, his posture straight and his fur bristling along his shoulders. cardinalheart opened his mouth to say something further, but crakekit lifted his chin to cardinalheart.
paragraph"i'm going to kill them," crakekit said, so suddenly and so forcefully that cardinalheart wasn't sure what to say for a moment. "they hurt us, i'm going to make sure it can't happen ever again."
paragraphfinally, cardinalheart cleared his throat and nodded once before leaning down to nudge the kits gently to their paws. "we're going to get through this, crakekit, it's all going to be fine." however, cardinalheart glanced down at the lower level of the camp as he led the kits to the nursery. the sight of the destruction left behind was nearly too much to bear. how can we ever be fine again?
THEN
paragraphwhen redstar woke, it was with a start. his muscles ached when he jolted upright, eyes widened to take in the thin silvery moonlight that slanted through the entrance of his den, though he was instantly aware that he wasn't alone. the soft puffs of air came from the corner of his den, and he quickly recognized sweetecho's silver fur, and he felt instantly calmed by her presence, watching the way her flanks expanded and contracted with each breath. the last few moons without her had been difficult, indescribably lonely. more than once, honeyflower came to redstar, to ask if he wanted to see their kit - she'd named him vermilionkit, she'd said, for his father. though redstar knew that his entire clan knew who vermilionkit's father was, just as they likely had caught on to the real reason why redstar brought in seemingly orphaned kits every few moons, offering no explanation of how he found them, where they came from, or how he knew that it was best for them to not look for their mothers, he still couldn't help but linger on the first cat he had ever come to love. he'd known sweetecho from as far back as he could remember, had loved her since he was an apprentice. her brother had been one of his closest friends. where and why he had strayed along the way, engaging in countless flings, he couldn't be certain, and there was no excuse. he'd done wrong by sweetecho time and time over, yet she was asleep in his den.
paragraphhe must have made some noise, rustled the bedding or otherwise, as one of sweetecho's blue eyes cracked open, meeting his gaze before she sat up suddenly. "dear starclan," she said, voice scratchy and tired, but even more relieved, "you're awake." with that, redstar's eyes widened when sweetecho stood and leaned into him, pressing her forehead against his broad chest. "you're awake," she repeated again before stiffening and backing away, suddenly. "i'll be back, i need to get alpinemask -" she started, though redstar shook his head quickly as if to clear it.
paragraph"wait, sweetecho, please," he said, and his heart clenched when he called to her, his tone uncharacteristically soft, so uncertain and wavering. in that same moment, the memories came rushing back to him in a tidal wave, and suddenly his entire body ached and burned. he felt hollow, not like himself. he felt like he was running on empty, a mere shadow of his former self. "tell me, what's going on?" he remembered claws dragging across his pelt, the burn of his muscles working to fight off attackers. he remembered his clanmates alongside him, all fighting for their lives against the rogues who wanted them to leave the moorland. then, darkness. "what happened?"
paragraphredstar watched as sweetecho's expression shifted, caught the way her eyes tracked back and forth between redstar and the entrance towards the rest of the camp. then, at last, her shoulders slumped and she looked back to redstar. "you weren't waking up, you've been asleep for days," she said at last, and her voice echoes in redstar's ears. the world tilts, and then sweetecho rushed forward, her pelt pressed into his side as she guided him back to lay down. "when the rogues attacked the camp, you lost a few lives. alpinemask said it was because you lost so much blood, you kept dying and coming back to life, only to die again. it was horrible..." she paused then and drew in a breath. redstar couldn't bring himself to look into her face, so he opted to look down at his paws instead, his tail wrapped around his body as if to comfort himself. it took him a long moment to realize that he was trembling. you've been asleep for days. even though he couldn't believe his own ears, redstar knew that it had to be true. his mouth was dry and his joints ached as if he hadn't moved in some time. it couldn't be right, and yet there was no other explanation. he remembered faint snippets of dreams, of waking in starclan with the sad smile of his past clanmates staring down at him as he walked the line between life and death over and over.
paragraph"alpinemask and gorseberry finally managed to stop your bleeding, but they said that you needed to be watched, just in case you slipped away again. they said you didn't have many lives left. they said you lost lives during the battle and since then," sweetecho said, and redstar kept his gaze fixed to the floor of the den, knowing the truth just as it was: he had only one life left. moons earlier, he had nine lives to give in service for his clan, and now he had only one left. one life left to protect the cats he had sworn to lead until he joined starclan. he had as much to lose as anyone else, and the thought terrified redstar. still, he swallowed around the lump in his throat and finally looked up at sweetecho.
paragraph"who did we lose?" he asked at last, fearing what she would say. he remembered the sight of blood, seeing pelts lying on the ground. he remembered the rogues breaking through the first line of defense, there was no way they hadn't lost any of their own. however, there was no preparing himself for when sweetecho listed off the casualties.
paragraph"mothtail, swooppaw, rivuletpaw, piperskip, poppyhaze, and screechwing..." sweetecho trailed off with a heavy exhale. "marshstripe and whitesnow were touch and go for a while, but alpinemask finally cleared them, and they should be on their paws any day now."
