1x1 with Jack,

[auroraphoenix]

❝ＷＩＬＬＩＡＭ ＭＵＲＤＯＣＨ❞
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( male ) x ( closeted bisexual ) x ( tagged: gillies )

As Murdoch stepped into his office, at first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He couldn't help but feel relieved that he was in solitude once more. The detective went to drop the knife in the bin sitting on his desk when he noticed the blackboard. His own work was no longer there - he suspected it was on the other side of the board. Written in perfect penmanship was the message, 'We are going to have so much fun you and I...' It made a shiver run down the detective's back. Gillies. A whole flurry of ideas and images swirled through his mind, making the detective almost break into a sweat. But alas, nerves and anger were never quite far enough apart with William. The detective swiftly walked out of his office, appearing calm and collected, down to the cells. He couldn't just run and angrily make a scene. Well, he could, but he would get an earful from the Inspector, and frankly, Murdoch didn't want to deal with that. Upon seeing James' cell empty, Murdoch couldn't possibly say he was surprised, because he truly wasn't, as it was bound to happen sometime. But it seemed to be somewhat of an easy job, as the station house's cells were not the most secure. Where in the world was Gillies? What did he miss this time? An exasperated sigh slipped through the brunette's lips as he walked back into his office. Wherever he was, Murdoch would deal with him when he was dragged back into the station for the millionth time. Something caught Murdoch's eye, however. It was one of Murdoch's small scientific trinkets that he liked to mess around with from time to time. He picked it up and examined it in his right hand. Except... it was covered in chalk fingerprints, which looked fairly recent. He rubbed away the chalk marks, gently setting it back down onto the shelf. William narrowed his eyes, slowly turning around to scan the room.

Murdoch's heart nearly jumped out of its place when he saw James Gillies standing in one of the most obvious, yet hidden spaces in his office. Gillies was squished into a corner, the one that just so happened to be out of the line of a normal quick scan. Murdoch guessed he had only been there a few minutes, he had to be. He hadn't been gone to the city morgue very long, maybe twenty minutes. That gave James plenty of time to mess around with Murdoch's stuff, so what else did he do? "Mr. Gillies." Murdoch spoke in an uncertain tone, but he made prominent eye contact nonetheless. "What a surprise." It was sarcastic, yes, but it also carried hints of genuine surprise. What else had made James so interested in his office? Earlier, Murdoch had dragged him out fairly quickly so maybe there was something that James had meant to do first. "May I ask what had you so eager to escape from the cell and enter my office?" Murdoch wanted to know on some instances; if Gillies had done some vandalizing or had perhaps stolen something from him, a file or piece of evidence. James wouldn't do that, would he? He enjoyed the game far too much, especially when the answer was so clear to him. Murdoch carefully picked up the bin and set it on the ground in the area where the shattered glass had been. He stood straight again, raising an eyebrow at the younger man in the corner, before proceeding to carefully look at the room he was in. There really was nothing obscure at first glance. A few objects that had been jostled slightly, a few chalk marks, and of course, the ominous message on Murdoch's blackboard. But there really was nothing besides that. Murdoch walked the perimeter of his room slowly, hoping to find something that he had missed the first look-over. He was unaware the job Gillies had done to the other side of the blackboard.

There had to be something, William decided. Otherwise it was pointless coming into his office, putting aside the fact that Gillies could annoy him all he wanted. Oh, Gillies could do that without even trying. Speaking of which, Murdoch was already growing irritated just by the blonde's presence. What on earth had that boy done? Finally, as William's last resort, he flipped the chalkboard, expecting nothing of it. His thoughts were pretty unclear judging from what he wrote, or so he thought. Who would be able to decipher them but himself? That was kind of the point. But when brown eyes found the stark white writing, they widened. It wasn't that much of a deal, just a few scribbles here and there, but Gillies had managed to cross off a few people, leaving three of the people Murdoch didn't really consider at all. The brunette turned back to the man who stood in the corner in disbelief (though a little part of him was awestruck, but Murdoch would never admit that). "I see you made a few additions of your own to my chalkboard." He attempted to keep his voice from rising, but it was truly a struggle. A million questions were running through Murdoch's mind. What was Gillies trying to do? Was he trying to distract? What did it mean? But the question that was why. Why would Gillies help? But was it really helping? Or a way to throw Murdoch on another chase? "I can't say that I am... pleased." His eyes flicked back and forth between James and the board, "why are you so insistent on trying to help?" Murdoch was nearly disgusted, and he suspected his expression showed it. In no universe would Murdoch work alongside of James Gillies.

[Spock and Kirk]

✄•••••••••••𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰
"I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"
[25 | Male | Homosexual | Craving attention | tagged;Murdoch]

xxxI was almost in shock when upon the detective's first glance he just looked right over me. I suppose I had left a few clues for him to follow as to look a little closer when he would return and re-inspect the room. It seemed as though he got my message, there was something in his eyes. Was it fear? Or maybe something else... I didn't get a good look into his eyes before he cleared out of the room obviously going to check out the cells. The cells in which I was no longer present. It was pathetic really when they could not hold someone like me for over two hours, I could have escaped as soon as I had been thrown in there however I had some other plans in mind. I didn't break out of that little cell for nothing, besides it was kinda fun watching them feel as though they were a little bit safer from me before I broke out and the worry began to crawl back into the minds of all that seemed to care. It was the most entertaining thing that I could ever have wished for, in reality I expected more out of the the station house, after I had escaped the first time you would think that they would at least get the locks on the cell doors chanced so that there was less of a chance for me to break out. Or maybe they were just not thinking that far ahead, they knew that I would return (I had for the last little while) adding to to the potential that I would be arrested again for whatever reason. But they still insisted upon not getting said locks changed, I am sure that if they pushed it being an emergency they could get someone in here within a day to get it done. Why bother? Its just adding the risk of another potentially dangerous criminal escaping from their cells and being allowed to roam Toronto without the blink of an eye. Its not like the thought scared me, Its hard to be scared of something that you are. Instead of myself being afraid of the darkness and what lurks in it, its scared of me. That seemed to be true of Detective William Murdoch as well, the way that he had reacted when he had seen my little message. Filled with fear for the potential that I had to harm both him and everything else that he cares about in this entire world. He never appeared scared when I observed him questioning other murderers and psychopaths. It was just me that he seemed more-i don't know- on edge about talking with me. He wanted to try to calculate his words even when he threw a sarcastic tongue at me. As though I would be able to use his words against him in some way later on. Even I didn't bother putting that much thought into the banter that the two of us shared.

