Ahhh, fresh(ish) thread smell!
Moving on to the point.
I know I'm not making any sense, but I really needed to say this.
Ever since mid-2017, around when I had my first panic attack, everything's felt off, like I'm not in my body, or the universe is playing some strange, cruel joke on me. It's starting to feel more and more like I'm slipping into some dark world, intead of feeling like there's this cold, damp towel over everything like I've had before then.
I've wondered if my mom cares about me for the longest, feeling sadenned by knowing I'm definitely not the favorite, and I feel like it's justified too!
My lack of a social life probably isn't helping any if this, it could even be causing this, but I've never had the motivitan, social skills, or even just the self-worth to get one.
I've just had this weird feeling in my stomach, and in later 2017 I'd feel like in was dying or dreaming, sometimes I still feel like I'm just in a dream and will wake up at any moment.
Occasionally I get the feeling what I'm doing has happened before, and will end badly, I think it's anxiety despite not being formally diagnosed.
I feel like there's more to all of this, however.
But I finally got this off my chest, especially after rewriting this post!
Advice appreciated.
Note: I rewrote this for clarity, although I still feel like I'm being unclear.