Dear Noobcake by Xialburg (Updates Every Other Weekend)

[~Ktalinfadri~]

Interviews are still up. It's the least I can do, keeping Noobcake at a new schedule. So send your messages children. Emrr is fun to interview with.

C:
You never cease to amaze us Al

[Al the Dalek]

Ahhh. It's that time already? No use keeping you ravenous fans waiting-here's the new Noobcake. But some info before I start: As I am magical, I have finally figured out how to make the link to something in little words instead of the link clogging it up and...yadda yadda yadda...anyway. The point of this is, it means I can do something I have been meaning to for a long time. Got a pet diary? I will be happy to promote it for you on the front page, since a lot of people come here. Just send me a PM with a link to your diary, and I'll put it up.

Dear Noobcake,

I feel...TERRIBLE.
And no, it's not because I'm upset about something.
I mean literally terrible.
My stomach feels like it wants to eat itself.
I shouldn't be even thinking about eating, let alone writing it down. That makes it worse.
And yet I keep writing. How smart am I?
...even though you're just a diary journal thing Noobcake, I'd appreciate it if you didn't answer that.
You know what, why did I write that down? Of course you can't.
Illness makes you loopy. It's true.
I mean, what else could create that odd phenomenon when the smallest things entertain you?
I have tried to count all the individual cracks on my ceiling, lost count, failed like a whale, and still I laugh.
...which hurts by the way.
Just so you know. And can feel sorry for me.
Even though you're a emotionless stack of papers stapled together in a book filled with blank pages that have been written on and...
You know what, I think...I will stop now, I was starting to confuse myself.
When I start to confuse myself, you know somethings up. Even though I confuse myself all the time.
Maybe that's why I am so weird.
You know, being sick in bed, I have been having deep thoughts.
Like: Why is it, when I put in an air freshener, it smells like a sugarplum fairy died in my room? Why not something tasty, like bacon?
Mmm...bacon air freshener. Someone would make millions with that. And I would be broke.
And then here's another one: How come I get so tired on car trips? Honestly. You're sitting down the ENTIRE TIME. And yet I feel exhausted.
It doesn't help I'm eating junk food the whole way.
Junk food...ugh...
Food in general...ugh...
Gothie came over too. He said it was to provide bedside support.
But I think if I died he'd eat me.
Not to be morbid or anything.
All right, that was kind of morbid...actually really morbid.
Anyway. He's not really the type of wolf you'd want to hang out...in your room...when you're weak and vulnerable.
But he is my best friend and all that.
Apparently, he ignored Greenbutt in saying that I was contagious-y and all that hat.
He climbed through my window again.
YES NOOBCAKE, I MIGHT HAVE YELPED A BIT.
Question: Why does my best friend scare me?
But it was actually kind of fun. He brought this sweet video game with him and we played it on my tv. And I managed to do it without puking my guts out: Always a bonus.
You know...another deep thought. SOMETHING SOMETHING GUTS MORBIDITY.
Okay, crossed that out, that was disgusting.
As we were talking, XANRI climbed through my window too.
Apparently sick people are popular.
I don't get it. I am deathly ill. And yet all my friends are coming to my house.
Well if they catch the plague that's their fault.
Anyway, her annoying distracting psychic presence messed us up.
So we were playing, and Xanri said, "There's about three zombies around the corner you know."
"No, there's not," Gothie snapped. And when I snapped, I mean it. His shark teeth were all snappedy. "We swept the area before, this is a safe..."
He trailed off, the reason being his wolf onscreen had just been eaten.
My wolf was left alone and jumped from behind.
Game over flashed on the screen.
This prompted me to throw one of my pillows at Xanri, which she moved out of the way easily.
Fighting psychic people is hard.
Gothie growled and chucked his controller at the ground. And he walked out of the room.
Did he really think Greenbutt and Rainbowy wouldn't notice? I mean, it's not as if he came into the house through the front door and said hello to everyone.
But I heard him talking to someone.
And then shrill shrieking.
Gothie came into the room nomnomnomming some beef jerky and he closed the door.
Obviously Junior had encountered him.
That poor pup is going to be scarred for life if he keeps coming over to our house.
We played the game a little longer, but it's a little hard to concentrate with Xanri predicting our downfalls at every turn.
After that I pointed towards the window and they both climbed out.
Why is it my friends come in through my window? It's not as if I'm on the first floor. And they don't have wings like I do.
SOLUTION: My friends are all ninjas.
But I am better.
I am a WINGED NINJA. Because I take Karate.
And...really...fail...
I mean, I did make a 10 year old green belt pup (which is much higher than my puny yellow) cry. Apparently I was hitting too hard and too fast for her.
No offense, but WUSS.
She should have been able to take the punches. She's more ninja than me!
There's a fly buzzing around my room as I write this Noobcake. It's really, REALLY annoying.
Okay. I got it.
Unfortunately, I will now have to deal with a slight smear across your pages every time I open you now, Noobcake. I got most of it off, but still.
I'm sorry Noobcake. Look's like you won't be winning the diary/journal/whatever beauty contest after all.
That is a sad and pathetic contest forget I said anything.
Again.
Even though you have no memory.

Anyway, Seeya Noobcake.

On another note you guys, thank you for all your support and messages about my family smeg, it means a lot. Dalek loves you all too~

[ZombiePoodle]

LOVE ^^

[CanisCoyote]

Why is it, when I put in an air freshener, it smells like a sugarplum fairy died in my room?

This made me laugh so hard.

[WhoLocked]

I have tried to count all the individual cracks on my ceiling, lost count, failed like a whale, and still I laugh.

Fail whale WIN!

[~~*~Isis~*~~]

lollest ever!!!

[SavatheWolf]

This is the best ever! Took me forever to finish it all, and I am a fast reader O.o Made my day (I'm sick bleh) and this helped lots! Keep writing, hope everything works out! :3

[~Ktalinfadri~]

A bacon air freshener...
Yum.
As long as it actually smells like bacon cooking.
They all saw "ew, that sounds gross" yet when bacon is cooking, they die because the smell is so wonderful. Idiots.

[Revelations.]

hello i ish bookmarkin. huge fan!!!!

[etruscan boar vessel]

Wow. Amazing writing. I think I may have to read this again since I'm feeling drained of awesomeness.