♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V6♥

[paevent]

Just felt like replying to people (:

@lisica,
Yeah that really sucks, trust me I bet like 90% of the population gets it to a certain degree. I’ve had that happen to me a few times before, but personally it didn’t hurt too much because at the time I wasn’t super super crazy for anyone (besides my current bf, cuz even tho we are together now, he was my all time biggest crush but he was dating someone else at the time. I ended up dating an abusive ex, but now that we both got away from terrible exes, we are together now!) Anyway I was just very lucky to end up getting my current bf, and unlucky at the same time having that ex but, yknow life happens and maybe certain things have happened for a reason! There will likely be someone else that comes along for you. Or maybe a few people haha, you never know

@acura,
Hm obviously I’m not like a professional for anything I’m just providing my thoughts lol. I’d be insanely worried if I were you too, but I only say that because I get anxiety when it comes to people very easily. Just seeing this as an outsiders perspective, I’d say to try talking about something else if you haven’t already! Personally I do sometimes give just a reaction to people’s texts because, I simply don’t know what else to talk about. I understand you guys aren’t officially together but, it’d still be good to communicate as best as you can. Like you can ask him again one more time if he really is okay that that happened. Just know that the right person will say if anything is wrong, and if nothing is wrong, then perhaps everything is okay and it isn’t too big of a deal after all! Ik my ex brought up things like months later that he was still mad about even tho I tried communicating with him. Whereas my current bf brings things up straight away, in a nicer manner too and he makes sure we are both feeling okay with whatever situation that happened, then we move on. We do pester each other a little bit like “you sure you sure??” haha!

@Maligator
Congrats! I am constantly shocked by how sweet my bf is too, considering my first bf being abusive. Yeah you think you find someone until someone that is really worth it comes along. It’s kinda hard to explain

[Dancing.cinnamon~]

Man do I need help with this one! I've liked my best friend for the past five months now, but I'm almost certain she won't reciprocate my feelings. For some context, I've always felt like I had to get close to someone before having a crush, so the lines between crush and close friend are super blurred for me. I've never been in a legit relationship before either, only a STRANGE online one last year, so I don't know romantic social cues very well either. I'm almost positive my friend is also bi and might be aromatic based on conversations we've had. She also talks about her lack of ability to form a crush which is making me hesitant asking her if she likes me in that kind of way.
I'm mainly worried about ruining a really good friendship. She's my only close friend who I would trust with my life, and I don't want to lose her if I wind up confessing. I'm not sure if it's best I try to get rid of these feelings for her, or confess and see where it goes. Another thing is she lives about an hour away from me and she is usually super busy with dance, acting/auditioning, and school work. I still see her 2 or 3 times a week for classes we take together, but I'm not sure how that would go in a romantic setting.
Would my best course of action be to tell her and hope it doesn't change anything and go into it expecting rejection, or not say anything and keep things as is without her knowing how I feel?
Thank you for any help anyone can provide 🩷

[captain.millie]

Man do I need help with this one! I've liked my best friend for the past five months now, but I'm almost certain she won't reciprocate my feelings. For some context, I've always felt like I had to get close to someone before having a crush, so the lines between crush and close friend are super blurred for me. I've never been in a legit relationship before either, only a STRANGE online one last year, so I don't know romantic social cues very well either. I'm almost positive my friend is also bi and might be aromatic based on conversations we've had. She also talks about her lack of ability to form a crush which is making me hesitant asking her if she likes me in that kind of way.
I'm mainly worried about ruining a really good friendship. She's my only close friend who I would trust with my life, and I don't want to lose her if I wind up confessing. I'm not sure if it's best I try to get rid of these feelings for her, or confess and see where it goes. Another thing is she lives about an hour away from me and she is usually super busy with dance, acting/auditioning, and school work. I still see her 2 or 3 times a week for classes we take together, but I'm not sure how that would go in a romantic setting.
Would my best course of action be to tell her and hope it doesn't change anything and go into it expecting rejection, or not say anything and keep things as is without her knowing how I feel?
Thank you for any help anyone can provide 🩷

