Im sorry I'm here again but something happened and I've been crying so hard I can't breathe and I don't want to tell anyone I know in real life but I just need to vent idk
So...there's this guy, and he's quite a bit older than me but not too much older. He's my mum's best friend's son so I've known him ever since I was born, but we haven't seen each other much for about 5 years.
He came over for christmas and new years and I just...idk I really really really liked him. He's so sweet and gorgeous and likeable and not a player in ANY way and just so so nice. I have the worst social anxiety though so I found it hard to talk to him and since I liked him so much I found it even harder than usual and was really awkward with him. But I wanted to show him I liked him so I made a looooot of eye contact and idk other things, and I guess he got the idea
One night he came to my door at midnight and we went on the roof and kissed lol I know #romantic
And I was SOOO happy. He held my hand and we talked and I felt much more relaxed and I cried I was just so happy I thought we could've had something.
On Monday him, his brother, his friends, my mum's best friend and I went to this weird rainforest place for a week and came back yesterday.
Last night I walked with him to this place away from the house to get reception and when we came back we sat down and kissed etc. and like it wasn't in view of the house because nobody knows we were together.
I was so happy..we stayed there for an hour laughing and kissing and having fun and then he said he had to tell me something...I was so happy I thought for sure it'd be really positive.
"I like another girl."
I kind of thought what??? So I was like "you're kidding right?!"
And he said he liked a girl from his university and that he didn't like me in the way I liked him and he was sorry.
I kind of just let go of our hug and I stood there frozen shaking
And then I just started crying so hard and he must've felt like crap but I was dying inside I wanted to throw up. I honestly thought he liked me too and wanted to be with me in the future. I almost screamed at him asking why he did that to me and he just kept saying he was such an idiot and he was so sorry
He said he wanted to keep talking to me and he wanted my number and when I was older and if he was still single he'd want to go to the cinema with me but I just wanted to hit him but I love him so much and I hate myself for it
I'm just so depressed my heart is physically hurting so much I don't have an appetite and I have an issue where when I like someone I ONLY like them and I can't like anyone else and I'm going to feel like this for a very very VERY long time and I just hate it so much
But he's not a player he's the sweetest guy and so affectionate and I just don't know why he did that.
I'm just SO heartbroken I've never felt this depressed in my life and every song I listen to seems to speak about us and I burst into tears and my mum is so concerned and angry at me because of how I'm acting and the fact I can't eat or study right
Does anyone think I could still have any chance with him in the future?? We hardly even know each other...maybe he just doesn't know enough about me to like me but then again I fell in love with him at first sight and I know this is so pathetic and embarrassing and I'm probably going to regret this later but I'd really like a hug or just anything to cheer me up because right now I just want to disappear
