New Rule: DNI (Do Not Interact) Lists are Banned

[Flummoxing]

DNI lists are essentially just personal boundaries written out in word form. They're made for the purpose of informing well-meaning people of the things that make us uncomfortable so that it can be kept out of our spaces and not mentioned to us, or so that well-intentioned people understand "hey, I'm not comfortable people from (this fandom/group/etc) interacting with me", "it (triggers/upsets/frustrates) me or it makes me uncomfortable". This helps people avoid being blocked over small things by exercising simply respecting other people's boundaries. Most people are understanding of boundaries like these and will leave me alone if I have my discomfort outlined right there where they can see it. This is helpful for me!

DNIs are rarely meant to be used as callout pages, they're just meant to outline boundaries. Anyone who doesn't understand that clearly has an issue with understanding and respecting the boundaries of others, and I truly feel that's a personal problem. People are allowed to have boundaries and enforce them in their own spaces. I feel this rule needs a little tweaking to be more specific, because making DNIs as a whole completely forbidden is very harsh, as I feel that it's important for everyone (especially minors) to be allowed to have and express their own boundaries to keep themselves safe and comfortable online. It should be encouraged, even.

It's easy to misunderstand the reason for DNIs as someone who isn't mentally ill or traumatized, but for people like me who have severe PSTD as well as other mental disorders, DNIs provide a bit of a shield for me when I'm socializing in public forums- not just on CS, but anywhere. They help me feel safer and more understood by others and they help communicate my boundaries for me effectively when it isn't easy for me to do so.

TL;DR: DNIs that involve directly calling out or name-dropping specific people should be corrected, but I don't think making a rule against DNIs as a whole is a good direction and it seems like more of a great misunderstanding toward what DNIs are meant to do for the people who need them.

[kitandangel]

I don't know how to feel about this new rule. On one hand, I understand the harm that can come from DNI lists and I understand the reasonings listed for removing them especially on a children's site, but on the other hand those lists often give me peace of mind, especially since I have PTSD. DNI lists also help me with other people, since when I read people's DNI lists, it gives me an idea of the kinds of viewpoints they hold so I quickly know whether they're a safe or comfortable person for me to talk to.

I'm not completely swayed to one side or the other, so I won't be saying "this change is good!" or "this change is bad!" because I don't feel either way. Just wanted to share my thoughts.

Anyway, have a good day/night.

[mikey]

i agree with this to some degree in the sense that it's bad to have your triggers out there, lest it falls into bad hands and they use it AGAINST you.

but also i feel like having a list of fandoms you don't feel comfortable interacting with is probably fine? I'd prefer to know if someone didn't wanna interact with me so i don't accidentally make them uncomfy ): just in case they have bad associations with it

[alce]

I'm quite happy to see this rule added.

I never felt it really matched the atmosphere of the site, and I was seeing some rather silly ones like banning specific names or favorite characters, often of which weren't problematic themselves or from problematic sources.

like most of the time people with names or characters in their dni lists have trauma related to those names or characters and would rather avoid it instead of being reminded of past trauma. so I wouldn't exactly call it a 'silly one'

[Squecca]

I'm quite happy to see this rule added.

I never felt it really matched the atmosphere of the site, and I was seeing some rather silly ones like banning specific names or favorite characters, often of which weren't problematic themselves or from problematic sources.

like most of the time people with names or characters in their dni lists have trauma related to those names or characters and would rather avoid it instead of being reminded of past trauma. so I wouldn't exactly call it a 'silly one'

I'm someone who has certain names/words that are triggering, and so I don't understand putting it on a carrd or something. Because then you have to type it out, and also see it every time you go there. To me that's triggering because when you write or see it, you know it's associated with your trauma. But if you see somone who has that name talk casually, you'll probably be a little less triggered because you're pretty sure they aren't that person. I know for me personally I can't even type out the name I find triggering, so idk how people are okay with putting that stuff in their triggers/DNIs... Because they have to type it in order to put it there.

[NumbatNibbles]

what about targeted harassment? on a DNI list i have on another site, i stated simply "dni if you associate with (insert user here) as i dont want to interact with people associated with them" due to having been harassed on said site by said person for multiple years. if the same thing happens to a user here on CS, they have no way of making it clear they dont want anything to do with someone they blocked who may be telling people offsite to go after them onsite.

this is probably just paranoia speaking but i do think it would be helpful to at least say you dont want anything to do with a user if theyve hurt you and wont stop sending people to try to talk to you for them.
-Haunt

[Celozon]

🪦dni liztz are there to make uz feel safe, so even if people dont lizten, it just feelz nice to think ‘hey, maybe thiz perzon WILL lizten’ ? itz kept me safe from many thingz and i juzt find it horrible. not all the time are dni liztz ignored, ykyk? it’ll keep people we dont wanna interact with out of our pmz and our tradez, and i understand again ‘people can ignore or interact anywayz’ but it juzt helpz the perzon feel a lot safer. in forumz i know therez nothin we can do to guarantee but itz also hard to block every perzon we dont wanna see
🪦oh and alzo many of uz cant get help becauze we lack the rezourcez, arent in a safe spot to get help, or other thingz. pleaze keep thiz in mind.

[Silver Pandorica]

what about targeted harassment? on a DNI list i have on another site, i stated simply "dni if you associate with (insert user here) as i dont want to interact with people associated with them" due to having been harassed on said site by said person for multiple years. if the same thing happens to a user here on CS, they have no way of making it clear they dont want anything to do with someone they blocked who may be telling people offsite to go after them onsite.

this is probably just paranoia speaking but i do think it would be helpful to at least say you dont want anything to do with a user if theyve hurt you and wont stop sending people to try to talk to you for them.
-Haunt

In this particular scenario, I believe this would be something you definitely report to the mods. Trying to get around a block (i.e. sending other people to talk to someone who has you blocked) goes strictly against cs rules. So if anyone tried to talk to you on behalf of someone else you have blocked, you would report them in that situation. Mods, please correct me if I'm wrong ^^

[Jijing]

Just feel the need to point out, not only can you block people who trigger you but you can filter your PMs to friends only which i think will really help if you get triggered easily and need to filter your personal interactions heavily.


There are many ways to avoid triggering topics-- a DNI is not the end-all-be-all.

[Lacuna]

what about targeted harassment? on a DNI list i have on another site, i stated simply "dni if you associate with (insert user here) as i dont want to interact with people associated with them" due to having been harassed on said site by said person for multiple years. if the same thing happens to a user here on CS, they have no way of making it clear they dont want anything to do with someone they blocked who may be telling people offsite to go after them onsite.

this is probably just paranoia speaking but i do think it would be helpful to at least say you dont want anything to do with a user if theyve hurt you and wont stop sending people to try to talk to you for them.
-Haunt

Stating "DNI if you associate with (insert user)" would have violated our rules prior to this one, as you cannot publicly name someone on a blacklist on CS. If someone on CS harasses you, regardless of who they are, you can report that. If someone interacts with you neutrally without harassment or mentioning the user you don't want to associate with, that is not reportable behavior, but if you find out that they associate with that person you're welcome to block them.