Whispering Moon wrote:Random rant// idk what I'm doing with my life
So in art class we had this project about the blue and rose periods and we had to choose a period and draw something in the period's style. I chose the blue period and when the teacher realized she started yelling excessively about how I seem so happy and that she can't believe this etc. and that just really got on my nerves? Like, I'm aware of how good I am at hiding emotions but to hear it being said so bluntly just threw me off. I wish I wasn't this good at hiding emotions, then maybe people would actually bother to talk to me...
On another note, I wish people would actually be nice to me in school. Pretty much everyone in my class hates me for my "annoying personality" and they constantly insult me without realizing it (and sometimes realizing it very well and continuing). I try to ignore the insults but they still hurt me inside.
Ah there's so many things I want to change in my life but I can't I'm too scared or I don't have an opportunity and I wish there was someone I could talk to I'm so lonely
we're here as a community for you to talk to! those people are horrible, and don't let them stop you from being you. what is it you want to change? you may as well just go for it, life is so short and you never know what is around the corner. if it's a new hairstyle, go for it. want to improve your grades? revise revise revise. as for emotions, it's okay you show them easily,
it shows we are human and you're not insensitive to the world. don't let anyone stop you from being you, ever. good luck<3
Sarish wrote:dammit, I hate myself so much. So damn much. I am my own worst enemy and damn do I hate myself.
I hate myself so much that I can't allow myself to vent. Not really.
So. I'll keep this short:
I am sorry to anyone and everyone who has ever tried to compliment me or generally be nice to me. I am an ass and I like to sabotage myself and refuse or argue against a compliment. I always do this and I always sabotage myself whenever I can. They just make that self-loathing rise up like tsunami and crash down and drown me. The honesty means so much, so damn much, but then minutes (or moments) afterwards I'm beating myself up about it because I can't see myself as deserving of any of it.
I am my own worst enemy. Oh how different things could be. But they can't because everything I do disgusts me. I disgust myself and I wish I didn't, it's so damn difficult to wrestle with your mind constantly.
I am so sorry.
hello there! okay, the thing is, we all do it. everyone beats themselves up, because some thing others problems are worse or others are better than them, but as i seem to be mentioning a lot lately, no one is better than anyone. i used to live in sweden, and my family and every other person living in sweden live by "lagom". there is no direct translation, but it means that there isn't too much or too little, but everything is just right. the everything being just right is all of us. we are no better no worse,
so don't feel guilty for treating yourself like this. however, you don't deserve it. i understand what it is like to wrestle with your mind because it is so darn diddly evil, but eventually it'll get better. it all matters with baby steps. my little 'trick' i guess you could say that i tell everyone is: go look in the mirror and just stand there. think of the reflection of you, as someone else, a friend. if they started saying things about them that they hate, what would you do? would you agree with your friend? or would you say the truth and say how you think they are the opposite of what they hate, which is something you love? it's so so hard but focus on the positive. when you begin to have a mental argument, or begin thinking negative things, quickly divert your attention on to something else. i know you don't feel like it, but no one deserves that, not even you. good luck <3
✕ mistakes ✕ wrote:I’m so angry and upset with myself.
I’ve had so many ideas as to what I’m going to write
for this post but I hate them all and they never look
good when I preview them.
I’m just going to shut my mouth and not make any
more posts, people could do without my ranting &
venting.
I’ve practically quit ChickenSmoothie because many
of the players don’t know I exist
So, I’m just going to leave and pretend I never came
on to ChickenSmoothie.
hi! no, don't feel like that! there's no need to shut your mouth, this thread is here for a reason. anyone is allowed to post to vent and come here for comfort and reassurance, which is what i am here to do. so what if some players don't know you exist? if you feel happy being on this site doing what you do, then so be it. don't shut yourself down so much; you are a valid person and you have a right to feel the way you feel. please don't quit chickensmoothie though if you're doing it just for the members and not knowing you exist ?? i know you exist and see you a lot, and you're one of the sweetest members i see. if you quit, it is your decision, but i'll definitely be sad to see a member like you leave. good luck<3
kinge wrote:i'm actually about to email my math teacher to disable my parent's access to my gradesite because apparently, anything under an A+ is a fail in math.
