New Rule: DNI (Do Not Interact) Lists are Banned

[Michael's Fan.]

If someone directly picks on you for your xeno genders block them. And report them as that's actually harassment or bullying.

my point isn't that they'll bully me, I don't think they will publicly harass me, its simply the fact that we might talk without either of us knowing where the other stands that is extremely uncomfortable. I just won't chat w people outside trades, it isn't a massive deal im just pointing out that often dnis can be helpful under certain circumstances

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that like saying "we might talk about politics and either of us doesnt know what side the other stands"?
I mean heck, you can talk about something and not know someone's position on the subject. And if you find out and its something you won't agree with, just cease talking to them if you dislike their opinion, or be able to talk to them and understand that not everyone can hold the same opinions on things as you. And if they say something hurtful, report it

[DannyPoke]

Honestly, I'm glad about this. DNIs always either include things people won't actively admit to, so putting 'violent criminals DNI' isn't gonna stop them bc who's gonna admit to being a violent criminal on a virtual pet trading site, or are fandom based. And there's a very easy flowchart to follow with those.

Is the person talking to you about the fandom that makes you uncomfortable? If no, continue the interaction as normal. If yes, politely inform them you're uncomfortable and ask them to stop. From there, if they persist, there's a block button. Use it liberally.

If the very concept of a fandom distresses you so deeply that the very idea of talking to someone who MIGHT enjoy it, even if they haven't brought it up, upsets you, that's a discussion for a therapist or trusted adult.

[Loxosceles]

As someone that does read and follow DNIs, I can't say that they are actually preventing much.

If User A has a DNI that says "DNI if you like apples", and I like apples, then I would be sure not to offer to trade with them. But if they offered me a trade, not knowing that I like apples, and I, without reading their DNI, since we are already interacting, simply discussed their trade with them, we would only have a short exchange that would mainly be related to Chicken Smoothie itself.

And, if I came across User A in a forum, and I read their DNI, I wouldn't talk to them specifically. But if there were other people in the forum, I might still want to participate in the discussion, which could lead to User A interacting with me anyway.

A lot of DNI lists exist on sites like Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, where people have personal pages on which they post content, and they don't want people that post and boost specific types of content(/opinions) to interact with them. But CS is a forum site. A DNI list isn't as needed, because User A doesn't have to worry that if they follow User B, or let User B follow them, User B will start posting pictures of apples, or might comment about apples under their posts.

In addition, even though I might read DNI lists, it's not reasonable to expect everyone to read them, because, again - this is a forum site. People aren't always specifically following or interacting with individuals, but are often talking in public spaces. They likely don't want to have to go through the profiles and information of many people when they go to talk in a forum, just to avoid violating someone's DNI. When it comes to trading as well, people are often only interacting for a short period of time over something that isn't related to their interests or beliefs at all.

Another thing is what the mods brought up: that DNI lists make modding more difficult for them and more work, not in the least because DNI lists can in themselves be triggering, upsetting, or, in general, inappropriate for some users to read. Users here have also expressed that simply reading DNI lists can be harmful to them. If, in order for User A to feel safe, they have a DNI list that causes harm to other users, and that some users simply won't read, why is a DNI list so important to them, over the safety of others?

And in addition, as I said, there are people who won't read DNI lists. If someone violates this DNI unknowingly, and are reported, should they be punished? Does that mean that people must be required to read DNI lists? That's a rule that I think would cause people trouble, not only because it would make many interactions more taxing, time-consuming, and difficult for people, but also because if they are someone who might be triggered or disturbed by a DNI list, then it is especially worrying. And then, the mods would likely want to curate people's DNI lists, which would make even more work for them.

By banning DNI lists, in my opinion, mods are removing an unnecessary and complicated workload and protecting users, because they simply don't work for CS.

love this reply, sums up a lot of the issues about DNIs on a website like this one rather than a site like twitter or tumblr
was gonna snip and just link to the full reply but couldn't find a bit of it that i wanted to cut x3
wonderful words !

[sunburst333]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

[Silver Pandorica]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

I think this exactly proves what everyone has been saying though. You're right, you can't read everyone's mind. Unless it comes up in a direct discussion, you're not going to know, which means it isn't going to be an issue. If it does come up and makes you uncomfortable, you can block them. If they harass you, report them.

