Woo boi this gonna be interesting. plbllblbth you don't need to reply to this i mostly just wanted to rant.
aight so back last year I was friends with this guy we'll call J. J was my friend along side a few others, and he and I grew to be close within the group. Eventually, the was Drama where someone will start a rumor about so and so liking whoever, and we all just kinda played along with it. The someone turned it into a who would make the best couple, and in a group of about 10 close friends there were a lot of combinations. However, almost everyone jumped on J and i saying we'd make the best. We laughed it off and continued with the night.
However, later that night when i was back home, J texted me basically asking if i would be willing to give it a try. He had an entire paragraph about how he had a crush on he since forever and how he wanted to be with me, but i had never felt that way. Either way, i decided to give it a try.
We we're dating for a whopping 4 days before he gave me a promise ring. I immediately turned it down and said something along the lines of 'dude what' and he stuttered something about having bought this for his ex and she broke up with him before he could give it to her and he wanted to give it to me before i broke up with him. that just amplified the 'dude, WHAT' but i brushed it off.
over the course of our relationship, we were idolized within our friends. Being called the 'golden gays' and such (which i actually found kinda hilarious), and i think that put a lot of pressure on him to step it up.
J started planning elaborate dates, knowing full well i hate going out to places. i instead offered alternatives, like staying in with a movie marathon, which he accepted and enjoyed. He was mostly putting on a show for our friends. i was fine with that, i had always known he could be easily swayed by others opinions.
eventually though, he started getting more and more 'desperate'. He would want to do typical couple stuff and intimate stuff and long term stuff just a bunch of stuff i wasn't ready for, and didn't think i would ever be ready for. the last 4 months i had yet to develop any feelings romantically. of course, i was close to him now, on a more intimate level but nothing romantic. this is when i started to think about breaking up, and he could tell.
after that, he started always going on and on about how devastated he would be if i broke up with him to the group chat. our friends immediately jumped to comfort him, saying how i would never do that. it was disheartening.
I rounded two of my closer friends in a private chat and explained my predicament. they said they could tell how unhappy i was in the relationship, and told me to go for it. we planned for 2 months about different ways to break the news.
eventually, J just walked up to me and asked "are you going to break up with me?" I said yes and explained how i wasn't able to provide him the attention and love he needs. He basically just nodded and walked away.
We remained friends, but significantly less close. I was fine, even glad to have a bit of distance. all was well and balance was resorted. for maybe a month.
then J got a boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for him moving on, but a month? really? and this is an online relationship, he's known the guy for maybe a week before they started dating. All our friends were wary, but supportive. then things started getting worse, the guy he's dating turns out to be 5 years older, and planning on whisking J away from his home and going to live together a plane's ride down south. Our friends were silent.
now, I can see he's mentioning his boyfriend to get to me. He'll casually mention how his boyfriend and him have Skype dates and how they've planned their future, even one very awkward conversation about how intimate they've gotten. I just want him to be happy and move on, but i know i cant with words, he'll deny or twist anything i say.