paragraphfor a long moment, there was a tense silence before, at last, redstar asked the last question that nagged him. "how long was i out for?" he asked, and his paws prickled with apprehension.
paragraphsweetecho, however, didn't hesitate and met his eyes without flinching. "almost four days. the medicine cats and i have been forcing water and food down your throat, waiting for you to wake up. but... the clan isn't well, redstar. cyanslash has been doing what he can, but... there's something else." she sighed again and redstar's ears pricked, his apprehension shifting into acute anxiety that made his stomach roll. "it's sootstone. after the battle, no one could find him. we think the rogues too him."
paragraphat that, redstar felt the den sway again and it took all of his strength to keep his legs from giving way under him. sootstone was one of the senior warriors, always dependable and sturdy, there when the clan needed him. now, when the clan needed him, sootstone was gone and redstar feared for the worst.
NOW
paragraphdaffodilpaw stood over the father she had never known she had. when she thought of sootstone, she thought of the senior warriors who ate on the other side of the camp. she couldn't recall an instance when she had ever spoken to him directly. maybe he was always gentle in the times they had interacted, but it was always in a group, with the warriors speaking to a large training group of apprentices. the taste in her mouth was distinctly sour, and daffodilpaw couldn't be certain if it was sorrow or anger. she had gone her whole life thus far thinking that she had no family, that she never would have any family. then, suddenly, she did, but he was dead and she never had the chance to talk to him properly. she would never know what dandelionpaw, dovepaw, finchpaw, and cricketpaw had with cyanslash and falconflight. she would never have the luxury of having a littermate like flintpaw and peckerpaw. she was entirely alone, sitting with the body of her dead father, that is, until she heard pawsteps behind her.
paragraph"i don't want to talk," she said, recognizing boulderpaw's scent as if it were her own. she would know him anywhere, the only cat who had ever been like family to her. even without looking at the gray tom, she could imagine his reaction, eyes wide and brow furrowed. he would be trying to keep his expression clear, but she knew that boulderpaw was bad at that. his eyes gave him away every time, and he always looked like he was thinking too hard. maybe because he always was.
paragraph"then don't," boulderpaw said, and daffodilpaw decided that she hated the sound of his voice. maybe because it made her shoulders slump, reminded her of all of the better times, when it was them against the world. back then, they'd just been kits. but now mothtail was gone, and so was sootstone. it really was just the two of them, though their game didn't seem so fun anymore, not when it was real. but she didn't hate his voice, never could. boulderpaw was her best friend, the only real friend she ever thought she had. when he sat beside her, daffodilpaw allowed herself to lean against his shoulder. "do you want me to talk?" he asked after a beat of silence, only to clear his throat when daffodilpaw said nothing, taking it as allowance to continue. "when we were kits, i was really scared of the dark, did you know that?" he asked, but daffodilpaw said nothing. so he spoke on. "well, i was. and mothtail realized that i would stay to the back of the nursery at night, away from the entrance. i wouldn't play after twilight, didn't want to be alone in the nursery either. so, one day she took me outside at night when it was a full moon. the camp was pretty quiet because redstar took a patrol for a gathering," as he told the story, daffodilpaw stared down at sootstone, wondering how it was possible for him to look like he was sleeping. at any moment she expected him to open his eyes and say something, anything.
paragraph"she told me to look up at the stars and see that it wasn't so dark after all. she said that nothing bad could happen if i looked up, because there were warriors looking down at me. and she told me stories of the warriors that were in the sky as stars. she told me about quickfoot, who quickclan is named after when he brought the cats to their rightful home on the moor. he never lived long enough to become leader, since he died saving his son, shalestar," boulderpaw continued, resting his chin atop daffodilpaw's head. "if i ever felt lonely, she told me to look up, because that's where the good warriors go. they go to the stars to watch us and be with us forever. and one day we'll be like them too." daffodilpaw wasn't sure when it started, but she felt her shoulders shake, the trembling moving down until she was wracked with sobs. under the stars and in sight of all of the dead warriors, she sobbed into boulderpaw's chest. she sobbed for sootstone, for mothtail, for quickfoot, and for the rest. all those who were gone, she sobbed and boulderpaw sat with her through the night, though the gathering clouds and rain that drenched their pelts.
paragraphat the same time, the medicine cats were gathered in the elders' den after gorseberry had been helping autumnpaw clear miranda's bedding. however, gorseberry quickly sent his apprentice to retrieve alpinemask when miranda said that there was something important she needed to tell them. when the four of them were seated in a circle, miranda heaved out a heavy sigh, her eyes trailing from gorseberry, then to alpinemask, finally resting on autumnpaw. "when i came to quickclan, i was told i was supposed to gather information and gain your trust," she said at last, and watched as gorseberry and alpinemask exchanged a baffled glance. before any of the medicine cats could ask questions as to what she meant, she flicked her tail. "the leader of the rogues, his name is nolan. he's my son," miranda said, "and i'm the one who led the rogues to the camp. it's my fault." met with eerie silence, miranda continued to explain to the only ears she hoped might listen without killing her immediately. and so she spoke, spilling her entire story...