xxx Once the Detective had returned his eyes seemed to follow the little clue that I had left behind in his office leading his eyes to lock onto my own. Only for a split second as he had done before, Once again continuing the game that the two of us played. The game of flipping between sincerity and sarcasm, it was so much fun to finally bring out some other version of the detective that he often kept under lock and key. When we had first met he never seemed to show anything other then being the most placid person that I had ever met. It was almost as though his emotions were something that were to be afraid of, I had learned a long time ago that they were a part of me that no matter how hard I tried I was never going to eliminate. Nevertheless, I could easily have been wrong. That notion seems to still be lodged deeply inside my mind as I continued to search the Detective's brown eyes for any signs of emotion, for any signs of anything really. Who knows, one of these days I might just find something. "The one and only" I felt as though I should have made a sarcastic bow but decided against it, instead stepping a little bit out of the shadows. I could feel the beams of the sun that were pouring through the window to touch my face. I had hoped it had given me a more ghastly appearance then before. "Why would I not want too? Its dingy down there, I have better things that I could be doing." He seemed to have the answer already, probably. The Detective carefully scanned his office missing the most obvious thing that I had done, he was just not willing to look in the fight place. As per his usual anyways. I should not have been surprised. The message on the other side of the blackboard had been changed a little bit, the small amount of work that I had done. It would be so much more interesting if murders like these had not been so blatantly obvious. I take great joy into looking at the works of those who actually had planned out their kill instead of sloppily taking someone else's life without putting a second of thought into it. It was sad and just disappointing, but when there was the odd serial killer it was simply fascinating looking around at the way that they had lined everything up so perfectly. Somedays I think that I was born in the wrong time period, maybe someone like myself could have solved the case of who Jack the Ripper was. Now that would have been something else. Getting to follow a case as big and perplexing as that one, I can only hope that I will be able to live up to a name such as his.

xxxI raised an eyebrow when the Detective finally uncovered what I had done to the blackboard, surprisingly enough ignoring the message that I had left on the other side. I had expected him to at least try to get rid of it before he flipped it over, maybe he could have thought that I had erased what he had previously been working on. its not like he was getting any far by looking at a list of names when most of the people involved were obviously not the killer. The names that I had scratched out were of some of the most 'important' suspects according to the constabulary, the thought of it made me scoff. They were not looking in the correct place whatsoever, they just scanned over the interview that they had done with the real killer as though the person was not showing any signs of being suspicious. Even at the scene they had left some sloppy evidence that could easily be traced back to them if given the right amount of time. the killer was so clumsy, making stupid little mistakes that would eventually incriminate them. I could not have been surprised due to the nature of the kill, probably out of anger or revenge. I was not in the position to make those kinds of deductions as I had not looked into the family and friends of the killer nor the killers relationship to the deceased party. The evidence left at the scene and beyond was quite enough, I am just curious enough to get a statement from them. Their full confession as to why they did it. "Clearly, I really am getting sick of having you looking in all the wrong places" My eyes snapped back to the detective, the smirk was still upon my features as I watched the confusion set into the room. It seemed very unclear to the detective as to why I had scratched off the names of every single one of the people that he had thought had done it. I decided not to reply to his other remark, it was correct and I could provide him evidence as to why I was correct. Why he was the one who was leading himself down a trail that would ultimately lead to nothing. "Because, when I see you running around like a dog trying to catch its own tail its really not fair for me to just sit back and watch." What else did I have to do with my time? I could teach physics somewhere, but they always do a criminal record check and I of course would come up beside a bunch of red flags. No matter what I had been regarded with during my schooling.

[auroraphoenix]

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( male ) x ( closeted bisexual ) x ( tagged: gillies )

Murdoch felt his blood begin to boil as he heard Gillies' last comment. He didn't have the audacity to say that, considering what he put the station house through. Besides, wasn't it James' fault to begin with? Staging some stupidly complicated crime, then when Murdoch didn't figure it out right away, Gillies would get whiny. The brunette's eyes shifted from a curious innocence to a livid rage. He slowly approached James, eyeing him up and down, as if he were going to go somewhere. Far from it; Gillies was going to sit back and prod William even more. William stopped when he was a few feet away away from Gillies, crossing his arms over his chest. Murdoch clenched his jaw, wanting to very badly punch the smirk right off of the young man's face. If he was so bored of watching Murdoch mess up time after time again, why didn't he just leave? That seemed like the easiest solution. But of curse, that was too easy. James Gillies liked to leave the most complicated steps to the easiest solution. And, much like Murdoch had experienced not so long ago, James didn't want to leave. He wanted to egg Murdoch in all the right places, and that made William feel as if he were not going in the right direction. There was some admiration for the young lad, being able to piece everything together, lead the constables and detective on and still not get directly caught (aside from the murdering of a certain college professor). There was a manipulative talent that James seemed to be born with. Not that Murdoch wanted to be manipulative or be able to exploit people, but he wished he did retain some of that boldness. But that simply wasn't who William Murdoch was. Sometimes, that was a very useful trait to have as well. Gillies could use some of Murdoch's calmed down nature, becoming less intolerable and gain a good listening ear. There was some good qualities that could be put to use somewhere besides escaping a jail cell.

Without realizing it, Murdoch was comparing and putting together some of his and Gillies' detective skills and character traits. Ok, so maybe they would make a good team. But he doubted that Gillies would be able to get hired anywhere because of his incriminating background. Nobody would want to hire a murderer, or so Murdoch hoped. "And you somehow think that you could be an asset to me." Murdoch shook himself out of his thoughts, embarrassed for even thinking some of them. He knew that James wasn't telepathic, but being the subject of Gillies still made him feel less secure. "Gillies, I'm not sure who put that idea in your mind, but tell whoever did that you will not be assisting me on any case anytime soon." Murdoch stepped forward and grabbed the blonde's arm, pulling him out of the corner of his office. He dragged Gillies to the door frame of his office and spoke quietly, "I can look the other way if you leave now." Murdoch couldn't help but let out a defeated sigh. He didn't know how Gillies would take it. Perhaps a sign to jump in for the kill, but he hoped that it helped in convincing James to leave. "If Brackenreid sees and gets angry at me, so be it, but," the detective's brown eyes softened, as he looked over James' shoulder at the office of the Inspector. "I can't let you help me." It was Murdoch's last insistence. He couldn't really explain why he was suddenly being so gentle, when only a minute ago he had thought about punching James in the face. It was just a feeling that Murdoch didn't really want to dig too deep into. The detective could sense that the younger man's response would be sarcastic, making fun of him for being too soft. But he didn't have time to deal with Gillies anymore; there wasn't time to banter. He did, unfortunately, appreciate the suspects Gillies had crossed off for him. It would make his job a tad easier. With a slight nod of his head, Murdoch went back to his blackboard.

