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[Sarill]

Do you guys think that I could get some crit on my green egg form? I would be happy to give crit in return
http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=1347216
It's the third post on the first page. Thanks!

[flyteck]

viewtopic.php?f=53&t=1347216#p39846017

Can I have crit on my form? o3o

[Sarill]

http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=1347216#p39846017

Can I have crit on my form? o3o

Here's just some quickie but important things.
Paragraph 2:
"I knew it was fro me" I'm assuming that you meant 'for' here

Paragraph 3:
"I ran my hands along it's smooth green shell and over it's rough leather straps."
You want to change both it's to its. Right now, you are saying "it is green shell and over it is rough leather straps"

Otherwise, I love the story. And I don't mean to be grammer obsesed, that's just what I noticed

[flyteck]

Thanks o3o I read yours, didn't see anything wrong with it. Love the ending X3

[Sarill]

Thanks o3o I read yours, didn't see anything wrong with it. Love the ending X3

Yay! Thanks

[37down]

I like the last line sarill! But in the first line of the second paragraph you put 'me' instead of 'my', aside from that it looks good!

Anyone care to critique mine: http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=1347216&start=10 its the fourthish one down.

[Sarill]

37down, thanks! I fixed that, and read over yours. I like it, and I very much like the idea, but I feel like it could be polished a little bit more. The idea is great, but I think that you could remove a few words here and there to make it flow better. Also, aren't you supposed to get out of your house during an earthquake, not in it? Just a thought, but I definitly like the sory as a whole!

[37down]

XD I don't know exactly what to do in an earthquake so I neither does my character! I think I'll leave that part about the impact but thanks for the advice! I am a rather wordy person...

[Ashenjay]

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/227/8/1/faloin_sticker_ish_by_ashenjay-d5b9n0c.png
I was trying to try something new, but hey, it's hard to tell the difference T.T
Except for the slight texture...


Tiddly Winks and Faloin! Please go and fave <3

[flyteck]

More art for Balto. Bena says I can do extras, they just won't count. He's the only thing I can draw right now, he's gonna mke me lose the WTD I want DX Can't focus on her at all.... But he's worth it <3
EDIT: I somehow won the WTD, so I can focus on Balto without feeling guilty X3