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by Raikki » Sun May 21, 2017 12:21 pm
I'm just
Sobbing
Because she doesn't care about me
No messages
Nothing
I'm just breaking apart because she doesn't care
She doesn't and won't ever care
She hates me
Hates me so so much
And wow does it hurt
What's the point of crying
It won't fix anything
If anything it just makes your bed wet
But sure self. Cry all you want
Because when you stop you'll realize nothing is different
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Raikki
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by leverage » Sun May 21, 2017 2:22 pm
I feel like my whole life is nothing more than a list of problems with no solution.
I see a counselor on my college campus, however, it being summer, I can't talk to her. Just a week and I'm really struggling to keep it together at times.
My family is moving. It hurts so much to be leaving the place I love behind. The house we're buying doesn't have an obvious place for the cat boxes, and my dad made some remark about just getting rid of the cats if that's the case. As though my cat, my best friend, is something that can be tossed aside simply because we'll have to think harder about where to put a litter box or two? On top of that, moving is just stressing me out to no end. I haven't been in a good place, and ironically summer is more stressful than having twenty-one credit hours of classes during the semester; even more stressful than finals week. I miss those high school summers when things were simple. My mom can become near abusive when stressed, and I spend every day waiting for her to just...erupt.
There's something up with my aunt and uncle. My mom mentioned it off-hand but wouldn't tell me what's happening, and I'm rather worried. She claimed it's 'good or bad depending on how you look at it', but she can phrase tragedies with a positive spin, so I don't have faith it's anything actually good. I'm worried about my cousin; he's such an innocent little kid and I don't want him to face anything tough.
My uncle (uncle in law? My mom's brother's wife's brother, I don't see him a ton) is in a seriously bad situation; his wife is downright abusive to him and is pulling him away from his children. I worry every day for him, but there's just no way to help, and I fear for him every day.
A person I loved from my childhood is fighting cancer; from my understanding, it's terminal. He was such a blessing to the world, and I hate knowing that he's suffering.
And all of this I can do nothing about. Thankfully, if things get too bad at home, I can go stay with family for a few weeks. However, I'm a college student, and my university is over 600 miles away. I want a chance to actually live in the new house we move into before I leave for school; I center so much about where geographically I feel comfortable, and I don't know that I can function unless I feel centered somewhere. Though I love my university for other reasons, it doesn't feel like, you know, home. I'm terrified of how I'll be with no real place, no real feeling of home.
Please do not contact me about selling my WMEs or their breeding slots. I am not interested in selling and will not reply.
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leverage
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