Life

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Do you like it?

Like it? I /love/ it! You did good, Ranger~!
21
75%
Yeah, it's really good!
2
7%
It's not my cup of tea, but I still enjoyed it (:
2
7%
It can use a bit of work......
0
No votes
Not really... Sorry.
0
No votes
No comment.
1
4%
...I can't read...
2
7%
 
Total votes : 28

Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Sun Oct 09, 2016 10:24 am

Posting is more than welcome!
In fact,
please,
please let me know what you think;
I poured heart and soul into this,
so I'd love to get some feedback.
Thanks <3

Judge's stats:
Grammar/spelling: 10/10
Creativity/originality: 9/10
Style/consistency: 10/10
(1, 496 words)
Last edited by Ranger of the North on Mon Oct 17, 2016 6:03 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Sun Oct 09, 2016 10:25 am

xxxxxA swift shadow glided through the trees like a ghost, head lowered. Soft, strong paws darted lightly over crunchy dead leaves with barely a sound.
xxxxxThe wolf raised her shaggy head and strained forward, sniffing the air; eyes wide in the gloomy light to catch every movement, to see anything that might pose a threat to her wellbeing.
xxxxxA freezing wind whispered through the mixed pine needles and leaves above, ruffling her fur and trailing cold fingers across her skin where it flattened her thick pelt. Clouds scudded across the moon above, setting dim shadows dancing and wavering beneath trees and bushes.
xxxxxThe wolf pricked her ears as faint creaks and whispers ghosted through the air. Powerful muscles contracted and glossy fur rippled as she tensed warily, not trusting the dark night, and ready to flee.
xxxxxMovement jostled in her belly and she allowed her muscles to relax slightly, ears still alert for danger.
xxxxxThe time had come.
xxxxxShe had to find a safe den soon, or her pups would be born in the open to a frozen world. Young cubs were at the mercy of many creatures, and it was doubtful they’d survive the night if she didn’t find somewhere secure to birth them.
xxxxxThe she-wolf’s heartbeat quickened and she resumed her urgent, steady lope through the dead woods, nose to the ground as she scented the frosty dirt for any trace of a cave or hollow log, bright eyes scanning the forest for anything to call home.
xxxxxShe had found a hollow weeks ago. Nestled beneath a hefty root and surrounded by blackberry thorns she should have been safe for many more days—but then the humans came, prowling through the undergrowth.
xxxxxShouts and calls had echoed from tree to tree and danger lurked behind every bush and shadow, armed with bright flashes which were accompanied by explosions and excruciating pain.
xxxxxThey had gotten him. Her mate. After a long day of futile hunting she had slowly paced back to their den, hungry and restless, and found him in a pool of blood. Dead. Nowhere was safe, now.
xxxxxAn owl hooted in the distance and the wolf curled her lips back in a silent snarl, wary apprehension burning through her blood like fire.
xxxxxHackles raised and every hair on end, charged with tension, she forced herself on. Pine needles whispered softly underfoot, seeming unnaturally loud to her sharp ears, yet in truth nearly soundless.
xxxxxAs the she-wolf rounded a curve, a sharp smell stung her nose. Sweat, smoke and other unpleasant odours mixed and combined to give her one message: humans.
xxxxxGrowling softly she broke into a run.
xxxxxTearing through the undergrowth in a desperate bid for survival, she dashed effortlessly up the hill, bounding over the odd stone like she possessed wings.
xxxxxThe wolf felt a surge of savageness as she lunged between two trees, strong legs surging to push her body and the unborn pups forward, muscles bunching and releasing with every stride, visible in the fluid movements rolling across her pelt. A wild joy filled her and she grinned toothily.
xxxxxNone could hope to cross her and escape unharmed. None could chance upon her and not feel fear. None could hope to contain or subdue her wild spirit.
xxxxxShe was alone. She was deadly. She was ruler of the great forest, venturing where she pleased and fearing no one.
xxxxxA growl rumbled through her chest and up into her throat, spilling out on the frigid air, and challenging anything to defy her claim to the forest.
xxxxxThe humans heard and heeded the summons.
xxxxxWith one last mighty bound the she-wolf leapt over the last bush in her way and paced up the final ridge to crest the hill—and stopped, panting. Quivering from the exertion of her climb; tongue scraping over long canines and tail tucked tight between her hind-legs.
xxxxxA small village nestled beneath the hill’s forbidding brow, like chicks under their mother’s wing. Dark and cold but reeking with the humans’ pungent smell.
xxxxxA soft snarl bared long canines as fear prickled through her pelt; ears pressed tight against her skull, flattening thick grey fur.
