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by illusion. » Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:28 am
Wow I hate myself
To all of my friends on chicken smoothie,new and old ,I am sending this message with deep regret.i will be leaving the forum as I no longer feel welcome.it is hard for me to admit to ,but know that I can do so as you are all all an amazing ,understanding group of people,I am being bullied.now I have admitted to you ,I feel more able to cope.so farewell and thanks again.
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illusion.
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by vicasterology » Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:48 am
basic. wrote:basic. wrote:i turned an entire fandom against each other
because i exposed a celebrity for making a racist comment
i started an #overparty so everyone would know what he did
and now people are attacking me,
saying that it wasn't even racist,
and just completely overlooking it.
they're all saying "block out the hate with love!!1!1"
but excuse me if i don't want to love a racist
i'm not spreading hate, i'm spreading the truth.
die mad about it.
okay update
i'm getting so much hate.
i'm being called a snake
people are sending anonymous hate to my sarahah
this girl is attacking my friends and girlfriend
i just don't know what to do honestly
i'm crying
i'm hated
i always felt safe in the editing community, and i would run to this fandom for comfort
but now i have nowhere to go
i wish this would end already
i took down all the stuff about him being a racist because he kind of apologized and said he didn't mean for it to come out that way
so i put a poll on my story asking if i should come back to the fandom
the same girl who was calling me a snake before replied to it with a really long paragraph and it basically said things like "no one wants you here to be honest" and "you don't even deserve to be in this fandom in the first place" and "you basically ruined this fandom"
the two of us went back and forth for a while (most of it was just me asking her to leave me alone)
and she said that she "wouldn't normally do things like this but she can't stand seeing hate"
so
let me get this straight
me ranting on my story about some actor with half a million instagram followers who i KNEW wouldn't watch my story (i didn't even tag him?? he's super inactive with his fans anyway) being racist means you can come directly into my dms/comments and start attacking me?? when you knew i would read every word??
i called her a bully and she said "you're just describing yourself, i'm not being a bully at all"
i had been crying since the beginning but the whole time i was sending screenshots to my friends in a group chat, and they decided they'd had enough and went off on her.
eventually we ended things, and i asked her not to bother me again.
a few hours later i got a dm from one of her friends.
she asked me to "stop spreading the word about her" and to "tell my friends to back off because this wasn't their fight"
how ironic. she was tired of my friends CHOOSING to stand up for me against her bullying so she sent her own friend on me.
i went back and forth with her for a while and in the midst of this i got yet another dm from one of the girl's friends.
she basically asked me to "stop playing the victim and accept the consequences"
all i said was "can you guys all stop?? this was settled hours ago."
the girl left me on seen and eventually i got the girl to back off
the first girl deadass told me to "never speak to my friends about this again" and i told her no because my friends would literally kill me if they found out i was being harassed and didn't tell them, plus keeping this in would be hella damaging to my mental health
eventually she stopped and i said "okay, tell that other person to (screw) off too"
and she said some more mean words before leaving.
i got a dm from the second girl saying "tell your friends to (screw) off first and we'll stop."
and that was basically all of it but i feel like they're not done because they still watch my stories and i'm scared and i feel like i'm walking on eggshells
i don't want to block them because i don't want them to think that they've won
and what's worse is that this happened all before bed, so i ended up crying myself to sleep repeating the phrase "no one wants you here"
and i'm sorry i know this was a lot to read and i post here waaaay too much but i just need a hug or something i don't know ugh
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vicasterology
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by Ancient Wind » Fri Jan 26, 2018 9:17 am
So, there was a guy that I liked and we used to be best friends until people older then him turned him into something else and ever since 7th grade he just has been becoming worse and worse. Then one day he said something not so nice and I responded back with something that was not that nice and he stopped talking to me. It still hurts me even though it was a year ago. A few days before this, I sent and email to him saying that I was sorry for all that I had said to him that made him angry or sad. And he has not responded and I see him but we still don't talk. I don't know what to do.
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by Sarish » Fri Jan 26, 2018 9:36 am
There's a snake draped across my shoulders. The poor thing.
He's heavy. He's weighing me down and he's wrapped around my throat and he's invisible. I can't get him to leave. I might name him.
My heart is warbling. Water isn't helping today.
My fingers are stiff and painful and weak. I think I'll cinch my braces up too tight so that they go numb.
The worst of it all is my own mind. The snake feeds off of it, squeezes tighters, grows heavier.
"Just tired."
Yeah.
It's not a lie, but it's not the truth either. But all you can give is sympathy, and I don't want it. It doesn't help, and I don't want you to worry.
"Tired. I feel like the world is balanced across my shoulders. I'm just going through the motions. I want to curl up and sleep and never get up. It's so hard to get up these days. I can't find a reason. I've lost my spirit. I'm not sure if the snake ate it, or if it is the snake.
But there's nothing you can do because I can't trade my brain in for a different one. I can't trade my body away. I'm stuck with me, and I am ridiculous. Stupid. Worthless. Unoriginal. Naive. Childish. Whiny. Selfish. Stupid, so damn stupid. Unskilled. Just a waste of time, a waste of space, a waste of a friend.
I'm drowning in it all. Chained in the dark in a cave at the bottom of the ocean. I suppose the snake might be an eel, then.
Just another day.
There's always tomorrow.
Always another day.
And another.
And another.
Another.
Another.
Another.
Can I just... stop? Please?
Can I just quit? Can I take my final bows and be finished? Let the curtains close. A worthless effort. One last concert alone, playing everything I've ever learned. I'll drop my bow at least twenty times. I'll crack my thumbs while trying to play and I'll let my hand drop to my side during a pause because my fingers ache. They cramp up. They light themselves on fire. And then I'll finish. That was just one song. One song is all I can manage. And then I'll take a bow and leave. I'll be done. Finished.
Please.
"You'll be fine!"
"Chin up! Your fingers are just weak. Just practice more!"
"You're just making it up as an excuse to get attention, aren't you?"
My brain is worse than my fingers, than the snake. They can stay, I don't care. I can deal with them. But let me escape from my mind. Please.
Please.
I still have so much I have to do today. So many things I am supposed to do, so many things I should do. Things I think I want to do.
But the snake is heavy and squeezing, my fingers are deteriorating, my mind is as numb as my fingers will soon be.
I can't.
But I must. I have to.
I just don't know why anymore.
I think I'll stop for a little while. Just for a bit. I'll cinch my braces and go to sleep for a bit.
Maybe I'll name the snake when I get up.
Why hello there.
I'm absolute trash and that's basically all you need to know about me.
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Sarish
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by stormy tom » Fri Jan 26, 2018 3:20 pm
I fell in love with you so long ago, screwed up our friendship so long ago, have been forgetting you for so long, so why can't you leave me alone? why do you keep popping up in my thoughts? in my dreams?
I suppose that just means that my love for you was real... and it felt wonderful. it was the most beautiful feeling I've ever had... but it hurts so badly, even after all this time.
What hurts more, knowing that you never loved me the same way, or knowing that it was me who destroyed our friendship?
I still love you... but it's time to move on.
I wish I could move on. You just won't get out of my head. I'm trying to move on, I've let you go. And I'm scared to feel like that again, I'll admit. I don't want to invest emotionally in someone else because I don't want to feel that pain.
But it hurts so much. I'm lonely. I wish I had you back. I wish I could find somebody... I feel so slow and unimportant. Am I not intelligent or beautiful enough to catch someone's eye? Funny enough to draw attention and be memorable? Sensitive and friendly enough to suggest I would make a good partner? It's been so long...
I just want love, and I need to learn to wait... but I want it so badly.
Please come back to me, talk to me. It's been two years since I saw your face, and I miss you. You were perfect to me. You are worth so much to me, even now, no matter what you did to my poor heart...
I miss you, and I wish we could be friends again.

