TheComfortCorner | v.6

[atticus,]

i really havent been on chickensmoothie in a while, but i just need somewhere to put my feelings, because im really just confused about my friendships.

well, i have a friend group built up of eight people, including me. i'll give you guys the basic run-down of them.

s- she's one of the most popular girls my age in my area. shes really nice to all of us, and remains neutral.
a- at times i love being friends with her, but most of the time i don't want to be friends with her. she's basically been my "best friend". she's also really good friends with s.
d- we used to be great friends when we were younger, but she's beginning to be A's new best friend, i feel like.
r- all of us don't really like her. she's really mean, and thinks she has tons of authority because her mother works in admissions at my school. we're all still polite though.
these next three girls are besties but still hangout with the other girls in the group.
c- i want to be friends with her. however, my old crush, who i literally liked for 5+ years, likes her.
e- she's really nice, and i also want to be friends with her.
g- she's goofy and funny, and i really want to be friends with her.

now that i'm done the "bios" ill get to the problem. i've started to be best friends with A since the beginning of the 2015 summer. however, she's very manipulative and i hate to say this but, spoiled. our friendship is built upon: i do a favor for you, you do a favor for me. well, she always guilt trips me through this method, i guess. i always complain to my family about her, making them begin to hold a grudge against her. my mom always tells me: "friendships give eachother energy, not take it away", which is very true. but i just can't find a good friend, i guess. this whole situation i'm in just stresses me out, and gives me an unfair amount of anxiety. as you are reading this, you're probably just going to say: obviously go for c, e, and g. well, tonight the three of them, and another girl in my grade, went to a trampoline park, with my old crush, and two other boys in my grade. i wasn't invited. i know someone can't be invited to everything, but this has happened before. theres this club that girls' in my grades' dads belong to, and they host an annual halloween party every year. everyone in my friend group last year was invited, except for me. not to mention, we even all had matching costumes. but i really want to do something on new years with the three. i just really don't know how i feel, but my self esteem is honestly going very downhill.

[ωolfie]

I love Christmas. I really do. But it's hard to be in the Christmas spirit when you barely have enough money to get decorations or a tree, when your mom is sick and you can't go anywhere fun, or when you stay at home alone all day because your parents need to go to work. I just feel very lonely and left out during the holidays.

[snubbulls]

emotional abuse is real abuse, so why won't anyone listen?
am i not worth it?

[dakotaawolven]

emotional abuse is real abuse, so why won't anyone listen?
am i not worth it?

You are worth it! Sometimes you just have to find the right people Hun. Some people aren't kind enough and some may not know how to listen or respond in the right way. Just hang in there Hun, it will get better. Pm me if you like <3

[nocтιѕ;]

is it too much to ask for my family for christmas?

[Vincent Van Goat]

I know you guys are tired of me posting here, but i could really use a pm right now

[nana]

I'm tired of people yelling at me
And calling me names
And leaving
I just wanna leave too

[autumnsoundtrack]

So I got invited to my first coworker holiday party tomorrow night. I'd be elated... but my mom won't let me go.

Now keep in mind I'm a legal adult, so I should have more freedom to go out and do stuff like this. I've been away at college too, so going out to a party is no new thing for me - something she knows as well. The main thing that's stopping her from letting me go is the fact that I'll have to drive myself to and from the party, and that she doesn't trust other people on the road. Even though I've driven myself home at 1AM from a concert that was a half hour drive from home.

It's just killing me inside a bit, knowing that my parents still have a grip on the chains they've attached to my life. That and the fact that when I decline tomorrow, even though I'll use a stupid excuse, I'll still think inside: "Yeah sorry, I can't go because my mom said no." Like I'm still some fourteen year old getting permission to go to the mall or something. It just sucks.

[agent 48]

'I have to impress them.' That's my only thought nowadays. I have to impress my cousin or else I will always be seen as the bratty little cousin who is a literal joke in class.
I have to impress my relatives so that they don't hate me. I have to impress my classmates for so many reasons, mainly because I'm sick and tired of being seen as the annoying, ugly fat girl. I hate it, I hate my cousin, I'm always inferior to her. She doesn't like me and everybody loves her. I'm looked down upon all the time by my parents and by my classmates. If I don't impress them then I'm always going to be like that.
What makes it worse is that I'm becoming more like my older cousin with my younger cousin- I'm in the middle of the two, both are distant cousins and they don't really know each other. I don't want to be like my older cousin, my younger one doesn't deserve that. She's so happy and energetic and optimistic: I don't deserve her. I seem like I'm always distracted when she's talking to me but I can't focus. She talks for so long and she's so energetic, always seeking me out to hang out with me and announcing herself as my younger cousin because she's proud of that. I love her, I really do, but I don't deserve such a wonderful cousin at all.
I have a Christmas party this week with the entire family. I got my cousin a gift but I know she won't be impressed- airs too small. I can't get her anything bigger and I'm embarrassed of my abilities. I can't do anything for them and I'm most likely always going to be viewed as a brat in the eyes of my classmates because she's in my class. What would that mean?
In class she's:
Popular
The teacher's favourite
Smart
Pretty
Social
A role model

She makes it clear to my friends and I saying that: "Just because you're my cousin or you're friends with my cousin doesn't mean I like you. If anything, I like you less."
She makes it clear she doesn't like me. She told me I was a failure. She glares at my friends and I as if we're idiots.
I'm nowhere near her level. I'm the complete opposite of her. I love to sing, she can sing it better. I like to draw, she can draw better. I like to write, she can write better.
What makes it worse is that my friend is constantly picked on in class. It's so obvious it's painful- Our teacher dislikes her. They sing stupid songs about how nobody likes her and it eventually spread everywhere. I can't stop it either, that would make it worse. I just hate my class- Heck, I wish I never went to school. I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to have to impress everybody to get them to at least respect me a little!

I hate all this, dangit.

[nana]

i dont think anybody without depression can really understand it.
the horrible... pain it gives you.
i cant exactly type it. because the pain is so strong its bigger than words.
ive realized im not going to be happy for a very very very long time.
and honestly
my body and soul cant handle that.
today.
tomorrow.
christmas.
im honestly expecting to break. to... fall off the edge.
because as i sit here crying i realize im hopeless.
im ugly.
im stupid.
im talentless.
im... a horrible freaking person.
and im so tired of life throwing crap at me.
this is to my future funeral.
i really hope that you all are happy.
that everybody is happy and laughing.
because im gonna be in the pits of hell where i belong.
im dying right now.
and i cant live anylonger.
my heart cant take it.