xxxxxSwift as a shadow she slipped away. Nowhere was safe anymore.
xxxxxThe shaggy head shot up in alarm, ears pricked and muscles tense as a branch cracked mere metres away. Even as she watched, with hair bristling along her back, the snow-loaded limb slowly dipped forward and fell, crashing to the icy ground with a muffled thud.
xxxxxA snarl grated in her chest before she loped on, growing heavier with every step.
xxxxxThe time had come.
xxxxxThe time was now.
xxxxxA sudden spasm convulsed her body, and the she-wolf whined slightly, fighting against the instinctive need to rest. To birth safely.
xxxxxWhimpering, she staggered forward, swaying against the desire to lie down. Strong, broad forepaws scrabbled in the pine needles and stirred dead leaves as new life claimed its right to the world.
xxxxxThen, as quickly as they had come, the wolf’s birth-pains subsided and powerful leg-muscles pushed her on once more.
xxxxxFrantic pounding thudded in the wild dog’s chest as her heart replaced old blood with the fresh in quicker bursts, paws eating up the ground in a desperate burst of speed as the restless stirring in her womb persisted.
xxxxxWhimpering urgently, she halted every few metres to inspect every nook and cranny in a desperate search; hunting for a secure birthing-spot.
xxxxxPacing worriedly, the wolf snarled as a second contraction, even stronger than the last seized her muscles.
xxxxxIf she didn’t find a den the cubs would die. It was too cold. She had no security and no help.
xxxxxShe was alone.
xxxxxUtterly alone.
xxxxxDistressed, the wild dog raise her muzzle to the dark, merciless sky and let out a howl. The sound emanated from her throat like a bugle, vibrating the core of her soul. A wild cry, full of desperation and fear.
xxxxxTooth scraped jarringly against tooth as the wolf cut her howl off with a final sharp clack and lowered her shaggy head, eyeing the trees calculatingly.
xxxxxA chill breeze ruffled her pelt, and the brawny legs stiffened as the promising smell of bare dirt tickled her nose. Soft growls rumbled between sharp canines as she hesitated.
xxxxxA third powerful spasm shook the swollen belly, and the wolf bounded forward, alarm prickling her fur. Nose to the ground she trotted between two close-set trees and halted briefly, bright eyes examining the dark hole beyond her paws.
xxxxxQuivering, every nerve on edge, and adrenaline rushing her blood the she-wolf scented one last time, assuring herself nothing lurked in the small cave’s dark depths. Her hesitant footsteps pounded loud in her ears, echoing from dirt walls as she crept forward warily, fur bristling and brushing against frozen earth on every side.
xxxxxCold nose pressing suddenly against the back of the tunnel she turned, eyes shining bright in the gloom, and flicked her shaggy tail nervously. Pain clenched the muscles in her abdomen once more as she lay.
xxxxxThe time had come.
xxxxxYet another ripple of discomfort rolled over her—then another, and another, until the contractions were too many to count; too strong to resist.
xxxxxWhining softly the wolf stretched full-length on her side, chill from the frozen ground seeping through her fur. Long forelegs reached out, patting at the wall as she whimpered.
xxxxxAn unusual sensation slipped through the wolf and she twisted back in surprise, ignoring the warm liquid that trailed through her thick fur to settle on skin.
xxxxxThe she-wolf’s cold nose sniffed curiously at the bundle squirming under her tail, contacting a strange warm film as a soothing, musty smell drifted over her nostrils.
xxxxxInstinctively her warm, pink tongue lashed out, rolling over the sac and contacting sodden fur underneath the flimsy membrane. Whining softly she licked at the bundle again, listening as it answered with a pitiful squeak.
xxxxxStrange warmth spread through the she-wolf, startling in its ferocity, and a new sound vibrated in her chest, spilling into the air like a spring. It was a song meant only for the warm bundle at her side.
xxxxxKeening to the pup she licked it again, repeating the motion; barely pausing as the membrane coated her tongue before she swallowed it down.
xxxxxThe wolf lost herself in the rhythmic motion, swiping her tongue across the motionless bundle without a thought for minutes on end—then drew back slightly, astonishment pricking her pelt as the small bundle moved under her body; soft fluff bristled under her tongue.
xxxxxThe she-wolf watched as the squeaking pup struggled forward, frail paws paddling helplessly at the air until they pressed into her warm belly. Contented, snuffling squeaks emanated from the tiny throat as it latched on to feed.
xxxxxThe wild dog sniffed at her offspring, nudging it to a warmer position before curling comfortably around the small body.
xxxxxHer pup was warm, strong, and would survive well in the wild.
xxxxxThey were safe.
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Re: Life

