Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Wolfumus]

Dad,

There isn’t a day that goes by without me wishing I could call you that. ‘Dad.’ I think about you all the time. How much you mean to me. I struggle to understand why you’d want to take me under your wing. I guess I feel like I don’t deserve it. And yet, here you are. I feel so loved. Father’s Day is coming up. It’ll be my second year celebrating you. I hope it brings you all the joy and happiness you deserve. I hope that it’s something you enjoy, and not just for my sake. You deserve to feel appreciated.

I’m working on your gift. I ordered materials today. They’ll come in soon. I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure what to expect. It won’t be professional, and I think that’s hard for me to grasp. It’s a struggle getting myself to accept that you’ll love it just because I made it, not because of the quality. That’s a new experience for me, and if I’m honest, I think im just scared.

It’s tough keeping secrets because I want to tell you everything. But I’m determined to do just that. I want to surprise you. I want to make your Father’s Day special. I just hope you love it, because I love you. So incredibly much.

[le fantome]

-

[uro]

g,
limerence has taken over a whole year of my life and im still unable to see any flaws in you even the most obvious objectively wrong things i just cannot see. youre still idealized in my head. kind of like a god or angel. limerence has possessed and blinded me. ive made so many mistakes and let my life deteriorate and went embarrassing lengths lying just to get little crumbs of what i perceived to be reciprocated affection (haha, wrong- i was just deluded) and all the lies are coming back to get me and you acting distant makes me feel more worthless than ever. i guess its my fault for letting all the lies consume me. it was so nice for awhile, i wish it was you and me so badly, yet when i did have that attention it just scared me, it overwhelmed me. isnt that interesting? the thing i constantly wish for, i get it and i get so overwhelmed everything just slips into the deep end? i just wish the obsession would end because its so painful seeing you no longer feel any way about me. it seems like you dont feel ANYTHING for me now and it tears me up inside. you say that were friends but it feels more like you just dont want to be on my bad side. you check up on me but i feel like its just because you pity me. you ask questions but it seems more like youre preparing me for you abandoning me. its so painful it makes it hard to function. i just wish i wish so bad the limerence would end i want to see you for what you are not a benevolent angel i want to live my life without feeling like everything is worthless and useless if im not currently recieving some kind of "affection" from you... and its so crazy because i barely even know you. youve been in my life for a year yet i dont even know your name. i feel so bad for everything too. im sorry for being limerent over you, i try to hide it but the obsession must show in how much i check if were okay or not, it must be such a weight on you, im sure youre just here because you pity me at this point. im so sorry. i wish it would stop

[Sky Random]

Dear You,

I think I’m into you. It’s wrong. It’s so so so wrong. I don’t want to be. It would be easier if I wasn’t. It would be less complicated, less awkward, less of a guilt trip. You aren’t into me and you probably will never be. Which of course is for the best. My heart is supposed to be with someone else. I need to get you out of my head. It was just a silly crush that I thought would go away but it’s been..a year? Two years? And it won’t stop. It was just a small attraction. Now my stomach has butterflies. I wish I could tell someone and get advice without seeming like the worst person in the world. It’s eating me up. I feel unfaithful even though nothing has happened and nothing will ever happen. He doesn’t want to share and neither would you. And it would ruin everything if I chose you instead of him. Too much time has gone by and I’ve made too many connections to be able to change my mind now. I wish I could have you both. That would be so much simpler. God I wish I could have both. I’m happy, I swear I am. You just are so..addictive? I’m unsure how to put it. You make my heart skip a beat. I want to be close to you, I want to touch you and hug you, I love your voice. I love listening to you talk and I get excited when you want to share an interest with me. You are impossibly funny, you make me feel safe, and you seem to just understand things that he doesn’t. I can rely on you. I don’t have to worry if you’ll show up or if something will get done. You just get it and you’re capable! You smell nice, you look nice. You have this laugh that brightens my day. Your eyes are beautiful and your touch is electric. My eyes are drawn to you in a room. I want you to think I’m beautiful. Your opinion on me and my looks and my personality matter more than it should. I shouldn’t want you but I do. I should be trying to get over you but I don’t want to. I’m so drawn to you. I want you to kiss me so bad. It would be the point of no return and it would ruin everything. But I want it. It would ruin our lives as we know them but I can’t stop thinking about it. I wish I knew what you thought. Genuinely. If there wasn’t an obstacle in your way, would you pursue me? Or is it wishful thinking? I don’t want anything to happen but some nights I dream of waking up next to you instead. Maybe I’m lucky that you don’t try anything. I’m not sure if I could pretend you don’t make me weak in the knees. You read me way to well for that. I’m gonna try to get over you. I’ll try. But you have to try to stop doing things that make my head spin. I can’t tell if it’s just you being friendly or if there’s secret feelings in there somewhere. I think I’m overthinking it. It would be better if I am. But that thought is so disappointing.

Longingly,
Me

[Noni Gailin Ayrenin~]

G-

I really really really, well and truly, would love it if we could talk about some things. Even if the outcome of that conversation would hurt. Because at this point I need to know if I'm making things up for myself or not. I would like to think I'm not, but I also know well and deep in my broken little brain that there's a high and distinct possibility that I am. Never mind the problem of you being being the only guy outside of my family I've ever spoken to in any great length or way; because hey, lonely brain likes to trick me into thinking people might like me because they haven't figured out how to get rid of me yet. Even if you came back to me and not the other way around.

