❛ the lazy writers ❜

[L.V.L]

People have told me my whole life that love can either mend a broken heart or can break it even more to the point of death. No one has ever tried to love someone to the point where one day they finally give up, because you were told if the other person wasn't right - you shouldn't chase after them. I never listened though - and it cost me my life.

He was perfect. He was the guy I always pictured myself with; even if I thought those feelings were for others. His bright mysterious green eyes and his chocolate hair - what part of him couldn't you love? I knew he didn't truly love me though; it's just what people said. He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together without making it obvious of what he was doing and then at the last second when you thought you were safe - he would tear you apart. But I didn't care, I was in love with the idea of love and wanting to be with this boy made me insane. I would try my hardest everyday to see him, to be near him whenever I could, to hear his voice - it's what calmed me inside. He noticed me a couple of times before and then things escalated to the point where he'd walk me to the park and we'd just sit or lay there under the trees for hours just talking or being in each others presence; until we both had to leave. Those were the most magical moments in my lifetime. I had let my heart take over my whole body instead of my mind, because I didn't want to ruin anything. And yet things slowly started to happen; things I knew I noticed before but I ignored it at the time because I was to distracted by what was in front of me. That he was slowly distancing himself, not really meeting up, never making eye contact, never checking on me when I was alone or sad. It seemed like all the things that I heard was coming true, and it broke me inside. I thought to myself over and over again that it just couldn't be true, that someone wouldn't do that to a person... kill them inside like that. He would trick me at some points, look over at me and do his stupid little half smile that just lifted my spirit or he would brush against my shoulder when we pasted each other. I knew that I was letting this boy get inside my head, I knew that he wasn't really interested and yet I kept trying to keep him; I tried to do everything in my power to make him stay with me because I needed him. Days turned into weeks where we wouldn't show up and I kept thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but everyone told me that he was alright and I shouldn't be over reacting about this. But that's just it... I over react to so many things, and this is just another one of those things. When he did show up, I would look into his eyes and tell that what we once had was gone. And it left me broken, broken to the point where no one could ever fix me. I just sat there everyday looking at the people around me and hear them joke about how hard their life is and how they just want to end it, but I know they won't because they think it's funny to just say that. But I don't think they realize how much that phrase actually means to someone like me.
I'm a human being who's been broken by a boy who didn't think much of anything about me - who saw me as just an object he could mess with. And he left me with a breathing body who's dead inside.

I'm in need of opinions on this one and if you find any mistakes please tell me!! <3

[Klain]

People have told me my whole life that love can either mend a broken heart or can break it even more to the point of death. No one has ever tried to love someone to the point where one day they finally give up, because you were told if the other person wasn't right - you shouldn't chase after them. I never listened though - and it cost me my life.

He was perfect. He was the guy I always pictured myself with; even if I thought those feelings were for others. His bright mysterious green eyes and his chocolate hair - what part of him couldn't you love? I knew he didn't truly love me though; it's just what people said. He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together without making it obvious of what he was doing and then at the last second when you thought you were safe - he would tear you apart. But I didn't care, I was in love with the idea of love and wanting to be with this boy made me insane. I would try my hardest everyday to see him, to be near him whenever I could, to hear his voice - it's what calmed me inside. He noticed me a couple of times before and then things escalated to the point where he'd walk me to the park and we'd just sit or lay there under the trees for hours just talking or being in each others presence; until we both had to leave. Those were the most magical moments in my lifetime. I had let my heart take over my whole body instead of my mind, because I didn't want to ruin anything. And yet things slowly started to happen; things I knew I noticed before but I ignored it at the time because I was to distracted by what was in front of me. That he was slowly distancing himself, not really meeting up, never making eye contact, never checking on me when I was alone or sad. It seemed like all the things that I heard was coming true, and it broke me inside. I thought to myself over and over again that it just couldn't be true, that someone wouldn't do that to a person... kill them inside like that. He would trick me at some points, look over at me and do his stupid little half smile that just lifted my spirit or he would brush against my shoulder when we pasted each other. I knew that I was letting this boy get inside my head, I knew that he wasn't really interested and yet I kept trying to keep him; I tried to do everything in my power to make him stay with me because I needed him. Days turned into weeks where we wouldn't show up and I kept thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but everyone told me that he was alright and I shouldn't be over reacting about this. But that's just it... I over react to so many things, and this is just another one of those things. When he did show up, I would look into his eyes and tell that what we once had was gone. And it left me broken, broken to the point where no one could ever fix me. I just sat there everyday looking at the people around me and hear them joke about how hard their life is and how they just want to end it, but I know they won't because they think it's funny to just say that. But I don't think they realize how much that phrase actually means to someone like me.
I'm a human being who's been broken by a boy who didn't think much of anything about me - who saw me as just an object he could mess with. And he left me with a breathing body who's dead inside.