THEN
paragraphthe news spread quickly that redstar had woken up, and it brought a new energy to the clan that had been needed ever since the attack on the camp. with their faith in their leader's health restored, the warriors were able to carry their chins a little higher. cyanslash continued to listen to grievances, understanding when oakseed asked to be excused from patrols for a few days while he settled after screechwing and swooppaw's death. however, there was no mistaking the fear that made his clan nervous. with each dip in the moor, the warriors watched for sudden shadows, and remained wary when looking over their shoulders. no cat traveled alone, and the camp and training hollow was heavily guarded. especially since there was still no sign of sootstone, cyanslash wasn't willing to take any chances. it was with that in mind that he settled in front of redstar.
paragraph"we need to send word to hazeclan and groveclan," cyanslash said bluntly after filling in redstar on the most recent events of the day. when he proposed going to their allies moons earlier, redstar had balked. this time, cyanslash expected the leader to be more open to the thought, to at least consider that he was putting the lives of his clan on the line. however, redstar shook his head and tipped his chin.
paragraph"badgerstar and pantherstar are good allies and friends, but we can't ask this of them, cyanslash. hazeclan is recovering from their illness, and what have we ever done for badgerstar where he would send his warriors to fight for us? no, this is something we face on our own," redstar stated bluntly, standing and raising his tail when cyanslash made to argue. "i mean it, cyanslash. quickclan was caught off-guard, but next time we'll be ready. nolan and his rogues came for us, but they won't again. we chased them away, but i intend to go to them this time," redstar continued, leading the way out of his den, cyanslash in tow.
paragraphthe lithe deputy huffed out a breath. "this is why we have allies - so they can help us. we need help now. all the better if we have them with us when we attack the barn. the rogues know how big quickclan is, but not groveclan or hazeclan." again, redstar waved his tail, but cyanslash bounded in front of him, cutting off his path. "what if you lose another of your kits next time, redstar? i'm not prepared to lose one of mine. we should send word to our allies, they'll help us." as his eyes met redstar's, he caught the uncertainty there, though it was clouded by pride, the desire to reassert himself as the unshakable leader he so desired to be. "please, redstar, let's not go into a fight we aren't prepared for. they have sootstone."
paragraphbegging, however, didn't seem to work, and cyanslash's shoulders dropped when redstar shook his head again. "no," he said, softer but just as firm as before. "and we aren't going for a fight. i intend to propose a deal. i want you to gather a patrol, we leave at sunhigh. i want to finally speak to nolan." just like that, redstar walked away, passing one of the new warriors that had come while redstar had been incapacitated. ravengaze's wide yellow eyes dropped when redstar passed, then he offered a polite nod to cyanslash, who returned the gesture with a smile.
NOW
paragraphit had been moons since sweetecho entered the nursery, and she was overcome with a sense of loss. it had been moons since she had her own kits, and now her litter were warriors. back then, she had been content to spend her days with aspenwish, piperskip, mothtail, and sunnywhisker while their kits played. so much had changed since then. aspenwish spent most of her days with her sons, helping them get on, though flintpaw refused help from everyone with the exception of autumnpaw, pushing away his mother and brother time and time again, and peckernose had been training hard to make up for his twisted leg and limp, so much so that he was nearly as fast as most of the other warriors, and he could climb just as well. heatpaw, mothtail, and piperskip were dead, and sunnywhisker had vanished all those moons ago. suddenly she felt as though she didn't belong, but the rain was picking up outside, and hawkrise picked up her head when sweetecho entered. "hi," the young tabby queen purred, "come on it, your son was just in here with cardinalheart. they brought in the kits before the rain started," hawkrise explained, gesturing to where charredkit, lagoonkit, pinekit, and crakekit were huddled together in one of the nests. "they're all becoming fine warriors." at that, sweetecho smiled and dipped her head, murmured politely to hawkrise before she set her sights on honeyflower.
paragraphthe red and white queen was in the back of the nursery with vermilionkit asleep at her stomach, her eyes closed, though she looked up when sweetecho approached. for a moment, it was all sweetecho could do to look down at vermilionkit, and her heart twisted in her stomach. wherever she looked in the nursery, she realized, she was surrounded by his kits. if not vermilionkit, then pinekit and crakekit, or heronkit and scorpionkit, or starlingkit and smokekit. her stomach rolled, but honeyflower looked up at the silver molly expectantly. "i'd like to... can we talk?" sweetecho asked, and honeyflower studied her for a moment before nodding and sitting up slightly, moving slowly so as to not disturb vermilionkit. honeyflower pointed towards the empty nest beside her, and sweetecho took it with a murmur of thanks. again, she was overcome with the feeling of nostalgia and loss, and her heart tightened from the pain, that she had lost so many of her friends over the past several moons. "i'm just going to ask this - did you love him?" she asked, honeyflower, who's expression shifted from closed off and cold to become less guarded. still, she merely blinked at sweetecho, who sighed in turn. "i used to. and i still do, even though i wish i didn't. redstar - he used to be so nice to me. he did everything to save me when brightstar was killed. it feels so long ago, now. but he was gentle, caring, and he rescued me when i was taken by two-legs. how could i not fall in love with him?" she said, looking to honeyflower when she paused, letting out a quiet laugh. "i think i always knew that he was out there, traveling and meeting other cats. he was so close with ivystripe, and he was never the same after hazestar... i think he was looking to make connections for a long time. i think he was looking for someone to love him," sweetecho said, sighing once more. she opened her mouth to speak again, but was cut off when honeyflower reached out a paw, effectively bridging the gap between them.
