The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

[Verdana]

Welcome to Verdana's class!

This is part of the solely school, which aims to better people's roleplaying abilities. This is just one class but if you are interested in joining the school, click here.

What I aim to teach

1. How to make a detailed and believable fantasy animal character.
2. How to keep a plot flowing.
3. How to make detailed, insightful and interesting posts (length will be an added bonus).
4. Investigating different styles of animal roleplay.
5. Who knows what else?

Rules

Tess's rules and the rules of the RP school all apply in this thread, but for the sake of this particular roleplay, I will emphasise some of the more important ones:

1. Godmodding and Powerplay is strictly prohibited! Except if it's a mistake, of course. That I completely understand. After all, you're here to learn.
2. Please be fair to one another, no rudeness or fighting. It's not necessary.
3. I implore you, please don't be offended by any comments I may make. I want to help you, and if you think I'm wrong (or, indeed, have a correction to make of me) please tell me. I want to know, and learn some things myself.

Anyway, back to the main order of business:

The Army of Kigir

Kigir is a land like no other. Magic blesses every grain of sand, and the vast range of creatures that inhabit these plains are equally supreme. For hundreds of years, all was peaceful.

But a clang of unrest has shattered the peace of Kigir. Mutiny spreads its blackened wings. Kigir's fine rulers call its subjects to war. This army, the first ever seen in this world, will be small, select, and only the strongest warriors will be chosen.

Thus, you find yourself in a crowded valley, surrounded by unknown creatures who want what you seek as much as you do. Which will be your allies, and which your enemies?

Choose your Weapon

The first thing you have to do is choose a character. Now, for fun's sake, I've made the topic area very broad. You can be whatever sort of creature you wish, from mythical to normal, from made-up to three-legged hippopotamus. Your characters, in this roleplay, are allowed to have powers! However, I must caution you against dishing out too many strange and wonderful abilities to your creations. I sometimes think it's hardest to have a really good fantasy animal roleplay, because there's so little to base your characters on. How are you supposed to know what happens when a flying bull meets a mind-controlling fox? It's all too easy for these to get plain ridiculous. What I'm saying is: Be careful.

Code: Select all

[center]Basic Character Bio form:[/center]
[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Species:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Description (picture or written):[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Powers (if any):[/b]
[b]History:[/b] (This only really has to be what was happening that led to your character being in the valley, but if you want a whole life story, go right ahead)
[b]Other:[/b]


Posting Order

++hott.cold, She-Hound, Estivel, Roseness, and Verdana will slip in if she's wanted (or just wants to join in the fun).

This order does not apply to posting bios. Do that as you wish. If for some reason you cannot take your turn (we all understand how that is), please just leave a little OOC message saying 'skip me' and we will do so until you can slip in in the same order, please.. I ask you, though, please to avoid missing turns, as you will get less posting time and this will be to your own detriment.


So, what are you waiting for? Get right to it!

[longlive]

Basic Character Bio form:

Name:
Az
Species:
Phoenix
Gender:
Female
Age:
303 years
Description (picture or written):

Personality:
Az is silent. You could say she is a mystery. Az has mixed emotions. She can be a calm angel, but then turn into a flaming devil. Her eyes change colors depending on her mood. Red is when she is angry. Blue is when she is calm. Those two are her most common eye-color change.
If you just went up to Az and said 'Hello!' Az would think you were weird right in the head.
Powers (if any):
She can cause a fire, by blowing it out of her mouth like a dragon.
History:
Az lived up high in the galaxy. She was always wandering around in the deep blue sky. She was looking for something to land on, until she found Earth. It was just right, with a nice temperature and good lifestyle. So Az stayed there. BUt soon she got homesick and went back to the galaxy. She said 'hello' to the stars. But then Az was sick for Earth, so she went back to find it. She went searching around for the place she was before, but she never found it. Suddenly a meteoroid came down and hit Az. The poor phoenix fell down to the valley, full of agony.

