TheComfortCorner | V.7

[minizerkah]

im honestly in so much fear and pain
having like numerous health issues at once and being as paranoid and panicky as myself is actually awful and scary
im already half failing school due to the issues like

im just so scared about what if one of the problems is actually really serious and im screwed
already been through a few panic attacks with just that one single thought

thanks stomach pains and constant coughing for putting the cherry on top of my anxiety

[GreyScale]

Just a rant...
I don't know what to do anymore...
I am having a really hard timer with school. My parents treat me like trash and I get told everyday,
Why can't you be more like your sister?
Why do you always screw things up?
What's wrong with u?
And now they also want to get divorced. I have been suffering depression for who knows how long and CS has been my only escape. My mother makes me do stupid 4h and go to these teen activities at my church and she always says 'you will be with your friends and have fun' WHAT FRIENDS!?! they are just people who hate me and I am forced to hang out with them. I dont even have a friend. I don't know what do with my life anymore...

[rat pack]

Honestly I don't know what to do. I want to get out of this place, but I can't. I don't have a reason to. Nobody would ever take me seriously, and help me leave. She blames me for her alcoholism, and it's not my fault. I feel as though I'm getting verbally abused, but no one can help me. I'm stuck.

[~ moth ~]

just a rant about stupid teen stuff down below.

there's just a bit going on in my life which has got me down. for one, school. i'm more than halfway into my sophomore year of high school and it sucks. the workload can be too much at times, though i thankfully am able to keep my grades up with b's and a's ((one c though >-<)). but it's overwhelming having several tests on the same day, one after the other. i am slowly failing my foreign language class. why does german need have have twenty forms of the? unneeded.

but the workload is just the half of it. the other half is that i'm so lonely. i have nobody to talk to. i have no friends to turn to. i sit alone during lunch and my free periods. sometimes i'm told to just walk up to someone and say hi. i just can't do that. i have horrible social anxiety. i can't just walk up to a stranger and say hi. the thought makes my heart beat so much faster than it should. it feels like a cannon going off every second, trying to burst from my chest to free itself.

another thing is that in my german class the teacher likes for us to do skits. she doesn't assign the groups, she let's us pick them. i'm always left groupless. i tell her that i don't have a group and she stares at me like i'm a freak. she just tells me go pick a group. make some friends. i wish it were that simple for me. trying to talk to strangers is impossible. it's as if i'm walking in an inferno, my whole body on fire, yet i'm shivering as if stuck atop a snow capped mountain. my hands get clammy and numb. tears well in my eyes, daring to stream down my face. it's just not a pretty sight.

i don't fit into any clique either. i'm no athletic, far from it, i'm not artistic or musically inclined. i'm not the smartest nor am i rebellious. i'm just average. i get average grades. i like average things. i'm an average person. and because of that, my introversion, and anxiety i am alone. i feel like i'm trapped on a deserted island with no way to leave. sharks swim around the circumference, keeping me trapped in isolation. i have no way to communicate for help. i have no way to signal my location. but in the distance i can see land with so many people, so many faces and voices. it's just so out of reach.

here's where things get super teen problem-y. there's this guy that i've had a crush on since literally the first grade. at some point i told him i liked him, though he didn't reciprocate the feelings. at least, he never said he did or didn't like me that way. i may have written him a letter because of my horrible social anxiety that he never responded too.

the problem is there's this girl, a "friend" of mine. don't know how i met her. i just kind of know her. sixth grade she was my only friend. totally dumped me, screwed my social anxiety up even more than it had been. each year though from seventh grade to now she becomes my friend again then screws me over at some point in the school year. at first i played into her game and forgave her for her actions. eventually i just gave up. i'm too polite to tell her off so i deal with her crap. i have been her emotional dumpster for a few years. i let her trash pile atop my shoulders. i let her put me down. i did nothing to stop her. i drifted away from the guy i like. i closed myself off from anybody, going on auto pilot mode, turning my emotions off. i became a robot in the midst of a vast ocean of hate and spite. i floated on a raft of twigs which were breaking apart.