paragraph"when vermilionkit was born, i thought he would have visited. even if he didn't want to stay with me, i wished he would have. for him," honeyflower said, her gaze trailing down to her sleeping son. "your son, the one that died... i can't imagine how much pain that must have caused you," she said after a longer beat, and sweetecho ducked her head, her ears pressed back against her head.
paragraphwhen she had composed herself, sweetecho shook her head once and watched vermilionkit's steady breathing. "it's a pain i wouldn't wish on anyone. but we've all had our fair share of pain lately." there was another stretch of silence. it seemed that the kits had all fallen asleep between hawkrise and sagetuft. life would go on, sweetecho supposed, though quickclan would never be the same again. not after everything that happened. she would never be the same. "i just wanted you to know that... if you ever need anything, or need someone to talk to, i'd like to help you." sweetecho said at last before standing, pausing only when honeyflower spoke again.
paragraph"we should be friends, sweetecho," honeyflower proposed, to which sweetecho managed a tight smile and walked out into the rain.
THEN
paragraph"you're sure this is a good idea?" cyanslash asked, not for the first time that morning, as the quickclan patrol crested over one of the final dips that lead to the field and the barn that lay beyond, casting a dark shadow. redstar spared his deputy a sideways glance before looking at the cats that he had brought with them, stretching out along the ground behind them. the plan was simple: they brought a small patrol of senior warriors with them as a display of force, though tallpeak was leading a secondary, larger patrol in the case anything went wrong. redstar wanted to talk to nolan, and spoke to length with cyanslash about making peace terms. they would allow the rogues the field and the barn, along with a small strip of moorland beyond, and in exchange they would demand sootstone's release and a cease to the fighting. no one else had to die.
paragraph"it has to work," redstar stated simply, his green eyes scanning over his warriors. blizzardrush and nightfall were crouched side by side, snakespots and falconflight paced further off, with brackenrose and duskflower on cyanslash's opposite side. "this war needs to stop, i can't lose anyone else." with that, he waved his tail and gestured the other warriors to follow before cyanslash could reply. redstar led the march down through the fields, aware that, out there, eyes were watching and waiting. a twig cracked, the grass rustled, and redstar expected that they would either be attacked or met at the front of the barn. sure enough, the patrol made it to the front of the barn, and redstar finally laid eyes on nolan, the cat who had killed or ordered the killings of his clan. gullfeather, heatpaw, poppyhaze, piperskip, screechwing... all gone because of the bright ginger tom that faced him. other cats sat in a semi-circle around nolan, a pretty molly on his left, a scarred tom on his right, but there was no doubt in redstar's mind who nolan was.
paragraph"interesting of you to come here like this," nolan spoke, his voice pitched as he spoke, echoing against the wooden beams of the barn, whispered in the long strands of grass. "it's a shame we never had the chance to properly meet before now, redstar. i've heard much about you," he continued when redstar remained silent. "i was expecting an artful attack from you and your cats, redstar, something... inspiring. something to catch me off guard. i must say, i am disappointed."
paragraphat that, redstar tipped his chin up at nolan, assessing him for a long moment before he rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "i come to make peace with you. the moorland is expansive. there's no reason we can't all live in peace. i want an end to the fighting. we have peace terms," he said, not missing the glint in nolan's eye. maybe, he thought, this would work after all. it would mean quickclan would be without a decent portion of their territory, though it was worth the risk. if it meant protecting his kits, if it meant protecting his clan, it was worth it. anything was worth saving their lives.
paragraphnolan stood then and took several steps forward away from the barn. he was only a few steps away now, close enough that redstar was able to catch the scent of hay and mice on his pelt. "maybe i was wrong, redstar. this is interesting after all. though i know what you really came here for, no?" he flicked his tail tip and the scarred tom stood, making way when two other rogues dragged a writhing heap of gray fur forward. sootstone's eyes burned with anger, and redstar took a half-step forward. the rogues had the senior warrior pinned to the ground, though he continued to struggle in the dirt, calling out to the patrol.
paragraph"daffodilpaw! she's mine," sootstone was saying, his breathing ragged. there was a desperation when he clawed at the ground, but it was clear that he was injured and weak, no match for the rogues. "don't do this redstar, they'll -" he said, though he reeled when nolan flicked his tail, and one of the rogues batted at sootstone head at the command. sootstone felt silent, momentarily stunned and nolan shrugged, apathetic. at his back, redstar caught the signs of his patrol bristling. cyanslash stepped in darkflower's way when the senior warrior moved forward, obviously with the intent to try and help their friend. snakespots spat indignantly and nightfall's tail lashed.
paragraph"in exchange for sootstone, we will give you the barn, the fields, and the moor until the stream. it is yours to have, and there will be no need for us to fight any longer. let's end the war here," redstar said, tearing his gaze from sootstone to nolan.
