The roleplay school; Topic for my class

[Popcorns]

Hello, and welcome to a topic to improve your roleplaying skills! This topic is for the following;

• ZodiacWolf
• TheBarnOwl
• FeatherfroomJinx

If you are just a passerbyer and want to improve your skills of roleplaying, then feel free to go to this thread, where you can fill out a form for a student and recive your tutor and assignment in no time!

But for the users above, I welcome you to your first assignment! I am your Tutor and guide to improving your skills of roleplaying untill you are able to level up. We are going to be working on these things:

• Adding detail
• Length of your post
• Making original charactors or well describe ones
• Avoiding dead end posts
• Grammer and Spelling
• Plus more

You have all choosen a wolf roleplay. So, your charactor will be a wolf. Now I assum that none of you have created mary-sue/gary-sue, sparkle, perfect wolves right? Because when using that type of charactor your posts are usally full of nothing. Meaning just about two sentences about how great your wolf is. We are going to work away from that if you have ever done that in the past.Below you will find the form if you haven't filled out one already.

Code: Select all

[b]Username:[/b]

[i][b]Into the Mirror;[/b][/i]
[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Fur colour:[/b]
[b]Eye colour:[/b]
[b]Height:[/b]
[b]Frame:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Likes:[/b]
[b]Dislikes:[/b]
[b]Strengths:[/b]
[b]Weaknesses:[/b]
[b]Greatest Fear:[/b]
[b]Greatest Goals:[/b]
[b]History:[/b]
[b]Kin:[/b]
[b]Mate/Crush:[/b]
[b]Description:[/b]
[b]Picture:[/b]

Plot

The winter air chills yourself to your bones. You stumble through the foreleg deep snow along with your companions. A life of a loner isn't the easiest, especialy when you are being hunted from other packs as you fight for survival.
In the middle of a nasty winter, you and two other wolves are being hunted by your old pack, the Oman pack. You have been framed by the alphas of a deed you and your traveling partners have not done. Now, you have been outcasted but can not leave the Oman pack's territory as the deadly weather alogn with strange surroundings would have definatly killed you. Each day is a struggle for survival, not to mention the fact that your partners are the two wolves you never talk to or even seen ebfore as the Oman pack is very large. With death awaiting around every corner, how will you survive?


So, the basic idea is that three wolves-one belonging to each of you- have been kicked out of their large pack into the winter wilderness. The cause for the exile was that the female alpha proclaimed that you three killed her three month old pups of her first litter. All three wolves don't know each well/at all. Since it's been a deadly winter so far, you don't dare leave your ex-home's territroy for the fact that a blizzared and unknown land would have you dead in an hour. So, staying on the old home's turf means that the pack is always threatening to kill you for trespassing and a accused murder.


Posting order
It doesn't matter the order fo which you guys order as long as you all post once, then I'll post my comments on your roleplaying. Then three more posts will follow. For example;
Zodiacwolf posts, followed by FeatherfroomJinx and TheBarnOwl, then I would post. The next three posts don't have to be in the same order as before, but a user can not post twice before I post.


With all of this out of the way, post away! Oh, and if you can't find a spell check on your computer, copy and paste your post in the box on this website as it will tell you the mistakes.

[ƒєαтнєя]

Username:
FeatherfoomJinx, but call me Jinx

Into the Mirror;

Name:
Lithe

Age:
1 and a half.

Fur colour:
Lithe's main fur is a consistent ash gray, that covers most of her body. Nothing special. Along her back, her fur turns to a light, slate-gray. The strip of light on her back splits into four lines; One on each shoulder, and one on both sides of her upper back. The slate-gray, slowly deteriorates into a gray that can be described as light charcoal. These average gray colors are normal, bot bright, not attention-drawing.

Lithe's fur can be described as rugged, grimy, greasy, and rough, very much unlike normal, glossy and smooth pelt's of she-wolves who spend their time grooming, instead of running from her ex-pack. Her fur is short, not long, an advantage, because it won't get caught on branches, lucky for her.

Eye colour:
Lithe's eyes are bland, and don't attract attention, lucky for her. The irides of her eyes are a golden-olive color, average for wolves in the area. When she is surprised, her pupil doesn't go very much wider than it normally is. The reason for this, is that the female has very large pupils for such an average wolf. The averageness of her eyes, make her blend in with most wolves, not standing out

Height:
32' 7 inches. 83 cm
Lithe's body is built for jumping and speed. Her powerful back legs propel her very well when running, and lift her off the ground easily. This comes in handy when hunting flying, and fast prey.

