Dear Noobcake by Xialburg (Updates Every Other Weekend)

[Al the Dalek]

Rejoice, fans. For since Noobcake is celebrating April Fool's Day, this means that you will get two entries only a week apart. Y'know. Thought that would make you happies. Anyway, on with the show.

Dear Noobcake,

All the sodas in my house are gone.
Every. Single. One of them. Even the icky ones like Sprite!
It's true. I hate Sprite. But at least it's soda! But it's all gone!
No offense to Gothie, but all paws pointed to him. Seriously. Every time he's at my house, he drinks my soda. I was confused though because he seemed to survive primarily on caffeine and sugar.
Well, I'm not too sure about the sugar part, but since in my mind he is now the Twinkie King, he's going to have to learn how to live on sugar.
Why am I thinking about these things?
Just why?
Anyway.
I was totally going to call up Gothie to yell at him (and he would probably devour my soul through the phone line), but then I discovered the secret behind the missing sodas.
That totally sounded like a mystery book title. It's awesome.
Like: The Totally Freakin' Amazing Xialburg the Awesome and the Case of the Mysterious Evaporating Sodas.
Too long? I don't think so. I think it summarizes the plot nicely.
But back on topic.
I found Junior in his room, swinging from the ceiling fan on his ceiling (just kidding it was totally the floor. Psych. I'm awesome.) with empty soda cans everywhere. And he was singing at the top of his lungs.
In what world were Greenbutt and Rainbowy when they put a ceiling fan in the room of a hyperactive pup? I mean, come on!
It's like putting Xanri and Metallic in a room together and expecting them not to kill each other.
It will happen.
I managed to fly up there and get the practically vibrating pup down. And he has been banned from all sugary things until the sugar from the soda leaves his system, which probably will be in about...4 years.
That poor pup is going to be so sick tonight I feel bad for him.
But now, going into my day.
It was...a nightmare.
Xanri was back at school. She sits behind me, but not straight behind me, she's to the right of the desk behind me.
Which means she sits right behind Metallic-the-Stalker-Wolf.
It did not end well.
Xanri just about had a heart attack, which probably meant in a million years she had never suspected Metallic of "changing her ways." Or bothered to look into her future.
Let's just say the verbal abuse lasted the whole day, and most wolves were pulling out their fur by the end of it because it had gotten so vocal.
Even ABC was pretty much put into shock.
Xanri has been moved to the very front right of the room, and Metallic to the very bottom left, so as to make them as far away from each other as possible.
Ha ha ha. That didn't work well either.
If looks could kill, Xanri and Metallic would probably be on the floor twitching, along with most of our class for trying to get those two to shut up.
They both have detention. For once, ABC was smart, and put their detention dates on separate days so she doesn't have to suffer any longer than she has to of those she-wolves bickering.
Metallic had the first day, so Xanri walked home with us as usual.
I tried to talk Xanri out of such abusive words, but then she randomly stopped Gothie and me as we were about to cross a road.
A millisecond later an out of control car came hurtling down the road.
It would have hit us all. Instead it hit a trash can, spewing stuff everywhere. The wolf got out of it, looking confused, and wandered off to get help.
Xanri gave me a withering glare, pointed at a crushed watermelon (it had gotten half eaten and abandoned and thrown out. It was also totally squashed.) and said icily, "Don't be the watermelon, Xialburg. Don't attempt reason with me, or I won't be there to push you out of the way on your sorry behind."
I totally fear for my life right now.
Xanri dragged Gothie off a little later, leaving me to walk alone.
I don't know if you've noticed, you stack of papers, but they're totally going out. At least, that's what Xanri says. Every time she comes near Gothie mouths, "Help me."
Not to be cruel or anything, but it's nice to see he is intimidated by something.
I don't do anything mean like feed on his pain. But still.
Please please please please don't let any of the girls in my life kill me.
Seriously!
Beauty just about killed my soul breaking up with me for a little, Love was a maniac, the stone wolf was...evil...Metallic is a stalker and Xanri just pretty much made a death threat!
...help...

Bye Noobcake.

[Miss Captain Sexy]

Please please please please don't let any of the girls in my life kill me.
Seriously!
Beauty just about killed my soul breaking up with me for a little, Love was a maniac, the stone wolf was...evil...Metallic is a stalker and Xanri just pretty much made a death threat!
...help...

Bye Noobcake.

[ZombiePoodle]

Rejoice, fans. For since Noobcake is celebrating April Fool's Day, this means that you will get two entries only a week apart. Y'know. Thought that would make you happies. Anyway, on with the show.

It makes me very happies ^^

Dear Noobcake,

No offense to Gothie, but all paws pointed to him. Seriously. Every time he's at my house, he drinks my soda. I was confused though because he seemed to survive primarily on caffeine and sugar.
Well, I'm not too sure about the sugar part, but since in my mind he is now the Twinkie King, he's going to have to learn how to live on sugar.

Omg, I'm like, litteraly rolling around laughing

I don't know if you've noticed, you stack of papers, but they're totally going out. At least, that's what Xanri says. Every time she comes near Gothie mouths, "Help me."
Not to be cruel or anything, but it's nice to see he is intimidated by something.
I don't do anything mean like feed on his pain. But still.
Bye Noobcake.

