by Raven_Stephanie » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:25 pm
dear A,
I'm so sorry I made our friendship awkward by basically falling in love with you. It wasn't my choice to love you like I did, but it happened. I can't say I'm ashamed of the outcome, but I'm not particularly proud either. The thing that hurt me the most was that you didn't love me back. Cliché, I know, but you have no idea how much it hurt. I love you, and I always will, but after two years, it's time I move on.
dear C,T,R,A (different A lol),
I'm sorry if it feels like I'm avoiding you guys. I'm just having a terrible time mentally right now, and I don't want you worrying about me. Please don't hate me for it.
dear S,
I know that I complain a lot, and I have hurt you emotionally plenty of times without realizing it, but to be honest, you should know better than to say the things you do to me. I have extreme anxiety, depression that can get insanely bad sometimes (I don't self harm don't worry) but you continue to say things that you know I take to heart. I talk to my therapist about you, sometimes, and the things you say. He understands. At least, some of it, I hope.
personal:
dear future me,
I know that when I left, it was hard. I lost a lot of close friends because I didn't keep in contact for those three months... but I also was able to make new friends. R is a silly anime nerd like me who loves memes, and she is adorable haha! M is... something else, in a good way. I met him after I left and was silently suffering those three months, and he gave me hope and courage again, something I had lacked for that entire year. Now, we've finally been able to Skype and I've finally been able to open up to him along with my family. I'm doing better than I ever was. Right now, (1/29/18), I'm not in the best mental spot right now, but I know that it will get better. it has to. Besides M, there was VOCALOID. Yes, I know what you're thinking "I'm one of those", but hear me out. Don't you ever forget that VOCALOID saved you, Pricefieldnerd. You were in such a dark, depressed state that when you found Jubyphonic and Lollia, you also found your true passion for music. You haven't done any covers yet, but by the time you read this from past me, I'm sure you'll be at least half as good as Juby.
Keep going, girl. You've got this. It doesn't matter what happened in the past; it doesn't define me. Keep living life to the fullest, and love every moment of it.
Remember, when everything feels hopeless, remember Juby and Lollia. Mom and Aunt. Grandma and Grandpa. A and R. And especially M.
Stay strong, kiddo. You can overcome the darkness, just like Chise.
Think of idols.
Chise
Raven
Lollia
Juby
Chloe
THAo3
think of the reasons to live
whether it be a new episode of your favorite anime
or because a great new song is about to be found by you
or because your cats would be sad without you
or that your grandparents would be devastated
now, remember the good times. Those can distinguish the bad times. Not always, however, but if you focus hard enough, you'll remember.
LoveIsLove
Stay strong, stay young and free, stay optimistic, stay positive.
Don't stop fighting.
quitting. I don't know why I ever came back and stayed.