by Gladis » Thu May 03, 2018 1:32 pm
As strange as it sounds, my sadness disappeared overnight.
A while back, I woke up one morning & felt peaceful on the inside for the first time in like... Forever. The thunderstorm inside my head had finally cleared.
I wanted to improve myself instead of constantly pointing out my flaws. I've significantly improved these past few months. I stopped impulsively eating & I started working out again, which helped me shed the few pounds I've gained in the past year or so.
I can't really explain this feeling... I just feel so happy for no reason at all?? I want to live again instead of just survive. The idea of living used to sound so miserable to me, but now it just excites me. I am SO happy to be living this beautiful life. As I try to go back to the happier days, I realize that I never expected to miss the little parts of my old life so much. But now I'm back to running in the rain, dancing in front of the mirror, shamelessly singing at the top of my lungs in the car, camping in the backyard with friends, partying, & feeling the confidence I always lacked. I even started a list of goals for next semester (for starters, it's: be more fashionable, be more confident, participate in more activities & clubs, work out daily, keep my hair healthy, & learn how to do better makeup lmao)
As my numbness fades, I start to focus on taking care of myself more. I feel like I lost my identity once my depression overtook me. I lost passion in everything, & I stopped doing the little things that make me happy. For the past few years or so, I really wasn't me because the me I know was happy & had lots of love to give. The person I became was filled with so much hatred & negativity that it sank me deeper & deeper into my depression. But I'm back now after being lost for so long! I'm the person who made her coworkers & manager laugh. I'm the person who always made her friends smile when they were going through a hard time. I'm the person who was able to make a lasting impression to everyone she talked to. I'm the person who was able to bring happiness to a lot of people, & I am glad to be that person again.
((Even though a small part of me is afraid that I'll go back to being sad & hopeless for the years that follow, but I know that I am strong.))
Last edited by
Gladis on Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:45 am, edited 1 time in total.