For sure don't say anything. If you value your friendship, just keep it to yourself. If your friend doesn't reciprocate which it sounds like she most likely doesn't, she's going to feel awkward and maybe even guilty that she doesn't feel the same way. I know it can feel tough when you have an intense crush, but crushes do pass and you will most likely feel embarrassed later on thinking about how urgent and badly you needed to tell her. I've been there. Eventually, when the crush passes and you're older, you can probably tell her and you'll both laugh about it. But true friendships are rare and it's good to hold onto them. You will find someone else who will reciprocate your feelings one day and make you feel like a million bucks. Best of luck

[Dancing.cinnamon~]

For sure don't say anything. If you value your friendship, just keep it to yourself. If your friend doesn't reciprocate which it sounds like she most likely doesn't, she's going to feel awkward and maybe even guilty that she doesn't feel the same way. I know it can feel tough when you have an intense crush, but crushes do pass and you will most likely feel embarrassed later on thinking about how urgent and badly you needed to tell her. I've been there. Eventually, when the crush passes and you're older, you can probably tell her and you'll both laugh about it. But true friendships are rare and it's good to hold onto them. You will find someone else who will reciprocate your feelings one day and make you feel like a million bucks. Best of luck

Thank you so much for your reply! I feel like deep down I knew the answer, but I suppose I needed confirmation from someone with an outsiders perspective. I'm sure I will look back at this situation in the future and laugh!

[Captain. A. Stark.]

i'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend this thursday. we've been together over a year and he has shown me appreciation and love in his own way, however, i can't see myself trying to block out the negative aspects of the relationship anymore in the long term. he gets mad very easily. he has cussed me out hundreds of times over minor discrepancies and disrespects me, however gets angry if i show any emotion outside of begging for his forgiveness. he refuses to accept responsibility for his behavior and apologize and claims that it's my fault because he is "too fed up" with me. i am not allowed to cry or get angry because i'm called pathetic and laughed at if i do. i am tired of always being made out to be the issue within our relationship and i don't see this as mutual respect. i'm shocked at myself for putting up with it over a year. i wasted a year of university because he didn't want me to go anywhere and do anything fun. i can count the amount of times i hung out with my friends on one hand during the school year. well, not anymore!
as horrible as some of the experience was, i still do cherish the good times we had, and i want him to recognize the gravity of his mistakes without letting myself be blamed for it or potentially budge from my decision. does anyone have any advice on how to do this properly?

[breadstick]

i'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend this thursday. we've been together over a year and he has shown me appreciation and love in his own way, however, i can't see myself trying to block out the negative aspects of the relationship anymore in the long term. he gets mad very easily. he has cussed me out hundreds of times over minor discrepancies and disrespects me, however gets angry if i show any emotion outside of begging for his forgiveness. he refuses to accept responsibility for his behavior and apologize and claims that it's my fault because he is "too fed up" with me. i am not allowed to cry or get angry because i'm called pathetic and laughed at if i do. i am tired of always being made out to be the issue within our relationship and i don't see this as mutual respect. i'm shocked at myself for putting up with it over a year. i wasted a year of university because he didn't want me to go anywhere and do anything fun. i can count the amount of times i hung out with my friends on one hand during the school year. well, not anymore!
as horrible as some of the experience was, i still do cherish the good times we had, and i want him to recognize the gravity of his mistakes without letting myself be blamed for it or potentially budge from my decision. does anyone have any advice on how to do this properly?

one piece of advice i can give is that a golden way of telling whether someone is healthy for you is not looking at how they treat you when things are good, but rather how they treat you when they are bad. every relationship has problems, and there are going to be disagreements and arguments in every relationship, but the health of the relationship depends on how your partner treats you in the midst of it and how you deal with it together. judging by the fact that he has constantly demeaned and belittled you and shifted the blame onto yourself, i think that says enough to assume this is not going to work long term, no matter how good the good times are. you already seem convinced of this outcome as it is, but i would encourage you to think about it in that way rather than focusing on those good times. you can hold onto those, but when it comes to long term relationships, they cannot be sustainable if you have consistently brought up concerns and problems with his behaviour and been greeted with nothing but resentment or deflection, it's indicative of deeper issues in him - and if he is refusing to work through them, you do not have to put up with it, no matter how good those good times are.

