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💔Dear Hannah,
I honestly don't know what to do to to get you to listen to me,I've given up trying to make it up to you.This isn't my fault,this time I'm not to blame,you won't take responsibility for your actions,I don't understand why you can't just get over yourself.
When you blocked me it felt as if you stabbed me right through my heart,my heart isn't as cold as you think it is.
Why does the years of friendship now mean nothing to you?Tell me what I have done wrong.It hurts a lot and I can't seem to put you out of my mind.
I sit here writing this full of anger and sadness,I don't want to cry over this,I know you would laugh at me if I did.I'm a tough and somewhat careless guy,you know that,that's probably why you never asked if I was okay or how I was.You asked the same things to Anna,because she showed her pain and I do not.
I'm supposed to be the strong one,the joker,the reckless bad boy,but I don't think I can be tough anymore.Our falling out has also partly led to me falling out with Joanna,she keeps bring up you,she's saying its all my fault,but its not,no one believes in me.
Today I was looking through my phone,I came across a few pictures from our Sherlock Tour.
Damn just started crying,I'm ashamed of myself.
It made me think back to when we seemed to own the world,we got up to so much,we had so many memories,good and bad. Remember Trevor,he was one of the first memories that we got to make.
I think this also hurts because we could have been something else,maybe.
We were literally inseparable back in the day,we were the king and queen of inside jokes.Jokes that never failed to make us laugh,but thinking about them now just hurts.
Remember all the times with "Jack",that's really what brought us together,that weird obsession we had,we would plot,scheme and follow him around.Ah,those were the days.
I regret apologising,I'm kicking myself now for apologising to you because I wanted to keep in touch,because I needed someone to talk to you,but you don't understand that,you never will.
I've started crying again,I'm angry at myself again for letting my emotions overcome me.You know I'm proud of my "stiff upper lip" mentality which is at the moment non existent.
I know I have to move on,but I can seem to only do that if I understand why you hate me.I need to understand why,but I won't get the chance.
It's 1:15 right now,you know I'm not much of a sleeper,I should be binge watching some tv show,but I'm not,I'm writing this stupid letter about the things I'll never get to tell you.
Its sad to think you mean so much more to me than I mean to you,god that hurts.
This is the end of the letter,its nearly 2:00 and I'm not finished,but I need to end somewhere
from you boy,always,Callum.
(Written over 24 hours ago)
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❤️Dear Eli,
God,I love you Eli.It might not be true love but I do love you.I honestly don't know what I would do without you.You are pretty much my only friend.One day I hope we can meet properly.You are the cutest and sweetest boy I have ever "met" and I just want you to be happy.
I know you don't feel the same way,that's okay.
Love from Cal.
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