Personality:
Lithe had a short temper, making those who annoy her with comments such as, "I'm bored!" and "There's nothing to do!" he worst nightmare. If she didn't know better, she would go right up to them, "There's plenty to do you idiot!" she would shout. Her bad temper causes her to dislike the small-talk, and gossip that such wolves produce daily. Instead of this, she would rather be doing something that actually helps the pack, and herself survive. Instead of blabbing with the other wolves, Lithe would much rather be in an argument, which happens regularly thanks to her short temper. Lithe keeps her guard up most of the time, and only relaxes when she is alone, solo.

Her short temper, and anti-social traits are probably caused by certain events in her life, such as when her father left, and when she was exiled.

Likes:
Lithe enjoys being alone, arguing, attacking things for the slightest thing, and going on long walks by herself.

Dislikes:
Lithe doesn't like, gossip, mindless chatter, questions, wolves who anger her, and people who say, "I'm bored!" in her mind, she's thinking, Then go entertain yourself... when that happens.

Strengths:
Lithe is very fast, because of her hind legs. Not only that, but she is very good at blending in, because of her average pelt, eye color and frame.

Weaknesses:
Lithe isn't very good at hunting, which is very strange, especially because of her speed. Lithe also has problems with balance, she just can't keep herself steady when trying to cross a fallen tree, or walking along something high.

Greatest Fear:
Lithe fears drowning, because she thinks it's a horrible way to die, no air, just water. She also fears getting caught by her ex-pack, but isn't that average?

Greatest Goals:
To last the winter then escape from her ex-pack's territory, alive. With or without her companions, she doesn't know.

History:
Lithe grew up in Oman Pack as someone who no one particularly liked, a social outcast, seeing as she plainly didn't like to be around others much. She didn't care though, she enjoyed her alone time. Her parents fretted, and tried to convince her to interact with others, but frankly, she would rather not. When finally, her father left, because he couldn't take it, Lithe became even more anti-social, she started to become depressed, and spent even more time alone, attacking innocent beings, such as small mammals, plants and birds.

Kin:
Mother (Forta) and her father (Martin).

Mate/Crush:
None/None

Description:
See fur color above.

Picture:

[Caesol]

Username: ZodiacWolf [Zodiac or Lune C: Whichever you'd guys prefer.]