all of these behaviours - the cussing you out, the control over who you spend time with, the disrespect over your feelings and natural emotions - while you may view them as minor in isolation, are all major red flags - and i'd encourage you to stick to your gut and leave. there is a reason you are feeling this way.

i think there is a way to be gentle and still express that you appreciate those good times, but it depends on how much he will capitalise on that as to whether you should take the gentler approach. if you think he is likely to grasp at those to get you back in his pocket, then i'd say leave them out of it, as difficult as it is. put yourself first and do not compromise for him. lay out the issues you have had with him plainly; express it all in private first, as if you're expressing it to a friend, just to get through the full gravity of your issues with him without reservations, and then relay them to him with that same conviction that you'd give while venting to someone. if it helps, find someone - a friend or trusted confidant - to hold you account and go through with it, and ask them to help you when it's over. it will no doubt be difficult, but having someone help you immediately after will help to soothe some of the immediate burn.

best of luck - you can do so so much better than someone who treats you like this. there are kinder people out there, i promise you.

[Captain. A. Stark.]

i'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend this thursday. we've been together over a year and he has shown me appreciation and love in his own way, however, i can't see myself trying to block out the negative aspects of the relationship anymore in the long term. he gets mad very easily. he has cussed me out hundreds of times over minor discrepancies and disrespects me, however gets angry if i show any emotion outside of begging for his forgiveness. he refuses to accept responsibility for his behavior and apologize and claims that it's my fault because he is "too fed up" with me. i am not allowed to cry or get angry because i'm called pathetic and laughed at if i do. i am tired of always being made out to be the issue within our relationship and i don't see this as mutual respect. i'm shocked at myself for putting up with it over a year. i wasted a year of university because he didn't want me to go anywhere and do anything fun. i can count the amount of times i hung out with my friends on one hand during the school year. well, not anymore!
as horrible as some of the experience was, i still do cherish the good times we had, and i want him to recognize the gravity of his mistakes without letting myself be blamed for it or potentially budge from my decision. does anyone have any advice on how to do this properly?

one piece of advice i can give is that a golden way of telling whether someone is healthy for you is not looking at how they treat you when things are good, but rather how they treat you when they are bad. every relationship has problems, and there are going to be disagreements and arguments in every relationship, but the health of the relationship depends on how your partner treats you in the midst of it and how you deal with it together. judging by the fact that he has constantly demeaned and belittled you and shifted the blame onto yourself, i think that says enough to assume this is not going to work long term, no matter how good the good times are. you already seem convinced of this outcome as it is, but i would encourage you to think about it in that way rather than focusing on those good times. you can hold onto those, but when it comes to long term relationships, they cannot be sustainable if you have consistently brought up concerns and problems with his behaviour and been greeted with nothing but resentment or deflection, it's indicative of deeper issues in him - and if he is refusing to work through them, you do not have to put up with it, no matter how good those good times are.

all of these behaviours - the cussing you out, the control over who you spend time with, the disrespect over your feelings and natural emotions - while you may view them as minor in isolation, are all major red flags - and i'd encourage you to stick to your gut and leave. there is a reason you are feeling this way.

i think there is a way to be gentle and still express that you appreciate those good times, but it depends on how much he will capitalise on that as to whether you should take the gentler approach. if you think he is likely to grasp at those to get you back in his pocket, then i'd say leave them out of it, as difficult as it is. put yourself first and do not compromise for him. lay out the issues you have had with him plainly; express it all in private first, as if you're expressing it to a friend, just to get through the full gravity of your issues with him without reservations, and then relay them to him with that same conviction that you'd give while venting to someone. if it helps, find someone - a friend or trusted confidant - to hold you account and go through with it, and ask them to help you when it's over. it will no doubt be difficult, but having someone help you immediately after will help to soothe some of the immediate burn.

best of luck - you can do so so much better than someone who treats you like this. there are kinder people out there, i promise you.

