by hellebore » Tue May 30, 2017 6:31 am
I realize I practically wrote a novel about myself (and feel shamefully self-centered for it), so I'm going to make the font very small to keep from imposing.
1.)
My sense of sight is piqued to catch sailing ships. What I mean is that in a photograph, movie, or in a store, the first thing I will notice is that blurry painting of a ship in the background, a few frames of a model ship on a desk, or a book to the side with the USS Constitution on the cover. Despite my love for the subject, I find it rather odd. The first thing I would notice about a person holding a gun to me is the picture of a lovely sloop on their shirt, and then the muzzle.
2.)
Most coffees make me tired, while ones with lower caffeine levels make me more wakeful. Regardless of which kind I make (or purchase), I always drink it between 9:00 pm and 1:00 am. The purpose is usually to help me sleep, but I also have a bad habit of forcing myself to stay awake if I'm really transfixed on whatever topic I am researching/reading/writing about.
3.)
I have an extreme aversion to the scent of dying flowers, sawdust, and most perfumes.
4.)
Speaking of that, I am strongly affected by my sense of smell. Whether or not I like an environment lies heavily on that. Offer me a beautiful mansion with no scent of flowers, mint, nor pine, and I will reject it for a ramshackle shed that has such. This can probably be assumed, but in addition to my being strongly affected by it, my sense of smell is very strong.
5.)
I love old poetry. No matter the subject, if it's beautifully worded, if it flows well, I cannot keep myself from smiling like an idiot as I read it. It's one of the surest ways to lift my mood. Tyger, tyger, burning bright...
6.)
I love words. I adore them in every way, from what they provide on the surface, to their complexity. I could sing a serenade of my passion for words in the form of a hefty essay. The definitions, synonyms, etymologies, evolutions--languages, linguistics, poetry, prose...
7.)
The positive and negative opinions that others have of me do not affect how I view myself. Positive opinions do make me happy, and I suppose in sudden spurts, I can remind myself of positive things said for a temporary rain of confidence, but generally speaking, it does not affect my opinions. How I view myself comes from myself--my accomplishments and failures, my perspective on the world, my values, etc. For this reason, I am also unaffected by the opinions of others on my choices. If I want to pursue history, you can be damn well certain I will, no matter what anyone says. If I am told my poem is well-written, but I do not feel it so, I will delete it (and I do). Unfortunately, I am never satisfied with myself. No matter what, there is too much room for improvement.
8.)
I am a firm believer that if someone wants something enough, they will try hard enough, and that with enough trying, there is success (as far as is realistic--no one can turn the moon to cheese. and as far as is a glimpse of hope. there is less impossibility than first meets the eye). I believe that all my goals are achievable, if I will be unrelenting in efforts. If I want it enough, I will work hard enough, and I will get what I want. Through this, I have faith. I will not settle for anything less than my ideals, so when I fail, when I fall, when I get lost, I remember that I will find my way again and I will get up again because I have to.
9.)
I have trouble with auditory processing and focusing on spoken dialogue. I suspect that one came first and was followed by the other, rather than them being naturally related. This makes me an awful listener, an awful speaker, and I always watch movies with the subtitles on. For this reason, I learn best through reading or other visual observations and I only watch movies when in a rare mood.
10.)
I wouldn't be able to properly describe who I am, for as a person, I am many contradictory things--fearful and courageous, logical and fanciful, etc. That is why I usually settle by describing myself through what I love and what I want in life. After all, it is in these places that I find my worth. Are the boxes holding my value not the bricks that make me?
CHARACTER CLEAROUT⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
I have severe insomnia and am very sleep deprived 90%
of the time which may cause me to make stupid mistakes. Bear with me.