❛ the lazy writers ❜ V2

[sparrow;]

What would be the most horrible situation you, or a character you're writing, could possibly go through? Some of your fears?
For my personal worst fear... other than the usual ones (family dying etc) I have one really specific fear. Drowning in fruit flies. I'm actually afraid of fruit flies (and all bugs tbh) in general, but the way they sometimes fly up your nose... I always imagine them flooding through my mouth and nose and literally drowning me. I hate all bugs. I'm fine with spiders, though.
My second-biggest fear is being buried alive. No explanation needed.
As for character fears...
Caitlin - If she's faced with a problem she can't solve, when everyone's relying on her
Max - Being outdone at something he thinks he's good at
Alex - Having Joy (their younger sister) finding out how weak they are (they're not weak, they think they are)
Joy - Her mind being controlled, and being forced to hurt her family
Sylvia - Someone she loves being hurt because of her
Glenda - Watching her loved ones being unhappy
Valerie - Dying from dehydration or starvation, especially if she was too weak to get food/water
Tristan - Caring about people (and, by extension, meeting strangers)
Gabriel Shine - Being forgotten, or being remembered as worthless/a failure
That's (I think) most of the important characters in MoC. I could've included Tawa and Cherry and Acorn and all the others... but that'd take way too long.

-snip-

@food
32,000 words?? That's amazing! I struggle to write 32 words on a good day!

I love being a writer, because if anyone were to look at my search history I would be arrested right away.
"What does mustard gas do?"
"What voltage would kill a human being?"
"What crimes would mean multiple life sentences?"

Oh wow, food... you shouldn't be on this thread.

Also, I have the same thing with search history. My other problem is the conversations I have with friends. I have a couple of really good friends who know a lot about murder (they both want to be forensic scientists, not murderers!) and they are a massive help for stories. Unfortunately, it might seem weird to hear me ask them, "I need to murder -name here- so what's the best kind of poison to use to kill someone? Where could I find it?" Still, more helpful than Google for specific info.

[The Worst Username]

What would be the most horrible situation you, or a character you're writing, could possibly go through? Some of your fears?

My biggest fear: being completely helpless as terrible things happen around me. This sounds kinda bad, but I don't care that much about my own life, but I care a lot about the suffering of others. The horrors of the world are too much for my little heart. (I also don't really like the idea of failure/weakness in general.)

My characters, meanwhile, are a bit different.
Gobkiu: being silenced, unable to speak against injustice because of murder threats/oppressive laws/what have you. Also, drowning, starving, and cholera--she's studied way too much about cholera and other diseases, and she's an atheist, so death is extra bad for her.

Silvu: poverty, dying young, or all his artwork being destroyed.

Owuk: losing her girlfriend, poverty, old age, being unable to meet her own goals, destruction of her way of life--she's very rich and highly competitive, and she demands a lot of the world in general.

I'm actually working on my plan for what's going to be behind each door, and I'm going to need a lot, so here I have a question for you! Any answers may end up in this book, so keep that in mind ^^

I'm kind of bad at coming up with torture devices and such, so maybe try researching the Saw movies and torture devices. Also, like you were saying, Reddit 50/50 might have some nice, terrifying stuff.

y'all be shipping me, it's kinda weird. But I'm enjoying it at the same time. I wish his assigned seat was next to mine...sigh.

*hugs* Well, if it makes you feel any better, love is just a bunch of chemicals interacting in our brains to make us bring on the next generation. So go talk to him, if you want! Have some fun. (Why is everyone getting into Silver's love life again?)

@Food

Ah, congrats! You're going in the time-out corner until you stop being so productive, though. (Try making the font smaller and/or zooming out. You can zoom in later, and the font will look large, but it'll take up a lot less pages and be much quicker to load.)

[winged-backpack]

@worst

I have actually taken some inspiration from Saw 2, the needle pit, but I've changed it a little to sewing pins so I'm not full-on plagiarising ^^'
I'm actually struggling more with the earlier doors, with the less intimidating things. Small fears, one's that aren't so full on as mustard gas and black widow spiders

[food ☕️]

Being productive? Ppppppppsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh. I wrote that thing some many months ago. And kinda gave up on it. I'm right back to square one right now. (And it also needed to be rewrited from chapter 6 and on.) Although I do intend to write my very first chapter for my new project today as I think I've finally rekindled my favored writing style, and that's really hyping me up.

@winged Oh yeah, forgot to mention, that does sound really cool. And it being inspired by reddit 50/50? Yeah, that's gonna make for some terrifying stuff! I once tried to write horror but... It didn't work out. It's such a difficult genre to really nail, but from what I've read and just the general idea, I think you're gonna get pretty far. Doors really can be terrifying if you think about it, I wonder why more people haven't realized that...?