thank you so much for your support and well thought out words. i agree, i have tried to leave in the past before and he did keep me there by guilt tripping me. we're long distance at the moment, so he spent a lot of money visiting me and buying things for me (i didn't ask for these things, they were gifts). the question "what about everything i've done for you?" has kept me there more times than i can count. for certain i'll have a friend with me on thursday to make sure i follow through with everything. he has an explosive kind of anger and it's up to me not to crumble from it this time. thank you again, i appreciate you taking the time to give me advice! ♥

[nyrae]

i'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend this thursday. we've been together over a year and he has shown me appreciation and love in his own way, however, i can't see myself trying to block out the negative aspects of the relationship anymore in the long term. he gets mad very easily. he has cussed me out hundreds of times over minor discrepancies and disrespects me, however gets angry if i show any emotion outside of begging for his forgiveness. he refuses to accept responsibility for his behavior and apologize and claims that it's my fault because he is "too fed up" with me. i am not allowed to cry or get angry because i'm called pathetic and laughed at if i do. i am tired of always being made out to be the issue within our relationship and i don't see this as mutual respect. i'm shocked at myself for putting up with it over a year. i wasted a year of university because he didn't want me to go anywhere and do anything fun. i can count the amount of times i hung out with my friends on one hand during the school year. well, not anymore!
as horrible as some of the experience was, i still do cherish the good times we had, and i want him to recognize the gravity of his mistakes without letting myself be blamed for it or potentially budge from my decision. does anyone have any advice on how to do this properly?

one piece of advice i can give is that a golden way of telling whether someone is healthy for you is not looking at how they treat you when things are good, but rather how they treat you when they are bad. every relationship has problems, and there are going to be disagreements and arguments in every relationship, but the health of the relationship depends on how your partner treats you in the midst of it and how you deal with it together. judging by the fact that he has constantly demeaned and belittled you and shifted the blame onto yourself, i think that says enough to assume this is not going to work long term, no matter how good the good times are. you already seem convinced of this outcome as it is, but i would encourage you to think about it in that way rather than focusing on those good times. you can hold onto those, but when it comes to long term relationships, they cannot be sustainable if you have consistently brought up concerns and problems with his behaviour and been greeted with nothing but resentment or deflection, it's indicative of deeper issues in him - and if he is refusing to work through them, you do not have to put up with it, no matter how good those good times are.

all of these behaviours - the cussing you out, the control over who you spend time with, the disrespect over your feelings and natural emotions - while you may view them as minor in isolation, are all major red flags - and i'd encourage you to stick to your gut and leave. there is a reason you are feeling this way.

i think there is a way to be gentle and still express that you appreciate those good times, but it depends on how much he will capitalise on that as to whether you should take the gentler approach. if you think he is likely to grasp at those to get you back in his pocket, then i'd say leave them out of it, as difficult as it is. put yourself first and do not compromise for him. lay out the issues you have had with him plainly; express it all in private first, as if you're expressing it to a friend, just to get through the full gravity of your issues with him without reservations, and then relay them to him with that same conviction that you'd give while venting to someone. if it helps, find someone - a friend or trusted confidant - to hold you account and go through with it, and ask them to help you when it's over. it will no doubt be difficult, but having someone help you immediately after will help to soothe some of the immediate burn.

best of luck - you can do so so much better than someone who treats you like this. there are kinder people out there, i promise you.

thank you so much for your support and well thought out words. i agree, i have tried to leave in the past before and he did keep me there by guilt tripping me. we're long distance at the moment, so he spent a lot of money visiting me and buying things for me (i didn't ask for these things, they were gifts). the question "what about everything i've done for you?" has kept me there more times than i can count. for certain i'll have a friend with me on thursday to make sure i follow through with everything. he has an explosive kind of anger and it's up to me not to crumble from it this time. thank you again, i appreciate you taking the time to give me advice! ♥

Let an older person from (probably) across the world butt in:
I've been through this.
I've learnt that everyone's time on this earth is limited. If you haven't already: You will have to learn this, too. I hope this lesson is still a long time away for you.
Do not waste your limited time being unhappy when you can change it. Feeling indebted to another person is not a good enough reason to stay with them if they make you unhappy.
The time will pass anyway. Only you can choose how you spend it. These are your years being wasted by indecision.