Into the Mirror;
Name: Hyrum [Hi-Rum]
Age: 3 Years
Fur colour: Being a typical gray wolf, Hyrum's fur is the shade of a gradient gray. It gets lighter as you continue down his body but is pure white around his muzzle and belly. Around his facial area, there are triangular markings running down his eye. It might seem strange, but according to Hyrum, it's just a simple birthmark.
Eye colour: He has blue eyes only because his parents had a trace of husky somewhere along their lineage. When his generation had come, that gene was passed down to him. Luckily enough, he did not develop blindness, although he has complained about the bright light a few times in his life.
Height: 2.7' shoulder height.
Frame: Hyrum has a bit of a bulky frame which is why he was a guard during his time with the Oman Pack. This along with his gangly paws usually hinders his hunting capability. He has a few scars along his shoulder blades from a couple of scrapes he had gotten into along the line of duty.
Personality: Back at home, he was known for his cocky attitude and belligerent nature. His stentorian voice and strict demeanor usually implies that he wants respect from younger guards and luckily for him, they usually give it to him.
He usually keeps a circle of "friends" or lackeys with him and used to be considered a bully to younger wolves. Yet he's changed somewhat, now instead of bullying young ones in general, he picks on hunters mostly because he's not very skilled at the trade himself. His jealous nature sometimes gets the better of him and if singled out and challenged, can end up disasterous for Hyrum.
Outside of his horrible persona, he isn't really that bad of a wolf. Like any other, he has weaknesses, strengthes, and even likes. For one, he loves the freedom of the night and while he keeps a few wolves next to him, he would rather be alone than with subservient youngsters. That is why some wolves might note his absence on a full cloudless night. Do not worry though, he's usually off alone, brooding under the starry sky.
His romantic nature aside, it's still pretty obvious that Hyrum isn't very "good" either. He does have a darker nature to him. For instance, to ensure that he does not get demoted into an omega, Hyrum would challenge higher-ups recklessly or bully others to get what he wants. Of course, he would lose most of the time, but that provided essential by showing he wasn't a threat to the pack. After the stinging loss, he would usually remain quiet for a few days before he's up to his usual ways of sabotage and trickery.
Now generally, Hyrum doesn't speak to wolves he does not know, yet the day he was framed and banished, the outcast knew he had to change his ways the moment he stepped out of his home.
Likes:
•Brawling
•Asserting his authority among younger wolves
•Power [Who doesn't?]
•Taking charge
•Sleeping under the stars
Dislikes:
•Losing any type of match [Mental or Physical]
•Being treated like dirt by higher-ups
•Old wolf-wives [He thinks they gossip far too much]
•Being out-ranked and over-ruled
Strengths:
•Guarding and Fighting
•Insulting [If that counts.]
Weaknesses:
•Doesn't use his head as much as he should
•Charges recklessly into things without thinking it through
•Clumsy as a hunter
•Interacting with others
Greatest Fear: His greatest fear is succumbing to the treacherous force of mother nature and/or dying at the paws of his former pack members as well as dying in his sleep due to the cold.
Greatest Goals: His ultimate goal is to make it out alive and to proclaim his innocence. Hyrum doesn't know about his comrades, but he would definitely like to clear his name and to return to his birth-pack.
History:He was born to Liam and Zahir, both guards in the Oman Pack. It is from his mother that he inherited his blue eyes and from his father, he inherited his muscular build.
As a pup, he enjoyed play-fighting and soon grew into that trade as he slowly clawed his way up in his pack. And so it was then that he gained the reputation for being adventurous and never-in-the-least daunted by a challenge. To add to that, he went at it with a will and vigor that fitted most pups and had a fairly normal up-bringing until he had to decide what position he wanted to take up when he became old enough to choose. Of course, fighting over the elder's left-overs had helped him decide in the end what he was going to become. Hyrum knew that he was meant for-no- destined for the Guard rank even at a young age.
Eventually, he earned his status as a guard and spends his time patrolling the area. Though unfortunately, his rebellious tongue usually gets him into trouble with the senior guards and often lands him into trouble.
Kin: None Noteworthy
Mate/Crush: None/None
Description: Hyrum is a fairly large gray wolf with a bit of husky in his DNA. One could tell that because his coat is a lighter gray than most wolves along with the fact that he has abnormal blue eyes. He occasionally trips over his paws, causing him to hit muzzle-first into the cold snow. He also is a bit ganglier than most his age because of his mixed heritage.
His fur sticks out at odds-and-ends, giving him a bit of an unkempt appearance. Don’t let that fool you into thinking he doesn’t care for looks. Sure Hyrum is somewhat disorganized, but he has been trying to cure that habit ever since he stepped foot out of Oman Territory.
Picture:

[The Barn Owl]

Username: The Barn Owl

Into the Mirror;

Name: Seraphiel

Age: Two years

Fur colour: At first glance, her pelt might seem shaggy and plain. But you have to look closer than that, if you're going to get to see the real beauty of her. Upon her lithe and slender frame hangs a feathery, blue-gray pelt. However, a inconspicuous shade of brownish-white coats her front paws, hind-paws, chest, and underbelly, as if somebody had picked her up at birth, turned her over, and painted her with their paintbrush. A blanket of dark blue-gray covers the outside part of her legs, hindlegs and forelegs. It slowly morphs into the large body of color on her back. A dark blue-gray covers her back, melting up her neck and dripping down her sides. The color of her fur changes at her chin, morphing gradually from blue-gray to white. The white covers most of her face, encircling her eyes and part of her black nose. White rims her facial fur and her ears, a darker white than the one circling her eyes. Her ears are tipped lightly forward, always pricked, as their holder is always ready for danger. A light, light brown streaks down her muzzle, stopping short at her black nose. A pallid brownish-white covers the sides of her slender muzzle. Black and gray, mixed together, streaks down her face and encircles the circle of white that enfolds her eyes.

Black dots her fur, and brown mixes in with blue-gray on her back, indistinguishable at the least. Her pelt is often unkempt and spraying out in all different directions like leaves on a tree. Every hair seems to live a life of its own and, even through endless amounts of licking and grooming, she never seems to be able to tame this cost of hers, eternally ruffled and unruly. No scar parts her fur and, underneath, her skin is pink and unmarred, as she is unhurt and untouched by the darker forces of nature. Her tail is long and arching, covered with the same blue-gray as her back. Winding markings trail around her tail, over and over, like a snake, and it ends with a fluffy black tip. Her delicate paws end with deadly claws, always sharpened to their most lethal points. Her right hind paw has a circular black mark on the soft pink pad.