Oh my..I used my huge imagination with this history x3
Other:

[Verdana]

Very nice, ++hott.cold! It's a very creative bio, definitely not boring. However, I do have a couple of tips:

Firstly, I'd like a little more in her personality. What does she like and not like? What do you mean by 'she is like the light of the night'? If you use figurative speech, please explain it so that the more boring of us will know what you mean. Also, I think you're going to have a problem with how isolated she is. This is entirely up to you, of course, but I'd personally recommend making her a bit more accessible so that you can rp with other characters more easily. If she's always avoiding them, how will you hold conversations? Perhaps you could add that she's incredibly curious, so she's always watching. I don't know, it's your character in the end. Just a suggestion. You also may want to look at giving her character traits that will make her better suited to battle, because that's what the plot is about. You may want to look at the plot a little more carefully.
*'she can be a calm angel'?
*'her eyes change colour for her moods' or 'change the colour'

As for your history, I find it just bordering on slightly incredible. I know it's a phoenix, and because it is, it works, but it really pushes the boundaries about what is 'believable' almost, in fantasy rp. Look, I think you pulled it off, and personally I quite like it. You may want to lengthen it a little bit for other roleplay, though. Where was she born? How? Did she have any friends? Siblings? I found a couple of errors with comma use in the history, but it's a small thing.

All in all, I'm pretty happy. What I've pointed out are minor things. I hope that the crit was useful.

*edit: Her age? 303 months? Years? Centuries? It's pretty obvious, but with a big number like that it always does to be sure. Some roleplayers post their character ages in months.

[Wifflebee]

Basic Character Bio form:
Name: Nymphadora
Species: Fennec Fox angel
Gender: Female
Age: 25 years
Description (picture or written): Nymphadora is black with white glowing markings. However, she can change her appearance. Her markings change color to match her mood. She is rather skinny and her fur is long, shiny and soft. She is blind in one eye, therefore her right eye is a very light blue. Her left eye is green. She has small paws and huge ears, because shes a Fennec.
Personality: Nymphadora is very stubborn, smart, clever, sarcastic, and quick to think when in danger. At her worst she is untrusting, clumsy, deceiving, and has a very short temper.
Powers (if any): Her markings glow and change to match her mood, and her bark can shake a whole city.
History: (This only really has to be what was happening that led to your character being in the valley, but if you want a whole life story, go right ahead)
Nymphadora's parents were dark and light angels. Surprisingly, They never fought, dispite the fact that they were complete opposites. Nymphadora had 2 siblings. Avalon, and Servius. Avalon was, like her mother, a full angel. Servius, a full dark angel like his father. Nymphadora was caught in the middle. She was both. Her siblings got wings, but she sadly did not.
One day, the pups woke and their parents were nowhere to be found. The pups, helpless and alone had no idea what to do. Later they found that they had been abandon forever. Soon they drifted apart and each went their own separate ways. Nymphadora, happened to find her way to the valley that would change her life forever.
Other: Sorry I wasn't on yesterday! My brother wouldn't get off.

[Verdana]

She-Hound, lovely bio! Of course, I have to have a couple of tips, or I wouldn't be teaching you, would I?

I don't have very much to say, I think you've pretty much covered your bases. However, you may want to look at how appropriate your character is to the setting. The plot revolves around prowess in battle, and her powers don't give you much to work with battle-wise. You may want to relook that a little, maybe basing her powers less on her appearance and more on something that would help her overcome her diminutive size in this big bad world.
Also, she doesn't appear to have any weaknesses, and is a little shallow. What does she like to do, not like to do? It would be good to know that.

As for history, you've left a substantial gap between when she found herself abandoned and when she came to the valley. You may want to fill that with experiences. Maybe she learnt to fight, to defend herself, to stand on her head. Give her a little bit more to make her stand out. Your goal is to be picked for the army, and your character needs all the help she can get. Early stuff was very nice, though.