[Megaguirus]

LOL, I can relate to that search history thing. I know a lot about what it takes to kill someone, though, and the best methods (hey, I like crime dramas, okay? I ain't gonna murder someone). Thankfully, I don't deal a lot in terms of horror, so my deaths aren't really that creative. And since I'm also interested in anatomy, I know how long someone has to live depending on what thing gets injured, or how long it takes for a certain bone to heal, etc. etc. My most recent search history, though, had to be when I Googled "Why can't apes speak?", for one of my other novels. And it was really interesting! All that is keeping them from speaking are a few minor things, which they could very well evolve into, and that works for a lot of other mammals too. So now I can work on my mammal novel and give them their own language which won't be grunts and growls, but forming actual words. Woo hoo!

What would be the most horrible situation you, or a character you're writing, could possibly go through? Some of your fears?

My worst fears are losing a loved one, dying alone in outer space, or dying alone in the open ocean. I hate big, vast and empty spaces, so space and the ocean are huge fears of mine. I'm a full grown adult and I hate swimming in the deep end of a pool.

Dante: He's already been in some pretty terrible situations, but he is afraid of sea dragons, since he watched one take his surrogate mother.

Kyori: Dying without an heir or somehow losing her Guardian powers.The island would be at great risk then.

Solstice: Losing her friends.

[The Worst Username]

LOL, I can relate to that search history thing. I know a lot about what it takes to kill someone, though, and the best methods (hey, I like crime dramas, okay? I ain't gonna murder someone). Thankfully, I don't deal a lot in terms of horror, so my deaths aren't really that creative. And since I'm also interested in anatomy, I know how long someone has to live depending on what thing gets injured, or how long it takes for a certain bone to heal, etc. etc. My most recent search history, though, had to be when I Googled "Why can't apes speak?", for one of my other novels. And it was really interesting! All that is keeping them from speaking are a few minor things, which they could very well evolve into, and that works for a lot of other mammals too. So now I can work on my mammal novel and give them their own language which won't be grunts and growls, but forming actual words. Woo hoo!

Oh my goodness, that's so cool! I have a bunch of talking nonhuman animal species in my stories, and I should really put more research into them, just to see how complex the language would be depending on the species. I'll have to research that. (Now I wish I was immortal, so I could just sit around and observe as animals started to evolve more and more complex communication/language systems.)

[Megaguirus]

LOL, I can relate to that search history thing. I know a lot about what it takes to kill someone, though, and the best methods (hey, I like crime dramas, okay? I ain't gonna murder someone). Thankfully, I don't deal a lot in terms of horror, so my deaths aren't really that creative. And since I'm also interested in anatomy, I know how long someone has to live depending on what thing gets injured, or how long it takes for a certain bone to heal, etc. etc. My most recent search history, though, had to be when I Googled "Why can't apes speak?", for one of my other novels. And it was really interesting! All that is keeping them from speaking are a few minor things, which they could very well evolve into, and that works for a lot of other mammals too. So now I can work on my mammal novel and give them their own language which won't be grunts and growls, but forming actual words. Woo hoo!

Oh my goodness, that's so cool! I have a bunch of talking nonhuman animal species in my stories, and I should really put more research into them, just to see how complex the language would be depending on the species. I'll have to research that. (Now I wish I was immortal, so I could just sit around and observe as animals started to evolve more and more complex communication/language systems.)

Yeah, it's really fun now that I know, and it does open the door for my humanoid species, too. The thing is, there's a lot of room for creativity because scientists still don't know when humans first started speaking.

And, of course, thanks to my sister, these mammals first evolved on Mars, back when it was habitable. It's fun, really, trying to make some scientifically inaccurate things scientific. That's what I strive for in my writing. If I can't believe that the dragons in my novel could be real, then what about the readers?

I swear, though, this novel will be first started in 2020. There's SO much to plan, this is my biggest yet. I'm trying to make it like Narnia or Middle Earth in terms of size.

(I want to add the disclaimer that I am actually a creationist, but evolution is really fun to play with in my stories)

[winged-backpack]

@megaguirus

that's pretty cool how accurate you're trying to be. I'm trying to do the same, which is why my search history is going to be pretty messed up while I'm writing this book

Speaking of, I've actually managed a third part that's SFW enough that I can share it with you guys again! I'm open for any criticism, I really want this to be good!