Eye colour: Her eyes are indented evenly in her face, just across from each other. They are a mesmerizing, but average swirling dirt-brown amber, piercingly bright and sharp, and always shining like the shimmering constellations in the sky. Intelligence adds a gentle light to her gaze, and aggressiveness her sharp, no-nonsense shield. She has the unique ability for her brown orbs to seemingly be able to cut through others' minds and pierce through them right to their soul, and the pumping veins of their hearts. This is not true. She is unaware of others' emotions, except for some of the darker ones. Her amber-brown eyes are limpid and translucent, always moving and scanning her nearby surroundings for unexpected danger. Her eyes have a hypnotic pull, and almost any animal that stares into them finds themselves spell-bound and mesmerized, sometimes unable to pull away; these amber orbs of hers are beautiful, and its easy to get lost in their dark depths. Her eyes also have the betraying talent of flashing the emotion she's feeling, and she's struggling to find a way to control it. Her eyes are sometimes as pale as weather-stained bark but somehow they always retain their sharp wit and light, always sparkling with her vicious temperament. Her eyesight is not the best in the world, not as sharp as the night owl's but neither as dull as a mole's.

Height: 5.4 Feet (typical wolf female height)

Frame: Seraphiel's willowy build gifts her with speed and agility, her slender bones forming a lithe and light body. Muscles are hidden all over her body, made strong and weathered through the constant battle for survival. Her hindlegs are longer than her fore legs, made strong with seasoned bones and supple muscle. Running is easy for her, and jumping is one of her natural talents. Hunting is harder for her, than fighting. Her mind races ahead to think of battle moves, but when she's hunting most of the time her paws are clumsy, instead of moving with the fluid grace with which she fights.

Personality:

Seraphiel has always been the one to put wolves down, always the one who's sarcastic. She has a frigid, cool exterior and her stubbornness to never back down makes her a hard wolf to argue with, or agree with. Despite that, past the rough exterior, there is an inexplicable kindness; you just have to break past the hardy, wall of over-powering suspicious and her unwillingness to trust others. However, she can be considerate and courteous, when she's in a good mood, which is rare as she has a very short temper. She is a hot-headed and outspoken young wolf, usually, with a sharp tongue but good intentions. She is level-headed when she is calm, and her mind is always wandering off as she has a very small attention span. Most of the time, wolves cast their judgement on her before even getting a glimpse of her softer side. Strangely, before meeting her and getting to know her, most wolves seem to think she is a gentle, peace-loving wolf. But in reality, she's a wolf quick to anger and even quicker to act. She is fast to start a battle but so far has escape unscathed, as she usually has the upper-hand. Perhaps their misjudged opinion comes from her mother's gentle reputation among the Oman Pack.

Fangs bared, she has often defended herself, but has since reigned in her temper, limiting her outbursts to a few a day. Yet, this does not curb her violent temper, and she's always longing for a battle. Seraphiel is a formidable fighter, and has little interest in other animals, but has learned to be watchful, which now credits to the wolf she's become. Seraphiel cares greatly for those she loves and likes, and though she is obsessed with making sure her well-being and theirs is secure (this does not apply for the most recent events, as she has no control over them), she will not usually go out of her way to help another. Seraphiel is always thinking, about battle moves, past battles, and the days to comes, but hunting has little place on her mind, and is someone were to watch her, they'd most likely report her technique sloppy and her movements awkward and slow, like a puppet being jerked around on a string. She does her best to annoy others, and does not usually try to get along with them or go along with the flow. She likes to do her own thing.

She can be a bit unfeeling and cold at times, but she enjoys, well, not enjoys; maybe a better word to say is she can stand spending time with pups, always hoping that she pass on some of the valuable skills she possesses and get the pup to admire her. However, she is easy to irritate and back when she was in the Oman Pack, all the pups shied away from her. Despite that, she does not want any pups of her own and has not yet seen the need to take a mate. She is not planning to in the nearby future, as she has her heart set on that of leading an adventurous life. She respects secrets, to a degree, unless telling them would give her a new sort of power, or keeping it would put her or someone she loved in some sort of danger. She is reckless but has her heart in the right place, and enough bravery and courage for two wolves two times her size. She has no pity for other wolves, and would not hesitate to kill or maim a enemy in the midst of a battle. She is used to being insulted and whispered about behind her back, so she has put up a kind of wall, where she can practically (not literally) close her ears to any conversation she wants to.