He didn't dare turn around to face James Gillies, he was embarrassed. Murdoch genuinely didn't know why he had been so... forgiving. He should've just brought him back to the cells, perhaps give him a few dirty looks. Something besides being kind to a man like him. James Gillies knew that Murdoch had very little to no time to solve this case, he had said it himself. So why didn't he just leave Murdoch alone. Sure, it was fun to pull the detective out of his shell, but still, it wasn't much of a reason to hang around Murdoch so often. He assumed that Gillies was just trying to be a nuisance, like everyone else thought. He didn't like the thought of anything besides that. He didn't want to know the emotional side of that. Besides, James knew that Murdoch would never really be into that sort of thing right? A shiver went down William's spine, as he started blinking away any of those thoughts. He couldn't think like that right now - there was a time and a place. Taking off his dark suit jacket, Murdoch set the coat on his desk, revealing his suspenders and white shirt. He rolled up his sleeves and erased the writing on the board, the message Gillies had written. The last thing he wanted at the moment was to have any memory of Gillies. Satisfied with the clean black slate, William's eyes were yet again drawn to the figure that was in the door frame. "Or, I can escort you back to the cells again, and the Inspector could have a crack at you." Murdoch turned so he was fully facing the other man, displeasure building up inside him again. He couldn't help himself. The threat, like most of his, was fairly empty. Except part of the threat wasn't. He most likely wouldn't let Brackenreid have a crack at him, because he tended to go overboard. But that didn't mean Murdoch wouldn't . Murdoch waited for Gillies' answer, his mind made up. William couldn't wait.

[Spock and Kirk]

✄•••••••••••𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰
"I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"
[25 | Male | Homosexual | Craving attention | tagged;Murdoch]

xxxIt seemed as though the longer that I watched the detective the more that I genuinely wanted to help. It seemed as though all of the years that I had spent in prison were beginning to melt away into a heap of nothing when the brunette looked at me, all of the brooding that I had done dwelling on the past of what he had done to me. Thinking about the acts of revenge that I was going to take against him. I felt the smirk that was on my face fade a little bit, something else had washed over me that honestly I was not used too. I had not felt this way since I had spent all that time with Robert Perry, and even then I felt as though it were not as strong as what was deciding to envelop me now. It seemed as though the defensive walls that the Detective were beginning to put up though his body language, the folded arms across his chest showed that he was no longer interested in any level of civil conversation. However his eyes told a different story, I could see the wheels in his mind turning through his eyes. It was only a small piece of the entire picture that I was able to capture with my own pair of brown eyes but I could still tell that he was considering my offer. Or rather it is what I hope that he was considering, maybe he was thinking about how un-trustworthy I had been in in the past. Turning my reputation into one of murky water. I was not one that the constabulary trusted, and for good reason as well. I only hope that there is a small chance that I would be able to win back the detective. Back from all that I had done to make him rightfully not believe that putting trust in the mastermind that killed his own professor with physics was the wisest idea in the world. I needed to figure out how to sway him to trust me again, what could I do that would lead the detective to trust me once again. I feel that this is still a stretch though, a stretch from feelings that I have for him rooted deep within my mind. They have taken root nevertheless and I don't plan on ripping said roots out anytime soon. Besides, I am sure that when I do so I will leave some kind of a wound that will be next to unsealable. I took in a deep breath trying to stop my thoughts from swirling around in my mind, they were beginning to consume me as they had done while I was in prison with nothing better to do. None of the other prisoners were too keen on talking my ear off when they found out who I was, when my name was first uttered as though it were some kind of a curse everyone decided that it was for the best if they refused to talk to me. I tried to act like it was nothing, like I could just brush it off but there was some kind of a pain that followed with people not trusting me, even if they didn't know the real me. Honestly it was my main source of weakness, the need for companionship with the others that I claim to not understand. The moment that I found someone who I could see as an equal, I did everything in my power to make sure that the person would be forever within my reach. However, this time it was very different.

xxxDetective Murdoch seemed to talk with some kind of disbelief that the two of us could ever work together as a team. He knew as well as I did that no one in their right mind would be willing to hire some psychopath that had been convicted for murder. One that was deemed an insane mastermind by multiple physicians that I was assigned too while in prison. Which Is an interesting story all on its own, most wanted to see what was wrong with me. It took someone special to apply dull concepts that were learned in a brick and mortar school to the real physical world. But it wasn't just the application that shocked everyone, but the nature of that application. Instead of making some fascinating device that I could show off to a bunch of people who might invest in a project such as that I decided with the help of a friend to build a device to murder a professor. Not out of spite, but out of the sheer pleasure of it all. The question of weather or not we could actually pull it off. There was always a nagging feeling at the pit of my stomach that told me that I would not be able to pull it off. But I did, it worked and it caused me to spend time in prison. I was supposed to be at the end of the rope, but I got out of that one as well. I just blinked as the detective grabbed my arm (once again sending shivers down my spine) and shoved me out of the room. Or rather he just lead me to the doorway and told me to shove off once again. I quickly turned around sincerity taking over my entire being, for the first time since I had met the detective I actually felt-I don't know- sanity? It wasn't the previous obsession that I had felt nor was it the incessant need to want to mess with his mind. I just wanted to stay. "But... I.. I don't want to go" I could feel as though part of what made up me was beginning to drip away revealing a much more vulnerable James Gillies, one that was no longer afraid of the strange attraction that I felt towards the detective. I opened my mouth to speak more but my words just fell to the floor. It seemed as though I were devoid of any sarcastic comments, or anything for that matter. I genuinely wanted to help but part of me being shut down made me want to end my persistence.

xxx I took in a deep breath straightening up as I watched the Detective return back to his work rolling up his sleeves as he was diving back in to thought. I exhaled looking down and no longer touching the doorframe. "As you wish" I finally spouted slowly, as though the words were dripped in honey. I feel as though this might be the last time that I happen to set foot in this place, I may have to find some other hobby. Something else that I can do with the remainder of my time, I will find something in due time. I can only hope. I usually have found something to do with my time, maybe I can find another station house to torment. However I feel as though I wont find someone who I actually desire to be around as I do Murdoch. I took one final glance at him as I turned to walk away hunching over in defeat slightly. "Sir" I finally finished over my shoulder as I turned to leave the station house. Truly I figured that I had done something that may as well be of use to Detective Murdoch, however I was very very wrong. Maybe I did have some use elsewhere. I could try to invent something, other than a killing machine. I walked out of the station house swirling with what my next move would be. I have never been more conflicted in my entire life before, I usually had a plan. I knew where I was going and what I needed to get there. A step ahead of everyone and sometimes even myself. When I turned the knob to leave Station House number four for the final time the gust of cold air that hit my face seemed to wake me up a little, Why was I being so soft? I could always come back and torment them more whenever I felt like it. Heck, I could even stage some kind of an elaborate murder to make Detective Murdoch run all over Toronto looking for answers. The smirk befell onto my face once again, but the aching feeling was still in the pit of my stomach. It was like I had eaten something bad and wanted to spit it back up but It refused to come back up. I just walked down the sidewalk passing by every other person trying to make eye contact and smile. It made one less conspicuous anyways. People were less likely to suspect you of anything if you looked them in the eye and smiled. I decided I would go to the park and mope around there, it was always a good place to think. I just hope that I am not followed by anyone, I suppose an odd route would do the trick.