I'm in need of opinions on this one and if you find any mistakes please tell me!! <3

I really like it. I really like this kind of storys!
But I'm not really sure if this is correct.

[...]He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together[...]

Shouldn't it be "broken hearts and try to put"?

[L.V.L]

-snip-


I really like it. I really like this kind of storys!
But I'm not really sure if this is correct.


[...]He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together[...]


Shouldn't it be "broken hearts and try to put"?



Thank you, Klain!! It's literally the first story type thing I've finished since July - so I'm really proud.
And yes, that's makes a lot more sense, thank you. <3

[DeMaizu]

@L.V.L Mostly my only complaint with that sentence is the repeated "and" - if it were what Klain said, then that would be fine. Or, you could switch the "to" along with the "and" so that it reads like
[i]He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts to try and put them back together."
Although, in my opinion Klain's correction makes more sense.

[anxious ghost]

Good for you.
Now, I have a question that is mostly related to writing, but is also just plain old curiosity; do vampire women still get periods?
I just recentely read a book about vampires and my own period has started and that made me think. No vampire anything I have watched or read has ever mentioned that they do. Lots of versions says that vampire's blood doesn't flow because their hearts don't beat, but they bleed when they are cut. Some also say that vampires are barren and there are only a few that can naturally give birth. And even more that say vampires still have a heart beating, so my question is, do vampire women bleed every month?

This is an interesting question, and the answer depends on what theory you're working with.


@L.V.L that was amazing. Just amazing.


Also, I've had an idea and I may actually have motivation to write!

[L.V.L]

@L.V.L Mostly my only complaint with that sentence is the repeated "and" - if it were what Klain said, then that would be fine. Or, you could switch the "to" along with the "and" so that it reads like
[i]He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts to try and put them back together."
Although, in my opinion Klain's correction makes more sense.


I posted it to my Facebook, so I fixed it there. Thank you, though! <3
@Moriarty: Thank you!

Most things from the story is actually my relationship.

[Klain]

@L.V.L Mostly my only complaint with that sentence is the repeated "and" - if it were what Klain said, then that would be fine. Or, you could switch the "to" along with the "and" so that it reads like
[i]He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts to try and put them back together."
Although, in my opinion Klain's correction makes more sense.


I posted it to my Facebook, so I fixed it there. Thank you, though! <3
@Moriarty: Thank you!

Most things from the story is actually my relationship.

Most of my storys wich I write are also from my relationship/life, but I change some little things. It helps me a lot C:

[Ranger of the North]

People have told me my whole life that love can either mend a broken heart or can break it even more to the point of death. No one has ever tried to love someone to the point where one day they finally give up, because you were told if the other person wasn't right - you shouldn't chase after them. I never listened though - and it cost me my life.