i'm not even passionate in the subject.
i'm just scared she'll email back my parents that I told her.
i am sure your teacher hasn't allowed it because that's not part of their system. just come straight out to your parents; they may not be happy with it but at least you're being truthful and not hiding anything. i can promise you, hiding things from parents turns out with an outcome worse than it would be to just tell the truth. are you able to get extra help? or tuition from other students? maybe stay after school and talk to your teacher and ask for help in areas that you're not too confident in. i know it is a lot harder to revise for a subject you're not passionate about, but being passionate about your grades can go a long way. good luck <3
WolfsGrace wrote:i dont want to do this
i hate being stressed
out by this work
i didnt want to be
enrolled in college
im crying now because
im so stressed
but i cant drop
out my.mother
would kill me and it
would put us in even
more debt that
we cant have
i want to disappear
i cant take this
its to much
i can understand how you're feeling due to the fact i'm not happy in education either. can you talk to your mother about how you're feeling? she can help come up with alternatives and maybe you can discuss with your lecturer or if there is a careers adviser at your college. the thing that should be the biggest concern is whether you're happy or not; you clearly aren't in your happiest state and need to do what you want to do. talk to people, talking about your future can go a long long way.
good luck <3
cassafrass wrote:i've missed 4 days this year in school which isn't that bad since the school year is halfway done but still. i stayed home today and tomorrow because i've been sick and i feel so guilty for missing school. it's only 2 days but i feel like i'm a failure. i've just been doing painting for the past 42 hours which makes me feel better but it's litterally all i do. i can't find the passion to write anymore which really makes me sad. but i got some new acrylics which sounds terrible but painting and kalons is all i have right now. i've lost my reason and passion to live to everything i do either involves kalons or painting. and honestly
i'm not that even a good painter
sorry for the bad english my brain is having issues right now
that's not a fair comment, if painting is what makes you happy who cares if what you consider 'good' or 'bad' is what you are. what matters is that you're happy doing it. but don't feel guilty about missing school; you're ill. you cannot help that.
if you feel behind, email teachers asking for work to do and to help keep you on top of work, or do some extra revision. or, stay after school the rest of next week to catch up and show initiative. trust me, there are students that miss school all the time, so 2 or 4 days isn't going to make a massive difference for you, especially because you seem passionate about school. keep painting.
do what makes you happy, okay? that is all that matters. good luck<3
•Kylo Ren• wrote:Oh my goodness there are 3 police cars and 2 ambulances near me and they’re all going to the closest shop to me. I can see it and I’m terrified. I’m thinking something bad happens but I read crime a lot so I have no idea what to expect. I guess I’m just overreacting.
Omg now I hear shouting
oh no! i hope everything is sorted out now. please update me with what happened if you know!! <3
Spearow wrote:woo feeling anxious tonight about several things, maybe writing before bed will help me feel a little better, even if no one reads it.
it might seem like a lot of small stuff, but it adds up okay? qq i'll start with the smaller things first.
• i got to play with my friend earlier today on Call of Duty BlopsII, i know he was tired, because he's trying to fix his sleep schedule. he stayed up 24 hours. but he got quiet while we were online (not talking at all on his headset). so, either he got cranky because i was talking to other players, or he was genuinely tired. but he lies often. before making plans today i got a coiling of anxiety in my chest when i saw a message from him on his phone, he also has been battling depression, and i thought i was going to lose him for a while there it was so bad. so now every time i get a message from him i get so nauseously anxious/afraid to see what it says. and i know that's kind of selfish? let me just put this vaguely, we have both been through a very similar, bad experience. can't say what, but the kind that leaves you with ptsd, not like something trivial. its nice to have someone who understands what it does to your head, but mentally its just really hard for me to help him and myself through it at the same time. anyways, i always tell him good night and to sleep well. when he said he was going to get offline usually we talk a moment, but he just left. and its on xbox it showed he got on youtube. so i messaged him good night and to sleep well and he isn't responding. he just always worries me so much.