He/They
Art by me

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by boodles » Fri Jan 26, 2018 3:49 pm
I’m the kind of person who usually keeps things bottled up, so I don’t tend to post on things like this, but lately, I’ve been feeling so alone.
It’s like everyone in my life isnt who I thought they were, or has shown their true colours lately. I just feel like no one is real, and no one understands. I feel like I’m walking among shadows. Maybe I’m the shadow, maybe it’s me who’s changed? I’m not sure, but I can’t connect with anyone in my life right now and I feel like I’m coming undone.
I’m falling apart over the littlist things, and feel so numb all the time. I have a referral to a Psychologist but can never make the appointments because of my work and classes. I just want a person to care about me.

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Always selling event tokens for 4C$ each!
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by ℋoney » Fri Jan 26, 2018 4:09 pm
im hurting
my dad comes and goes
i want him to stop
i hope it will soon
but it will hurt
it does hurt
i want him there
he needs to go
and stay gone
~~~
im hurting
what i though about a situation
was proved to be right today
i dont know how to feel about it
i dont know what to do about it
if i even should do anything about it
my face feels dry and my eyes are burnt red
i feel groggy and dried out
~~~
ill be fine
if i stay positive
if i brush off the negitives
if i focus on myself
if i ...
if i...
thats how it works right?
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━━("hope” is the thing with feathers)━(That perches in the soul)
honey // she her // friendly // aries
hello! I'm back <3 or at least trying to be
hmu if your interested or looking to rp <3
th ●
sale ●
artshop ● ℋoney#0554 ●
Ⓒ━━(And sings the tune without the words)━(And never stops - at all)
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ℋoney
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by M0rute » Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:01 pm
so, I've already pulled an all nighter this week bc of anxiety, and my anxiety is blasting through the roof now and I don't even want to try to sleep bc I know it will result in an anxiety attack, my mom doesn't approve of my all nighter, and I desperately try to explain to her that if I try to sleep I will get an anxiety attack bc for some reason I just think and stress whenever I shut my eyes like that, I hate sleeping, I don't want to sleep.
Please message me about how to stay up all night again and if it's even possible. The last time I stayed up was Monday, and it's technically Friday at 1 am for me now, just talk to me please, I'm lonely and I'm not sure how to handle this situation.
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