keep on forgetting │ one on one w/ butter

[Butter Dragon]

Chiko blushed at her remark. He didn't want to eat, but he didn't want to offend her. Well, at least for a while he could feign post-fight nausea, till that was a no longer viable option. Being left alone in her living room was the worst feeling ever. He immediately felt like an intruder, like he shouldn't be there, and his emotions became so wild he nearly got up and left. Luckily, Robyn wasn't gone long enough to let that happen. "I-I what?" he stammered, lifting his hand to touch the tip of his ears where Robyn's hand has just been. What was that about? Had his ears always been like that? He didn't recall ever having pointy ears but... well maybe he just never noticed? "Uh, yeah," Chiko murmured, before clearing his throat, "we should probably get started." He stuffed the band-aids back in his bag and traded them for paper and a pencil.

The next period of time was devoted to school and Robyn forcing him to snack on various sweets. Two and a half hours of snacking on foods you may as well be terribly allergic two eventually amounted to one thing; Chiko running up the stairs, half tripping, to the bathroom in order to vomit it all up. He felt bad leaving without a word, but nausea overrode the guilt of leaving her alone. He slammed the door behind him, accidentally, and slumped down by the toilet.

{again I sincerely apologize for the short length, I promise I'm trying}

[parker;]

──── ( R O B Y N ! ! ! )

He'd disappeared again, in the same fashion as his disappearance during lunch. With a rough sigh Robyn pushed their near-finished schoolwork aside, her glance shifting back down to his bag. There had to be some sort of information in there, something to make her feel like she could be capable of understanding half of what was going on her her life. Without hesitation she reached in, pulling out the rough journal before flipping through the pages.

The begging was rather confusing, although it would make sense if he'd received it as a gift. The more she read the stranger everything became. He was always hungry, but couldn't eat normal food. His guilt from feeding on people. Feeding? Robyn found herself holding her breath as she flipped through the pages. Her eyes darted between words riddled with guilt, the fears of being discovered without a home, and a vow to see how long he could go without feeding. The next page was from the same day she'd been admitted to the hospital, the same day she'd been attacked.

There were footsteps that grabbed her attention, pulling her gaze from the book to stare at Chiko. Part of her wanted to run, but there were also forces telling her to hug him and tell him how everything was going to be okay. Instead she couldn't move, her breath was being held captive in her throat as she waited for a response.

[Butter Dragon]

okay, okay, Chiko sighed, I think I'm okay. He wiped his mouth and stood up, looking in the mirror. He didn't look... okay he looked pretty bad. But he felt better after that, and that at least was something. He made his way down the stairs, more slowly than he had gone up it and looked up to meet Robyn's eyes only when he reached the bottom step. The look on her face said everything. He didn't have to look down, didn't have to see his journal in her hands, to know what was going on. That was the look of someone who was afraid, someone staring at their natural predator. His mouth immediately got filled with cotton, his fingertips began to shake. He never thought he'd see that look again. He'd only seen it once, but he thought he'd forgotten what it felt to be looked at like that.

Her expression spoke volumes but his was simply blank. He didn't know how to respond. She hadn't said anything, and he wouldn't know how to respond anyway. He wanted to leave, to run, to leave everything there and never come back. But he couldn't move. His legs were stiff, his mind racing as his soft eyes searched hers. "I'm sorry," were the only words he murmured, barely above his breath. It was then that his legs failed him. He had no right to cry, but he did anyway. He wished that Robyn's name had never met his lips. That he'd never come here, to this city, at all.

[parker;]

──── ( R O B Y N ! ! ! )

She hadn't expected him to cry, she'd expected him to yell at her, to criticize her for looking into his personal life without his permission. She hadn't expected him to apologize either, she hadn't expected to watch him fall to his knees, nothing like this had ever become anything more than some fantastical illusion in her mind. An illusion that had shattered, pieces of it melding with other illusions to form a reality.

Her hands were shaking as she stood up, leaving the journal there as her feet touched the cool floor, stopping just before his crumpled form. Robyn slowly bent down, kneeling across from him before wrapping her arms around his shoulders. His apology was all the evidence needed, and yet it didn't seem like he could be capable of anything like this. She felt tears brimming in her eyes as she whispered, "You don't have to be sorry," and "You were just doing what you had to," in an effort to reassure him.