• this one isn't bothering me as much, but its just really frustrating. the last time i refilled my medicine for my anxiety attacks was in november, i have been trying to get it taken care of for two weeks. i talked to my mother today, because i got a message from the pharmacy saying my insurance needed updated. then i got a message saying the prescription was ready for pickup, so i'm like okay i can pick it up. i go there and the insurance is screwed up. so i come back to my apartment and text my mom telling her it still won't work, and i can't afford to pay full price for medication i'm in college i'm already broke. so she calls again, and says its all worked out, she called them, they said it would be ready and processed in 30 minutes. i walk to the pharmacy and hour after that conversation, and the same thing again. not working. "account deactivated". so i wait there for like an hour while they try to figure it out and they call the insurance company. then the pharmacist got fed up and hung up on the insurance company and called them useless. so i come back to my apartment after telling my mom it was still being wonky. and i get a text from my mom asking if i left the pharmacy, an hour later. an hour later? yes? i left. she wanted me to go check again because she talked to the insurance company supervisor, and like. its a controlled medication. you don't repeatedly goo to a pharmacy for a controlled medication unless you want to look like a druggie? what. and no i'm not going a third time. so of course she got mad. wut just really annoying, i still have some of my prescription from november left because i don't use the medication often, which is why i forget refills. so, its my fault, but still frustrating.
• i'm sick today, and keep hurting. i feel really bad for missing two of my classes, but i just couldn't go and my anxiety has been so bad. i feel guilty, and i love my second class so its not like it was skipping, but somehow it still feels irresponsible.
• i found out a little more about my other medical stuff going on. basically the symptom is bad internal abdominal pain. there is no cure for it, its classified as a disease but i don't wish to share which. literally the treatments are 1. heating pad on pained areas. 2. pain medicine 3. surgery. the first two don't really help? and the surgeries, there are a few options. one is very precision based, very small incision and done with a sort of a camera so they can use tiny tools. that's the safest surgery to do, but it is also the least successful in the long term. the, 'scar tissues' that are removed in the surgery, generally grow back so its a short term remedy. then the other option, is really complicated and a dangerous procedure, but the most effective. but 15% of patients have regrowth of the affected tissues. and that is if the surgery is successful and nothing goes wrong.
i was hoping surgery would help, but its likely it can make things worse or cause other problems. so its kind of grounding to be told i just have to find a way to deal with the pain because there is no 'cure'.
wow, you're going through a lot recently.
for your friend, do not stress too much. you know the days where you just don't want to talk to anyone. we all have those days where we don't want to talk because we're not in the mood. it's nothing to stress about, trust me. maybe leave it for a couple days,
just continue with your goodnight messages to show you care and tell him to message you when he's ready to talk. as for the medicine i hope it all gets sorted soon! the best thing to do with classes is if you're ill it's really best to stay home; it's not worth getting others ill and even though it may affect your attendance you can email the lecturer or see them separately and explain the situation. you can always do catch up work from other people in the class. i'm sorry about the medical stuff! how long have you been doing the first two methods? it may take a few years for them to truly start working. discuss more thoroughly with the doctor and see what they advise and talk to your mum about what she thinks is the best option to do. good luck <3caf. wrote:well lmao my irrational anxiety is back with a vengeance
so my best friend and i talk a whole lot, like, really rare that we go more than 8 hours without saying something to each other even if it's just "hey." they're usually awake before me and don't go to sleep until well after i do so it's very much habit to text each other good morning and goodnight. i should mention here we're long distance, so when something's wrong they'll usually let me know so i don't bother them and know they're okay.
anyway, all weekend long they've been really complaining about having nasty headaches that they couldn't figure out the cause of, and ive been worried especially since they rarely go to the doctor (mostly due to their parents). so last night, they didn't respond to either of my two texts (one as part of a conversation we never finished and I've just saying i love them), and they haven't responded this morning either (yeah i text a lot but again that's typical for both of us). it's been an hour and a half, which doesn't seem like a lot, but im really concerned that something's wrong.
