by tree, » Tue Jan 23, 2018 6:58 am
Ry-fry ,
Listen to me. I know you will skim over this because you have been trying to push yourself away. You got so angry when aspen refused to leave, but you need to realize something. You once told us that real friends would refuse to let you leave no matter for what reason and that counts for you as well. Taking on your demons head first is wonderful, but there is only so much you can do alone and you're not doing it right. As much as you may say we never really knew you, we do. You are scared, I can tell. Most the time, you are unpredictable and hard to read. But you let yourself get ahead when you are angered or dejected. Nobody has ever feared you because you are different compared to the school- they are scared because you change. For somebody who is always so relaxed you light flames once someone gets too close. We refuse to leave because we know that you are never like this. She left you alone once she realized that you did need space. But can you not see that you are collapsing in on yourself? The Ryan we know would never let her guard down over something as small as a test. You had a complete panic attack over an exam this morning: keep in mind, you never even study for these tests and always get over eighty percent! (Somehow.) You can only push us away for so long until we notice something is really wrong. Yes, you are hostile when you let your temper get the best of you. You can be, a word that you called yourself but I doubt I can say on a website, but you have many more positive aspects that make up for this. You are just blind to them as many people are. Let those who decide you are nothing leave, as they- including Chazz -are not worth your time. You can try to hide for as long as you want, but we refuse to leave.
In fact, I think this is hurting Aspen more than you. You know he looks up to you for some reason. He may not tell us, but if he is willing to go this far for you I think you should take him into consideration. A wise bear once told me, things that mean much to you are things you should never let go of, even if they try to leave you. Sometimes it could be smart to look behind you and see who still follows. Not everybody views you as the enemy. Do not push those who wish to stay away, they follow you anyway. With my luck you will ignore this coming from a singular person. But think about this. You have Aspen, Sage is still willing to co-operate with you, Tiana, Hannah, Ichici even, Aiden, Sui, and Tom. Possibly many more on top of that. You know we could never truly leave you as you asked. You are our family. Or, Aspen's pet grizzly bear in his case.
, Kyle