Robyn could already feel that her mind was set, that she wouldn't fear him or whatever he could become. Her forehead was resting on his shoulder now, tears dripping off of her face as she held her breath. Finally she released it, a soft yet bitter chuckle preceding her forgiveness. "I don't want you to be sorry..." Undoubtedly Chiko was blaming himself for everything that happened to her, the hospital, the fighting, the alienation. These were all things he would have been subject to either way, and what had happened to her was simply the means of getting attention. That's all it could have been.

[Butter Dragon]

"No!" Chiko yelled, tears filling his eyes and streaming down his face. He shoved her away from him and swallowed a shaky breath. "Hate me! Yell at me! Do anything but this!" He squeaked, voice cracking at least three times in the explanation. Why did she have to be so pure? Why couldn't she be like Shay? He wouldn't feel half as bad as it had happened to him. But Robyn seemed to not even care. That look initially suggested that she did, but it had quickly turned to trying to console him.

Chiko rubbed his eyes, leaning back against the wall, the tears slowly stopping. He felt suddenly numb. It was as though all of his emotions had been drained. Lunch, the entire day, the fight earlier, and now this. He couldn't take it anymore, so instead, he just shut down. His face drained of color and he closed his eyes, trying to breathe. "I'm sorry Robyn," he sighed, as the last of the tears ran down his cheeks. "I ruined your life, Robyn, everything's my fault," The words sounded like they were meant to elicit pity, and as soon as they were said he realized that fact, "A-and I don't want you to feel sorry for me!" he yelped, hoping his words were making some sort of sense.

"You're right Robyn, I do have to do this. But it's not always like this," He looked up, gesturing to her head, "I was dumb. I tried to pretend that I could stop, that-that could be anyone other than who I am. And because of my stupidity and selfishness, I-I stole everything from you, Robyn. Everything. You don't remember your friends, your past, you don't even remember your parents!" Chiko shook his head once again, hugging himself instinctively. That was all he'd ever had, his own pitiful hugs. It was all he deserved anyway.

[parker;]

──── ( R O B Y N ! ! ! )

Yelling, she hated yelling. It had happened when her parents had finally decided to visit her, screaming at her in fear and rage when she was unable to name them. Her eyes widened despite her attempts to keep a calmer composure, her arms flying out behind her to prevent her head from hitting the floor. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks now, her lungs taking in shallow breaths then allowing that breath to hitch in her throat.

There was a point where she couldn't take it anymore, her eyes glazed over with fear as her body began to shake. She could hardly muster the courage to speak, and even then all that came out was a shaky, "P-Please stop....." Her legs moved against her will, followed by the rest of her body as she dashed up the stairs. She ran into the first room she saw, her bedroom. Without thinking Robyn locked the door behind her, darting into a corner hidden in her closet. She pulled clothes on their hangers in front of her as some sort of barrier between her and the yelling.

She was still shaking, a blanket having been pulled over her head as her form crumpled up, a futile attempt to comfort herself. She didn't want to be alone, she wanted to be anything but alone and yet here she was. Locked in a closet trying to wish away anything that could have forced this upon her. Her heart was still racing, although she could feel herself calming down. That was until a sense of dread set in, the fact that the one person she actually knew probably hated her. Well no, she also knew the three bullies who had tormented them throughout the day. Still shaking she began mumbling, "I'm so sorry," to herself over and over again, even if it was entirely meant to comfort someone else.

[Butter Dragon]

Chiko whimpered as Robyn ran up the stairs. He'd ruined everything. Again. He didn't follow her, not right away, though he did watch to see which room she into. He grabbed the first writing utensil, a purple pen, and a piece of paper, they were still out from the project and began writing. 'Robyn, I'm sorry. For everything.' No. No that wasn't right. It was true, but they weren't the words he was looking for. I wish I could take everything back. But I can't. He shook his head, growling at his own inability to say what he was feeling. You're right to be scared of me. Not because I want to hurt you, but, because I can't stop myself. Tears formed in his eyes as he wrote the line. He couldn't say that, he couldn't scare her more with what sounded (as he re-read it) like a threat. You don't have to forgive me, I don't expect you to,

