"I had first talked to you in December. I was shocked that you had said something, but I was mostly shocked at myself for doing something I had never imagined myself doing. We had talked forever, all night and I remember I was dead tired the next... same day? We had talked to each other the rest of the month and I was just a wreck when we finally had to meet face to face. It had always been so easy to speak to people online, but in person I think that's what stopped me from making new friends, and I think that's what made us stop talking. It was so weird and I wasn't myself, I dream every single day that I could redo that day over, but I know that could never happen. Us talking or even acknowledging each other became nonexistent over the next few months. Well, at least to you it did. I had still wanted to try - try what, I didn't know; but I knew that I couldn't lose you. Everyone kept telling me within those months that I needed to let you go, that you didn't want to be friends or anything with me anymore, that I was better off without you, and I should move on with my life. I had had my best friend tell me that you we're breaking me, and I had lied to her and myself when I said that you weren't. I watched you move on with your life and be happy, when I was digging myself into a deeper and darker hole. I went into places I never knew existed and had done things, no one, including myself, would have thought I would do to myself. Nothing seemed to change though; I still loved you even when you forgotten me and I still love you now. It had taken me until April, it took me around 3 months to finally start to get over you. I don't know why I held onto you for that long, but I did, and I tell myself that I was so stupid for wasting my time on you, worrying about you when I thought something was wrong. I told myself that it was time to move on and that's exactly what I started to do... at least, that's what I thought I was doing. I spent more times with friends, opened myself more, stopped myself from doing things that hurt me, started doing the things I loved doing, and did more things in classes. I had actually thought that I was better; I smiled and laughed everyday because it showed that I was happy. But I knew that I wasn't when I heard something about you.. I had heard that you had a girlfriend, and god, I was... I was so happy and yet so sad. It had made me really happy to know that someone had brought joy to your life and the smiles I kept seeing throughout the day sometimes, I wouldn't trade that for the world, didn't matter what I was feeling. I ignored the pain I was feeling because I thought I had to get used to it, spent months feeling it so I thought that it was something I had to just deal with for the rest of my life. But now, sometimes it hurts for me to see you. Seeing and hearing about the things going on in your life, and knowing that that's not me; I wonder how I can still put myself through that. I knew from the moment we meant, that conversation would change everything. I just never knew that it would change my life this much."
I sigh heavily and lean back in my chair while placing the pencil down. I look at the piece of paper that laid in front of me and think of what I should do with it. Should I just hide it somewhere? Should I burn it? Or should I actually gain the courage to give this to the person who it was meant for? Taking off my glasses and placing them on the desk, I place my head into my hands and shake my head slightly. "I'm going to give it to him." I say through my breath and smile to myself. "I'm actually going to do it. Go you."