[auroraphoenix]

❝ＷＩＬＬＩＡＭ ＭＵＲＤＯＣＨ❞
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( male ) x ( closeted bisexual ) x ( tagged: gillies kinda )

Murdoch wasn't expecting Gillies leaving without a fight. In fact, he kind of expected more from the man, but looking at him, William saw something else in his eyes. There was an absence of light, as if something was missing from the blonde. He seemed empty, which was weird because when Gillies was empty, William saw so much more of him. More weakness, more vulnerability, more like Murdoch. And suddenly, William Murdoch saw what someone might possibly see in someone like James Gillies. It left something warm in his stomach, unlike anything he had ever really felt before. Maybe a few times with Julia, but nothing besides that. And that feeling in itself was enough to throw Murdoch off; made him want to suddenly find out who James Gillies was behind that criminal mask. He wanted to dig further, know more, spend more time with him. That was a surprise that Murdoch never expected to think. The detective leaned back against his desk and stared into the air in front of him, trying to figure out what the heck he was thinking, and where the thoughts were even coming from. This was not normal. He didn't know what to do about any of these feelings. Flashing his eyes at James again, Murdoch almost wanted to say something, but he didn't. James looked far too unprotected, too sensitive for William to say anything. Something must've cracked inside James, he wanted to surrender now. But why? There was a little inkling in Murdoch's mind that made him think that James was only doing this to throw him again. That still left the question of why. He had absolutely no reason to let his guard down so quickly. So maybe, everything that Murdoch saw, just from looking into those blue eyes, was genuine. That look of defeat, disappointment. Murdoch's heart began pounding in his ears again, but this time, not from fear of a human enemy - of his emotions, of himself. Those very few minutes that had felt like hours let him get closer to Gillies faster than he had imagined. It left him unsure and confused, beginning to question who he was. The brunette watched as Gillies walked away, mumbling a low 'sir' under his breath. It didn't sound right coming out of his mouth, it felt too formal. But William didn't say anything, just watched as the younger man sadly walked out of the constabulary.

The detective felt the urge to apologize, but what for? For being a responsible detective? For not being able to let his emotions take him over? Because any of those would make it sound like Murdoch wasn't genuine, and that was not what Murdoch would've wanted to come out of it. There were a few ways that encounter could go. Murdoch could go after James, and apologize. James would look at him for a moment and laugh in his face, the smirk returning to his lips. He could go on and on about how he was just faking it, and William would just wonder why he ever bothered. Or, Murdoch could go after the blonde and apologize, and the blonde would accept the apology, and then there would be some weird emotional tension. The latter was the most plausible in Murdoch's mind; he simply couldn't imagine James laughing this one off. But Murdoch couldn't possibly logic his way through this one, as there were far too many endings that Murdoch could imagine. Maybe that was for the best though. William was beginning to think that he was insane; he had never, ever felt this much confusion in both his heart and his brain. Did he still love Julia? Well that went without question. But who was James Gillies to him? Murdoch had only started noticing who Gillies was today, so there wasn't any attraction yet, but that was sure to change, and Murdoch suspected that it would change fairly quickly. That scared Murdoch - what would happen then? What would Julia think? Murdoch didn't really want to go down that alley yet, and to be honest, he hoped he never ever had to. He liked the relationship that he and Julia had. They were something, but they weren't really... dating. Murdoch had always been repulsed by same-sex dating, but Julia had made him realize that it was just the same as opposite-sex love. Of course, William had never been truly comfortable with any of that, but he had made a conscious effort to try and be more accepting. True, real acceptance would come in time. The more Murdoch thought about it, the more he felt less on edge by it.

Murdoch's thoughts slowly drifted to Gillies yet again. He supposed he wouldn't be surprised if Gillies was a sodomite, or homosexual, but it certainly didn't help with feeling completely comfortable. Was Gillies having homosexual thoughts about him? Murdoch shuddered, but it didn't really feel that odd. He even supposed he didn't have a problem with it at all. Murdoch wouldn't say that he was flattered, per say, but he wasn't completely disgusted. Murdoch felt himself being sucked deeper and deeper within his thoughts, so he decided that it might be better to try and distract himself from the whole ordeal by working, something that he did best. But the detective soon found out that he simply could not work this away. Gillies continued to occupy his thoughts. It probably would benefit him in the end to try and figure out what the heck was going on, and to, if anything, apologize. Murdoch didn't know what he was going to say to Gillies, without creating inevitable tension. He didn't necessarily want to, but James was never going to leave his brain until he did this. He had to talk to him and to figure out what the heck was going on. Murdoch put his black suit-coat back on and took his hat, and exited the station house. He went out onto the sidewalk and scanned the crowds who were out on the streets, but didn't see Gillies. Murdoch narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, as if that were going to help him. He soon caught sight of the familiar blonde hair amongst the sea of people, but there was several people blocking Murdoch from getting to him right away. Perhaps that was for the best. William started into the crowd of people, trailing a few feet behind the younger man. His heart was prominently beating in his heart, and his mind was swirling around with the possible things he could say.