Door 3
Femie took a deep breath, then wished she hadn’t as the smell reached her nose once more. She gagged for a second. Wiping her hand over her sweating forehead, she regained her energy and unlocked the door in front of her.
This new door opened outwards. At first, Femie wasn’t sure what she was seeing. The room was painted a dark brown, and a strange clicking sound began to emanate. The wall was almost moving, throbbing with the noise.
The realisation mounted upon Femie, and she began to recoil in horror as she understood that the walls were not really painted brown. What she was seeing were thousands upon thousands of cockroaches, crawling all over each other and occasionally flying around. Femie froze, as the oily, musky stench caused her to relive an old memory.
Years ago, when she was just a kid, maybe six or seven years old, her mother had discovered a nest of roaches under the bathroom floor. There were less than one hundred, yet the smell still filled the whole upper story of Femie’s house. It was so bad that they had all been forced to sleep downstairs until the exterminator had dealt with them. However, the smell had still lingered, and Femie swore that it had never really gone away.
Hundreds of the insects had suddenly realised an exit had been opened, and suddenly Femie was swallowed up into a swarm of roaches. With all her might, she forced the door closed, but enough had escaped into the corridor with her.
“Always nice to have some company,” she said, trying to make the best of the situation.
She marked the door, then walked to the next.
It’s only going to get worse, her mind taunted her as she stared at the white panels that faced her.

[polysaccharide]

long post warning!!!
@winged
ewwwwwww! i physically recoiled when i read that!
my only bit of advice is in regards to this quote:

"The realization mounted upon Femie, and she began to recoil in horror as she understood that the walls were not really painted brown."

when i read it, it didn't flow the same as the other sentences did; it felt choppier, repetitive. what i would recommend is trying to shorten it a bit, weaving the necessary words into the sentence while throwing the short/redundant ones out. one example of that is if you had written this:

"Femie began to recoil in horror as she realized that the walls were not really painted brown."

the sentence becomes shorter and flows slightly differently. if you wanted to keep the sentence length, you could write:

"As realization mounted on Femie, she began to recoil in horror as she understood that the walls were not really painted brown."

it all depends on how you want the action to flow. and i'm certainly no expert, so take my advice with a grain of salt.


i actually wrote today, hooray! a whole 892 words. it was sort of inspired by #4 here. i'm definitely going to be making a story out of this. my only issue is where to publish it. anyone have any ideas? i don't know of any site that allows you to set up your work where you can manually reorder chapters so i can publish as i write. i might just write the chapters separately on gdocs. oh well, here it is! i apologize if there's any mistakes, i didn't proofread.

Clint was watching Star Trek when he heard a knock at his door. Confused, he paused the show and walked over to the door, peering through the spyglass. On the other side was a man he didn’t recognize, with black hair sticking up haphazardly. His pale face was a mottled red, with whiskey eyes pink from crying. He seemed scared and unsure, fidgeting with the hem of his leather jacket and rocking back on his heels. Clint opened the door; he was never one to ignore someone who might need his help.

“Hello. How can I help you?” There was something about the shorter man that seemed oddly familiar, and he couldn’t help thinking of the one person it could never be.

“Blue?” The nickname confirmed Clint’s suspicions. The man in front of him was Blackhawk without the mask.

“How did you -”

“No, you know what, nevermind, this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come here,” Blackhawk interrupted. He stepped back and began to walk away, but Clint gently pulled him inside.

That careful touch seemed to have snapped something in Hawk. He melted into Clint’s chest, wracked with silent sobs.

“I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. It should have been me, not them.” His voice broke on every word, and Clint’s heart ached to see such a powerful, dangerous man so vulnerable.

“Is this about the fire?” He whispered, cradling the villain to his chest. He felt him nod against his shoulder, soft hair tickling his cheek. He closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

They stood there for a while until he felt Hawk lean against him, exhausted from crying for so long. He led hawk to the couch and motioned him to sit down. Leaving the supervillain to get comfortable, Clint went into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

When he re-entered the living room, he saw that Hawk had laid his jacket on the floor, bundled himself in a blanket and had burrowed as far as he could into the corner of the couch. He looked a lot better than before, his cheeks less flushed and eyes clearer.

“Are you a fan of Star Trek, Hawk?” He sat up, freeing a hand as he accepted the water from Clint. His eyebrows furrowed at the question.

“Call me Tyran. And why do you ask?” He eyed the glass suspiciously as Clint sat down next to him, grabbing the remote and turning the tv on.

“I was going to watch it before you showed up. Besides, you don’t look like you want to think much right now. It’ll be a good way to distract yourself.” He paused. “Call me Clint, by the way.”

“Alright, Clint. We can watch Star Trek. But we’ll have to start from the beginning. I’ve never gotten the chance to see it.” Tyran finally took a sip of water, having decided that it wasn’t poisoned.

Clint flicked on the first episode and they watched in silence for a few minutes. Clint shivered at the cold air in his apartment and made yet another mental note to fix the heater.

