to cm
your birthday is in a few days, already…
i remember last year, your birthday fell on a day you would’ve worked
i didn’t get to see you that day, but _ recorded me saying happy birthday
geez, it’s been over a year since i saw you last, huh?
time flies
i…
i don’t really know how to feel.
i, got so attached to you that it hurts a little to even think of you
when you were around, everything seemed a lot nicer
i mean.., i still had my problems, but… you were there for me
with time i feel like it got to the point where i was so afraid of saying what was on my mind because i would always go to you, and i’ve always felt like people get tired of me after trying to help me for so long
i don’t even know how to organize this all to be cohesive
i just…
i feel embarrassed, i don’t know
whenever i get so attached to someone, it becomes hard to hide it
and i’m sure you noticed
you noticed things about me that i didn’t even notice, and i spend a lot of my time pondering and reflecting
i just…
i’m kind of scared that at some point i ruined it
like, maybe i seemed too attached
which… i was, and i just
feel so awkward, like i have this burden of knowledge
the knowledge of how i feel
i still have a lot of complicated feelings, but i. know i should probably say something
i mean…
love’s a hard word for me to say, but i did love you
and… you seemed to really care about me
i just feel like
people will think less of me when they pick up or see for themselves how i truly feel, or the person i truly am
especially in cases like these, i feel . really gross when i get too attached
i dunno i probably have issues i need to work out
either way
i just
i hope you’re doing well.
i’ve accomplished so much since then, and i hope i can tell you about it
i’m… in a better place than i was, objectively
but…
i miss the times we had.
nothing has made me as happy as those times, or even the times where i got to go on outings with the others
i hope that one day i’ll be able to smile like that again
- c