paragraphfor a moment, nolan turned his head to speak to the pretty molly, and redstar felt his heart rise to his throat. surely it would work. it had to. but nolan shook his head when he turned. "no, there's something else i want," nolan said, and redstar bunched his shoulders, posturing straightening. "i want you, redstar. i want your life, and then i'll make the deal. i'll leave your beloved clan alone, we'll stay to our border." immediately, cyanslash bounded forward until he reached redstar's shoulder, speaking urgently to him, though redstar couldn't hear him. the blood pounded in his ears. faces flashed in front of his vision, of those who had gone before him, of his current clanmates he needed to protect before all else. all of his kits, sweetecho, cyanslash and his family. he thought of hazestar, of badgerstar. of what badgerstar told him at the last gathering: perhaps we are getting old, redstar, but i'd like to think we have a good few moons left in us yet, and he wished so sorely that it could be true.
paragraphhe heard himself say "it's a deal," and he stepped forward to the sound of cyanslash's shout, giving the signal to tallpeak to bring the second patrol in for an attack. he heard sootstone beg as he was hauled to his paws. redstar met nolan halfway, the ginger tom's eyes like ice when he leaned close. he heard nolan say "you shouldn't have trusted me, redstar. i don't make deals," and then another scream when sootstone fell under the claws of his captors. he heard a war cry go up from behind him, likely as tallpeak's patrol came to the rescue, but it was too late. his head hit the ground and his throat burned from where nolan raked his claws to end his life. then the world went black, and redstar's last thought was that he had tried his best, that he had always tried his best to protect the ones he loved.
NOW
paragraphit had been raining off and on all evening, and the storm finally slowed to a drizzle when cyanslash left the den, with falconflight in tow. his mate pressed close against his side, whispering gentle words of encouragement before disengaging and leaving cyanslash to climb the boulder that marked where redstar had always made announcements, from the early days of the clan until when he called together the patrols for the parlay with nolan. the memory flashed behind cyanslash's eyelids each time he blinked. after nolan's followers killed sootstone and nolan himself attacked redstar, the following battle had been a difficult one. the barn was filled of rogues, and the patrol would have been overcome if not for tallpeak coming in at the last minute with back up. though it hadn't been entirely without loss. besides redstar and sootstone, they also lost dustear and zinniabelly, who had volunteered to join at the last minute despite being out of practice from being in the nursery for so long.
paragraphthe four cats who had left them were stretched out in the middle of the clearing by the time cyanslash climbed the wind rock, and a cool wind scored across his pelt. though the battle had been only that morning, it felt as though so much time had passed since then. but the moon was beginning to crawl up the sky, and cyanslash needed to address the clan for the first time. "cats of quickclan," he yelled, surprised at the way his voice echoed back towards him against the opposing cliff face where the dens were. there were already several cats in the clearing - daffodilpaw, grassthorn, oriolefeather, and sweetecho and her kits, and they turned to face him, though they didn't remove themselves from their spots by the bodies of their family. slowly, silhouettes emerged from the dens, sliding into focus before him. for a moment, cyanslash felt disoriented, looking down at the expectant faces who stared back up at him, looking for some greater answer. the thought made his heart hammer against his ribs, overcome with the sudden spike of anxiety that this was all wrong, he should not be standing where the great redstar once did. but his gaze found falconflight's, who held it and offered a small nod of his head. so cyanslash spoke to him, to his family. he breathed in deeply.
paragraph"we have suffered many severe losses these past several moons. we've lost family, friends... leaders who brought us all together. you all know that today marks another dark day in quickclan history, for many reasons," cyanslash said, moving forward until he reached the apex of the rock, the highest point to look down at the gathered cats. "we will mourn the losses greatly for a long time to come, but i also urge that we look towards the real threat, as nolan and his rogues remain a dark shadow on the moor. we cannot be safe so long as they are here. and i intend to stomp them out so that we will no longer have fear," he paused long enough to draw in a deep breath and lash his tail. "if you accept me, i will lead you as best i can. stand with me, and nothing will get in our way." then came the moment of truth. "will you have me as your leader, quickclan? i cannot fill redstar's space as the greatest, but i strive to be the best for you and will continue to serve in whatever way you will have me."
paragraphsilence filled the clearing when cyanslash's voice faded off, and his head spun. cold claws gripped his chest as the cats below him exchanged knowing glances. at last, oakseed's large frame rose from the edge of the clearing. the dark tabby stared directly into cyanslash's eyes, even when his voice broke, full of pain. "i've lost my mate and one of my sons. quickclan needs to be strong so we cannot take this issue lightly," he said, turning his head to sweep the crowd before coming to rest at cyanslash again. "i would have you as my leader. i want cyanstar," he said, moving to sit as other shouts of his name rang out. cyanslash, cyanstar, his clan called for them. cyanslash dipped his head to oakseed, who's eyes were dark, his expression grim, but he flicked an ear.
