dear e,
i love you, you've known this since the sixth
of march last year, our technical anniversary
was over a month ago, i shouldn't keep our
"new one" on february fifteenth or whatever,
however,
you feel you don't do enough for me when
you always make my world, i mean, literally?
i'm always afraid i'm not enough for you though.
--
dear l,
i love you as well, i'm sorry i don't spend enough
time with you anymore, i'm sorry i never cooperate
with your goofy expressions whenever i'm sad.
i'm afraid to tell you so many things behind my
fake mask i only wear for you to make you happy.
i'm also sorry life decided to beat you until you
became so corrupted with sadness, crying everyday
from the pain mentally and physically, i wish i
could be there for you more.
i wish i could break your fall everytime your crisis
hits you late at night when m leaves for work. instead,
i let you be because i know you'd break worse if i saw
you in that state,
i take so much like you, don't i?
--
dear r,
i don't think, even being as positive as i can be, can say
i can't despise you for who you are.
i give you an aggressive text to show you i'm not as little,
i don't tolerate your behavior and then you tell me we
"need to talk honey" when you know how you act, know
what you could be doing for me, ka, ko, and ky,
instead you make up an excuse for your workshop you
never deserved in the first place, glass bottles sitting in the
recycle bin, it's a shame, who's going to take that out for you
when you make a mistake again?
--
dear m,
i don't understand our relationship, you're so hard to understand
behavior wise. you go from passive, all the way down to the floor
boards of aggressive. you're loud, and you can be so obnoxious to
me, yet you give me all this life advice and help me when i throw
the ball down the lane.
i think i despise you for the lack of compassion you have, how you
try and manipulate it but you don't have any, like you've been broken?
maybe since we're actual polar opposites, that's why i hate you.
that has to be it. right?
--
dear future self,
had to get to you eventually hon, listen, toughen up and get some
serious muscle if you constantly fight yourself. you can't solve everything,
stop overstressing yourself before you end up with that whole two month
art and writing block again, and lose all motivation and become a sore
loser again.
go make some plans and spend a good birthday with your partner while
you can before time runs out. seriously, it sucks being lonely.