gentle dragon wrote:um hi! im facing some pretty nasty relationship anxiety right now. on the 26th im going to a fair with my boyfriend of almost a year now and uh.. im horrified. he hasn't seen my face for almost a year, we haven't spoken face to face for almost a year and what if he doesnt like me anymore like that? what if he remembers how i really am and just realizes that im not worth it? he is so amazing and nice but what if he's just playing me? im scared that im gonna mess up too..
how do you learn to be.. yourself? around your partner without ruining everything?
Do you get professional help for your anxiety? In the long run, that's going to help you a lot more than some answers on the internet.
Look up CBT or try some (guided) meditation. These are good ways to calm down and re-focus your energies/cope in positive ways when feelings like this come up and you can't get rid of them.
You should also try just consciously confronting these anxieties. One good way to do this is come up with the best case scenario, the worst case scenario, then use these to figure out what the middle case/ground scenario is. The most likely thing to happen is that middle scenario. So, for example: worst case: he sees you and loses all feelings for you. Best case: he sees you and realizes he's desperately in love with you and never wants to leave you again (if that's what you want, maybe even he proposes if that's your dream). Middle ground: he sees you and his feelings remain the same towards you (and is likely just happy to finally see your face again). The best and worst cases are extreme scenarios and less likely to help. That's one way to help rationalize through your fears.
And you know what, if this does turn out to be a bad/worse case scenario, then you dodge a bullet and he's not worth any more of your time. You learn how to handle yourself for next time and you face life, knowing you escaped a bad situation and have much more
good waiting for you.
As for you messing up, you know what? Messing up is a part of life. It happens. To everyone. All the time. We all mess up. We figure out how to fix it (a sincere and real apology goes a long way), then we move forward and try again. That's just life. It's human to mess up. Sometimes small, sometimes big. It's just a part of living, though. It's not some huge deal that's gonna mess up your life or knock you totally off course.