He spent a solid seven minutes lost in the words he couldn't write. In the end, the mostly scribbled letter was something he thought was somewhat presentable. But he knew that the emotions he felt could never be relayed through his own pen. Robyn, I'm sorry. For everything. I wish I could take everything back. But I can't. You're right to be scared of me. Not because I want to hurt you, but, because I can't stop myself. I'll never be able to fix my problems, and I can't make it better, as much as I want to try. But if what you want from me is to leave, I will. I promise. I'll quit school, you'll be paired with someone else and you'll never have to deal with me again..
I didn't mean to make you cry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. But I don't know if you want me to leave, and I don't want to leave you alone so... I'll just sit outside your door unless you tell me to leave... He sighed, it would have to do. He lifted himself from the floor and went up the stairs slowly. "Robyn," he said quietly, with a small knock on her bedroom door, "uh, I'm just gonna slide something under your door okay?" He didn't wait for a response, he simply knelt down and slipped the paper under the bedroom door. With that, he slid down on the wall beside her room and waited.

[parker;]

──── ( R O B Y N ! ! ! )

Her odd sense of meditation was broken by Chiko's knocking. She took a minute to stand up, her bare feet hardly making sound until she stooped to pick up the piece of paper. It took her a bit longer than expected to read through the handwriting, both from putting together pieces of the scratched out words and what it seemed he meant to say. She sighed softly, lowering herself to the point where she was sitting next to her door, her chin on her knees and one hand sticking out from under the crack.

A few minutes passed in silence before she tipped her head back and softly murmured, "You didn't do it on purpose did you..." Her head moved to lean against the door, emitting a dull thud when it first made contact as she continued with, "A-and I don't want you to leave..." No, Chiko was the only person she actually knew now, or the only person she could talk about her problems with. She'd tried telling her doctors how nothing felt like it was getting better, and now her fears had been confirmed. It was a worst case scenario, but it was better than allowing a spark of hope to keep on dwindling in her life. Or so to speak, it was better than forcing herself to live in some lie meant to keep her safe.

Slowly she stood up, flicking the brass nob on her door as a corresponding click signified the disabling of the lock. She could only bring herself to crack it open, her hand drifting away from the nob as she swallowed then said, "Y-you can come in if you'd like..."

[Butter Dragon]

"I-I didn't. It was an accident," he murmured as an answer to her question, hearing the lock disengage but not moving right away to open the door. He wasn't sure he could face her, it was easier to talk to a disembodied voice through the door. Chiko sighed, he'd never done it before but for once he had to explain himself. "I..." he took a deep, shaky breath and began the moment of giving answers that he never thought would happen. "I tried to stop, Robyn. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't make it past one month before it happened. I only woke up when it was too late. I was in the parking lot, holding you with..." he stuttered and wiped his eyes, the painful memory bringing back the emotions he'd wanted to forget. "With my fangs in your neck. The bruises had already formed, they'd just think you got hit by a care or jumped or... It didn't matter. And that's the truth, it didn't matter. This is my life, Robyn, and I'm sorry you had to be a part of it."

[parker;]

──── ( R O B Y N ! ! ! )

Her breath was slowing, returning to a soft intake followed in suit by her exhalation. She sank down next to the door again, lying the sheet of paper next to her. She didn't say anything for a moment, she didn't move, she didn't even open her eyes. Instead the simply lay there, her eyes closed as the events formed one act, one brief moment that changed her life. She knew people who would claim that it had ruined it, undoubtedly Chiko would claim that his actions had ruined her life. Robyn sighed softly to herself, forcing the thoughts that he could have ruined something out of her mind as he finished his brief story. No, even if he had drastically changed her life... he hadn't ruined it.

The next part of the conversation would have been made up of her throwing various questions at someone who was probably traumatized, but at this point the more scientific part of her mind forced her to look for proof. She was going to ask him how she could be expected to believe him, but couldn't. That would only make things worse. She rubbed her eyes, which were still red from her bout of crying. Robyn took the sheet of paper along with a pen and scrawled something on the blank side. Finally she spoke, softly mumbling, "If you woke up after it happened then it wasn't you..." she took in another breath before finishing. "...And I don't mind being part of your life... it's probably more exciting than whatever my old one was..." Her hands moved to pull the blanket over head head and face, as if it would protect her from possibly ruining any chance she had of getting Chiko to stop blaming himself. "A-And I also know that you said that you wanted be to do anything but this... but even if you don't want it you have my forgiveness... on one condition," her hand slipped the paper under the door again, the words Don't leave me written on the blank side in light blue ink.