Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Jotakira]

dear -

i think you're the one who's opinion matters most now

i think

i think you're becoming my fp and i don't know how to feel about this
my bpd keeps making me get really upset
whenever we don't talk a lot
this is weird for me

this is probably weird for you too
i wonder

i wonder if you'd ever care about me with this intensity??
or if you already do

i wonder if you know who you are in this letter? i don't know

it's weird because suddenly, you're my top priority? everything else is kinda... dull
in comparison now

there's only one or two other people who still seem to matter to me

i think about you way more than i should? but not in a romantic way. it's ... new. new to me

i'm sorry i'm just

confused

i don't know how to tell you or if i even should

what if that puts stress on you or makes you distance yourself from me? i don't split on you angrily
i just get really sad and i don't want you to worry about me like that
i'm so lonely though

i feel so lonely right now and i'm scared to tell you because you'll probably hate me and you're
such a unique, lovely part of my life

you might see this and i don't know how to feel about that either and i dont know much about this

all i know is that you're really important to me and i really really reaaaaallly want to be close to you
and seeing you is pretty much what makes my day complete or even worth rolling out of bed for at this
point and that sounds odd but...... heck it's how i feel and here's where i'm saying what i can't work up
the nerve to outright tell you

you might ignore me or forget you're my fp... im not getting angry or anything im just worried about
how this will end up

whenever i feel like you don't like me it's this type of loneliness that i've never felt before. it's weird to me
because i actually feel fully hollow and i feel.. just.. deeply lonely

but when i'm included in anything with you i feel like the polar opposite

i feel really gross inside right now and i feel that deep loneliness where it doesn't matter who comforts me, it's
just not you

and i keep feeling like a bad person because i get kkinda jealous

i'm sorry i'm like this, i'm trying to get better


-tord

xx

dear --

i'm sorry

i'm so sorry

i'm a really bad friend and i should try harder but

i have a l o t going on right now and there's stuff i haven't told you and you're the person who knows my
deepest secrets... well. most of them.

there's stuff i haven't told anyone yet. i'm having health issues that i wont go into detail with and my grades
are slowly plummeting

ever since i left the other place, i ahven't spoken to you much and it makes me feel icky and bad

like a neglectful person

like a bad bad person

-tord

xx

dear +

i hate you

you make me so paranoid and youre trying to take him and the other two away from me

i see what youre doing

does he know what you've said and done ?? about him. about him , yet you look in his face and
smile and act like you're his best pal... guess what. i'm his real friend and i'll tell him everything
if i hear one more negative peep out of your filthy mouth. he doesn't deserve that and i'll see to
it that he can make judgments based on the truth instead of your facade. ...i should have told
him already in all honesty but i really worry that i misheard you or that you weren't referring to him.

but i'll give you the benefit of the doubt and give you one more chance.

i really hope you know what you're doing. sure would be a shame if my health issues killed me off
and the last thing you said to me was.. that.

i know you'd regret it, sometime down the road when you get out of your inevitable haze, you'll
realize that you'd had a loyal friend despite how embarrassing i am, despite my lack of social skills,
and you will live with that whether i'm dead or alive. and as long as i am alive, i will see to it that
any one of my three closest friends do not get harmed by the likes of you.

i've been made fun of and been called a monster for venting about you. i've been mimicked, shamed,
and i've been told not to make "threats". you would not be threatened if you did not plan on hurting us.
if you think i would allow you to slander the girl i love without consequences, well, two can play at
that game.

i can go on all night but i have other letters to people who actually improve the quality of life, instead
of lower it.

go to hell.