lately for the past few months she and him have gotten close. she asked him to the sadie hawkins dance, which she had also done last year when i actually called her out on her b-ness in which i also wrote her a letter because i'm not good at confrontation. to spite her i even attended the dance with my older sister and her friends. i didn't go well. i didn't go this year. but this year she rubbed it in my face. she sat with him on the bus, walked with him to homeroom and classes. yesterday for valentines day he got her a box of chocolates. and now today during homeroom i see them down the hallway. they're hugging each other. he spots me sitting in my homeroom staring at them and scurries off. then that b has the audacity to come to me in math class and act all buddy buddy. again, unable to yell at her how much i hate her guts, i smile through the anger boiling inside my brain and emotionlessly eat up her stupid words which, as always, are of her complaining about her problems. my raft had finally broken and i sunk down into the dark, cold, and churning waters of the ocean. sharks attacked my heart, ripping it apart with their sharp and ferocious teeth.

on the bus i refused to talk to her. she made a pouting face at me and said somebodies sad. in my head i was screaming i'm not sad, i'm mad. i hate you so much! you don't even understand. for four years my hate for you has been building up! with many, many profane words mixed in. i kept a blank face and just stared ahead out of the window. i understand that it isn't her fault that she and him got together. it was my fault because i never made a move, but i'm just a kid. i don't get why teens think they need to have a significant other. but this, the way she went about things, hurt me. it's like she gets pleasure out of my silent suffering.

i don't know what to do now. how to i confront her about how much she has hurt me? she'll just turn everything on me like she always does. it's somehow always my fault. i guess what i think doesn't matter. i'm too much of a pushover. people use me and i do nothing about it. i can't when i have no voice to speak out with.

well, thank you for reading through my emotional trash about teen problems. i just needed to get this out somewhere. my emotions have just been bubbling and broiling for years now and it has been nice being able to let it loose somewhere other than my own head. again, thank you.

sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, i have never been the best at spelling or grammar >-<

[M0rute]

pms are open. please, PLEASE talk to me. i promise you that i will do EVERYTHING in my power to make your feel better, and reassure you that everything is okay. love you all, once more, pms are open !!

[ashton.]

i could use a pm....
it's probably just really stupid, but i need to get something out.

[Spearow]

mention of pet death

I had an okay day today, I was feeling good most of the day. But of course when it gets dark and i get tired, my inner demons make themselves known. I can't get Elliot out of my mind today, my cat I had to put down a few months ago. I just feel so awful, and miss him so much. Just remembering them shaving his little leg and holding him down makes me feel sick. And his little cry is burned in my mind, the last thing he saw was me letting people hurt him. He must have felt so scared and confused. I feel so terrible, it hurts so much. He was so young and I just feel so awful not being able to save him. My heart hurts so much. xc

[Skiv]

hello trauma, not good to see you again

[Guest]

i feel rly stupid & sad & anxious right now
but i'm still trying my best to get better
just need time & i will

also i wish my parents wouldn't argue sm
fgdgffffd,ggfgv i dont evn want to think abt them right now i hate when they yell at each other & we were probably going to go out for dinner tmr but now i just want to avoid them bc they're going to be angry at each other tmr.. i feel sort of alone & stuck

just. feelin awful but i'm still recovering & getting better i know it
pretty tired frm crying so hopefully tomorrow will b better

[skyline]

my impatience is so bad it legitimately starts stressing me out, i'm sure
it doesn't sound like such a big issue, and it's not compared to what other
people are going through, but it's just a mix of between being afraid something
will happen within the time to prevent you from going, being afraid of
hyping yourself up for it, and then just realizing how long it'll be which
makes you just sit there and want to fall into a void or smth, and while
you wait it's so insanely hard to pass time. knowing how many months
you have to wait makes everything just seem so much slower, everything

seems more dangerous, because you want to go so bad, you always assume
the worst, always assume something will happen. that my friends is my
lovely mix between ocd and anxiety. it's absolutely dreadful, and in any
case, if you actually happened to tell anyone about it, they'd think you
were simply over exaggerating, being impatient, and just not take it
seriously,,, i don't want to sound like some edgy kid but, it just feels
like nobody actually understands the disorder, and it just gets irritating
not being able to talk to anyone about it because of that reason, i'm
not necessarily talking about like over the internet, but even my mom

for example, she's actually quite understanding and just gets a lot. but
when my intense ocd and anxiety clash, it's even hard for her to understand
fully. i don't blame her though. i really don't blame anyone who doesn't
get it because it really is difficult to understand if you don't have it.