Perfection
Can't wait for morez!!

[VesVes]

This is really good. XD I was laughing as I read all of the pages.

Oh, and a note: I was Google-searching "Dear Noobcake" and of course this comes up, but so does this other "Dear Noobcake" thing that looks like it's copied word for word. That could be you, but I'm just telling you.

[~Ktalinfadri~]

"Don't be the watermelon Xialburg"
That is so going in my signature.
Gothie... O.O
"help me"???????
GOTHIE?

[Al the Dalek]

I do have Noobcake on another site, so no need to be alarmed and whatnot. And yes, "Help me." Xanri is quite the scary psychic y'know. And it seems I have now entered two signatures with quotes. Hunh. I'm glad I made you all lulz and whatnot, be prepared for later tonight-ish with April Fools Day wonder.

[OctoberNights]

Oooh, can't wait!

[WhiteVial]

Haha awesomesauce. Can't wait for moar...

[Al the Dalek]

Forgive me fans for any typos I make, my laptop had a heart attack so I am typing this up on my iPod. So. Much. Effort. Anyway. For April Fool's Day, you get two entries two weeks in a row. This one stars Gothie when he first met Xialburg. This will never happen again, so put on your 3D glasses, step into your time travelling phone box, and journey into the PAST.

Dear Thing,

Hello thing. I better get straight to the point. Mom locked me in the bathroom, so I might as well make use of my time. I hope fake Mom will be around soon...she usually calms Mom down. And I get food in the bargain. Always a bonus.
To the point. I'm Gothie, patchwork extraorinaire, master of general doom and sharp teeth. Send in those confetti things because I am pwntastic like that.
Hm. I used an Internet term in this journal. Not a bad start.
My witch of a teacher, ABC, assigned this journal to the class because apparently it will teach us writing skills. Yeah right. This is going to be my only entry. She's judging on length. She's not reading it, so no effort shall be put into it.
I got detention today, thank goodness. If I was home on time, Mom would probably have forced me into housework slavery or something. I got into detention because I started drawing on my desk with Sharpie. If you must know, I was drawing a sweet sea creature. I don't really know what it was. But it had a lot of heads. And arms. And blowholes. It was like an underwater anti-porcupine. With lots of hungry mouths. It was amazing.
This dude next to me is taking this journal thing pretty seriously. When ABC started ranting about repeating phrases, he called her pathetic.
Wing-man had guts, I have to admit. He intrigued me. It was the first time a kid backtalked to a teacher and didn't swear like a sailor.
Yeah I don't like swearing. Why? Why doesn't the soon-to-be-master-of-the-underworld swear? (Seriously am working on Being lord of darkness. Some stuff online seems pretty legit.) I don't swear because it reminds me of Mom. No way am I sinking down to her level. Because then she'll have won. Just three more years, unless Fake-Mom rescues me, and I can be free of the Queen of Anti-Me. I tried running away once.
...
It won't happen again.
But this Xialburg, as I think he was called, won my shrivelled black heart with his Halo shirt. The dude had to be cool if he plays my kind of games.
I think I unnerved him though. You know. Because I just stared at him. Hard not to state with buttons for eyes. But seriously, he must be a little of a wuss if he can't take some staring action.
Detention was boring. I wasn't sure if I would be able to grab another detention tomorrow, so I shot a spitball at ABC's head. Unfortunately, she blamed Xialburg. And I had just bit my tongue so I couldn't speak.
If you had teeth like me, you wouldn't either. I still hours later am finding it difficult to form words, which is why I am locked here in the first place. Mom wanted me to win her some money on this telephone game radio thing by giving her the answer. But I couldn't talk, so she got mad.
It's cool though. She might remember me and give me some food. If she didn't eat all my freaking cheetos. I want my cheetos, dangit!
Great. Now I am hungry.
Hmm. If I become friends with Xialburg, I could just call him and he could fly up to the window and get me food. That is a brilliant plan. I will have to test that out.
Peace out, Thing. Don't burn or something because I am bwing graded on you.

[Wild Mothman]

Forgive me fans for any typos I make, my laptop had a heart attack so I am typing this up on my iPod. So. Much. Effort. Anyway. For April Fool's Day, you get two entries two weeks in a row. This one stars Gothie when he first met Xialburg. This will never happen again, so put on your 3D glasses, step into your time travelling phone box, and journey into the PAST.

Dear Thing,

Hello thing. I better get straight to the point. Mom locked me in the bathroom, so I might as well make use of my time. I hope fake Mom will be around soon...she usually calms Mom down. And I get food in the bargain. Always a bonus.
To the point. I'm Gothie, patchwork extraorinaire, master of general doom and sharp teeth. Send in those confetti things because I am pwntastic like that.
Hm. I used an Internet term in this journal. Not a bad start.
It's cool though. She might remember me and give me some food. If she didn't eat all my freaking cheetos. I want my cheetos, dangit!
Great. Now I am hungry.
Hmm. If I become friends with Xialburg, I could just call him and he could fly up to the window and get me food. That is a brilliant plan. I will have to test that out.
Peace out, Thing. Don't burn or something because I am bwing graded on you.

I think Gothie should have a spin off, i know it will never ever happen. but it would be cool if it did