THEN
paragraphthey returned to camp with scarred pelts and battered spirits, tails dragging low on the ground when the patrols returned. at the sight, mintstem turned from where she had been posted as a guard, and she raced her way, her voice echoing the shout for the medicine cats. when cyanslash paused at the lip of the path down into the camp, he turned once, and falconflight's stomach dropped at the expression on his mate's face. they'd been lucky, compared to what could have been. nolan and his rogues would have killed them all if tallpeak's patrol hadn't rescued them at the right moment.
paragraphsnakespots carried redstar's body while hollowfang had dustear, duskflower had zinniabelly, and brackenrose and nightfall carried sootstone between them. it was a long, tiring walk back to camp, and the sun had reached its peak by the time they arrived and alpinemask met the patrols with gorseberry and autumnpaw bringing herbs out of their den. however, cyanslash turned to falconflight instead of going to the medicine cats, even though his ear appeared to be shredded from the fighting. "can you get tallpeak and splashfall to meet me up on the moor when they're done getting looked at? i want to talk to you all," cyanslash said, and his eyes were so tired, so sad, that it was all falconflight could do to brush his muzzle against cyanslash's cheek when he passed. he watched cyanslash go with soft eyes before going off to speak to alpinemask, to make sure the medicine cat would look at the clan's deputy when he had the chance.
paragraphsome time had passed, though cyanslash was exactly where he said he would be, sitting neatly with his paws delicately arranged with his tail wrapped around him by the time falconflight brought the other warriors to him. tallpeak's side was covered in cobwebs, and though splashfall dragged his paws, he had not been with the patrols at the barn, instead left behind the in case he was needed to defend the camp. when they approached, cyanslash's eyes stared forward, looking out onto the moor, and he reacted only when falconflight pressed close into his side. "there's a storm coming," cyanslash said absently, tipping his head towards the far border, where dark clouds were gathering, just as he said. falconflight hummed his acknowledgement, only to feel the rigid tension fall away from cyanslash's body. "i just - i can't believe it," cyanslash said absently, and it was splashfall who spoke next.
paragraph"quickclan needs a leader," the tabby and white tom said, his voice cracking with undisguised grief. "redstar's gone now, it should be you. he chose you as his deputy." at that, cyanslash flicked his ear.
paragraph"by that logic, it should be tumblejaw, not me. it was almost you," cyanslash said, turning his head just long enough to thrust his muzzle at splashfall. "you were in the old quickclan, he almost chose you to be deputy. or tallpeak, who's been here the longest. starclan, maybe it should be blizzardrush or -"
paragraph"it's not," tallpeak cut cyanslash off in the middle of his frantic rambling. "redstar chose you, so unless the clan chooses otherwise, it's always going to be you." silence stretched between the warriors before splashfall spoke again.
paragraph"you'll need a deputy," splashfall said, and falconflight nodded silently, stopped short when he realized that cyanslash was looking to him.
paragraphwithout hesitation, he shook his head. "no, love, not me. i wouldn't be a good deputy. i like where i am," falconflight said, not missing the flash of hurt that flickered in cyanslash's eyes, though it was quickly glossed over by understanding and acceptance. again, cyanslash leaned into his side.
paragraph"splashfall," cyanslash said, addressing the other warrior, who met his eyes. "i need you in the warriors' den too. you and blizzardrush, i need you both to help me there, if i'm going to be leader," he said, and splashfall dipped his head. there was no hurt in splashfall's eyes, and falconflight felt a wash of respect for the tabby tom. then, attention turned to tallpeak when cyanslash spoke her name. "tallpeak, be my deputy. you nearly chased me out of the territory when we first met. but i need you by my side now," cyanslash said.
paragraphthere was a lingering hesitation when tallpeak regarded the lithe tom. her gaze met falconflight's, then traveled to splashfall, who was looking off at the moor. at last, she nodded with a bittersweet smile. "yes, cyanslash. i will be your deputy."
NOW
paragraphwhen the time finally came for cyanslash to go to the moonpool, cyanslash halted at the top of the camp to turn to address tallpeak. his deputy's ginger and white fur turned silver in the moonlight, and her eyes were wide. "you need to go," she urged cyanslash, "we're already running out of night." though cyanslash shuffled his paws for a moment without saying anything before, at last, he swallowed. alpinemask was waiting for him several steps away, his face raised towards the star-speckled sky.
paragraph"do you remember when we first met all those moons ago?" cyanslash asked her, and tallpeak's ears pricked. "do you remember when it was just us, redstar, and ivystripe?" he asked her again, and this time tallpeak dropped her chin and shut her eyes tightly. she took in a long, shuddering breath before nodding with a low chuckle.
paragraph"of course i do," she said, and cyanslash caught the traces of nostalgia in her tone and he knew that she felt the same way. of course she did, after all. she had been redstar's first warrior all those moons ago. tallpeak cleared her throat then and looked up to meet cyanslash's eyes. "i remember when redstar found me, half-starved after shatteredclan fell apart. i remember when we found you spying on our camp, and dear starclan were you annoying. you, falconflight, blizzardrush... you three were so annoying it's a miracle i wasn't the one to shred your ear," she said, and cyanslash let out a laugh, ducking his head to butt it against tallpeak's chest, allowing the sound of her purr soothe the nerves that made his stomach turn.