-- ahhh so many emotions

[Spock and Kirk]

✄•••••••••••𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰
"I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"
[25 | Male | Homosexual | Craving attention | tagged; alone.. Maybe? ]

xxxI swiftly put my hands in my pockets, even though it was a sure fire way to get people to turn their heads and look at me if I had slipped up with my smiling routine. It was the least of my worries as I continued to walk down the street towards the park area. The streets were lined with people, it was a Saturday and everyone wanted to go for a stroll in the last of the nicer weather that we were going to have for the year. It was clear that autumn was on its way, the familiar nip was in the air and I believed that I had seen a few leaves begin to fall from the trees. It was a depressing season to most who were the glass-half-empty type. Those that looked out at all the dying colours of the leaves and the dingy colours that began to envelop the earth. But to me, it reminded me of self preservation. The need and will to live when looking death right in the face. The feeling that the grim reaper is leaning over you with his sickle ready to take you from your life to face the judgement of the other world. However this was not as bleak as I may paint it to the one person who asked me while we walked through the campus gardens in the middle of autumn. The trees had to loose their leaves in order to stay alive. The plants had to die so that they could preserve their life force under the earth where it was warmer. They all possessed a very strong will to live, and the only way to make it possible was to first coil up into themselves so that they could drink up the flavours of springtime once again. Even when I went into Depth Robert Perry was among the glass half empty people, he always was. It was surprising to most how I managed to see the good in the horrid things that mother nature forced its living beings to do, and I managed to pick out the flaws in my fellow human beings. It was part of my disposition I suppose, when one is hurt enough times by people in the past you learn to seek self in the things that live and sprout around you. I continued to watch the people who were walking, it was like you could smell the dread of winter that was coming from most of them. A lot of people disliked the cold, frigid winds that struck Toronto as soon as winter rolled around. I couldn't blame them, most find the cold to be miserable and melancholy. It forced most into some kind of a seasonal depression that made everyone hang their heads. However, I find that I am more alert during the winter. When there is nothing but a thick blanket of snow that consumes my thoughts. After you spend a little while staring out into the white abyss you begin to think of other things rather than the state of your surroundings. Its kind of like a mental hibernation state. Not too many people came out, eliminating that factor for my mind wavering from its usual path.

xxx Speaking of such path, the thoughts of the coming winter slowly dissipated as I crossed through an alley way. One of many strange turns that I was going to take so that I was not followed. However, after I cleared the alleyway and saw the path to the park right in front of me, welcoming me into its embrace I decided to jump right in. I don't think that anyone would bother tracking me in the first place. What would the meaning of it be anyhow? Following some random person with malicious thoughts crossing through their mind. Besides, if anything was to happen I did have my knife for self defence. I could never be to careful around people, some of them were just like myself cold and calculating. However, I have had yet to find another person who used their mind power in the same ways that I had. Murdoch was an equal to myself however I don't believe that he has it in him to commit some kind of a murder. He is much too rooted in morals to do something of that nature, same with ever having feelings for me in return. The thought made me burn with anger, it was the anger of knowing that you want to hold hands with someone and tell them more about yourself showing them how human that you are but they will never feel the same way in return. William would probably send me back off to prison for just considering him as more than a friend. Or well, wanting to be more than just friends. When I first told Robert about how I felt he kinda gave me a second glance as though there were something wrong with me. It took a while before... I shook those thoughts from my head. I thought that we would never be able to study together again for fear that I would start to have feelings for him. I was very wrong when the next day my friend came over with his book bag needing help with a few problems. Thankfulness had washed over me in that moment realizing that the two of us could still remain friends even after I had told him what I was... Even thinking the word gave me chills. It was only mentioned among those who were trying to crack some kind of a cruel joke, and so I had learned to not think of myself as such. I tried to swallow my feelings but it was much harder to do then when I was in secondary school. I had had crushes on my schoolmates yes, but never anything serious. I did end up taking a girl to a dance but it was so unbelievably dull, she began to talk my ear off about school gossip and I just ended up loosing focus thinking about my friend who was across the room looking at me for a split second recognizing my boredom. I don't think that I will ever forget that night, the one where I realized that my attraction lied elsewhere, but some part of me wished that I had not figured it out and would be able to live with a woman without having to ever think about the strange feelings that course through my veins.

xxx I finally got to the place that I wanted to be at the park, by the small artificial pond that they had put in place to make those who ventured there feel as though they were not in the middle of a city but in nature. Nature that was imbued with all the things that made it so beautiful. Including random bodies of water that lead to a small stream, however this small pond was missing that stream and the water was beginning to sport a very odd green colour from all of the plant life that was beginning to flourish. I crouched down picking up a smoother rock, now its time for the real fun to begin. I never really did this when I was alone before, I usually had contests with my sister as to who's stone would make the most leaps. I had the tendency to loose on purpose so that she would feel as though she were better than me at something, which she was but she never focused on it. I straightened up and threw the stone it making three steps before plunking into the water, that was nowhere near my personal best of five steps. My little while in prison had lead me to getting rusty, its not like they have open bodies of water that you can skip stones in in that facility. I picked up a small handful of stones and continued to throw as my thoughts wandered. There was a lone duck on the other side of the pond that I had startled when I had made four larger jumps with one of my stones. It was amusing to see it flap its wings when it noticed the projectile coming its way in such an unnatural manor. I felt a slight smirk quiver on my lips but it quickly faded as I tossed another stone. My thoughts continued to wander back to the detective, would he come after me seeking some kind of an answer for what I had done? Or would he forget that I had ever done anything and just go back to work forgetting all about me as I disappeared forever. After all the tormenting that I had done over the last little while I could not imagine him leaving me be, but however he has surprised me before. He solved the almost perfect murder that Robert and I had set up. I had figured that it was perfect until I had the pleasure of getting to observe the most talented detective in the world. I suppose that might be an understatement, he was more then just talented. His mind was equal to mine even if we may apply our knowledge of physics in two very different ways. I use it to weave webs for people like him to follow, slowly unraveling every single little piece. The image of the large spider web in my mind mixed with my throw must have caused it, but the next stone that I hat thrown jumped six steps. Making me full on grin with self pride, I suppose beating my personal best was something to smile about.

--So many questions too! Will they ever uncover the truth?

[auroraphoenix]

❝ＷＩＬＬＩＡＭ ＭＵＲＤＯＣＨ❞
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
( male ) x ( closeted bisexual ) x ( tagged: gillies )

Murdoch followed Gillies through the crowds of people on the sidewalk, through an odd alleyway (which made Murdoch wonder why Gillies would be there in the first place) and finally entered the park. The brunette made sure to always stay a few feet behind the younger man. He didn't want to look suspicious by being too close, but also didn't want to lose sight of him. It was easier said than done, especially when Murdoch first began following James. He had lost sight of Gillies at least twice, but had managed to find him again, nonetheless. But that didn't mean it was easy, by any means. William quickly found that he had to keep up his pace, for James did walk rather fast. Murdoch didn't suspect he had anyone to meet - otherwise he would've been much more adamant about leaving the station house. now, being at the park, murdoch slowed his pace. james stayed within his eyesight as long as he went straight, and Murdoch didn't plan on going any other way but that. He lingered behind, watching Gillies toss rocks in silence. It seemed as though he were lost in his own thoughts, which Murdoch expected. He could only see the back half of Gillies, as he was facing away, but the brunette decided he would like to know what the younger man was thinking. It was unusual for Murdoch to hear so much silence surrounding James, but at this point in time he seemed at peace. In a way, William rather liked watching James in such a different form than usual. Murdoch hadn't exactly planned what he was going to say when he did approach Gillies, but Murdoch knew that he had to apologize at some point in their conversation. It was most likely going to be fairly tense throughout their conversation, but William was prepared for that much at least. He felt his heartbeat begin to speed up as he finally started walking over towards gillies. Words and phrases kept circulating his mind, but Murdoch decided he would just let it be. there was no point in getting upset at this point. Murdoch's hands went to take off his hat, and he lightly pressed it to his chest.