Postby Cloudflame » Sun Oct 09, 2016 10:40 am

Aaaaaaaaah! It reads like a roleplay post (much articulate very compliment so wow)
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Re: Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:46 pm

Cloudflame wrote:Aaaaaaaaah! It reads like a roleplay post (much articulate very compliment so wow)

Thank you!! :D That means a lot to me; thanks! <3
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Re: Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:34 am

Bump
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Re: Life

Postby TheSongOfTheStars » Tue Nov 29, 2016 11:37 pm

Wow. Ranger, it's obvious how hard you worked at this. Every metaphor is so beautifully chosen, every sentence you put so much thought into. It's an extremely beautiful piece.
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Re: Life

Postby Captain Plucky » Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:41 pm

WHOA
This is fantastic, Ranger! You can really tell how much love and care was put into it, even for how short it is!
I love the metaphors you use, and you don't overuse any words, as far as I can tell. That's a difficult thing to do.
I hope I can get to your skill of writing someday, your just so awesome at this!
Amazing story!!!
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Re: Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:47 pm

FiveSecondsToFly wrote:Wow. Ranger, it's obvious how hard you worked at this. Every metaphor is so beautifully chosen, every sentence you put so much thought into. It's an extremely beautiful piece.

Captain Plucky wrote:WHOA
This is fantastic, Ranger! You can really tell how much love and care was put into it, even for how short it is!
I love the metaphors you use, and you don't overuse any words, as far as I can tell. That's a difficult thing to do.
I hope I can get to your skill of writing someday, your just so awesome at this!
Amazing story!!!

Aahhh thank you guys, so, so much! :D
It really means the world to me that great writers like you like it so much <3 <3 Thank yoouu!! :D <3 Image

ahh i can never thank you enough <3 that really means a lot c:
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Re: Life

Postby Nocte Luna » Thu Dec 01, 2016 10:41 am

As I was reading it, all I could think of is how gorgeous this piece is. The repetition really helps drive home the urgency of the situation, and though it's short, it tells such a great story without making it too cluttered or making the reader feel like everything is stuffed into a short story. The only thing I'm not as pleased with is the formatting - the indentation helps make this read easier, but keeping the lines close together makes it a little more difficult to separate different ideas. Overall, really gorgeous piece, nice job!
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Re: Life

Postby Ranger of the North » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:30 pm

Nocte Luna wrote:As I was reading it, all I could think of is how gorgeous this piece is. The repetition really helps drive home the urgency of the situation, and though it's short, it tells such a great story without making it too cluttered or making the reader feel like everything is stuffed into a short story. The only thing I'm not as pleased with is the formatting - the indentation helps make this read easier, but keeping the lines close together makes it a little more difficult to separate different ideas. Overall, really gorgeous piece, nice job!

Thank you so much! :D <3
Ahh I never thought of that; thanks for the tip! :D
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