paragraph"and you were a total stick in the mud," he teased in return, allowing his eyes to close when tallpeak licked between his ears. not for the first time in the past moon, he couldn't help but wonder how it had all worked out. how he found blizzardrush and falconflight to give them shelter in the barn. he wondered how he'd gone from a loner without a care in the world to deputy of quickclan with a mate and kits, how he'd become leader of his clan so suddenly. "maybe it should've been you," he heard himself say, the words muffled when he spoke towards tallpeak's fur. "you, or blizzardrush, or splashfall. or even tumblejaw."
paragraphbefore he could say anything further, tallpeak pulled back and met his eyes. "redstar chose you, and you were a great deputy. you'll be a great leader, cyanslash, and i'll do everything i can to be a great deputy. but now you need to go, starclan is waiting for you, and i'll be here when you get back, i'll keep them safe," she urged again, this time shoving him towards the awaiting moorland that stretched before him. his paws scraped against the dirt and he took a moment to gather himself before padding down into the darkness to follow alpinemask.
paragraphwhen they reached the entrance to the moonpool, alpinemask stopped outside, his tail raised high. "this is as far as i go tonight," he told cyanslash, "let your paws lead you. starclan is waiting." at that, the gray and white tom turned his eyes away to give cyanslash the time to breathe in deeply and plunge down to the slope of abandoned fox den. the tunnel led down from the moor, and cyanslash was left to feel his way by the brush of his fur against the sides, and he imagined redstar and the medicine cats coming down to meet with the ancestors time and time again. redstar, who's body was still stretched out in the middle of camp for the clan to give their final respects. redstar, who was respected among the other clans, who had brought his clan from the ground up, and who was admired by his own clan, from cyanslash and tallpeak, the longest members, to those as new as swiftscreech, ravengaze, and thunderpaw. redstar, who would no longer be leading the clan he fought so hard to protect.
paragrapheventually, the tunnel began to lighten and open until, at last, cyanslash stood above the moonpool which glinted from light filtering in through a hole overhead. a few moons earlier, perhaps, cyanslash would have gone off to explore the tunnels and the secrets held within, but the water lapped at the soil, and he knew that he had wasted enough time. it was time for him to finally meet starclan. the water was cool to the touch, cyanslash realized with a jolt when he touched his nose to the glassy surface. he lapped up a mouthful and swallowed thickly until his eyelids drooped and fell close. when he opened his eyes a moment later, it was with a jolt, and he sat upright, his gaze tracking across the space. a chill went down his spine, though he saw nothing out of place, exactly as it had been when he blinked. that is, until a voice rang out clearly, calling out his name, "are you looking for something, cyanslash?" it was a voice cyanslash recognized instantly, one he hadn't heard in several moons, and he whipped around to find himself staring up at tumblejaw.
paragraphfor many moons leading to his death, tumblejaw had been a bit of a ghost in the quickclan camp, his eyes dull and fur ungroomed. he spoke to few, merely following orders and going about his days as the wind took him. now, however, he appeared younger, more like the tumblejaw cyanslash first met when he came to quickclan. his green eyes were bright with boundless energy, and he strode forward to touch his nose to cyanslash, who noted the flecks of starlight in his fur. "you look well," cyanslash managed to say, not missing the glimmer of humor that charged tumblejaw's expression at the comment, though it was not tumblejaw who spoke next.
paragraph"starclan does wonders for you, after all," another voice said, and cyanslash's ears pricked when ivystripe came into view, brushing past tumblejaw to touch her nose to cyanslash's. "welcome, cyanslash, it's been a while, hasn't it?" she said, to which cyanslash could only nod dumbly. Of course, he had known that he would see those who had passed on, but seeing ivystripe and tumblejaw again was still so surreal that cyanslash could only blink up at them for a long moment, his tongue tied. ivystripe purred gently and swept her tail around the moonpool, where many other starry pelts could be seen. some were familiar to cyanslash, blinding with the stars that decorated their pelts. zinniabelly leaning down to hush a small kit with privetfang by her side, poppyhaze and rivuletpaw, screechwing with swooppaw and heatpaw. in the center of them all, redstar's broad frame stood the brightest, his chin raised toward the moor over their heads. cyanslash made to step closer to his friend and former-leader, but tumblejaw stepped into his path instead and raised his voice so that it echoed across all of the starry forms, those bright and those dim, known and unknown.
paragraph"when i was deputy, i didn't give my clan the attention and dedication that it needed. i wasn't able to devote myself to my family or my clan, and i failed there. learn from my mistakes, cyanslash," tumblejaw said, and the large warrior's green eyes flickered to where ivystripe settled nearby before turning back to cyanslash, "i give you the gift of duty, both to your clan and your family. falconflight and your kits are equally as important as the clan, but it's important to know how to devote yourself to both," tumblejaw said before touching his nose to cyanslash's head. immediately, cyanslash experienced a rush of emotions. the hollowness and pain of loss that made him double over, his whiskers brushing the floor, and he gasped for air. redstar's words from moons earlier echoed in cyanslash's head, asking what he would do if he lost falconflight or his kits, and by the time cyanslash looked up again, tumblejaw was walking away. the dark tom brushed against ivystripe who got up to take his place in front of cyanslash instead.