Murdoch didn't say anything the first few moments he was standing next to him. He simply watched Gillies skip rocks, but quickly averted his eyes to the area of green across the small pond. What should he start with? The apology? Small talk? Be blunt? No, definitely not blunt, at least not yet. It was far too early for that. The brunette decided, after many moments of silence to start in with small talk, but cut to the chase right away. That couldn't go too badly, right? But the question was, how would Gillies react? Murdoch gave James a side glance before quickly looking back at the pond again. "Who would've known that James Gillies, criminal mastermind, was such a good rock skipper?" Murdoch was very much amused, as was he being truthful. He had seen James skip the rock 3 times, creating little ripples within the water. It occurred to Murdoch that that could've come out very differently, sounding... condescending, and that was the last thing that he meant. "I do not mean that in a rude way. You appear to be very good at this." The brunette was shocked at how easygoing he was being, and moreover, how laid back he was. Truth is, the detective was expecting to be tripping over his words right and left, yet here was sounding more confident than he ever had before. Murdoch knelt down and picked up a small, flat stone. He felt it, feeling the smooth edges against his rough hands. Turning to the side slightly, Murdoch flicked his wrist, letting the rock sip on the water. It only skipped twice, but hey, it wasn't too bad. Murdoch decided against taking another rock and turned fully towards the man he was talking to. Murdoch knew what he wanted to say, but how to say it was he question. How could he possibly ask about James Gillies' true personality? Murdoch was having doubt about himself and the direction their talk would take. He set his hat on the grass and returned to his normal height.

The detective thought through his possibly phrases before saying anything. If he were to mess up, he didn't know what he'd do. But then again, why was he making such a big deal out of it? There was really no point. As Murdoch studied Gillies, he started noticing things he had never really noticed before. The way the light reflected onto him, the technique he used to flick the frisbee. None of the things he noticed were really major in William's opinion, so why did they stand out so much to him? Murdoch finally opened his mouth to talk, hoping nothing he said was too stupid. "Who are you?" It was simple and frankly, kind of vague and boring, but on the other hand it did get right to the point. "I don't mean the James gillies who has angered more people than anyone on this earth. But who are you right now?" Murdoch supposed it sounded sappy, but he knew that he was curious and would never be satisfied until he knew. Which led him to his next point. What if Gillies was being completely honest, but Murdoch wasn't happy with the response? Then what? He couldn't change what James said in any way. The brunette wondered how James would take his question. Would Gillies even answer his question? Murdoch had no idea until he knew what came out of Gillies' mouth. Murdoch hoped he would be truthful and actually answer the question. His eyes rested on Gillies, his breathing becoming somewhat patchy and uneven. Anticipation ate at Murdoch like a sweet candy. What would Jams Gillies say?

[Spock and Kirk]

✄•••••••••••𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰
"I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"
[25 | Male | Homosexual | Broken, Reflective | tagged; Murdoch ]

xxxI continued to keep my eyes on the duck for a while which ruffled its feathers to make itself more comfortable. A mother and her child were walking by and the child must have pointed to the duck while it was making a whole bunch of noise because the mother had picked up her child gingerly and held her up so that the little child could look at the duck. It was fascinating really how transfixed some children were with things, most things that an adult would not bother batting an eye at. It was not a surprise to see a duck in a pond while walking through the park. But to a child, this was like finding a pot of gold just lying around. It was shocking how excited that the child got when they managed to get a good look at the animal that had a mind of its very own. Some piece of me wished that I could re-discover the world again. Seeing different parts of it as though I were looking at a completely new planet. But where did all this come from? I didn't have the money nor the means to explore anywhere other than Toronto, no way would I be allowed to cross a border even under some kind of an alias. What a ridiculous notion, it was better to just explore the far reaches of Canada instead of worrying about every little thing that I missed out on because I had to try to kill my own professor. Some part of me knew that I had to do it, just to mess with the people around me. Even if my true wishes and aspirations were to do other things with my life. Since I began studying applied physics Ive never really had the chance to connect with the world as much as I had when I had the freedom that came with living a life in secondary school. Back then I had the freedom to do as I pleased instead of studying all the time. I actually prided myself on the lack of studying that I had while in school my grades still blowing the minds of my instructors. But even during this I never really felt constrained, but its not like I was popular either. I was that child that usually sat on their own during lunch hour and pretended that I had gotten used to it however I never really had gotten used to it. I chucked another stone out into the water as spite and sorrow began to envelope me. Thats when I heard the Detectives very stoic voice and I froze in place.

xxx I should have been watching more closely to my surroundings instead of getting lost in my woes, instead of being as careful as I usually was I managed to get myself so caught up that- There is no use in fretting around it now. I needed to make sure that I was no longer on the brink of tears, sure he had known that there was something different about me since I accepted the fact that there was no way that I was ever going to be of service to him. I felt myself blushing a bit when I was given the complement on my rock throwing skills. I had not shown this skill to anyone before, I wanted to try to cover up my shock with some kind of a witty comment. I just hope that It wont sound snarky, as most of my comments often come across as. "I guess when you spend your senior year summer break near the lakeside with nothing better to do then skip stones you acquire an aptitude for it" I finally decided that I had regained enough composure to look the Brunette detective in the eyes. He seemed pretty good when he managed to get a few jumps from the rock that he flicked into the pond. "you're not too bad yourself. But-" I paused for a second. It was uncommon for me to receive a complement of any kinds, especially from a detective that was bent on placing a noose around my neck not too long ago. I got myself out of that fiasco I have a feeling that I can get out of this one as well. "-Well, thank you" I finally managed to spit out in complete candor. I don't remember when the last time was when I was not showing some kind of facade to the outside world, putting on a mask to conceal every single little inner working of my mind from those who were not likely to under stand. I probably looked like a completely different person to the Detective, who had only seen the ice berg of what I used to be. Well, who I still am in a sense. It wouldn't be much for me to put said mask back on but I managed to get him out here this far. I then finally looked up into his brown eyes, he seemed transfixed with me. His eyes laced with confusion and.. A desire for answers. William is a Detective after all so I cannot really be too surprised there. It was his job to seek the truth, but it was a very good question. Who am I?


