. lonely words

[reverie,]

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Pro Tip: don't waste your time on the beginning read the stuff towards the end because those posts are the latest

1/28/2019 after two years i have come to realize it all matters, it all may be relevant to someone. please enjoy these words because they all came from very delicate and precious experiences and they were not easy to write.

comment if you'd like. I am genuinely interested in your words. these are just my thoughts, everything on here is extremely raw. like a journal i suppose.

Relevance
we wake up, early morning.
heavy breathing.

blue was a good color
for your sad eyes.

i'm waiting for this to feel better,
patiently.

you are a like daydream i can finally touch.
or maybe not,
you wouldn't expect a daydream to hurt.
not this much.

[reverie,]

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everything which shapes me
i can kill a pack spending a night there
"how feminine of you," they say
sarcastically
because we spit too
because we can play poker
and read playboy
and stick our fingers in burning candles
for fun
yet we also wear thigh highs
we do our makeup in the bathroom together
we curl our long hair
and wear fur coats, dresses, skirts
we kill guitar hero, and tony hawk
and laugh at immature, dirty jokes
we can drink whiskey without coke
we own one pair of beat up sneakers, years old
and we're respected, we earned it.
we didn't play "hard to get"
we just played dirty.
but the best part i realized was
i don't need to consider myself a feminist
to make myself an equal.
i don't need to be a guy, to make them my best friends
and i can be friends with girls too.

[reverie,]

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it's not just the cough
it's all the same
every morning
blue rings under my eyes
arid body
water
chapped lips
gunk in my tear ducts
my teeth are getting yellow again

[reverie,]

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she
not a broken, fragile, body.
she is sitting, legs crossed, in a white wicker chair
it's 32 degrees and her legs are clad in just 20 denier, black tights
and the mild smoke departs from her lungs through her nostrils
as he drags his thumb across her cheek
and grins.
you can see it in his eyes, supremacy
everything she was looking for.
yet she knew she could also tear it down in one fell swoop
love, is that what you call it?
the feeling that came over her entire body when he stood nearby
how it was hard for her to tear her eyes away from his face.

[reverie,]

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it is enjoying the infliction of pain upon oneself, not upon others
your hair is so dirty
all you drink is cheap wine
smoke cheap cigarettes, shorts
play cheap guitar
in a room you cannot afford to heat

so ill sit there with two sweaters on,
your arms are warm though
your hand is around my neck
it's not scary,, though
i can still breath
and i felt you shake

when we were outside in the snow
i did it too, i yellowed my teeth
exhaled my problems with the smoke
i scratched your jaw
and you kissed my ear

and while our fingers were numbing
and our lungs were begging for clean oxygen
you told me about how you were getting too old
to keep living
the truth is, 23 isn't too old

that hurt the most
i could see it in your eyes
you truly believe you don't need to be one this world any longer.
i feed off pain
my own not yours

[reverie,]

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he is untouchable
so instead of trying to feel him

you feel other things
like your teeth chattering
the 13 degree wind whipping through your car

it's like you cant get warm
until you're so close to the fire
you're practically in it

[calliopë]

ooo i really like these <3.
they make you think.

[reverie,]

@astorëa thank you xx

[reverie,]

-rewritten-

[reverie,]

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the morning after
It's so hard to open a new bag of coffee
When the old bag was touched, opened
by the boy I looked at as an angel.
In his kitchen, early morning,
I watched him drink it
watched him lean against the kitchen counter
and gaze back at me.

The most captivating safety nets
i only now discover I have.

I no longer what to be alone in this dark room.
I'm grasping for the security you offered me,
I want the coffee your hands touched,
I want the jacket you allowed me when I was so cold

I continuously watch the videos of you
playing guitar in France
I study your mannerisms,
the ones I fell for so easily,
I miss them.