Dear m,
You confuse me so much. We sit, and we play this game back and forth. I miss you. I miss when you were my partner, but now you sit and play with me. Things can't be the way they were. We can't sit and do this. You can't sit and kiss me and hug me and hold me tight like you used to and act like things are going to be okay because they aren't. You can't keep leading us both on... You can't keep holding me close and acting like you love me if you don't, and you can't do that to her either. Neither of us deserves this, and yet, I let myself fall into your trap because I love you. I don't know if you love me though or if you are just using me. I want it to be me because I love you, but everyone says I need to back off. Everyone says that you are toxic and bad for me, and maybe they are right, but I can't help it. I look at you when you smile, and I melt. Your bright blue eyes just bring me back in, and I hate it. I hate that you are probably using me. I hate that you probably don't love me. I hate that you probably love her... And yet you still kiss me. We say we aren't going to do this. We tell ourselves we aren't going to do this. I keep putting up boundaries to keep you out, and you break them every time. You keep saying this is the last kiss. You keep saying it's over after this, but that's never the case. You always come back and kiss me and hug me and hold me close again. Every time we hang out, it happens. I'm just so confused. I'm so hurt. I love you, and I'm blinded by that love. I want to keep thinking that you are the same person that you were when you dated me, but you aren't. You are different now because you don't know how to decide between the two of us. The problem is, if you choose her, it won't last. You guys are the same person. In my experience, that never lasts. We had something special... Or I thought we did. I don't know anymore. I hate all of this confusion, and I hate all of this pain. I wish you would make a decision before you destroy me.
- love, your ex-girlfriend and depressed best friend