She is often impatient and fidgets around when she's bored, which is often, as she has practically no patience at all. When meeting strangers, she is always polite and careful not to make a quick judgement, keeping her sentences short and lacking information that could be used against her. Still, if the stranger appears hostile she is quick to put on her own display of belligerency and show, subtly, her hard muscles hidden under her pelt. Many wolves think her first display of icy protocol means she's a gentle soul, someone easy to intimidate. She'll will then quickly prove them wrong; the next time that particular wolf is seen, they will have fresh claw marks running down their side or along their muzzle. That just proves how hot-headed she is, so reckless, so quick to anger. Seraphiel is fast to see a weakness in a wolf, or really any animal, and sometimes enjoys having battles made up of harsh words and taunts instead of claws. She dislikes wolves who are better fighters than she is, and is even quicker to anger than usual. Luckily it is rare she will come across such a wolf.

Seraphiel likes to remain solitary, and does not crave others wolves companionship as much as some others' do. Yet, if she does have a yearning, she prefers to get to know a wolf in otherwise solitude. She tends to think of a crowd as an obstacle, and has fun thinking of ways to get around it. She speaks few words most of the time, unless something has her riled up or excited. Either that, or she just has a great idea and she's ready to share it with the world. She is not afraid to challenge authority, and knows how to move a crowd. She enjoys puzzles or hard tasks, as her mind is sharp with intelligence and wit. However, she is no fan of playing a survival game with her ex-pack, and is longing to escape to the safe solitude of distant lands, despite the fact that she likes battle and this is only one waiting to happen. She is not a worrying-wolf, but someone who likes to criticize even if she's thinking just the opposite. She punishes intruders and welcomes friends, which she has few of as she's notorious for having a vicious temperament. Pacifism is an unknown word to Seraphiel.

Obviously, she is hard to get along with and only relaxes in total solitude or when she's with friends who proved themselves loyal. She herself will support or fight for anyone that has proved they deserve her devotion; her loyalty has no boundaries once you win it. But she is alone at the moment; her family is dead and she has no close friends. That is one of her greatest yearnings. She secretly longs to have a friend, someone she could share life endangering secrets with without a moment's hesitation, and not worry later about getting attacked. However, she needs someone like her, who will let the flames within her burn, and not try to dose them and put them out. Right now, she always remains tense, ready for betrayal at any angle and ready to challenge any single, unexplained movement. Seraphiel is not a wolf who shies away from danger, but she mostly enjoys having a middle position in a fight, so if her side losed it will not be on her head. This is different when she fights alone, as she has no price on anyone's head except her own. Her heart usually does not race, unless everything depends on her for some reason, but it has begun to beat her body, pumping so hard she's surprised others' don't hear it. This is because of her fear that her ex-packmates' will hear or scent her. So far her two most recent companions know nothing about this, and she hopes this remains the same in the future, as she observes this as a weakness.

Likes:
Family
Friends
Fighting
Having authority
Running
Jumping
(sometimes) Being alone
Short conversations

Dislikes:
Weak wolves
Hunting
Being over-ruled
Given disrespect
Losing in battles
Having close contact with others
The Oman Pack (she thinks their accusation is unjust and unfair)
Long conversations
Voicing her fears
Big crowds

Strengths:
Fighting
Running
Being stubborn

Weaknesses:
She lacks faith in herself when she needs it the most, which most wolves don't know, thinking her a vicious but dependable wolf, and is a sloppy couldn't-care-less hunter.
When she gets worked up it is hard to calm her down, and while she is like this she is sometimes quick to make a vicious, permanent movement. Wolves immediately guessed her when the Alpha announced the murder of her three pups.
She is also weak to any mention of her sister, Lillia.

Greatest Fear:
Her greatest fear is dying; this certain blackness haunts her nightmares.

Greatest Goals:
She yearns to escape her ex-Pack's territory.