[×Seven of Nine×]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

Honestly, what I said was more along the lines of block them if they're mean to you directly, but people are going to be people and I don't expect you to read minds.

If people don't respect your identity, say. Something. Report it.

[Ariete]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

I think this exactly proves what everyone has been saying though. You're right, you can't read everyone's mind. Unless it comes up in a direct discussion, you're not going to know, which means it isn't going to be an issue. If it does come up and makes you uncomfortable, you can block them. If they harass you, report them.

Yeah, I really do wish it was that easy everywhere. Unfortunately, on what is supposed to be a largely anonymous and 100% child-friendly site, the best way of ensuring that everyone is respectful of each other is to make respecting each other the basic and blanket rule. Anyone treating you otherwise should absolutely be brought up on it.

[stormy tom]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

Definitely agree with that first sentence.
But I think that talking to people who hold different opinions (let's just call them that, even if I agree that not respecting trans people isn't an 'opinion' per-say) is essential to human interaction. Of course CS is a place to hang out and have fun, and not worry about debating homophobes, but there are a lot of people who might be on the fence and if the topic came up, they might benefit from a dash of discourse.
Personally, I grew up in homophobic/transphobic household. It was my responsibility to get out into the world and unlearn that conditioning, but it certainly helped when I was prodded by other people about my beliefs. The point of CS isn't to convert homophobes or racists or anything, but even a small interaction with someone who might be averse to queer people could be an extra nudge. I know it can be exhausting to have to defend your own existence, but sometimes even just engaging with someone can help them see that queer people are just normal people.
It's a good thing to talk to people with different beliefs. I would never suggest that your compromise your well-being, of course, but that's what the block button is for. You can't 'block' real people if this were to happen in a face-to-face conversation, but if they turn out to be disrespectful, then you certainly can online. If we never talked to people outside of our bubble, even if it was about stuff completely unrelated to anything about our belief systems, we wouldn't be able to develop as a society. This applies at least a little bit to CS, because people do indeed have conversations here from time to time.

[Seasonal]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

Someone who doesn't respect your gender identity is unlikely to respect that you don't want to interact with them.

[VNKP]

in wish there was a way to reply to all 3 of you at once but basically, respecting my identity isn't an opinion lmao??? its not my responsibility to check every single person I talk to isn't transphobic, honestly I don't hate the rule I was just pointing out a possible hole in it, not expecting to be told that its my responsibility to read the mind of everyone who messages me to find out if they'd hate me lmao.

Definitely agree with that first sentence.
But I think that talking to people who hold different opinions (let's just call them that, even if I agree that not respecting trans people isn't an 'opinion' per-say) is essential to human interaction. Of course CS is a place to hang out and have fun, and not worry about debating homophobes, but there are a lot of people who might be on the fence and if the topic came up, they might benefit from a dash of discourse.
Personally, I grew up in homophobic/transphobic household. It was my responsibility to get out into the world and unlearn that conditioning, but it certainly helped when I was prodded by other people about my beliefs. The point of CS isn't to convert homophobes or racists or anything, but even a small interaction with someone who might be averse to queer people could be an extra nudge. I know it can be exhausting to have to defend your own existence, but sometimes even just engaging with someone can help them see that queer people are just normal people.
It's a good thing to talk to people with different beliefs. I would never suggest that your compromise your well-being, of course, but that's what the block button is for. You can't 'block' real people if this were to happen in a face-to-face conversation, but if they turn out to be disrespectful, then you certainly can online. If we never talked to people outside of our bubble, even if it was about stuff completely unrelated to anything about our belief systems, we wouldn't be able to develop as a society. This applies at least a little bit to CS, because people do indeed have conversations here from time to time.

So agree with this, while i'm just a "normal" (what even is normal lol) person it's still interesting to hear others views or opinions and even to chat about it even if you disagree. You can learn something but so can the other person.
My dad for one is quite against same gender couples and a few other things, which i don't agree with him on.
While it can be tiring arguing with him about it i have to understand he's had a different upbringing, just him being in his [removed] is a huge difference in how society has viewed different people.

It's only become common to see different genders that weren't discussed as openly earlier and it's super hard for older people to understand how fast everything has changed.