xxxI had not ever truly figured it out myself, and some part of me wanted it to remain a secret. I had never really trusted anyone with my true nature before (Accept maybe twice). The one time that I had, I was betrayed. So I suppose most would be very surprised if I was not putting up walls to keep everyone else out from my true nature. Being the Mastermind Criminal who has a heart full of ice. It was a nice mask, and it fit all too perfectly. I did genuinely enjoy setting up webs for others to follow, confusing them and messing around with their minds. But it goes deeper than that, I really just wanted the attention that came with everyone in a constabulary coming after you. You never really have a moment when you are on your own.Now that the Detective has seen that I am not just some cold, calculating, killer he would probably not fall for me lying to him like I usually end up doing. Or speaking in some kind of a riddle that he would have to figure out. I never told anyone what my true ambitions in life were, I didn't wake up every day and say ' I want to be a mass murdering psychopath!' no. There was one thing that I wanted to do with my life but everyone insisted that I was much too valuable to the world of science (Particularly physics) to throw it away with some ridiculous game. In reality, the game was the only real thing that I was good at. how did I pull off 'Gillian James' so well that one week I managed to get everyone to think that I had been transferred. Now that was a prank if I had ever set one up, I even got Robert believing that I was someone else. Its what I really wanted to use my mind for, sure it was fun putting on disguises but... I shook my head of the thoughts as another rock had entered my hand out of instinct, from the small pile that I had amassed in my hand. I carefully slid the rock between my two fingers and flicked my wrist allowing it to fly across the pond. Should I be honest with the detective? I suppose I have nothing to loose, I haven't another friend in the world. I then froze, we aren't friends. He just kicked me out of his office and I expect him to walk up to me and say that he wants to be friends with a murderer. One that swore vengeance against him not too long ago just because I revealed some kind of weakness. I suppose I can tell the truth, but not all of it. I put another rock in my hands throwing it up a little bit before catching it again feeling the smooth surface between my fingers, it had a few ridges but it was still good. "Right now..." I closed my eyes for a second to remember all that I had aspired to be when I was a young adult. My thought process when I was sixteen. I shut my eyes tighter before opening them. "I am the pieces of a young man who had his dreams shattered." I finally settled on, it was true. But it didn't explain the entire story, nor do I think that I will tell the entire story. Detective William Murdoch was not my friend, I doubt that he ever would be.

[auroraphoenix]

❝ＷＩＬＬＩＡＭ ＭＵＲＤＯＣＨ❞
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( male ) x ( closeted bisexual ) x ( tagged: gillies )

Murdoch's brown eyes didn't stay on Gillies; he felt it might make him uncomfortable, especially when being this personal. He felt that Gillies wasn't the emotional type, and didn't usually sit down and talk about his feelings. Not that this was what they were doing, but still, it was best not to pressure the younger man or appear that way. He heard James' words of thanks, and the corners of Murdoch's lips twitched slightly. "You're very welcome," he said softly, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body. That was a rare occurrence, something he usually felt after a very successful case solved. But in an emotional state, those feelings were only unearthed by one city mortician. A small bit of crimson began spreading throughout his cheeks as Murdoch looked at the ground. He felt that, just maybe, Gillies and himself would no longer be on very bad terms. There wasn't anything, besides Gillies' criminal record, that kept them from being on reasonable terms. William had simply chosen not to like Gillies. Murdoch couldn't help but wonder, if Gillies had not been a criminal, had not done the treacherous things he had done, what would their relationship be then? Would they even have met? Murdoch reasoned that they most likely would've met in the distant future, considering how similar they were. They did seem to have a similar skill set, besides the fact that Gillies, murdered people. But their minds were very much alike, both being highly intelligent and having quite a reputation about them. Despite the fact that James was more infamous than actually reputable in a good sense, they were two who were well known within the area of Toronto. It was saddening, seeing someone with Gillies' obvious gift being put to something so bad in the world. Murdoch's eyes wandered the landscape around him, the air feeling crisp, but not quite cold. It was a nice day to have to chase someone down, William would give James that. He snapped himself out of his thoughts, reminding himself that he was here for Gillies, to listen to him. The need to apologize faded away. No, Murdoch just wanted to talk to James. It was odd, Murdoch had never thought in a million years that he would want to do that. Yet here he was, eager and willing.

William studied the younger man next to him as he spoke, making sure to listen carefully. His eyes shifted to the ripples in the water that formed from the flat stones that sliced the surface on the water. He decided not to skip any more rocks, it would be easy to lose himself in his thoughts that way. People came and went, not even casting a second glance at the two men. But the moment they knew that they were anything more than friends, well... that was a whole different story. It was quite ridiculous, Dr. Ogden had explained to Murdoch once, what is so different about a man loving another man? A woman loving another woman? Murdoch hadn't quite an answer for that. He was a religious man himself, but he had a feeling that if he had said that, Dr. Ogden would no longer talk to him. Of course, every couple had their disagreements, but Julia had been especially passionate about the idea of homosexuality. To be quite honest, Murdoch had never really stopped to think about who he was. He had assumed that he was only attracted to women. No man had ever had any pull, and if there was, it was always very small. That is, before James Gillies. With the blonde man on Murdoch's side, William felt confused. He felt as if his brain and his heart had to duke that issue out. For now, Murdoch wouldn't fret too much about it. Yes, there would always be that seed in his mind questioning who he was, but Murdoch would cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now, figuring out the human enigma was his goal. Hearing Gillies finally speak about being a man whose dreams were shattered raised up questions and concerns for the younger man. He faced the blonde and studied him, his bushy eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He had a feeling that he was not getting the whole truth, but Murdoch figured that he would take everything in small victories. Gillies' answer had been very cryptic, purposely not revealing any details. It made Murdoch more curious, not particularly helping James if he had been meaning to keep quiet about his life. Hopefully James wouldn't mind revealing more. "If you don't mind," Murdoch cautiously continued, knowing that the smallest error in wording could cost him his life, "what dreams were lost?" He finished, holding his breath, hoping that Gillies would not take that with any hint of ignorance.

