First...
That light amidst the dark...
"Do you know that feeling? Like you're wandering somewhere all alone, somewhere in the darkness. Lost. Confused. Lonely...and afraid? Then suddenly you see a light, a small flickering light like a candle exposed to the wind. You're too afraid to touch it, in fear of extinguishing it. You're afraid to hold it, afraid that it would cry. Afraid to love it, for fear that it wouldn't last. The candle I hold is you, Chroma" Mother died when I was born. Father said it was my fault. The first few months of my life was filled with constant fear and constant pain. Father was scary, and father hated me. Then father fell in love. 'Mother' was different, not unkind, but distant. I felt that although we were in the same den, feeding on the same meal, sleeping in the same room, that I was never there. I was alone, living in an empty shell, looking at empty people. Being objectified, a waste of space...somewhat like a pet.
Then 'mother' got pregnant. A single child. Father fussed over her, what she should eat, how she should move.
Were you like this when I was born?
But one day she called me over, telling me to listen.
Can you hear the beat of the heart? Kaiden? Listen to her. This is you sister, Kaiden Thump. Thump.
What is this? Something was beating. Something is alive, and it's calling me to listen. I remained by her side the entire night, listening. This is my sister, and she's waiting for me. Father was mad, he thought that I was irritating 'mother', so he sent me away. Yet I was already attracted to that beating heart. She was calling me. That month turned into a lifetime of constant waiting, constant hiding, constant fear, constant pain.
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Basic Information
Username: PhantomNight
Mippi name: Kaiden
Mippi age: 2 years old
Mippi size: 22cm I 316g
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The end is where we begin...
"Have you felt it before? The desire to be with someone you know you couldn't be with. Have you tried to pursue it? And fall into despair. Will you chase for it? If that light can only get further away...and away..."Kaiden, come closer, this is your sister What was that?
I have a sister.
She's so small, she's too small. She's so beautiful. If I touch her now, will she break? If I call her name, will she cry? If I look at her, will she fall? She's too small, too fragile, I'm afraid.
If I am your brother, will you be my sister?
Chroma. They said we looked alike. I don't know how. We don't even have the same eyes. Someone said it's our bond. Chroma was young, and she was innocent.
Kaiden She's calling my name.
KaidenThere you go again. What are you? With your dark blue eyes looking into by green ones, what are you thinking? Do you think I'm you're friend? Am I a waste of space? Is mother and father drawing attention away from you because of me?
I lovee you big broter Love? Don't make me fall for you Chroma. Don't make me tear down this barrier and let you in, Chroma. Don't make me love you...my sister.
I love you too, my little Chroma
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that by being with you I will spoil you. I'm scared that by being with you I will control you. I don't want to make you sad. I don't want to be a wall that keeps on stopping you. So I'll stay away and let you walk on your own, but when you call my name, I will be by your side.
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Likes: Winter I Heavy rain I Emptiness I Morning dew
Dislikes: Summer I Blazing sun I Loud noise I Dissonant chords
Habits: Daydreaming I Wondering I Sleeping
Fear: Death
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Boundaries of the Heart
"Why is it that when I'm with you, I feel so calm. Why is it that when you smile I feel such joy? Why is it that when you cry my heart is shattered? Why is it that when you laugh I lose myself?"I've watched you grow, and perhaps it was my fault. You took me as an example, and followed my lead. You're quiet, you plan a lot, it's so hard for you to fall in love. Was it all my fault? Sometimes I think that if I was normal like the others, you wouldn't be this way. But if so, then what is this throbbing in my heart that feels so happy that you look at me. Why am I so glad that you see me as who I am? Why do I feel that no matter how hard I put on this mask you see through to my face.
That's what little sisters do...then what do brothers do?
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Personality
Distant - You stay away, because you're afraid of what you'd bring. Don't you know that there's nothing wrong with you? Maybe you do, but you're afraid of being her brother, because you're not sure how to love...
Gentle - She feels it, through the way you look the way you act. She knows you're kind. Maybe you're too kind, too considerate and you're afraid she would grow weak, weak like you are.
Withdrawn - You don't like company. Perhaps it was because you grew up alone. You don't like how everyone judges everyone just because everyone is different.
Still - You're emotional, that's clear. But you hide it so well that no one knows what you're thinking, even her. In a way you can be hard to approach and they are afraid of upsetting you. At the same time, they also know that you're...
Patient - It takes a lot to upset you. Sometimes they think you have suppressed emotions, and perhaps that's true but you can handle it.
Detached - Even with those you consider friends, you don't seem to feel for them. To Chroma, you leave her on her own; to love who she wants, to go where she wants, to come to you when she wants, and to leave you when she wants.
Concise - You're straightforward. You tell her everything, her flaws, her strengths. Perhaps most are annoyed. But you also see yourself, so maybe that's why...you're you.
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Finally...
Call my name... "When I keep a secret, there is a cost, and when I kept my love a secret that cost was your love. If I spoke the truth, there is also a cost. When I said I would always love you no matter who you are, maybe the cost was the other person you might have been. The perfect person I strive to become. But then again, what's a brother supposed to do with a perfect sister?"
In the end where are we now? Did anything really matter? It's as if you are everything I want you to be, even if I had no expectations for you. I didn't want to shape who you are, it might be against your will. And in the end I doesn't matter.
Who do you see when you look my way? An idol? A friend? An angel? If you are my candle, am I your flame? Perhaps I'm a boundary you want to overcome, a wind you keep on chasing. That's fine with me. As long as you're happy, I will always be happy. As long as I'm alive, I will always love you. Perhaps you hate me, maybe you think I'm a stain on the family like father thinks...
But that's alright.
"I will always be here for you. No matter what happens.
Because that's what big brothers do. And I will love you always..."
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Why I want him:
Reasoning is not my forte. Perhaps it's his design that's attractive, or it may just be those type of connections you can't break. Creating Kaiden, it's one of those times where you just have to grit your teeth and go all out at once. Then if you've lost motivation, it means you don't want him. Well, the more I write, the more I feel him. And here you have it, my Kaiden.