Tsumi wrote:Ugh, so I had pretty much my first experience of someone calling me shallow because I wouldn't go out with someone unemployed and unwilling to become employed.
It happened in October, I got set up with a friend of one of my girlfriends and he took me to a restaurant. I asked him to postpone it until I got my paycheck since I wanted to save the part of my wages that I still had, but he insisted that he would pay, basically so I would have no reason to back out. I got dolled up and went to probably one of the most disgusting restaurants I've ever been to in my life. The gravy was gloop, there was jellified grease on the meat (I accidentally swallowed a lump and almost vomited over the table) and when the bill came, he emptied out about £10 in change and asked me to pay for the rest, so I ended up giving the poor waitress the whole bill in note form (+ tip), since she looked as if she wanted to quit on the spot. I ended up with a pile of change and an awkward guy attempting to put his arm around me and broach the subject of relationships, which I quickly rejected.
Adult men are literally no better than teenage boys. This guy sulked like hell lmao. Honestly, why would he think I'd want a relationship with him when we mainly talked about our mutual friend and model ships, for Christ's sake! We walked to a bar in silence, and in the end he called some of his friends to make it less awkward. I ended up buying him a drink and never texting him again. I can literally make conversation and flirt a little with the most repulsive, boring and chauvinistic men because I have to for my job (selling watches and overpriced gadgets to men), but no matter how much I tried shocking conversation into the date, it died and we ate and walked in silence.
Anyway, most people were on my side, but I spoke to a guy at work and he said I was shallow. I honestly don't think I am, because for me, someone who basically has the willingness to go out and get a job shows what I like: independence, ambition and a sense of duty/care for a relationship. A bit of realism too, because relationships don't work if you don't have money coming in, and if it's one-sided, it's even worse since if we started a relationship, it would basically be like me looking after a man-baby. This guy was just rolling along with life and said he enjoyed the free time and didn't want to work. Nope, not interested.
To be honest I don't even need advice I just need to complain lol.
It doesn't sound like it was only based on him being unemployed. And coming from someone who was with a dude who really struggled with money the whole two years we were together, I can tell you that money IS a legitimate issue. If he can't buy you every little thing you want then sure, be an adult and suck it up and either live without it or earn your own money to buy it for yourself. But if he can't take care of himself or take care of his own responsibilities then yeah, there's a problem.
Unlike you, I don't know how to flirt. I'm awful at it and can only be a bit flirty if I'm very close and very comfortable with someone (aka my boyfriend) and even then I'm sure it's terrible. I'm also awful at small talk in many cases and get bored very easily in group situations. But honestly - it sounds like you felt there was no common ground and that you guys simply weren't compatible. And that's fine. Yeah, sure, money was part of it. Not just that he didn't have much, but that he doesn't seem financially responsible and that he didn't handle the situation with any class. You guys clearly had different priorities and values. I'm on your side with this, definitely.
I'm with someone now who, although he doesn't have lots of money, he supports himself, takes care of his responsibilities, and it open to positive change. Similar values, same level of self awareness, etc. I don't think grown men are all just giant boys though. Granted, my guy still loves his video games and is goofy, but he knows how to prioritize and he works hard.
very cute! Happy for you! (Even though you totally got your boyfriend sick.) 
(jk)
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