by threezeum » Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:23 pm
hi. maybe its a good idea for me to post here.
so lately, ive been feeling really self conscious about my body and my looks.
i guess it started around december, when one of my really skinny and pretty friends
called herself fat and ugly. she might not have meant it, but i took it really personally.
i knew i wasnt skinny or pretty, but somehow after that, i started seeing myself really
differently. over the winter breaks, i tried really hard to lose weight. i had managed to
lose 2 kg, but then my mom forced me to eat this stupid feast on christmas and on new
years day so i gained more weight than i lost. so when school started again, all my friends
had somehow gotten skinnier and prettier than they already were and i just gained more
weight. around january, i started developing eating problems and dieting issues. im pretty
sure i have mild anorexia now. my friends have all been urging me to eat, and im sick of it.
i know they just want the best for me, but they cant just stop me from doing something.
"youre not fat", they say. easy for them, theyre pretty sticks. they were born that way,
and their lives are all sunshines and rainbows. no matter what they eat, theyre still skinny.
today was horrible. valentines day is honestly my least favorite holiday. all the candy, and
chocolate, and sweets and food. my friends were all pooling their candy together and
splitting it evenly among themselves, and i was just on the other side of the classroom being
all depressed and stuff. i hate it. today at school the student council organized a movie and
handed out popcorn while we watched spiderman in the caf. i didnt eat any, but my friends
legit ate bags and bags of food. im jealous. i hate them for being pretty and skinny. i know its
super selfish and rude of me, but i cant help it.
a hug would be great :'(