by samm. » Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:26 pm
The animals that live in my house are not referred to as my pets, but as my family. Some of them I consider to be like siblings, but most are my children, my sons and daughters. Today I lost a daughter. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through me right now. I have so many things that I want to say, but my brain is such a hectic and confusing mess that every time I try to write down my thoughts, none of them make any sense. In my head I can go on and on about what an amazing cat she was and about all of the things that I loved about her, but trying to write them down just isn't working. Everything is coming out jumbled, and honestly I'm amazed I've written even this much. I just feel like giving up. I don't understand why she had to die. There was no reason for it. She was gentle, sweet, kind-hearted. What did she ever do to deserve such a short life? Her birthday is next month, February 3rd. She would've been three years old. She was born and raised in this house. Her mother is still here, her siblings. How are they going to react? They were all so close to one another. It hurts. It hurts! I feel like such a failure as a mother, as a human being. Do I even deserve to be called a human anymore? I wish I could turn my emotions off. With a flick of a switch, just get rid of them. And yet, at the same time, I feel like I deserve to feel this bad. After all, it's my fault she died. I couldn't afford to take her to the vet. If she would've gone, who knows, maybe she would've actually lived? I'm so sorry Yukiko, I failed you.
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sami elliot | genderfluid | he/she/they | adult
unpartnered | queer demisexual | polyam
omnist | covenless witch | scorpio / ox
infp-t | chaotic good | poet | listo╚═════════════════════════════╝

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