i don't think they'd be ignoring me, i haven't done anything that would upset them and even if i did they're usually pretty good about tipping me off. i guess i just need someone to tell me that everything's fine bc im just having a really hard time convincing myself and my brain is going haywire trying to come up with explanations.
maybe their device that they use has broken? it's hard to not jump to the worst conclusion, so i can't advise much against it but if you have anyway to contact their family can you message them and ask how they are?? i hope everything is okay for you both! good luck<3
Jem.Carstairs wrote:ok. so my word document decided to quit on me right before I could turn in my french assignment and nothing worked to get it back... so now im redoing everything, past midnight, knowing its gonna be counted late anyways. *sigh*
(just needed to say this to feel better)
dedication and motivation is key! explain to your teacher what happened, if it's a one off they may be able to change the system for it to not be late?? possibly ?? i hope you finished it and it all went okay!<3
ed sheeran. wrote:im gonna fail this semester
yay
better late than never for revision! attend afterschool or during school lessons on breaks for catch ups or looking over work and if your school system does it, ask for extra credit (but i think that's only in america and i'm not too sure where you're from). ask your parents for a private tutor possibly and get yourself organised! have a folder for each lesson and dedicate at least one hour each day after school to do revision, and revise on your breaks. i hope you pass with flying colours! good luck <3
caladrius wrote:i can't do anything right. no matter what i do, it's always "the wrong thing", or "not (good) enough", or "selfish".
"you don't try hard enough to get better"
well, what do you expect me to do? magically cure myself of an illness that my doctor can't even figure out? it's not like i would like to feel better soon, no. i'm also not stressing out over the fact that nobody can tell me where this fever comes from, nope. not like i feel super bad about staying home all the time. not like i miss doing things with my friends, whom i haven't seen in over a month. not like i feel guilty for not having been at work for over a month now either. not like i'm stressing out over all of the work i can't do, all the work i will have to do, all the important thing that aren't getting done in time.
"you always say that you feel bad enough as it is"
because i do. because i actually do. just because i don't talk to you about my problems doesn't mean they're not there. just because you don't see me crying and sobbing until i can't breathe, just because you don't have any mental problems, doesn't mean that these problems are just "gone". they will never just cease to exist, they will always be there. it doesn't matter if you want them gone. hell, i would be more than happy to shake these issues off too, but that's just not how it works. and honestly? you tearing me down, complaining about how i'm "lazy" and "irresponsible" and what have you isn't helping. that's why i say that i already feel bad enough without your input. because i do. you just make me hate myself more. you make me feel more guilty and useless. like i'm a waste of space. like the world would be better off without me breathing precious air.
"you never talk to us anyway, we never see you around"
take a long hard look at yourself. listen to what you say to me. watch your own reactions. that's the only answer you need as to why i withdraw more and more from you. i hurt enough already. i struggle enough without constantly trying to please you, to be the person you want me to be. striving for your approval turned out to be one of the hardest parts of my life.
you're my father. you're married to a woman with mental illnesses. so why is it so hard for you to accept that your kid isn't alright either? why do you treat me like this? why does me crying not affect you? why do you always compare myself to you, when we're clearly not the same person? why can't you accept me for who i am?
i'm so sick of it all. i'm never good enough. i'll never be good enough. what's the point in trying anymore, really?
i am so so sorry your dad treats you like this, it's so not fair. but although you may not feel like you're not good enough to him, you are only human and you can't get EVERYONE to love you. you mean something to all of us! have you gone to the doctors about how you're feeling and your mental illnesses? what about your mum (i'm assuming you're genetically related)? can you talk to her? or if you're still in education can you talk to a trusted teacher or a school councillor? it sucks that you feel ill all the time and i definitely advise regular doc check ups. also, if you ever need a massive vent this thread, as you're aware, is ALWAYS here and my inbox is always open!! good luck, and you're valid and good enough for me <3
ghosting. wrote:i feel unwanted.