paragraph"when you came to quickclan, i remember thinking that you were a young, foolish cat who would only cause trouble," ivystripe laughed, her smile wide and eyes even brighter than cyanslash ever recalled them to be in ivystripe's life. "and that was coming from me, who let you get into trouble with falconflight and nightfall. yet, i was the one who was in trouble, wasn't i?" she said then, her voice moving from light and humorous to serious when her tipped her head at cyanslash. "i broke the code and had kits, but i was forgiven by starclan, and i am grateful for it. with this life, i give you the compassion to give second chances and forgive cats who may cause some trouble from time to time, and for those who makes mistakes. we're not all perfect," ivystripe said, and cyanslash tried to brace himself for the feeling that rushed through him. he felt as though his entire body was torn apart, wracked with guilt and pain, only to be soothed over. when he opened his eyes open, ivystripe smiled gently and licked between his ears. "be strong, look out for my kits, please." with that, ivystripe turned and left him to wait.
paragraphgullfeather moved with grace as in her life, and cyanslash purred at the kits that tumbled along with her, and it struck him that they must have been gullfeather's kits. as if she could read his thoughts, gullfeather purred and nodded. "yes, they're mine," she said, and cyanslash smiled down at the three kits before gullfeather shooed them away, "with this life, i give you the gift of wisdom and farsightedness. sometimes we make impulsive decisions and don't realize that there may be consequences, and it's important to think clearly when one act can affect the entire clan," she said before leaning forward, and cyanslash finched under the rush that sent through his body, lighting his pelt afire. the painful peace of loneliness, cut short by a flash of pain, and then gullfeather was gone.
paragraphin gullfeather's place, screechwing's smile was welcome by cyanslash. "oakseed -" cyanslash tried to say, though screechwing's expression faltered slightly. the smaller tabby tom leaned forward to brush his cheek against cyanslash's.
paragraph"take care of them for me, won't you? please? i don't want oakseed to be in pain forever... tell him that i'm okay. me and swooppaw - we're okay," screechwing said, waving his tail to where his son was still sitting with a tight smile. then screechwing stepped forward and raised his voice to address all those gathered. "i give you a life of love, for the clan and your family. we'll do anything to protect those we love and care about. your clan loves you, just as you love your kits. they'll do anything to keep you safe, just as you will for them," screechwing said before leaning forward. cyanslash had expected another rush of pain, to feel the agony that screechwing had in his final moments, though the life was warm and left cyanslash panting, but feeling energized, prepared to get through the rest of the ceremony.
paragraphheatpaw was taller than cyanslash remembered, built like his father. if he had been given the chance to grow up, cyanslash suspected that heatpaw would have been bigger than any of his siblings. now, heatpaw was shorter than cyanslash but glowed brightly when he offered cyanslash a smile. "i give you a life of training younger cats and being a mentor. we all learn differently, and it's important to have patience. and you can learn from young cats as well, sometimes we're smarter and braver than we might look," heatpaw said, his smile broadening before he leaned up and cyanslash lowered his head to receive the life. a sense of urgency raced through him, the feeling of being weightlessness. he thought of plumpaw, waiting for him back at camp and of cherrydawn, who had grown into a fine warrior, and was more skilled with each passing day. she was warrior to be proud of, and plumpaw would be as well one day. then heatpaw was gone, and piperskip stood before cyanslash with a small smile on her muzzle.
paragraph"cyanslash, i give you the life of confidence and intuition. when my kit was taken from me, i knew that he was out there somewhere and that he would return to me in time. and i wasn't wrong," piperskip said, and her eyes traced to where dustear was seated among the group of cats. when he met cyanslash's eyes, dustear dipped his head respectfully. "trust your gut. while it's good to ask for help, you also need to believe in yourself and hold yourself with confidence." with that, piperskip touched her muzzle to cyanslash's head, and he felt the jolt of electricity that left his pelt fluffed out. at last, piperskip backed away to join her son. the space was silent for a long moment before redstar rose from where he had been waiting. his paws appeared to glide over the ground, not walking so much as floating. when he was closer, cyanslash noted that his pelt was free of the scars earned during his life.
paragraph"redstar, i'm sorry," cyanslash said, ducking his head, though redstar let out a laugh and nudged cyanslash with his shoulder.
paragraph"it was my time. but i'll always be here to watch over my clan and my kits. but now it's your time to lead, and you'll do a great job," redstar said, before scanning the crowd of shining cats. "it may look grim now, cyanslash, but there is no cat i trust more to save our clan. quickclan is strong, but you were right. we do need help sometimes." at that, cyanslash dipped his head, knowing that redstar was right, that with a little help from their allies, quickclan would be able to persevere. "with this life, i give you the gift of hope. quickclan has had a long past of disbanding, yet we are stronger than ever now. have hope, the darkness will not claim our clan yet." at that, several of the dimmer shadows began to fade away completely around them and cyanslash met redstar's brilliant gaze. "have hope, cyanstar, and lead our clan well."