TheComfortCorner | V.8

[cornspurrd.]

cancled plans last minute because i had a anxiety attack.

I wish i could be a normal person. Like. For real.

She probably hates me now. And that only worries me further. I cant ever keep friends.

[LilacSky]

Everyone says that high school is the best years of your life, but that's such a lie it's not even funny.
All my relationships are crumbling and I can't stop putting myself down.
I can barely get up and go to high school, so how can I be expected to make it through college?
I told my therapist that I didn't want to take public speaking in college and maybe go to an art college, but she told me it's a required class for almost all degrees.
I'm not interested in "valid" things and my choice for a career is probably going to let me down.
I want to be an author and maybe illustrator but I'm probably going to fail and plummet.
Nothing I do will ever be enough. I'm stressed out even when I'm relaxing, my parents/family/friends all hate me, as do my teachers, I have a D in one class and it's close to an F, I just will never add up to anything, yet even when I try, I just suffer.
I just want to move out, not go to college, get a job and try to become an author, but I'm terrified to learn to drive and I have a crippling fear of abandonment, but all I do is bother everyone I get close to.
I'm terrified to date but I can't be alone.
Everything I do! I'm telling you! It's all wrong. I wish I had a normal mind, that I wasn't terrified of all these things.
I want someone to PM me and talk to me and rp with me and be my friend and that's too much to ask.
Maybe I should just stop existing.
: )

[Lush]

She abandons me every freaking time. Nobody loves me. I'm useless.

[cad bane]

i miss her.
i wish i could go back and do friday all over again.

[will byers]

i always seem to mess something up
i cant even have a normal conversation anymore

[farewell]

I feel like a bad friend. looool

[cribunni]

sometimes I’m really afraid that eventually, everyone will realize how horrible I am and leave. I’ve been bracing myself for it since I was 10 years old. I want so badly to make some news friends like all of my middle school friends have been doing, but it’s so hard for me. I just wish I could be like everyone else and talk to people. guess I don’t deserve that.

[eli sunday]

Why am I like this? My fake happiness around people is starting to fade. I hate this so much

[- ; bonk!]

i just want to freeze time
or go back
i don't want to move forward like this
i want a retry

[skyline]

(another thing that isn't important, i felt the need to rant about the strange dreams i've been having i guess)

my dreams have all been very strange lately.. they go from being something really cool to switching to something that terrifies me later in the same dream. the strange part is.. a lot of my more recent ones have been in a similar setting. last night i dreamt my mom was driving me to california...? i don't understand why we were driving and not flying.. but the highways we were on were super high up in the air. then we stopped at a grocery store and my mom passed out in the elevator?? i remember being really scared. and the elevator looked unfinished and sketchy. it's strange.. the part i remember most of it is that elevator, there were boxes off to the side and a bunch of strings looked like they were holding it together.. but as i was about to drag my mom out of the elevator she woke up and we went grocery shopping as normal...? i remember being extremely paranoid and dysphoric because i had no makeup on, (i have absolutely terrible acne that no cream has been able to treat) then i guess we went home and i grabbed my earbuds.. then my grandma was alive watching my siblings? they were a lot younger, and yet i was the same age.

another time i had a similar dream, my mom and i were driving on a really high up glass road i think it was? when we got to the airport our tickets had expired and we couldn't get on the plane. i forgot where we were going though, i remember being really disappointed i think?

i could go into more detail about other dreams, and i've had, i guess that's why it's a little alarming? i've had a bunch of dreams very similar to each other, not all of them have been super recent though.