You do not need to give him your reasons. I suspect he may just use them to manipulate you, to collect arguments for why you should stay.
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is reason enough. It is not your job to parent him and teach him how to behave and which mistakes to avoid and how to be a human that's nice to be around.

If he is prone to violence, I would consider ending it from a safe distance (i. e. text message).

[Captain. A. Stark.]

Let an older person from (probably) across the world butt in:
I've been through this.
I've learnt that everyone's time on this earth is limited. If you haven't already: You will have to learn this, too. I hope this lesson is still a long time away for you.
Do not waste your limited time being unhappy when you can change it. Feeling indebted to another person is not a good enough reason to stay with them if they make you unhappy.
The time will pass anyway. Only you can choose how you spend it. These are your years being wasted by indecision.

You do not need to give him your reasons. I suspect he may just use them to manipulate you, to collect arguments for why you should stay.
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is reason enough. It is not your job to parent him and teach him how to behave and which mistakes to avoid and how to be a human that's nice to be around.

If he is prone to violence, I would consider ending it from a safe distance (i. e. text message).

thank you for your advice! as an update, i ended up leaving him yesterday because it was bothering me too much to wait until thursday. i feel awful because i think it was abrupt and he seems heartbroken, but i know that he probably would've convinced me to remain with him if we'd talked about it like the other times. he did try to flip things on me and tried to say that i was toxic because i apparently called him a slur one time (but couldn't list where and when). i know for a fact that he does not tolerate any disrespect towards himself, so he would not have left me alone regarding the issue at all if i had. his initial reaction trying to gaslight me made things move along a lot easier.

i feel a lot more free, just really guilty and sometimes i miss him when i'm alone and have nothing to distract myself with at night. i assume thats normal though, just going to do my best to keep no contact and understand that things wouldn't have gotten better because he doesn't respect me.

thank you guys for your support, i appreciate it a lot!

[vampz]

man, i haven't been to this thread in years, haha. it's been a long time since the beginning of high school- my last relationship- and now, when i'm in college. but i really really need some advice and i'm struggling terribly.

basically, my former partner clover and i split things off yesterday. we've been together for nearly 5 years. clover has a qpp who is also a very good friend of mine. the 3 of us get along rlly well (we’re not talking currently due to reasons of course but… yeah). i didn’t have a problem with the qpp thing because i was under the impression it was never ever romantic— and to be fair, it never really became that at all. but clover asked me yesterday, “if i had romantic feelings for x, would you be okay if i pursued that? it’s alright if not and we would still be together + i love you just as much and we would still get married”
i didn’t doubt that he would still love me but i was floored because i just. i didn’t see that coming at all. i have nothing against poly people, but i can’t do that; i’m strictly monogamous. when i told him it’d make me uncomfortable, he said okay and that he wouldn’t pursue it, which i believe and trust— but just the idea that he had feelings there kills me.
he says that he told me he was poly before but i 100% do not remember that and there would have been a serious conversation if i did. i’m not saying that never happened, it might have and i genuinely didn’t see a message from him or something, but i can’t do that. i do believe that he could be loyal to me but i 1. wouldn’t be able to handle him still experiencing feelings for other people even if he didn’t act on them, and 2. know it would be unfair to him too if that’s what he really wanted.
i'm extremely upset because the relationship was pretty healthy otherwise. we met each other's needs, we had a future planned out and we were good at communication, something very essential to me. i think that's why i was so forward with telling him yesterday that this probably wouldn't work, but it still hurts so bad and i still almost feel like going back to ask, "is there a possibility this can turn into a break instead?" though i don't know if that's right. we're staying friends and keeping our distance for now; i just want for things to feel okay again.
i've been crying all day, shaking and unable to do much of anything. it's really hard to eat and i don't even feel like engaging in my passions, music, or artwork. anyone have any tips, at least for processing this..? thanks so much if you read this far, and i hope you're all doing okay too.