History: Seraphiel was the middle-born of a three pup litter, borne to Kaemi, her mother, and a vicious male named Yang. There were never more two different wolves. Seraphiel has always been a survivior, right down to the start; one of her siblings was born still while she was wriggling, pressing into her mother's pink belly. Her other sister died at the end of another wolf's claws, and some say thats what made her heart so black, as she had long ago sworn to track down the murderer and retaliate. She and her sister were as close as close could be. Her mother was sweet and kind, and her father hard-minded and hearted. She has the brown eyes of her mother and the hot-head of her father. It was as if she took a little from each of them then made the rest her own. Her mother became sick shortly after she turned one year, and her father was left to teach her the ways of an Omen Pack wolf, not one of his favorite duties. However, she had always been his favorite, over her sister, because of her quick paws and flaming temperament. She has grown to be a quiet wolf, which may have to do with the fact that Yang asked (okay, well, ordered) her to be quiet when he was speaking or teaching. Most wolves say it was a pity she couldn't have been trained by her mother, as she trained with sharp words and gentle rebukes while Yang his harsh voice and sharp claws. Though, he was never afraid to punish with his claws he never hurt her enough to leave a scar. Yang died from a battle he started later that year.

(I will most likely offer more detailed descriptions later in the RP)

Kin:
Kaemi (Mother), Yang (Father)

Mate/Crush:
None for right now.

Description Seraphiel is a medium-sized wolf with swift paws and a typical body. Her blood line is pure Omen Pack lineage, not tainted with other blood. She has a vicious temperament that is slightly notorious amongst the Oman Pack ranks. Even though she may like being alone, she would not choose the harsh life of a loner over the one of being a pack member.

Picture
{She looks like the smaller wolf.}



I hope you like it. (Or is it too much....?)

[Popcorns]

M'kay, let's get down to business.
Jinx: (This is the color I shall type in when I'm precisely talking to you)
I'd say you'd probably want to expand a bit more on the description of Lithe's fur color, frame, and eye color. Instead of just saying 'light grey' or 'grey' over and over again, use differnt word such as:
Lithe's main fur color is an ash colored grey. Along her spine, the fur lightens untill the hair changes to the color of lead. On the bridge of her nose and top of the female's tail, her fur deepens on the brink between light charcoal and wet rock colors. No bright colors appear what so ever on Lithe's body. Her fur is just one big, quite blob that matches her personality. The texture of Lithe's coat isn't glossy and smooth like some females. Instead, rough, grimy, scruffy are words that come to mind. It's not like she spends her free time grooming herself and removing the morning's debris stuck in her pelt.

Lithe's eyes are nothing special, just your average hazel/olive. When shocked or surprised, the wolf's pupil aren't that much larger then when she's not shocked or surprise. The cause of this is that her pupil are quite large.

With eyes, you don't have to say much as you can expand your description while roleplaying. Plus, since you have a picture, some users will mostly just refer to the image and then the description for texture and smell. The frame of your charactor is basicly their body build. So like, do they show muscle? Is their legs really beefy because of extra running? Or is there a limp in their walk?
That's probably three thigns you want to add when descriping; texture, smell, and color. On to Lithe's personality.

Now I know it's hard when mapping out a charactor and resisting the urge to just leave it blank. It's common for people for people to say that their charactor is harsh, when they end up roleplaying them as a nice and likable charactor. What I do when comign to personalites that I'm making up on the spot, is that I take the image of my charactor and think of the first thing that comes to mind. When I think of Lithe, I do think of a slightly dark and quite wolf. When I read her personality, it felt.. bland. Just the plain basics. Now I'm not trying to get you to write like a author, but do you ever see authors jsut give out the plain basics of their charactor's personalities? No, they go deeper into the soul of their charactor. It's good what you put down as that's your starting point. I see that things that you put down as traits, which is better then the three words I usally see on some of the wolf roleplay's here. Okay, take the trait about her having a short temper:

Lithe has a very short temper for those who complain, whine, and just the wolves that bug her. She can't stand it when one says "I'm bored", or, "There's nothign to do!" When in fact, there's plenty to do! Her temper causes her to dislike the small talk that fills awkward space. Instead, she wants to get to the point. Her easy-to-be-annoyed trait cause Lithe to become used to arguing and infact enjoys it. The moment when she gets to be alone in solitude, she relaxes.

So what I did there, was just add on to one of the traits- in this case her temper- and work in her likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses. Because, think of the personality as the hamburger of your charactor. Then the likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses as the filling of the burger. You want the two to mix together. So, you add the extra to the main part. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's a good habit to get in to mix in the likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses into the charactor's personality as some roleplays will require a desriptive personality, but there won't be a spot for the four mentioned above. So if you already mix the extra four into the personality, you'll have given a good discription of your charactor for the other users.