“Do you want your blanket back, Clint? You look like you’re freezing.” Tyran had been watching Clint out of the corner of his eye, impressed by how strong he looked even outside the suit. He had noticed the goosebumps rise on his arms, but refrained from saying anything about it until he shivered.

“No, I’m okay,” came the response.

“I know that you’re lying. I can hear the tremble in your voice. And don’t think that shiver escaped me, young man.” Clint scoffed at that.

“Young man? Please, I’ve got to have at least four years on you.”

“Look, do you want the damn blanket or not,” Tyran muttered, annoyed.

“Like I said before, I’m fine, Tyran.” His response was followed by another shiver, this one much more violent than the last.

“Alright, that’s it,” Tyran says. The next thing Clint knew was that he had an arm full of supervillain and was being wrapped in the blanket. “There.” Tyran paused, realizing he can’t shift off of Clint. “Aw, crap.”

“Um. Did you mean for this to happen? I think you’re stuck.”

“Shut up.” Tyran hid his face in Clint’s shoulder to hide a growing blush.

At Tyran’s embarrassed tone, Clint began laughing harder than he had in a long time. Before long, Tyran joined in, giggling at the whole situation. They laughed until their ribs ached, and they smiled at each other for a while, dizzy and wondering just how they got into this mess.

Clint arched his back a bit so that he could loosen the blanket’s edge trapped under him, allowing Tyran to slip off his chest and settle next to him.

The pair sat like that for hours, pointing out plot holes or making fun of special effects. Tyran checked his phone for the time, and realized it was almost one-thirty in the morning. Looking up to tell Clint that he should be leaving, he realized that the hero was already fast asleep. He quietly slipped off the couch and looked around for the remote.

He sighed heavily. He hated to leave the television on, and the show was really good. Unsuccessful at finding the remote, he shrugged and laid down next to Clint on the couch, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder.

i love these idiots already and will defend them until i die. a little backstory on clint's nickname: his hero name is bluejay. cheesy, i know, but i like it.

[The Worst Username]

Door 3
xxxxFemie took a deep breath, then wished she hadn’t as the smell reached her nose once more. She gagged for a second. Wiping her hand over her sweating forehead, she regained her energy and unlocked the door in front of her.
xxxxThis new door opened outwards. At first, Femie wasn’t sure what she was seeing. The room was painted a dark brown, and a strange clicking sound began to emanate. The wall was almost moving, throbbing with the noise.
xxxxThe realisation mounted upon Femie, and she began to recoil in horror as she understood that the walls were not really painted brown. What she was seeing were thousands upon thousands of cockroaches, crawling all over each other and occasionally flying around. Femie froze, as the oily, musky stench caused her to relive an old memory.
xxxxYears ago, when she was just a kid, maybe six or seven years old, her mother had discovered a nest of roaches under the bathroom floor. There were less than one hundred, yet the smell still filled the whole upper story of Femie’s house. It was so bad that they had all been forced to sleep downstairs until the exterminator had dealt with them. However, the smell had still lingered, and Femie swore that it had never really gone away.
xxxxHundreds of the insects had suddenly realised an exit had been opened, and suddenly Femie was swallowed up into a swarm of roaches. With all her might, she forced the door closed, but enough had escaped into the corridor with her.
xxxx“Always nice to have some company,” she said, trying to make the best of the situation.
xxxxShe marked the door, then walked to the next.
xxxxIt’s only going to get worse, her mind taunted her as she stared at the white panels that faced her.

I'll post my critique here, if that's okay! (And I hope you don't mind my indenting the paragraphs; it's just a bit easier to read.)


First off, I really like how you're formatting everything, and just the whole concept in general; having short chapters that would be just about a page long in a real novel for each door really adds to the suspense. The fact that it's a game show too is really screwy, which I like.

I do have a few criticisms, though. Here's a list:

-The style is a bit too formal, like you're writing an essay instead of horror. Smaller, more common words almost always sound better than fancy ones.
-Some of the sentences are written awkwardly. "The room was painted a dark brown, and a strange clicking sound began to emanate" and "Hundreds of the insects had suddenly realised an exit had been opened, and suddenly Femie was swallowed up into a swarm of roaches" sound clunky. Nothing a bit of rewriting can't fix!
-You could use a bit more description on the cockroaches.
-A few of the actions sound almost...weak? I don't know how to put it, but try replacing some of your verbs with stronger ones. "She began to recoil in horror" might sound better as "she jumped back" or even "she jumped back, face/hands twitching".

But anyways, thanks for posting it! I also really liked the cockroach flashback; it definitely strengthens the scene. Good luck with the other doors.