*she's a Fennec
*'two siblings' looks a bit better than '2 siblings'.
*'a full angel; Servius, a full dark angel'
*the pups awoke
* ...pups, helpless and alone, had...
*abandoned
*Nymphadora happened...

Forgive me if I've grossly misinterpreted anything, and I hope you find this constructive rather than nitpicky.


Excuse me if I've grossly

[⚜ Estivel]

Basic Character Bio form:
Name: Damir de Kozmin
Species: Phoenix, or appears to be one anyways
Gender: Male
Age: 180 years old, give or take.
Description (picture or written): He is average, standing at a good three feet. His figure is lean, and his down feathers are a rich crimson striped with black, while his flight feathers are a brighter red. The very tips of his wings are yellow, and flare out with a light curve. Damir's wing-span stretches a good four-feet, two for each wing. His eyes match the shade of his flight-feathers, if not a bit brighter, and his beak is mostly feathered except for the tip which is a lighter red. Damir always carries a small flask of liquid that, once touching his feathers, will ignite.
Personality: Damir can be overly serious at times, yet he does have a touch of humor. Normally his humor is very dry though and insulting, and rarely does he ever laugh at his own jokes. While around those who he thinks have a status above his own, he seldom speaks and thinks before opening his beak, yet when speaking informally the first thoughts in his mind come out of his beak. The bird prefers silence, but will manage fine with talkers; he is good at adapting to the situation and environment, but that doesn't mean that his mood will not be affected by the amount of people he's surrounded by.
Powers (if any): His wings are flame-resistant, and have a special oil that allows the fire to glide across them. If someone sets a flame too close to him or he lets a drop of the liquid in his flask drop upon his feathers, a fire will quickly spread across them.
History: Nothing too intricate really; his mother and father live not far away (and indeed he does have a mother and father, he was not reborn, thus why he can be seen as a Phoenix yet some don't regard him as one) and he merely decided that he would like to move on. Damir only spent his first years with his parents, and afterwards quickly moved on for there were bigger fish to fry. After over a hundred years of traveling, Damir realized he was bored with it; he wanted to settle down, perhaps even meet a bird to settle down with. This decision to stay in one place resulted in him finding a valley not far away from where his parents resided, and there he has stayed for only a few months now.
Other:

||Wrath||

[Verdana]

Wow. Just... Wow. I don't really have anything to say, except that I'd extend the history. According t you, he hasn't done anything in his life. I'd give him a bit more life experience, to make sense of his personality. He's a worldly sort of chap, yet he's been under his parents' guidance all his life. To me, that doesn't add up, but it's up to you.

Well, now that me all have bios, let's get rping!

[Verdana]

Right, ++hott.cold, you're up.

[major tom]

[[Here she is; I'm sorry if she's too simple. I thought the roleplay could use a bit diversity, but I can adjust her if you need me to.]]

Basic Character Bio form:

Name: Gale
Species: Bobcat
Gender: Female
Age: Four years
Description: She is not remarkably distinguished in appearance. Gale has dull, grayish brown fur that is marked everywhere by black streaks; she also has dark bars on her forelegs and tail. Her legs' base colors also have some shades of tawny mixed in. Her underside is an off-white color. Her eyes are a particularly bright shade of yellowish gold; her reflective eyes also have flecks of green in their irises that show in the light. She is relatively short for a bobcat and slightly smaller than average due to an insufficient amount of food, but she has a muscular build, particularly in her hind legs. This makes her good at jumping and pouncing, yet she is not very good at hunting. Gale has bad timing even when she does not get too excited or distracted and makes a move too early; pursuing prey is not a skill of hers, for her preferred mode of combat is close-range and fang-to-claw.
Personality: Gale, like most bobcats, prefers to remain solitary, yet she still craves the company of other animals occasionally. She tends to avoid crowds, for she would rather interact with someone alone. This does not mean that she is shy, however; she simply does not trust others very much. This also means that she does not choose to befriend someone very often, but when she does attempt to start a relationship, it is usually a very close one. She is not particularly clever, but she is smarter than most people make her out to be. Gale does not have a very long attention span, and focusing on one thing is difficult for her. She is a cat of few words in public, but she is not afraid to raise her voice in order to speak her thoughts. She has little self-preservation although she prefers to have multiple options under any circumstances. Gale seldom plans ahead, though. She is impulsive and somewhat reckless most of the time, and she is very resourceful. She will rarely pass up an opportunity if it seems to be beneficial at first. One major flaw of hers is that she is known not to delve too deeply into things unless it is of interest to her [She is very curious]; she prefers to "go with the flow," as one might say, and her lack of foresight often leads her into danger. Gale is extremely loyal, and she will unconditionally support and fight for someone or something that she believes is worthy of her allegiance. This goes for those who she is close to as well. She has an easy-going demeanor; she does not worry much about things. She does not have much of a temper, so it is usually a bit of a surprise to watch her suddenly burst into violence. Another habit of hers is that she is quick to react, and her reactions mainly consist of the violent sort. Pacifism is a notion almost unimaginable to Gale. She does not have many good leadership qualities, so she is content enough to submit under someone's guidance as long as they are not too assertive; she is decent enough at taking orders otherwise. Independent Indus hates superiority complexes. She also dislikes lying and is poor at doing so convincingly. She may not look it at first glance, but Gale is feisty and proud, nearly to the point of arrogance.
Powers: Gale can see with infrared vision at will; she does not use this power very often, and she sometimes forgets that she has it. It aids her while hunting, but it is not usually of much use to her in the end.
History: She was born into a somewhat average family in a small den somewhere in the land of Kirgir. She derives directly from one of the few remaining lines of mostly non-magical creatures; her father had some magical ability, so she inherited a power. Gale was one of three kits; one of them died shortly after birth, and she grew up with her larger, stronger sister, Iris. For half of a year, at least; she was separated from her mother and sister when she was only half of a year old, but this never actually bothered her much. [It was more of a relief to get away from her sister since she was always treated inferior around her. Her mother was kind enough to her, but she hadn't really formed a bond with her by the time the flood came and split them up.] Gale only spent a few days on her own before a lone, infertile male cougar-lynx [who happened to be a distant relative of her mother's although neither of them ever knew it. He was also a retired war general, but he never told Gale that. He was also a traitor, but he had betrayed his people in order to save them.] with a crippled leg came across her. He was an outcast, but he was an excellent hunter and fighter. At least, he used to have been until his injury; he relied on scavenging in order to survive. He also had a soft spot in his heart for kits despite his inability to ever have any of his own. His name was Slate, and he ended up raising her until his death two years later. Gale had no idea that he had been murdered by a patrol of the army he used to fight for. He had taught her how to hunt and fight, and it turned out that she had a talent for fighting, but unfortunately for both of them, the hunting part never really caught on. At the age of roughly two years, six months, she set off deeper into the land of Kirgir into the most desolate, discreet corners of it so she could grieve alone for the cat who meant more to her than anyone else ever had. She recovered after a few weeks, but she was more serious for several months later. Gale became a missionary for food due to her lack of hunting prowess, and she secretly resented it despite her fighting skills developing her even further into a formidable creature. One time during a fight, a scout of Kirgir's army saw her and followed her for a while, tracking her endeavors before he made a proposal for her to allow herself to be recruited. Gale gave it some thought [Not much, of course.] and accepted; when she tried out for the army, she was allowed into it. The war progressing is the only thing that happened of significance in her life since the past half-year.
Other: N/A

[Verdana]

What a beautiful bio! Love it to bits! Interesting to read and very detailed. The only comment I may have is to give some background to how she came to be trying out for the army, but otherwise I have nothing to say.

Now, really, let's start rping! Someone start, let's forgo order for now to get things going.