-tord

xx

dear +'s friend

i wouldn't give you a separate name

because you honestly aren't a large part of my life

but you confuse me

like... a whole damn lot

do you hate me?? i feel lke you do. you torment me alongside + but.....
you hang out with the girl i'm in love with? she acts different around you

please let me be around her she is 1/3 of the reason my life has meaning

-tord

xx

dear teacher

thank you so much for letting me improve my grades

i've been stressing over this class so much and i feel like i actually am smart now

i really appreciate more than i could ever say because getting out of here and going to
college and getting away from half of my family is crucial for me

maybe i misjudged you in the beginning of the year

-tord

xx

dear self

can you maybe stop being a jealous, attention-seeking whiner while simultaneously getting
extremely offended when anyone else calls you out on it???

can you just. not do the things you've been doing

go to bed jfc

-tord

[Spotenya]

dear w,
omg omg omg i finally did talk to you.. my cheeks are literally flushed and i squealed because this is the best day of my life! at the same time, i overcame my shyness and gained slight confidence in talking to you which is a good thing.

from your friend

[appi]

dear self,

either forget about him asap
or make him remember you forever

you decide

[Lazy9248]

Babe,

You've moved on. Why can't I? It has been 6 months. You left me for her and you two are obviously happy. I just miss you everything about you. I've tried moving on. I've dated other people. Nothing works.

You're like an addiction. I've been stripped of the drug, and I'm struck with the heart wrenching withdrawal. Waking up from nightmares that you've left, only to realize that you're gone. Broken. Crying myself to sleep. Wondering why I wasn't enough. Waking up catching myself calling your name and feeling emptiness and numbness flood through me, realizing you aren't there. Sleepless nights and broken days where I cry and wonder why everything went from perfect to this. This disgusting numbness that I can't shake.

You were the sun in my dark life and when you left you took every ounce of sunlight that you brought with you.

I know that you don't care, or at least you say you don't. How could you not. Everyone in my life leaves and I guess that means I knew you'd eventually leave too. My dad, my siblings, everyone has left, and now you. You promised that you wouldn't. You told me I was your everything and all you wanted was me by your side forever. How did that perfection go to this. You leaving me and shattering me into a billion pieces.

I'll never forget that night. I knew something was up because you wouldn't talk to me. You barely spoke. You called me and sounded devastated and asked me to call you when I got home. I called you and heard you crying and it broke my heart. It took you over a minute to say the words because you kept choking up. You listened to me break and sob for over four minutes until you could finally bring yourself to murmur, "I'm so sorry," and hang up. You texted me for weeks, animate about wanting to stay friends because you still cared about me. Then she forced you to leave. Forced you to cut all ties and you apologized numerous times. I'm still reeling.

And everyone tells me you'll come crawling back. Everyone. Your mom, my parents, my friends, your family, your friends. They all tell me she's no good for you. I don't know if you'll necessarily ever come back. I just pray every night that you do. Even if all you ever want to be is friends, it'll mean the world to me just to have you back in my life. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I'll keep making friends and fix myself on my own. That's what I've always done. Fill my life and try to forget you, even though you're always on my mind.

I love you and wish you all the best,
-Me

[mars]

dear d,

I am your best friend,
but I do not want to be your last resort.

I wanted you to love me more than anything,
but you chose her instead.
I accepted that and moved on.

but then you chose another when the first girl didn't work out.
and then yet another when the second girl didn't work out.
and then a third because the second found someone else first.

and now,,,me.

please do not haunt me like this.
please stop chasing after me.
you do not love me in the right ways,
you do not love me as much as you love them.

I will never be good enough for you.
I am just your last resort.

- r

- - -

dear my former history teacher,

I'm glad I left your class.

you ruined the word 'feminist' for me with your preaching about women deserving
more rights than men. I can no longer see the word without getting angry,,,it sounds
so unfair, so unequal, and there are more genders than just female out there.

I myself do not identify fully as female, but I could never tell you. you made me so
uncomfortable, you made me feel so unsafe in your class. it is because of you that I
identify as an egalitarianist or equalist now instead.

you sicken me.