Your history is alright and basicly resolves aroudn her personality which is good. You don't want a perky history and then a depressed charactor for no explenation. The likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness, greatest fear, and her greatest goals are good aswell. Everythign below Personality, basicly resovles around it and should match or somehow go along with it, which you did a good job on.

So overall, just go deeper into the description of your charactor, and personality. One you do that, your good to go on your form!

For Zodiac and Barn owl, I shall type my review later tomorrow. Feel free to take tips from Jinx's review and buff up your own form if you think it needs edited. Once I type the reviews tomorrow, we should be able to start.

[ƒєαтнєя]

[I edited mine. Thanks so much for the tips!]

[Popcorns]

Sorry you guys, I didn't have enough time to type out a reply for either of you since Wednesday.

Zodiac:
Overall, I'd say your form would be acceptable in a Semi-literate roleplay depending on the owner. It's not often that you'll find a roleplay with a need for both a description and a picture. In the case that you do fine both, you might want to thicken up your description of his fur. I know since your charactor just has the simple grey wolf pelt, but in that are you don't jsut have to talk abotu the color. The placement of markings can also be gone over. Like what about the grey marking under his eyes?

I like the fact that you added the part about his heritage in the eye color part. That was good. It's alsways nice to give your reader a backstory when you can.

Hyrum's personality seems a bit mixed with his history. Which is fine, but it seems that all that your talking about in that section is his past and his cocky attitude. I would say, maybe seperate it by paragraphs as it seems your jumping from his cocky attitude to his rise to a gaurd. You understand what I'm saying? Your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses do revolve around his personality which is good. even though you already mentioned them in the right area, it would hurt to maybe in his personality to mention why he likes to sleep under the stars. Or maybe why he's a clumsy hunter?

In Hyrum's history, you might want to take the part in his personality and move it to his history. Like this part:

As a pup, he enjoyed play-fighting and soon grew into that trade as he slowly clawed his way up in his pack. Eventually, he earned his status as a guard and spends his time patrolling the area. Unfortunately, his rebellious tongue usually gets him into trouble with the senior guards and often lands him into trouble.

For this part sounds like it would better fit in the history section then in the personality. Besides that, your history is fine. I find a human history and an animal history different. So like if you went to a semi-literate human rolepaly and compared their history to a semi-lit animal histet a great difference. I think it's because with a human, we know more emotion that can go into a history that would seem weird if given to an animal. Like a wolf being cheated on by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Now doesn't that seems odd? plus it greatly affects them or something. But with a human history, that seems fine. You understand?

I think that's all that i can really say. If you'd like to ask me a question, please pm me.

Barn owl, I'll try to write my review tomorrow. I'm sorry but I jsut got a killer headache. I'm sorry everyone about keeping us waiting.

[Caesol]

Thanks for the tips, Popcorns <3 I'll try to fix up my form then, if that's alright with you C:

:Edit: I've edited it <3 Thank you once more for your wonderful advice.

[Popcorns]

Sorry again you guys, I'v just haven't found enough time to fully read through Barn Owl's post.

Barn owl:

You can never write too much! Sure, there's a point where you do a detail word every other word, then that's too much. But, your form is fantastic. When you first posted your form without a picture, it was great how much describtion you put into her looks. That's one thing you want to do if you can't/don't find a picture. To be honest with you, I think it's easier writing a description without a picture because not only are you describing the charactor for the other users, but for yourself as well.

Your personality is great also. You did exactly what I asked for; go into depth of your charactor. Your paragraphs are broken up alright as you started a new topic each break. At first, Seraphiel seems likes one of the two types female wolf found in most roleplays; a harsh she-wolf or a overly social she-wolf. To me, she seems more on the harsh side, which is alright. Let's jsut hope that you keep this persoanlity while roleplaying. I don't have much to criticiz or add to as this a form that would probably get you into an advanced roleplay.

If you think you need help on soemthing in your form that I overlooked, please pm me.

Now! Feel free to begin. You guys can either start off with the day of the outcasting, or a couple hours after the outcasting. I think these would give you guys more to work with, but feel free to start however. Just make sure the person who posts next has something to post with.

[The Barn Owl]

Sorry again you guys, I'v just haven't found enough time to fully read through Barn Owl's post.

Barn owl:

You can never write too much! Sure, there's a point where you do a detail word every other word, then that's too much. But, your form is fantastic. When you first posted your form without a picture, it was great how much describtion you put into her looks. That's one thing you want to do if you can't/don't find a picture. To be honest with you, I think it's easier writing a description without a picture because not only are you describing the charactor for the other users, but for yourself as well.