in what way? we as a community care about you so much, and you're wanted to us. the person that sees you everyday loves and cares for you, i'm sure of it. it may not feel like it, but we all love and care for you so so much and i know it is hard to remind yourself of that but you're here for a reason. we love you. and you are enough.
salmonnfishie wrote:why don't my parents just understand? they expect everything out of me, even though i'm not perfect. it's so stressful to know that i'm not good enough for them.
apparently because i'm a girl i can't act like a boy. everyone is having fun and doing whatever but when i try to join it i get yelled at because i'm a girl and thats not what they do.
they don't trust me. all i asked for is a new pet, snake most likely, and i researched it all but they dont care.
oh, boohoo to those who think people can't be themselves. that's so selfish of them. if you save up the money,
and get all the equipment and things need caring for a snake, would they let you? it's not like they would have to look after the snake? and surely they can see how responsible you are? snakes are not just for boys, heck, look at terri irwin, she looks like the perfect image with a snake. do not ever let anyone tell you what you can and can't be, you are your own person and your parents have to stop dictating your life at some point. good luck, i hope you get the snake!<3
--beryl-- wrote:Apparently I can't even get tested to see if I have bipolar disorder bc they think I'm too young when I last out at everyone every 5 seconds, and have major mood swings. My mom or sister doesn't think I have it, when s9methings terrible wrong. I did take anxiety and depressed tests, so oh boy am I exited
maybe it's best not to self-diagnose?? i know it feels like last resort but you can always go see the doctor y yourself ?? the doctor may ask if your parents know you are at the doctors or not, but if they aren't help you you have to take your own initiative, right?? maybe sit your family down and explain that you really do feel wrong and that something isn't right. everyone deserves to have their feelings heard, including you. good luck<3
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to help you smile:
list of little things - list of little things to help make you smile and be happy
cutest - cutest tumblr to help with your self esteem
smile things - cute colours and tumblr page to help you out
adorable - basically another tumblr that does the same as the ones above
to help you with anything else / distractions:
emergency compliments - if you ever feel poo, and nothing seems to cheer you up, this site is full of 'emergency compliments' which can make you laugh at how ridiculously brilliant they are.
automatic flatterer - you know what's cute about this? you put in your name, nickname, whatever (it doesn't save it) and it pays you compliment after compliment after compliment. it's the cutest idea ever.
the dawn room - do what it says. after doing that, loads of encouraging messages will come your way!
hugs - hugs is all i have to say.
thunderstorms - control them!<3
beautiful places - if you're looking for a sign, this is it. set a goal to visit one of these places. don't change that goal. you won't regret it.
how to change your life - just read it. it's amazing. too good.
player two - if you're feeling hurt or upset, visit here. it's a game. it's good.
koalas - if you're in need of a distraction that lasts a good five minutes, play this. it's fun, and if you love koalas it's even better!
stick man game - good distraction with a hopefuly message i made at the end!
just say yes - this blog was made by zoella and good for anyone who suffer with anxiety disorder, have panic attacks, depression, have social anxiety or are just a very negative or shy person this may be good for you!
random acts of kindness (video) - may make you feel all warm and gooey at how kind people are
list of things for those having a bad day!
more bad day remedies - is similar to the one above
how to love yourself - if you struggle with self esteem, pleasep lease read <3
quiet room - one of my favourite places <3
comfort box - i highly recommend looking at this because it's the most amazing idea i've ever seen
ground box - similar to the one above
to help you with panic attacks:
i have loads of things that can help with your anxiety and panic attacks.
facts !!!!:
what not to say !!! - to someone who is having a panic attack, do not say these things
facts- if you're confused about a few things
i've also made a tumblr! you can message me anonomysouly on there for advice if you don't want to post here. i also will start reblogging things (nothing triggering or sad !) so if you ever need someone, you can go to me on there! http://happinesscomeswithnoregrets.tumblr.com/