He was perfect. He was the guy I always pictured myself with; even if I thought those feelings were for others. His bright mysterious green eyes and his chocolate hair - what part of him couldn't you love? I knew he didn't truly love me though; it's just what people said. He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together without making it obvious of what he was doing and then at the last second when you thought you were safe - he would tear you apart. But I didn't care, I was in love with the idea of love and wanting to be with this boy made me insane. I would try my hardest everyday to see him, to be near him whenever I could, to hear his voice - it's what calmed me inside. He noticed me a couple of times before and then things escalated to the point where he'd walk me to the park and we'd just sit or lay there under the trees for hours just talking or being in each others presence; until we both had to leave. Those were the most magical moments in my lifetime. I had let my heart take over my whole body instead of my mind, because I didn't want to ruin anything. And yet things slowly started to happen; things I knew I noticed before but I ignored it at the time because I was to distracted by what was in front of me. That he was slowly distancing himself, not really meeting up, never making eye contact, never checking on me when I was alone or sad. It seemed like all the things that I heard was coming true, and it broke me inside. I thought to myself over and over again that it just couldn't be true, that someone wouldn't do that to a person... kill them inside like that. He would trick me at some points, look over at me and do his stupid little half smile that just lifted my spirit or he would brush against my shoulder when we pasted each other. I knew that I was letting this boy get inside my head, I knew that he wasn't really interested and yet I kept trying to keep him; I tried to do everything in my power to make him stay with me because I needed him. Days turned into weeks where we wouldn't show up and I kept thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but everyone told me that he was alright and I shouldn't be over reacting about this. But that's just it... I over react to so many things, and this is just another one of those things. When he did show up, I would look into his eyes and tell that what we once had was gone. And it left me broken, broken to the point where no one could ever fix me. I just sat there everyday looking at the people around me and hear them joke about how hard their life is and how they just want to end it, but I know they won't because they think it's funny to just say that. But I don't think they realize how much that phrase actually means to someone like me.
I'm a human being who's been broken by a boy who didn't think much of anything about me - who saw me as just an object he could mess with. And he left me with a breathing body who's dead inside.

I'm in need of opinions on this one and if you find any mistakes please tell me!! <3

Wow.
That's deep.
I really like it! c:
I do think your last "who's" would be better as "that's", though? c:

So much motivation on this thread, now! I love it!
I'm not doing NaNo, but my lil story now has 7531 words

[DeMaizu]

∑Ah.

NaNo.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Progress could be better.

[Klain]

People have told me my whole life that love can either mend a broken heart or can break it even more to the point of death. No one has ever tried to love someone to the point where one day they finally give up, because you were told if the other person wasn't right - you shouldn't chase after them. I never listened though - and it cost me my life.

He was perfect. He was the guy I always pictured myself with; even if I thought those feelings were for others. His bright mysterious green eyes and his chocolate hair - what part of him couldn't you love? I knew he didn't truly love me though; it's just what people said. He would pick up the pieces from broken hearts and try and put them back together without making it obvious of what he was doing and then at the last second when you thought you were safe - he would tear you apart. But I didn't care, I was in love with the idea of love and wanting to be with this boy made me insane. I would try my hardest everyday to see him, to be near him whenever I could, to hear his voice - it's what calmed me inside. He noticed me a couple of times before and then things escalated to the point where he'd walk me to the park and we'd just sit or lay there under the trees for hours just talking or being in each others presence; until we both had to leave. Those were the most magical moments in my lifetime. I had let my heart take over my whole body instead of my mind, because I didn't want to ruin anything. And yet things slowly started to happen; things I knew I noticed before but I ignored it at the time because I was to distracted by what was in front of me. That he was slowly distancing himself, not really meeting up, never making eye contact, never checking on me when I was alone or sad. It seemed like all the things that I heard was coming true, and it broke me inside. I thought to myself over and over again that it just couldn't be true, that someone wouldn't do that to a person... kill them inside like that. He would trick me at some points, look over at me and do his stupid little half smile that just lifted my spirit or he would brush against my shoulder when we pasted each other. I knew that I was letting this boy get inside my head, I knew that he wasn't really interested and yet I kept trying to keep him; I tried to do everything in my power to make him stay with me because I needed him. Days turned into weeks where we wouldn't show up and I kept thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but everyone told me that he was alright and I shouldn't be over reacting about this. But that's just it... I over react to so many things, and this is just another one of those things. When he did show up, I would look into his eyes and tell that what we once had was gone. And it left me broken, broken to the point where no one could ever fix me. I just sat there everyday looking at the people around me and hear them joke about how hard their life is and how they just want to end it, but I know they won't because they think it's funny to just say that. But I don't think they realize how much that phrase actually means to someone like me.
I'm a human being who's been broken by a boy who didn't think much of anything about me - who saw me as just an object he could mess with. And he left me with a breathing body who's dead inside.

I'm in need of opinions on this one and if you find any mistakes please tell me!! <3

Wow.
That's deep.
I really like it! c:
I do think your last "who's" would be better as "that's", though? c:

So much motivation on this thread, now! I love it!
I'm not doing NaNo, but my lil story now has 7531 words

Isn't "that" for objects/things? ._.