Murdoch knew that Gillies would be very hesitant to answer his follow-up question, considering how far out and unexpected this string of conversation was. It could appear that Murdoch was trying to find out about James just to help further himself on the case, but alas, that was not it. If James thought he knew anything about William Murdoch, it was that he didn't like to dig too far into someone's life while on the job. It was different if he genuinely wanted to get to know someone to seek a friend, but never to try and exploit a suspect in a case. The brunette was interested in Gillies' response, eager to find out more about Gillies' life. Did he have a real family, or did he murder them all in their sleep? What did he do in his pastime, when he was not plotting or committing a murder? Those were amongst the many questions Murdoch would want to ask, or have answered but those would just have to come in time. But what if Gillies didn't say anything, evading the answers as per usual? That had to be kept part of all of this, considering James' record with answering questions. Murdoch supposed that it would definitely hurt him, but it wouldn't be very surprising. They were not anywhere near close, and Murdoch hoped that Gillies realized that this was an effort to change that. "I'm sorry that this is so sudden," Murdoch stated, genuine care lacing his voice. "I should not be pressuring you to answer these questions, nor tell me about your personal life." To be honest, that apology was not really what he wanted to say, but it felt better.He decided to leave it at that, giving James a chance to back out. It went without saying that James was not obligated to explain his whole life story right there and then to Murdoch. There was a whole list of things that the man owed Murdoch, but a life story was not on that list.

[Spock and Kirk]

✄•••••••••••𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰
"I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"
[25 | Male | Homosexual | Broken, Reflective | tagged; Murdoch ]

xxxJust as I had expected, the detective wanted to know more about what I had been talking about. My response had been vague on purpose, partially still expecting him to press for more answers. He was a detective, Its like blaming a dog for smelling out a dead fish. You cannot get mad at something or someone for doing what they were made to do. Its a shame that not every other person has that figured out as well. I feel as though he would use this information to exploit me in some way, I usually built up walls to try to protect myself rom everyone else in this world, I am not used to not waring my facade and some of it was fairly uncomfortable. But I suppose it could do no harm, I decided that I needed to try to keep this under wraps, i would never tell him the whole truth. Why should I tell him the whole truth? He would only use it against me as I had brought up before. I threw another stone before I saw the detective step in front of me. He seemed to be sporting a crimson blush, the same as I had begun to place onto my features not too long ago. I looked up into his eyes for a second but the second that I felt my cheeks heat up I looked back down again, however I was hindered from throwing any more rocks. There was one left in my hand which I felt being tossed between my fingers. I fiddled with it feeling every single little ridge in the small stone. I was still a mystery to the detective, and he had every right to try to find out more about me. It was what he was good at and I should not have suspected any less from the famous detective. I suppose when someone manages to contaminate all of your thoughts you take time to think about the traits that you have observed that they deliver the rest of the world. I was barely able to look up at him, I don't think that I have ever had Detective Murdoch this close to me without having him pull away or walk to the other end of the table before. It was a strange feeling, the plant beginning to grow encapsulating my heart which began to pound into my ears. Some part of me wanted to swallow down my feelings but, it was very difficult when they were beginning to consume your entire being. There was just something about the older brunette that captured my attention the first time that I had seen him. The way that he worked with such flawlessness, even when he made mistakes, he always made it onto the right track with such ease. When he made the list of the objects that were needed to build my contraption and he found Perry's name all over it it was extraordinary. I had never actually considered that could be a clue, if I had I would have been able to avoid it. The two of us completed each other in a sense, Detective Murdoch pushed me to be better then I had been previously. However, my wishes now were no longer as malicious as they had been beforehand.

xxx My newfound Vulnerability made me want to back away a little bit from the crushing distance that was between the detective and myself. We had not been this close before for a very long time, and even when we were this close previously it was because William was trying to get some kind of information from me. In this case he did want some kind of information from me however he was not going to interrogate me about it. Which was a surprise when I heard his final comment about me not having to tell him if I really wanted too. My dreams were crushed and there were no way for me to tell him how I really felt without actually going into depth about my story. Who I was and who i wanted to be while I was in school. Some part of me told me to take a step back and utter some kind of a smart comment, making the detective feel disappointed and upset with me. He would probably just step away from me and forget that he had ever genuinely tried to talk with me. Which brought me back to the tone that was in his voice. He was not upset with me nor was he prying like he had when I was seated in the interrogation room. He was actually trying to speak with me as he would some kind of a friend. Maybe there was a chance for us to-I stopped myself before I got any further. There was no way that he ever would have feelings for me in return. He was a devout catholic and there were so many other reasons why he would not risk asking me to spend more time with him then mandatory. I doubt that we could be friends let alone sweethearts, which sounded weird now that I actually thought it through. Even if I had been thinking it at the back of my mind, the thought of the detective and I being two lovers made my heart speed up. We could be... But maybe in another universe if such a thing existed in the first place. I finally managed to bring my dropped eyes back up to meet the detectives as The words to respond to his question still failed me, When I opened my mouth they seemed to roll of my tongue when I wanted to speak. Was I going to tell him everything, even if he weren't going to pry for everything, I feel like I do need to tell him or he will keep pressing. Maybe it would be best if I gently tip toed around telling him the truth. Like the previous time, telling the truth but not the entire truth. My instructors in my secondary school classes always told me that was something I had a strange talent for.

xxx I then felt something begin to surface that I had not thought about since my days in University when I had originally had to choose between what I wanted to do and what everyone else seemed to be telling me to do. Its like everyone saw potential in every single part of me and wanted me to shine so much that... That I slipped too far into the darkness. I have wanted to tell someone since I had told Robert Perry about the situation that I had been put in during one of our study sessions. It was at the end of my first semester and I had a choice to make. I felt my eyes once again drift away from the detective as my thoughts were still swirling around. I felt like I should aim this back at him for a second before I begin to tell him my life story, maybe if the two of us get to know each other better. "Do you think that if I didn't go into one of the hard sciences I would be wasting my minds capability?" Again this was a little bit vague, I felt as though my heart was going to leap out of my chest. I had never spoken of my true feelings about this situation in a very long time and I was still not sure if I were able to trust William with every single one of my deepest darkest secrets. I felt my eyes again shift up to look at the detective. "Or I-uh- Did you always want to be a Detective? Was that what you used to tell your parents when you were a child that you wanted to be when you grew up?" I finally asked turning the question back at him in some ways. I felt sort of bad for returning his questions with more questions but I was not ready to tell him what I really had wanted to do with my life. Its not like I grew up and wanted to be a psychopath, I didn't want to have the blood of others on my hands when I was a child. Most of my aspirations were always fluctuating but there was one thing that I really wanted to do. My interest in Physics and chemistry were only really hobbies in comparison to the one thing that I wanted to do with my spare time. I usually blamed to be studying while I was out doing what I loved to do, I got away with it too as my mental capacity allowed for me to be able to come off as though I had been studying when in realty I was living the dream, with the gleaming lights and everything.