Your personality is great also. You did exactly what I asked for; go into depth of your charactor. Your paragraphs are broken up alright as you started a new topic each break. At first, Seraphiel seems likes one of the two types female wolf found in most roleplays; a harsh she-wolf or a overly social she-wolf. To me, she seems more on the harsh side, which is alright. Let's jsut hope that you keep this persoanlity while roleplaying. I don't have much to criticiz or add to as this a form that would probably get you into an advanced roleplay.

If you think you need help on soemthing in your form that I overlooked, please pm me.

Now! Feel free to begin. You guys can either start off with the day of the outcasting, or a couple hours after the outcasting. I think these would give you guys more to work with, but feel free to start however. Just make sure the person who posts next has something to post with.

Thanks for the great advice! I love writing! Hopefully I'll manage to keep her hot-headed temperament! By the way, she'll be thinking differently than her personality. Wolves have fitted her with a murderous personality, and it suits her, so she keeps it, but gentleness still sometimes weaves its way into her thoughts.

But she's my first evil character. Well, practice makes perfect. Anyways, here's my post {starting the day they were made outcats}:

"Help me!" The pitiful cry echoed throughout the empty forest. Seraphiel tensed as she reared on her hindlegs, trying to see who had called. "Help me!" The call rang out again, quieter this time, as if the wolf who'd called had grown weaker. Fear pulsed through her as Seraphiel recognized the voice; it was her sister. Her ears stood erect above her head, as she struggled to concentrate. The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere. She strained her ears. It was coming from the east! Seraphiel's hackles rose as she ran over the peaty ground. Suddenly she tripped over something soft. Her sister lay on the ground, bright red blood bubbling at her throat. The crimson liquid pooled around her, lapping at Seraphiel's paws. I can't let you die! The thought briefly rang through her mind, as she reached frantically for pawfuls of leaves to press to her sister's throats. But she was no healer, and the colored shapes were soon stained crimson. Her sister gave one feeble jerk, her flanks shuddering as she gasped for breath, while Seraphiel backtracked in horror.

Suddenly, a bird call rang out, forcing its way into her dream. Seraphiel's eyes flew open as she jumped to her paws, tense, as if ready for a fight. Her blood was chilled from her nightmare. Then she relaxed, sinking back into the soft confines of her mossy nest. Why did that dream still haunt her? She didn't have anything to do with her sister's death. But I could've saved her....! The thought crossed her mind, unbidden. Seraphiel pushed it away. No, its not my fault she was so weak! Seraphiel comforted herself with this, wrapping herself around it like a snake winding around its prey. But the dream still pestered her; the flowing stream of blood, the hoarsely whispered words at her sister's death bed.

She shook herself roughly, before lapping at her fur, pushing the bad dream to the back of her mind. Annoyance welled through her as her unruly curls refused to flatten, and she eyed them distastefully, before shrugging disdainfully. Why should she care how her pelt looked? It wasn't as if she was competing for the attention of a handsome male, unlike some others she could mention. She sighed before heaving herself to her paws and heading out of her den. She lingered near it, as her normal indifferent, don't-touch-me look played with her features, rearranging them in such a cold way that the three pups playing near her looked up, gave a squeak of alarm, then scrambled towards the safety of their parents. Seraphiel snorted in disgust, then started to pad in the direction of the small pile of prey some of her fellow pack members had collected.

"Hey, Seraphiel," a male wolf called, starting to head in her direction. His body language was friendly enough, but there was touch of uncertainy in his amber eyes. Seraphiel snorted again, annoyed with herself. Why didn't she just go hunting, if she was so hungry? She liked relying on herself, no one else, and this must be the first time she'd actually tried to eat with her packmates. She groaned mentally at her own stupidity, before turning to face the he-wolf, her eyes cold. The male's stride faltered as he saw the hostility in her eyes, but still he found enough confidence to say, "T'm gathering a hunting group. Would you like to come?" Seraphiel opened her jaws, ready to say no, when the Alpha female caught her eye. She was headed towards them with three guards following in her wake, large in bulk if nothing else. The female alpha faced her with murderous eyes, and a strange flaming fury. Seraphiel scarcely recognized her; this was nothing like the sedate she-wolf whom she often rebelled.

"Murderer!" the female alpha spat.