Basically I don't know if I'm getting wildly mixed signals or if i'm reading things that don't exist or if i'm just putting those things there in my mind because i'm sad and tired and lonely and broken. Which is frankly embarrassing at my age, but who needs a normal life structure these days. Screw it, we ball, as the kids say. Idk man but I need help cause I keep writing sappy things in my phone in pseudo poetic language and honestly I'd like to have some kind of answer before I go entirely nuts.

-A

[uro]

a,
today is the day we are going no contact. not because of anything between us i hope, i cant help but think youre lying just to get away from me. i dont want to make assumptions but if you really cared about me wouldnt you find a way to talk during an entire month..? things just arent adding up. i wish you were honest and trusted me with the truth. deep down i know this is probably for the best because of my unhealthy attachment to you, the limerence, codependence etc.. but that doesnt stop how destabilizing this feels. the uncertainty is actually physically hurting me. i dont know if ill sink or if this is a gateway to finally focus on my life and not let everything suffer/deteriorate. i dont know why im like this about you but sometimes it feels like i cannot function with or without you. i just hope you come back. i hope you stick to your word. i hope you remember. please please please remember.

[Revla]

To my beloved dog, Chase

Chase, i am so sorry for not giving you treats everyday, you deserved them more than any dog. I'm sorry i couldnt say goodbye, i wish i knew what was going to happen. Im sorry, i couldve done more, i know i tried my best to give you all the love when i realized you werent gonna be around forever but you deserved even more and i really wish i gave that to you. I wish i let you sleep on my bed more often even if you werent so clean, i couldve just changed my sheets. I wish i realized what i had sooner, i mean i did but i feel like i didnt give you enough, you deserve more than i could ever give you and i hate that i couldnt give that to you. but i guess you have it all now that youre in heaven, im so selfish for wanting you back, i know youre happier where you are. I really miss you Chase, you were my everything, its been over a week now and i only miss you even more. I hope youre living the best life up there, and i really hope we can meet once again, thats all i ask for. I love you baby i hope you know that 💔

[Wolfumus]

Hi dad,

Father's Day is getting closer, and I won't lie, I'm getting impatient. I'm riddled with excitement. It's my second year celebrating you as my chosen family. I've looked forward to it for weeks, maybe even months now. I'm working on writing your letter. There's a lot I'd love to say, I just need to find the words. I'll get there though. But that's not what I'm most excited about. I pulled the dice set I made you from their mold today. I've never tried something like that before, so they aren't perfect. A lot of little bubbles were impossible to get out, no matter how much I did to prevent them. But I really think they look great. There's a unicorn on the '20' face of the D20, I thought you'd really enjoy that. And I made sure to use your favorite colors. I hope you love them. I really, really hope you love them.

I won't lie, the days are getting harder. I miss you. My fear of abandonment has been getting really bad again. I'm scared to lose you. I know you've been busy, and I know that's the most likely reason as to why we don't get to talk daily anymore. But I'm afraid. You mean the world to me. I hope you know that. I wish I knew how to balance a relationship better. That way, I wouldn't have to constantly feel like I did something wrong. Like I'm being too clingy and I'm pushing you away. And I wish I didn't feel embarrassed to talk to you about that. Because I don't want you to feel bad or like I'm trying to be attached to you at all times. I just want a dad. Something I really never had. Something you've provided me with.

Maybe that makes me want Father's Day to approach even faster. Because part of me feels like it would help me redeem myself for whatever my brain thinks you could be upset about, even though I'm 99% positive that you aren't even upset in the first place. I don't want to get left behind again, and that 1% of my brain that doubts itself constantly is really dragging me down. I don't know dad, but what I'm certain of is that I love you. More than anything. And all I want is for it to stay that way. I really hope that's how you feel about me too.

[Queen Vivane]

Hey Dad.
I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, because I hate going to that house someone broke in. The worst part is I don't know if they took anything of yours, I feel that they may have taken the strategy guides that became obsolete because of the games updates/later expansions. It took me months to find out about the break in because around when I planned on going one of my ankles gave out on the stairs and I fell, damaging tendons, yaaaay. If it turns out they took the guides, I want to say that I'm sorry. I wish I'd brought them with me one of the multiple times I'd been up there doing laundry (mother still hasn't gotten a washing machine installed)

[ShotoTodoroki]

Angry rant to no-one in particular:

I'm really tired of chasing after people. Without fail I'm always the one initiating 90% of interactions. Whether it's me trying to chat, asking them to hang out, trying to arrange for a group of friends to get together. Starting to feel fed up that I'm the only one who ever tries to make these things happen. And it's like it's expected of me. Like it's somehow my job to make sure it happens. Because I'm the more extroverted friend, and everyone else is so busy chasing their own interests. Because their time is more important, but I'll just be there whenever they need something from me. Give me the bare minimum to keep me thinking "Oh well maybe they do care" so I won't leave, only to prove me wrong every time. Great. They just assume it doesn't bother me to have to ask over and over and over again. Why is it so hard for people to give but they don't mind taking as much as they want. So hard for them to compromise now and then and consider what makes you happy.

Well, I'm tired of asking. Tired of putting forth effort. If people want me to be a part of their lives, then they can show it. Otherwise they can leave me be. Because this is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could get by without people without being lonely. I'd be happier.