- r

[regular;]

dear r,
i apologized. just like everyone - including myself - wanted me to. but it kills me that i still have feelings after denying it all. i get so aggressively jealous and angry. i know you forgave me, and we're back to being friends. but i don't want to be friends. i want more. i've wanted more. and i let our bad sides get the best of us. i don't want to admit i have such strong and depressing feelings for you. but if you ever ask me who i like, i need to know who you like first. i can't be played again. i can't think you still like me and humiliate myself resulting in heartbreak. please , i want these emotions to stop. to realize they can't be there. but they won't listen. when you're laughing with o, all i think is that "wow that could be me". please do something. anything. please.

dear mrs. d & mrs. p,
you are the worst. mrs. p, stop shushing us in math. you sound like a bloated mcdonalds hamburger bun trying to burp. like ?? and mrs. d, stop telling me what to do. i know what to do. you just think "it's better your way". no. it's not. your way is probably as stupid and noneffective as your brain.

dear me,
get the courage. keep going. talk to him. come on! you do this every time. you keep liking him. time to stop. but how, you ask? notice the little things he does to o that he doesn't do to you. notice how each time you want to catch his attention his is still focused on her. you hate her. she's so beautiful and funny. but she's manipulative and undeserving of him. so let him go to her. let him get his heart broken. it's not your place to jeopardize his love life, even if he has ruined and occupied yours. there was someone, c, who you thought was your rebound. nope. you knew it would end back up here. find someone new. go out to places, meet new guys. just stop ruining yourself with him. stop consuming your thoughts with him. your smarter than this.

dear -,
i knew if i said your name there's a likely chance of h seeing, so...
yes, maybe i do like you. developing feelings, i suppose. slowly. but surely. i know you also like -, but i can't stop that. im not good enough for you. but as long as we're friends, i'll get through it.

[Azura ~~]

dear Mum,

I know this is getting into your head, moving as been hell but we know theres nothing we can do,
i thougth this was ggonna be easy.. WELL LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! This is getting ridiculous... im going insane at this.

i'm done..

Fran


Dear Isabel (shes like the most sassy girl in school...)

ok seriously i have had it with YOU, you think your sooo sassy and you think that your the best girk in the world, PFFT NEWSFLASH!
everyone in the class hates you, why do you think that you can be apart of everything Because no one wants you with them, now honestly i really couldn't care about your life and stuff..

Fran

[bunniesareawesome223]

Dear Myself,

Please stop embarrassing yourself in front of everyone! You don't want to be laughed at for tripping or dropping your stuff everywhere again do you? Just please try not to be so clumsy and everything will be fine...

P.S Remember to always tie your shoes...

From, Your very annoyed self

[anxietee.]

dear s,
i wish i was strong enough to talk to you again. i miss you. i love you. i'm just afraid.

dear c,
why do you ignore me? am i an embarrassment? please just talk to be again. i know we're both hurting, but we can get through together. please, c.

dear bts, exo, got7, etc.,
thank you for cheering me up and being there when i was down (haha not actually there, just on my computer because you're on the other side of the world right now but pfft). i owe pretty much everything to you.

dear me,
try harder to be confident. i know it's hard, but you don't want to be depressed all the time, right? you're lucky to have some people in your life that actually care about you, so please feel good about yourself again. don't let anyone's hate get to you. just tune them out with all of your cool kpop songs. and please smile more. you know how much s and c used to like you smiling, right? i'm sure l would like you to smile, just as much as r would. they love you lots, don't trick yourself into thinking they just pity you. you know they love you with all of their hearts, so stop feeling down and smile already. you're not pathetic. you're not ignorant. you're just scared, and i think we all are. and that's okay - everyone gets scared. but that fear is just in your head, and you need to get over it and be happy again.

with lots of love, anxi.

[allium]

Dear you who thinks I'll write your obituary:

Forget it.

I'll sing you a song even though my voice cracks every other line and my lungs don't have the capacity to hold the notes,
I'll write you poems about strength and endurance, even though I know it wont make a difference,
I'll write yous stories of happier times, stories only for you, you can burn them if you want I don't care!
but
I wont write your obituary.
I wont stand in front of your casket and pretend I care.
Because I guarantee that the second you vault over that bridge railing every ounce of respect I had for you will be gone.
Obsolete.

I wont stand before your dead body and pity you.
because you will have done it to yourself.
You will have chosen to be there.
Out of self pity

I will not write your obituary, because I know you could still be here.
You know I wont write your obituary, because you know I know your better then that.

So don't even bother asking.